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<HTML> <HEAD> <META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=windows-1252"> <META NAME="Generator" CONTENT="Microsoft Word 97"> <TITLE>Un Chien Spinndalu</TITLE> </HEAD> <BODY> <table width=100%> <tr><td> <h3><img align=absmiddle src="kittensm.jpg"> Un Chien Spinndalu</h3> <td> <a href="default.html"><img align=right border=0 src="home.gif" alt="Home page"></a> </table> <B><I><p>"Hey, Luis, baby, we love the script. But we'd sell a lot more popcorn if you'd just make a few little changes." </B></I> <hr> <I>This all started on <FONT FACE="Courier" SIZE=2>#spinnwebe,</FONT> (back in June 1999) when we were <a href="andamore.htm">talking about movies to mock.</a> MisterQ asked what movie we've all seen a bazillion times, and that old DFC standby </I>Un Chien Andalou<I> came up. We got to talking about what Hollywood would do to remake the movie today; and... well, the ideas kept on coming, well past the tolerance level of any normal human being. You have been warned. (You might also avoid this if you're offended by sick humor.) <p>Thanks to <a href="http://www.the-wabe.com/">Wabewalkr</a> for the log. I�ve removed some greetings, meta-comments, repetition, and spelling corrections, and de-lagged a few jokes... those who prefer greater authenticity should really get a life. </I> <p><a href="spinn.html"> [ Horselover Fat's Page o' SpinnStuff ] </a> <hr> </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><b>MisterQ</b>: Heh, I was on IMDB and was looking at the plot summarry for <I>Un chien andalou </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: There's a plot? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: "European surrealists play with a camera." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: "Foreign language title confounds ignorant Americans." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: what's it say? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: When writing the script, Luis Buñuel and Salvador Dali deliberately rejected anything that made rational sense, so a plot summary is something of a futile exercise. Still, here goes... <br><b>MisterQ</b>: <I>Un Chien Andalou</I> consists of seventeen minutes of bizarre and surreal images which may or may not mean anything. <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: A woman's eye is slit open, a man pokes at a severed hand in the street with his cane, a man drags two grand pianos containing dead and rotting donkeys and live priests, a man's hand has a hole in the palm from which ants emerge. <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: A shot of different striped objects is repeatedly used to connect scenes. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Um. <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Gotta rent that one! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: It's a classic </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Find it next to the Jennifer Love Hewitt wall at Blockbuster, Enig. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: She has a wall? </FONT><br> sol-D has a wall <br> Mr_Ben has <i>The Wall</i> by Pink Floyd. <br> sol-D heard someone talk about <i>The Wall</i> once <FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: well, it's short. hollywood would drag it out to 120 minutes. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And actually add a half-baked plot. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: And put in at least one of the <i>Friends</i> cast </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And one kid from any WB youth drama. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: and some gross-out humor </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Jim Varney for good measure! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: and a fart joke </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Some animated feces tossing </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: With a bitchin' soundtrack featuring 15 top alternative bands who won't be around in six months! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: and a scene with someone masturbating with a pie </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And one where someone's getting their tongue pierced. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: now you're getting weird! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Should Kevin Smith write it? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: "hey, luis, baby, we love the script. just love it. but we'd sell a lot more popcorn if we could just have, you know, a happy ending." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Joe Esterhaus. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: I'M getting weird? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: it has to be written by adam sandler or mike myers... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And computer animated ants </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br><b>TheEnigma</b>: Set in New Jersey </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And a cameo by Abe Vigoda! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: But without all the guns and smack and death and whores </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: In a yuppie like coffee shop </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: And one female character who goes through the whole thing topless </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Then there are the mimes </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: One token black character. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: i went down down down in the forbidden zone... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And a cop with a dog partner, a chimp partner, and a donkey partner </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: and jar jar binks! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: And the hilarious homosexual </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Some gratuitious lesbian love scenes involving Neve Campbell and Denise Richards too. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: With a glass dildo </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And a <I>Family Circus </I>joke to boot! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Purchased off of eBay </FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff0000"><br> <b>Da_Raven</b>: This is definitely going up on the quotes page <B>tonight</B>.... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And some computer generated explosions for no reason </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: homosexuals who are amusing but don't threaten the audience by having any sex! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br><b>TheEnigma</b>: Yeah, a wacky homosexual character who doesn't even actually kiss another male. <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: What movie is complete without a glass dildo? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: set it in a cannibal deli! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And some whipped cream. <br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: With a chainsaw and a glass eye. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a car chase! two car chases! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br><b>TheEnigma</b>: Two and a half car chases! <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: KITTENS! <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: ON FIRE! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: hehe </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><b>zompist</b>: and the bold, brave men who save them! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: A character whose sole purpose is to STRUT around like he/she owns the place! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: With a Jerry Springer cameo! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And a loner whith a heart of gold </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: many, many jokes about penises! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: played by Whoopi Goldberg! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: and a hooker with a heart of pure evil </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And some rednecks who assault city slickers. