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<HTML> <HEAD> <META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> <META NAME="Author" CONTENT="Tommy Mandel"> <META NAME="GENERATOR" CONTENT="Mozilla/4.03 (Macintosh; I; PPC) [Netscape]"> </HEAD> <BODY TEXT="#FFFFFF" BGCOLOR="#BF1D1A" LINK="#FFD52B" VLINK="#EB57EB" ALINK="#23FFE6"> <B><FONT COLOR="#FFCD17"><FONT SIZE=+1>FAMOUS A**holes I HAVE KNOWN. . . chapter 11 . . . ©Tommy Mandel</FONT></FONT></B> <BR> <HR WIDTH="100%"><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>LUNCH WITH KURT AND WHATZHERNAME</FONT></FONT></B> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> At the MTV awards one year, I was sitting next to Kurt Cobain in the</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>picnic tent, and he had his infant with him. There was also this Harpie</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>with zits, overweight, lookin like a fugitive from an antique clothing fire</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>sale (or a post partum victim) white hair glaring, sitting with him. To</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>break the ice (and generation gap,) I took out pictures of my daughters and</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>we began talking a bit. He was cool then, a spark of common interest</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>lighting in his pale liquid blue eyes.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> Then Axl walked into the tent. I knew it wasn't Meatloaf cuz of the</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>bandana. So ole Harpie next to Kurt goes, kinda teasingly too loud, "Hey</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>Axl, comere and look at my baby." It got a little quieter in the loud tent.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>No response from the Axe.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> So she goes, a bit louder and more whiney, "Hey Axl, this baby looks just</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>like you." I cringed. Kurt cringed. Necks crained. No response from the</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>Axeman.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> "Hey Axl, this kid has your genes." (I'm not making this up.)</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> Finally Kurt goes, "Woman, please!" just as Axl approaches the table.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>Axl and Kurt exchanged one liners, probably</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> A:"Don�t talk to her like that."</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> K: "Hey, lighten up, " or something to that effect - in truth they spoke,</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>like all SuperHeroes do, on a wavelength inaudible to a mere mortal like</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>myself. The next thing I heard and saw, was Axl take a step back, point</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>his finger at Kurt and go, "I'll put you in the pavement, boy," and then he</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>was gone. Maybe Axl didn't like not being the biggest cheese. I dunno.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> So then Kurt just sorta groans and sinks deeper into his self, and ole</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>Harpie smiles and gloats, "Well that was a Real Rock Moment." That's why</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>I'll never ever look at or listen to that chick or her product. Glory hound,</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>media wannabee, smartass a whip, but smells like last week's milk to me.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> Later that night, I bathed in a doleful unseeing look from a</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>bespectacled Eric Clapton, who had just lost his son. I also heard that</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>Nirvana's bassist had thrown his bass high in the air at the end of their</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>tune, and been hit on the head with it a few seconds later.</FONT></FONT></B> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> Guns and Roses' rendition of <I>November Rain</I> with Elton John on 2nd</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>piano was made even more gothic by the fact that Axl's entire grand piano</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>had to be tuned down a half step to B because he could only play the song</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>in C. I was told by one of Elton�s roadies that Slash coudn't (or wouldn't)</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>tell Elton the chords to the song because, "Hey man, I don't know chords -</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>I only play these notes. . ." But my guess is that he was misunderstood.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>His part was probably non-chordal-tone notes over harmonies of an</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>ambiguous enharmonic nature, and he didn�t want to get too intellectual</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>with the dude.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> At the same show, someone put a piece of black tape over the front</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>foot of the "R" on Elton's ROLAND Digital piano, instantly making Elton's</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>internationally broadcast performance a statement of solidarity with the</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>country that brought us Fredrich Chopin, piano's finest composer of all</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>time, and Klbasa.</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1> Saw Vanessa Williams up close in the same picnic tent as the sun</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>was setting. Her smile was bewitching. Would have given alot to have</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>seen her perfect face underneath the clownish masque of TV makeup</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"><FONT SIZE=+1>someone had inflicted upon her. Sigh.</FONT> </FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#FFF6BD"> </FONT></B> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> My advice to young talent: keep a low overhead: the less</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> money you need per month, the longer you can hold on</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> to your dream. Play with your heart. But take ANY gig that</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> keeps you playing- you never know where a gig might lead</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> you, but it'll probably be closer to where you wanna be than</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> where you are now. (*Exception- beware of "pals" offering</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> you remote road gigs to get you out of town and out of</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#D4D1FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> competition for gigs they want!*)</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B> </B> <BR><B> </B> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#F4C0FF"><FONT SIZE=+1>QUOTE OF THE DAY</FONT></FONT></B> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#F4C0FF"><FONT SIZE=+1>"What am I . . . a Pariah?"</FONT></FONT></B> <P><B><FONT COLOR="#F4C0FF"><FONT SIZE=+1> -Keith Richards to Jim Gregory, Little Steven and Nils Lofgren, in</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT COLOR="#F4C0FF"><FONT SIZE=+1>the E Street Band's dressing room before a Meadowlands Springsteen</FONT></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT SIZE=+1><FONT COLOR="#F4C0FF">show, wondering why they never pick up a phone and call him. <HR WIDTH="100%"></FONT> <A HREF="http://www.tommymandel.com">back home</A></FONT></B> <BR><B><FONT SIZE=+1> <A HREF="http://www.users.interport.net/~tmandel/famous.html/table.html">table of contents</A></FONT></B> <BR><B> </B> </BODY> </HTML>