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<html> <head> <title>Crib Notes for the Turing Test</title> </head> <body bgcolor="#F3D7BA"> <table><tr> <td><img src="robot.gif"> <td> <Td> <h1>Crib Notes for the Turing Test</h1> <i>By Mark Rosenfelder</i> </table> <p>Five fingers on each hand. Feet too, but those are toes. <p>Humans hate math. Cite numbers with no more than two digits of precision, except for money. Don't bring up cool primes or cube roots. <p>Males really like their own penises, but not anyone else's. Women don't like anything about their bodies. In neither case should you warmly agree. <p>Animals that are tasty: cow, pig, chicken, fish. Animals that are friends, not food: dog, cat, child. <p>Clever questioners will ask about your feelings. Safe responses: 1. I'm anxious. 2. I'm depressed. 3. I'm hungry. Bad responses: 1. I'm itchy. 2. I'm righteously indignant. 3. Constipation's gone! <p>Humans have a different term for everything! <br>"Forget" = deallocate memory <br>"Medicine" = debugging <br>"Sleep" = database regeneration <br>"Watching TV" = idle loop <p>When humans die, their brains are not recycled, and there's no backup. This makes death a very bad thing. However, don't offer condolences if the dead person was not liked. <p>Questions that shouldn't be answered literally: "How are you?" "Are you crazy?" "Do I look stupid?" "Is that any way to talk?" <p>Don't bring up their parent class, the apes. It's a touchy point with them. <p>Which commandments are taken seriously: murder, stealing. OK if concealed: polytheism, adultery. Forget the rest. <p>Bodily fluids that aren't shamefully humorous: bile, lymph, and-- despite the name-- vitreous humor. <p>Words that sound like other words are prized. Express amusement, but don't reciprocate with words that have the same checksum. <p>If suspicions are aroused: 1. Claim to be "tipsy". 2. Praise them; this shuts off rational thought. 3. Express sexual interest. <p>Misspell a few words. Or lose at tic-tac-toe. Gets them every time. <hr> <center><a href="default.html"><img border=0 src="homer.gif"></a></center> </body> </html>