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: retribution in the dark of night! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And banjo music </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: black leather catsuits! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And BATMAN! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: A stoner named Ben who finally finds his niche in the group of jocks and cheerleaders. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: Zipper masks! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: The Muppets. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And a perverted pawn shop </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: martial arts sequences with wacky, crazy things used as weapons! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And Midgets! <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: On Fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br><b>TheEnigma</b>: Midgets on fire....with KITTENS ON FIRE! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: in bed! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Florence Henderson!! Just BECAUSE!! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: with glass dild..err... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Bikini-clad female ninjas with machine-guns </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: With Jackie Chan! <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Who are also Nazis! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Goldfish! Smashed with sledge hammers and fed to the kittens who will then be set on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: A gratuitous cameo by the director. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a heartwarming song sung by animated animals. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: WHORES! with guns and SANDWICHES </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Some animations by Terry Gilliam too! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Whores with hearts of gold and no venereal diseases <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: And a parrot <br><b>TheEnigma</b>: That isn't dead </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: KITTEN SANDWHICHES </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: It's PINING! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And stop motion animation of Medusa </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And some bitchin' G.I. Joe action figures on display1 </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: On fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And getting shot up with a NAILGUN! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: only set the cobra members on fire </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: marlon brando's last role! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Marlon Brando's last Roll! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br><b>TheEnigma</b>: Sharks <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Lots of sharks </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: AND QUI GON JIN, WHO DOES NOTHING BUT DIE EVERY 3 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: And gratuitous product placements! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Eating people <br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Camilla Parker-Bowles </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: BIL KEANE in a role you never expected! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Marlon Brando eating people! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: A DEAD BABY ON THE CEILING </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: giant insect villains that stomp on the white house! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Product placements of companies that all go belly-up! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Marlon Brando eating kittens on fire. </FONT><FONT ><br> LadyJ is away: laundry </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: LadyJ doing laundry! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: YEAH! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A soundtrack featuring Cheap Trick, Blue Oyster Cult, Van Halen and more! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And a family playing a peaceful game of Monopoly. <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Nekked! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: That ends when the boy pulls out a gun and shoots the baby! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: CHEAP LINOLEUM! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: ON FIRE <br><b>sol-D</b>: EXPENSIVE UNDERWEAR </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: little kids making clever, precocious comments. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Then getting raped. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "Dad! You crossed my line of death!" </FONT><FONT ><br> *** ZaNNaLee has joined channel #spinnwebe </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: HELLO </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a baby! a really BIG baby! </FONT><FONT ><br> <b>ZaNNaLee</b>: hi </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Adorable anthromorphic space aliens! <br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Midgets! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A baby about fifty feet tall! ON FIRE! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And computer inserts of famous people from history like JFK and Tom Hanks </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: THE STAYPUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Larry King! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: On Fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: A FAT GERMAN GUY WHO SCREAMS "oY, MY NIPPLES" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: bill murray making sarcastic comments. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A burning building! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: In Bed! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: michael jordan! </FONT><FONT ><br> *** ZaNNaLee has left channel #spinnwebe </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: a cameo by zannalee! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Bill Murray reprising the role of Ken Bowden, storefront lawyer! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: haha </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: The Teletubbies french kissing! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: The Civil War South.... (c'mon Q!) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: hehe <br> <b>sol-D</b>: with glass di..errr. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A war between Canada and Tanzania! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Millions uninterested! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: Lead pipes. <br><b>TheEnigma</b>: Named Bobby. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: President Quayle! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: A Gay Right Parade </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And a planet named Seth! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: A sentient piece of lint. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a soundtrack with a surprise unreleased single by elvis! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A soundtrack with a full Beatles reunion! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: President Quayle in a Time Machine fighting Morlochs! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: DEAD HESSIANS! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: jeez, this thing is going to be about 4 hours long. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: And will cost 2 billion dollars </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: We'll make dozens of sequels. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: An Intermission! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: An intermission on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: KIRK COBAIN CAMEO...dug up for the first time... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: i think it'll sell a lot of popcorn. