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<title>DFC Archive #467</title> <body bgcolor="ffcc99" text="000000" link="dd0000" vlink="660000" alink="809060"> <center> <table border=0> <tr> <td width=120 valign=top align=right><br> <br> DFC #467<br> </td> <td rowspan="2"><IMG border=0 SRC="467.gif" alt="(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)" width="250" height="250"></td> <td width=120 valign=top rowspan="2"><a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi?cartoon=1"><img src="/dfc/images/firstcart.gif" width=27 height=27 border=0 alt=" (<<) "></a><a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi?cartoon=466"><img src="/dfc/images/prevcart.gif" width=27 height=27 border=0 alt=" (<) "></a><a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi?cartoon=468"><img src="/dfc/images/nextcart.gif" width=27 height=27 border=0 alt=" (>) "></a><a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi?cartoon=496"><img src="/dfc/images/lastcart.gif" width=27 height=27 border=0 alt=" (>>) "></a><br><a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi?cartoon=random"><img src="/dfc/images/random.gif" width=27 height=27 border=0 alt=" (?) "></a><a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi?cartoon=randone"><img src="/dfc/images/randone.gif" width=27 height=27 border=0 alt=" '?' "></a></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" valign="bottom" width="120"><br> <font size="1">Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.<br>Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.<br></font> </td> </tr> </table> <p> And to think I'd assumed "bridle party" was a typo.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Gen. Sedgwick</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Bil was jealous. <i>He'd</i> never been able to drain the batteries of his Stepford Babes.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Ken</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Well, this clinches it. I'm <I>through</I> with Ritalin!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Heath</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Thrown out of <i>seven</i> weddings today! Man, that's a new record!<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Mr. Ben McClellan</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Naw, he doesn't mind us going first. All he cares about is his foot fetish.<font size=-1>--Bad Girl</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Now THAT was a FART!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Tie Boy</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Vini, vidi, boinky!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Stan Xhiao</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Flintstones Chewable Viagra!! Goddamn, I'm king of the fucking world!!!<font size=-1>--<a href="http://www.usinternet.com/users/chutney/" target="external">Chutney</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Bil wasn't sure what he had interrupted, but he wasn't truly surprised either. A month at a Tijuana surgeon could change anyone, and if a twenty-pound cock under his wife's dress was the price to pay for a few weeks of guilt-free golf, he had no regrets. Besides, he'd have fucked Dolly too if he could get it up.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Wiggy</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <i>When asked why he felt compelled to drink, the subject began to feverishly sketch the following scene. When complete, he simply gestured at it, grunting incoherently for a few moments, before finally breaking down in tears.</i><font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">aa</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Well, <b>THAT</b> should keep 'em for a while!<font size=-1>--zen</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Bil always held firm is his stance against product placement in the Family Circus. Then one day, the RealDoll people changed his mind.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Chip Future</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Bil surveyed the scene for a moment, then turned the light back off.<font size=-1>--zen</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <i>From Cowles:</i><b> No.</b><font size=-1>--zen</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Actually, that went much better than the rehearsal."<font size=-1>--Helder</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "I didn't even know they <i>could</i> excommunicate us from a wedding."<font size=-1>--Helder</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <i>sigh</i> - I always cry, get plastered, and screw anything that moves at weddings.<font size=-1>--NME--</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Boy, daddy barely made it...I bet that's the last time he gives up child molestation for lent.<font size=-1>--Les Miserables</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <b>Libra:</b> It's a good day to stick your hand in a light socket. Your aroma is sufficient to stun people within 10 feet of you, and that's why your dog gets more sex than you do. A loved one may have an eating disorder.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Ken</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "I hope that settles what I'd be the god of."<font size=-1>--Matt Miller</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Let's just say they won't be slandering the <i>Five-Petals-On-Deadly-Sunflower</i> stance again."<font size=-1>--Monkey Punch</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <i>"As my father held me, I looked up and saw the world framed in a rectangular window, and I felt the strong yearnings for a far away home for the first time." - Perpendicular Junction; Sitting in the Corner of the Circle - PJ Keene</i><font size=-1>--TomF</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <i>While Bil is on vacation, today's panel is drawn by 7 year-old Federico Fellini.</i><font size=-1>--scoob</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "That was the bestest A.A. meeting EVER!