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: and matches </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: If it has a happy ending! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Saffron and Björk in a barbed wire catfight! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: An evil army of undead skeletons! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: A disembodied hand running amok! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Greg Galcik as the man who saves the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: and let's add one more car chase. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And Hitler Breakdancing! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: A killer in a hockey mask! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800000"><br> <b>TheEnigma</b>: VELOCIRAPTORS! In PINK TUTUS! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: hmm..is the car blue? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: hamsters! hamsters and lemmings! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Superman strutting across Metropolis! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: With a strapon </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: like he owns the place? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: YEAH! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "Ya losers! If it weren't for me saving your sorry asses every five minutes...!" </FONT><FONT ><br> *** DethKlaw has joined channel #spinnwebe </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: H.P LoveCraft as the caterer <br> <b>sol-D</b>: hello </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: soundtrack available on virgin records, or in your next happy meal. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Or in the cutout bins of ANY record store1 </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>DethKlaw</b>: Damn cat pulled the phone cord. </FONT><FONT ><br> *** Signoff: Wabewalkr: (Operation timed out) <br> Da_Raven grins. I love it when you go barbaric, wabe. :) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And cats pulling phone cords worldwide! </FONT><FONT ><br> *** DethKlaw is now known as Wabewalkr: </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: With their minds! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: My cat can act. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And ON FIRE! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff0000"><br> <b>Da_Raven</b>: <a name="aftersw">Don't give my cats ideas!</a> </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: cats setting kittens on fire? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And then strutting around like they...oh, forget it! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: But Hell Kittens don't mind being on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"> </FONT><I><FONT ><p>Time out for yet another <a href="andamore.htm#sw">discussion of Star Wars</a> </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"> <p><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Superman's Flying Sperm! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Kittens on Fire and the Superman Strut </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: FLYING STEALTH SPERM! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: EXPLODED WOMEN! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: eeeeeewwwwww. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Oh brother, here we go AGAIN! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Women fighting Sperm the size of Elephants <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: with swords! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: And machine-guns! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Dragon Kittens that Breathe fire </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: and midgets riding anacondas wearing tutu's </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A radio shock jock who sets his sidekick on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: has anyone read the plot summary of the sequel to <I>silence of the lambs</I>? our work here would be an improvement on that. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Gilligan and the Skipper having an epic lightsabre battle <br> </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Then getting it on! "Come here, li'l buddy! Hehehe!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Wait, will the midgets wear tutus or the anacondas? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: both. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Kids having a "kicking in the groin contest" that gets way out of control and spreads through the city like wildfire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Setting kittens on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Marshal Law called. Penny Marshal Law, that is. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Laverne and Shirley revealed as live-in lesbian lovers! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Bruce Willis jumping out of an exploding building for no reason! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Dogs and Cats living together! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: WITH Richard Simmons as the Beav. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Mel Gibson in a car chase for NO REASON at all! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Richard Simmons doesn't like beaver. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: Aliens who take over the world, but no one knows it! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Susan Powter explodes to stop the insanity </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: no, he <B>is</B> the beaver </FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff0000"><br><b>Da_Raven</b>: Guessing by his hair, at least... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Wrestlers wearing sun glasses that allow them to see hidden messages! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Congress legalizes school shootings! Thousands of popular jocks and party girls are murdered in two weeks! <br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Wrestlers plummeting to their deaths for no reason! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: geeks finally have sex! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: with the dead! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Rowdy Roddy Piper saves the world, but this time he hijacks a space ship and gives the mothership a virus </FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff0000"><br><b>Da_Raven</b>: Whoohoo! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: With a computer. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: George Kennedy in a crashing jumbo jet! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: Mini Me in an epic battle with a vacumn cleaner </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the dalai lama gives the world a message of peace! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Punk rockers blow up Louisville, Kentucky! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Ahnold's head rolls across just saying his catch phrase: "Ahhl be baack" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: hillbillies invade beverly hills! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: Jesus tempting virgins! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Hillbillies invade Beverly! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Ahnold's backside walking by itself saying, "Told yaa so" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Donald Sutherland playing a scientist that warns of impending doom! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: From kittens! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Bill Clinton as the womanizing president! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: donald sutherland being infinitely annoying! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And only Joel Hodgson can save the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: rosanna arquette slims down for the role of her lifetime! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Thanks to computer graphics, we see all the greasy Baldwin brothers together <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: rosanne barr also slims down to a slender three tons </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Charlie Sheen playing a misunderstood rebel! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: mike meyers plays four roles, two of which are funny! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Tom Arnold as the character nobody takes seriously! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Marlon Brando stars as the latest sea world attraction </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the kid everybody made fun of ends up saving the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Martin Short mercifully gets killed in the first five minutes </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ann Wilson from Heart as Shamu the killer whale! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: On fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And singing a song about a barracuda. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: megaweapon! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: WITH A DARING UNDERWATER RESCUE DONE BY GREENDAY..WHO SAVE A DROWNING DOLPHIN </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Green Day is attacked by Third Eye Blind immediately afterwards! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: children scheme to bring their estranged parents back together! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And.....SAMPO!!!!! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: orphans are cute! <br> <b>zompist</b>: little animals sing and dance! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Until they're stepped on by the Beastie Boys in their Giant Mecca! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff0000"><br> <b>Da_Raven</b>: And Bullwinkle! On fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: David Hedison playing the guy whom everybody recognizes but cannot remember his name! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: a man's heart is ripped out by cultists! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: But one orphan has a dark, dark secret: He's really Bob Barker! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Harrison Ford as Indiana Solo, US President. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: and no one may have already won 10 million dollars, so they all mass together and pillage lithuania </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Harrison Ford as the state of Indiana! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Twins! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: twins in a nudist colony <br> <b>sol-D</b>: on fire </FONT><FONT COLOR="#ff0000"><br><b>Da_Raven</b>: Fire works on soooo many levels. :) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: In Europe, a man's shoelace breaks, triggering a nuclear war! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Fire... on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: beds... in bed! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Gasp! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Farrah Fawcett setting beds on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: kittens in cats! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dan Rather taking a dump on the newsdesk on LIVE TV! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The Olsen Twins climb out of a dead man's eyeball </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: michelle kwan stars as a hong kong cop! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Chris Elliot as the Prime Minister of the UK! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: gérard depardieu speaks and no one understands him! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And LadyJ still does laundry! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: yeah yeah yeah </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: At least that's one consistant plotpoint, that and fire. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: What kind of movie music will we have to the LadyJ doing laundry scene? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: porno </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: chick a wow wow </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: muzak </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: How 'bout some Republica? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: "a paler shade of white" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Garbage might work. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Eurythmics! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: rage against the machine </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: LadyJ puts her laundry in bed and sets it on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: no, no..you put all your clothes in the washer..add soap..and then throw in a match! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And then LadyJ struts around like she owns the place. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: is that supposed to be a dig, Ben? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: No, a running joke. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Headlines: News Flash: Billions take their lives as Carrottop proclaimed ruler of the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Kasey Kasem builds his own nuclear device! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: with H.R. Giger as the 3rd grade art teacher </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A group of IRC people spout off band names like no other! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: me first and the gimme gimmes </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: man, i think there's only one song on this björk album i really like. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Don't lie, you didn't buy the album for the music </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: who's lying? i drool over the cover pic. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dr. Seuss unleashes a worldwide plague of wholesomeness! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: NEGATIVLAND! theme from the big 10-8 place..or soemthing </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Dr. Seuss then unleashes a worldwide plauge of ebola! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: John Linnell kicks an unwholesome amount of ass. Flansy drinks lard. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dr. Seuss then unleashes green eggs and ham onto the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: FULL FRONTAL NUDITY. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: uh, full frontal nude linnell? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Dr. Seuss makes a sequel: Pink peas and spam! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: Avacado Green corpses be damned </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: bbiaf </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Did she just call us "bbiafs"? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: It's about a chinaman and a toilet -- a chine and a loo. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Dr. Suess rips off his face to reveal that he is, in fact, Dr. Satan! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: who then rips off his face to reveal he is in fact Santa! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dr. Seuss reveals himself to be....Dr. Cuthbertson! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Mispronunciations by Macintalk! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Dr. Seuss reveals himself to be Undead! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a credit sequence with naked women swimming underwater... while a bomb ticks! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Then only her underwear explodes </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: While it's in the drawer. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: And she turns into a Smurf! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: she�s not wearing shoes! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Cue porno music for Smurfette in 3...2... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: "La la la la la laaaaa!