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Agent Mario Knob</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "You know, if all the females in our family were laid end to end...I wouldn't be surprised."<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Stan Xhiao</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> And that's not <i>all</i> I learned from my Austin Powers doll!<font size=-1>--<a href="http://www.zompist.com/" target="external">Horselover Fat</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Page 771 of the <i>Necronomicon</i> made even the most insane cultist lose his lunch.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Svingen</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "The chocolate pumpkins are nice, sodomizing the Wiccans is nice, but dad says its dragging the heavy wooden cross from door-to-door that gives you the real meaning of Halloweaster!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">The Pony (fixed)</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "THAT, my man, is the difference between <i>fucking</i> and <i>having sex</i>."<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Lt. Dan, shamelessly stealing from aa</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> It was worth the eighty bucks for Ricky Martin tickets just to get the girls horned up.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Judgement Night</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> This cartoon, dubbed "Keane's Hat Trick," led to defamation lawsuits from <i>Modern Bride</i>, <i>Boy's Life</i>, and <i>Hustler</i>.<font size=-1>--Helder (salvaging Pete (salvaging Coalcracker))</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Oh man, what a haul. We're gonna make a fortune from the ovary fairy tonight!"<font size=-1>--chimp</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> That was the best bris <i>EVER!!!</i><font size=-1>--Doc Evil</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "... and that's why I'm the <i>best</i> man and you're just a ring boy."<font size=-1>--Helder</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "One more wisecrack out of you, Joey, and I'll pop you in the kisser! Now let's go get Dean and Sammy and blow this joint wide open!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Stan Xhiao</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <i>Bil Keane was hand-picked by Courtney Love to illustrate her childhood memoirs.</i><font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Vinegar Tom</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> I'm telling ya, Broom-Hilda only married Opus so he wouldn't get deported back to Antarctica! They'll be divorced within six months, a year tops!<font size=-1>--agm</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> I finally did it! All ten comandments in one day!<font size=-1>--Mr. ?</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "And <I>that's</I> why I'll be president someday!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">K-Man</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "No matter how many times they repeat it Hagar's anniversary just gets better every year"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">The EXXXorcist</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "All right, we're done with 'em. They're all yours, Barfy."<font size=-1>--Buoy</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Told ya I'd get the fucking bouquet!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Torc.</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Boy, if Bil keeps 'faithfully re-creating the world around him' much more, we may just get a visit from our friendly Child Protective Services agent soon.<font size=-1>--WJS</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "He's been there for over an hour, and he still hasn't figured out that we just tossed the shade on top of the coat rack. <i>Thank God</i> he's not <b>my</b> birth father!"<font size=-1>--Hang Lose</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "That cop was such a <I>dick</i>! Like nobody else has 'crime scene picnics?'"<font size=-1>--Hang Lose</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Damn! I guess women <i>shouldn't</i> handle Propecia tablets!<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Bill</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "That was the best birthday party ever! Funeral? <b>Really?</b> Well, it still rocked!"<font size=-1>--Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging Magus)</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> Here in the Keane household, Billy screaming "They're <i>really</i> fucked now!" could mean one of ten billion things.<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Phat Cheops </a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "And <i>that</i>, my young protege, is what Secretaries' Day is all about."<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Phat Cheops </a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Well, I <i>didn't</i> spike the punch, but I did <b>pee</b> in it. An' that's still like 30% alcohol, anyhow."<font size=-1>--Hang Lose</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> "Great motel room furniture today, Dad...me and bac-o-bits are gonna check out the thousand magic fingers!"<font size=-1>--<a href="mailto:[email protected]">Stan Xhiao</a></font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> So much for that church!<font size=-1>--Mr. ?</font> <img src="/spinn/images/blank.gif" align=center width=1 height=14><br> <p> </center> <p> Back to the <a href="/dfc/archive/index.cgi">DFC Archive index</a><br> Back to <a href="http://www.spinnwebe.com/dfc/">The Dysfunctional Family Circus</a> <br>Back to <a href="spinn.html">Horselover Fat's Page o' SpinnStuff</a> <p> <hr> <table width="100%"> <tr> <td align="left" valign="center"> <a href="http://www.spinnwebe.com/" target="_top">SpinnWebe home</a><br> <a href="http://www.spinnwebe.com/spinn/feedback.cgi">Send feedback</a><br> </td> <td align="right">