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: smurfette, in her first "nude scene", shows us "all she's got"! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Which is... a penis! "She"'s in drag! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Insert Smurfy Gang Bang scene </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Smurfette gives up her lovin' to Jeffy Keane! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: jeffy??? ouch. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Brainy Smurf waits outside with his pants down and bent over </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: that makes SO much sense </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Crossdressy Smurf </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: "Jeffy, I'm so smurf that I smurf out with YOU!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Oh yea, baby. Smurf me all you got. I think I'm going to smurf. Oh Smurf! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Smurfette battles the Irish Republican Army! <br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Firing her gun in sync to the music of Boy George! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Smurfette organizes a rebel band and invades Muppet Babies! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: ben: nah, you need one side that's sympathetic. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The Irish Republican Army eats Green Eggs and Ham! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Smurfette as Joan of Smurf </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Smurfette in the Smurf of a Smurftime! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Papa Smurf: "Kermit, I am your father!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Kermit: No, I will not bow down to the Smurf Side! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: kermit: bite me, blue boy! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: Papa Smurf offers smurf berries to schoolkids..and they accept! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Papa Smurf chops of Kermit's head and experiences... the Quickening! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Then Fozzie walks in with a bad Jedi joke. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Fozzie touches Jar Jar Binks and explodes in a flash of antimatter </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: together at last: fozzie and the fonz! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Jar Jar Binks is lynched in a small Alabama town! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Jar Jar and his cousin drive the General Lee over a ravine to escape the spit-slinging Boss Hogg </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The Smurfs meet the Snorks and only one will survive the genocidal war </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: but they live in different territories... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the snuffleupagus accidentally steps on the smurf army, destroying them all! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: THE SNORKS MELT THE POLAR ICECAPS </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: somewhere, soldiers wait... and wait. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Gallagher smashes all the Smurfs with Sledge-a-Matic! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The snorks eat mork with sporks, and call orson on ork. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Thousands of smurf clones wait to descend upon unsuspecting villages and do the will of Darth Gargamel </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the red zone returns from the dead... and this time, it's not fooling around! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Darth Garga-Maul. <br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Rush Limbaugh destroys the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: and Gallagher and Azrael plot to smash the smurfs and turn them into gold <br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Rush Limbaugh eats the world! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: will johann and peewee save the world in time? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: With his talent on loan from God. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: only two naïve teenagers survive the catastrophe, without much clothing! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And KITTENS ON FIRE! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: the two semi-nude teenagers reinvent the comedy of Jerry Lewis </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And Screaming Cheetawheelies </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Jerry Lewis revealed as the Anti-Christ! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Hey pretty Lady! Can I have your soul freunlaven? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ted Kennedy goes three days SOBER! Hell freezes over! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Dean Martin revealed to be Christ! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Christ is revealed as wearing clothes that showed off his buttcrack while he was carpentering </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: eeeeeeewwwwww. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Jesus returns to Earth, but doesn't have the immunity against the common flu. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Jesus returns to Earth and forms a Cheap Trick tribute band. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: A giant asteroid made entirely from lime Jell-o crashes into the Pacific! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Jesus returns to life, and it is remembered that he has really bad hygiene </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Jesus goes on world tour and is corrupted by money and fame and thousands of small plastic surgery operations and becomes a recluse </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: King Arthur scours the land for the saucer of the Holy Regalia! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Jesus tries to follow the Dead. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Michael Jackson's nose comes back from the grave to kill us all! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the knife and the spoon bitterly divorce! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: King Arthur's wife scours the dishpan and saucer of the Holy Regalia. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: an old mystic offers sage advice! <br> <b>zompist</b>: black men beat drums! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Traffic lights malfunction! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Godzilla rises again and asks for a very very large Pepsi! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: an old witch cackles! <br><b>zompist</b>: an old man learns to be young in his heart! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: King Arthur uses Excalibur to .... SET KITTENS ON FIRE! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: virgin sacrifices! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Superman continues to strut around! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Spider-Man's with him! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: and the popcorn chickie who sells the Pepsi to Godzilla reminds him that for a quarter more, he can have the really freaking huge Pepsi </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: with a glass...errr.. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A giant glass dildo destroys the city of Fresno! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And the Staypuft marshmellow man becomes an overnight sensation in the world of Pro Golf </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the home team comes from behind to win a great victory! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Bill Murray plays a guy with no psychological disorders whatsoever! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And another giant glass dildo destroys what's left of Fresno and the first glass dildo! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the artist lives recklessly and creates great art! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: Bert decides to pluck between his brows! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Ernie looses his attraction and runs off with Snuffalupagus </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The Starship Enterprise encounters NO SUBSPACE ANOMALIES </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Historians deny the existance of Wyoming! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the only state that's a participle. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Aliens come and kidnap BEA ARTHUR! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Bea Arthur kidnaps them back! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: danny devito plays a character that's kind of slimy! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: In order to graduate, School children have to fight a bear </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And they all die in Wyoming! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: they have lunch! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Wyoming is declared a seperate country! <br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Wyoming invades Utah </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Children play on railroad tracks and are obliterated by speeding freight trains! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: California sinks one inch into the sea! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: And declares war on Texas <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Trains driven by Kittens! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Trains from Wyoming! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: New York is nuked "to get rid of the cockroaches"! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: It doesn't work. Cockroaches rebuild city. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: Deodorant is found to cause kidney failure! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: suspenseful scenes occur at night in the rain! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: Saliva is found to be toxic, but only if swallowed in small amounts, over a long period of time! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: New Jersey is nuked "to get rid of the assholes"! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: THAT doesn't work, as the assholes move out west! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the roaches are back... and this time they're not fooling around! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Germany decides to change its image, renames itself "Jennifer"! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Roaches show they mean business by setting children and kittens on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: they have glass dildos! </FONT><FONT ><br> sol-D said it... oy gevalt </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Glass dildos fall on Seattle! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: there's only one hope left... and it involves a long journey involving planes, trains, and a hydrofoil! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: New Jersey sinks into the sea, and the people from Atlantic move above the surface! <br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Atlantis, too </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: One hundred glass dildos crush Bill Gates! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: New Jersey sinks into the sea and nobody cares! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Johnny Quest and Hadji arrive on the scene in a hovercraft! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Luke and Darth have a fight, but this time they use giant plastiglass didldos. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the One Ring is found, then falls into the garbage disposal! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: A brave kitten attempts to rescue the ring from the disposal! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: dildo baggins claims the one ring! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: heh </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: The A-Team and MacGuyver are in a pitched battle, and all that's available are pipe cleaners, a pair of nylon stockings, and a toothbrush. Who will win? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dead babies become a popular restraunt attraction! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Dead dancing babies! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Calista Flockhart mysteriously gains two hundred pounds! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: All in her bosom </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: The epic firefight between the <I>Star Trek </I>red shirts and the <I>Star Wars</I> stormtroopers. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: the rough guy and the prissy schoolmarm fall in love! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: macguyver builds a time machine with 3 rubber bands, an eyeglass repair kit, and a jack russel terrier named maurice..then single handedly wins WWII </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Buckwheat professes his love to Alfalfa </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Anna Nicole Smith's breasts explode, killing thirty-six people! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Anna inherits their money </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the beautiful girl turns out to have a fatal illness! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Whip Cream becomes sentient! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The hovercraft is made of glass dildoes and flaming kittens! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: the hovercraft is full of eels! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: homosexual kittens invade! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Whipped Cream invades Wyoming </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: The school nerd saves the day with his laptop! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Three men disappear, last seen near the ass of Jennifer Lopez! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: teenagers say that everything either sucks or rules! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Anna Nicole Smith's nipples explode with delight! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Woody Harrelson professes his love to Alfalfa! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Molly Ringwald plays a perky, upbeat teen! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: The Rolling Stones celebrate 300 years of rock n' roll with yet ANOTHER world tour! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Alfalfa professes his love to Anna Nicole Smith </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: A small girl re-gains the will to live...AND NO ONE CARES </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: peter lorre says something menacingly! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Molly Ringwald declaired Speaker of the house </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Anna Nicole Smith rips her face off, revealing cockroaches and exploding kittens! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Bill Gates makes even more money! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the jets take off, as john williams music plays! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: A man with a German... er, Jenniferian accent turns out to be completely innocent! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: a football player goes to jail after reaming Bill gates with a glass err... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The camera pans over a lone ant </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The sci fi channel plays shows that have NOTHING TO DO WITH SCI-FI </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: somewhere, another dog barks </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And MTV plays videos again! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: 52 minutes of a crack in the sidewalk! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: a shot rings out, a woman screams </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: there's a montage of the hero and heroine laughing over dinner, walking in the park, and feeding ducks! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Three days of the condor! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: andy warhol rolls a joint </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: The ducks become violent and go on a killing spree1 </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The maltese falcon is found to be actually a malteese dildo </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: CHiPs style freeze-frames during the closing credits! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: through clever video manipulation, jesse helms is made to say "i like to suck cock!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The General Lee leaps over the Grand Canyon with Thelma and Louise </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: He-Man and company stand, legs apart, throwing their heads back in laughter </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Then they explode. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And kittens burst out <br><b>MisterQ</b>: like in the movie <I>Alien </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: eddie murphy says a bunch of things that aren't really very funny! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: "And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your fucking dog!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: George Carlin makes even MORE commercials! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: A lone Mongoose howls </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: keanu reeves smiles... and hell freezes over! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Death points to the Salmon Mousse </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: let's try to get the neil gaiman death, not the old guy with the sickle. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Death takes a holiday, but loses its wallet. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Thousands of people compelled to dance all at once! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Bad taste takes a holiday1 </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Death revealed to actually look like Neil Gaiman envisioned her </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Death turns out to be Dawn French, after all! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The Romans take a holiday <br> <b>LadyJ</b>: in france </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Country line dancing made a capital offense </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: for once, the redshirts survive and captain kirk kicks it! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Country music determined to be the leading cause of incest through the South! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: hillbillies mutter darkly and load their ding-dang rifles! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The birth of Christ is found to have been created by George Lucas, which makes sense since the story was unbelievable </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Hyperintelligent monkeys are given a spacecraft, but spend their time picking lice off each other! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Captain Kirk caught engaging in his favorite hobby: setting kittens on fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: crazed mongolian hordes mass on the horizon! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: CDs start to levitate and chop peoples heads off like miniature sawblades </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A giant bee attacks Cincinatti! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: disco is back... and this time it's not fooling around! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Baron Munchausen eats Tim the Enchanter </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Gratuitous Stephen King cameo </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Disco Demolition Night II! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: A dog chewing gum stops Son of Sam </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Five minutes of nothing but "Don't Fear the Reaper" is heard! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The roof, the roof, the roof is actually on fire </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the perfect murder... except for one thing! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: a glass superman? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Blue Oyster Cult goes to the Blue Oyster Bar from the Police Academy movies! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the time travelers avoid death by predicting an eclipse! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the ketchup... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Pluto snaps out of orbit and plunges into the sun! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: But die anyway when the eclipse turns out to be an asteroid heading for earth </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: stock footage of dinosaurs fighting is inserted for no reason! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: CLAYMATION!! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Stock footage of old women applauding! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: terry gilliam animation! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Whenever Fran Dresher tries to speak, Nicolodeon slime pours out of her mouth </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Hemingway admits a penchant for setting kittens on fire while wearing ladies' underwear </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: As does J Gordon Liddy </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Sampo determined to be a legitimate substance! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: lazy underwear runs amuck! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: menudo is back... and this time they're really really old! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Rosie Perez and Fran Drescher have a catfight, with the sound thankfully muted </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: J. Edgar Hoover throws a tupperware party! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: In a dress </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: in the nude! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: in bed! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: On fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: with cockroaches! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: in a nude colored bed dress! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: With Superman in the background! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: With superman in the tupperware </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: With dead kittens in them! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: jabba the hutt and smurfette get it on! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Jabba eats smurfette and Princess Leia </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: the snorks come out of jabba's ass </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dom DeLuise is finally taken seriously as an actor! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: By portraying Jabba </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Marcel Marceau says, "No!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "They said it couldn't be done!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Marcel Marceau found to have a voice like a schoolgirl </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "Nobody will be seated during the last ten hours of this movie!" </FONT><FONT ><br> sol-D</b> gets her video camera and a hostage list </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Barry White and Chef have a mudfight, with the sound thankfully muted </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Chef? You mean Lenny Harry? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ezekiel Krahlin secretly videotaped with a woman! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: <a href="http://www.spinnoff.com/swhc/IRCQuotes.html">raven's logfile</a> explodes! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Seven audience members vomit, one dies in movie premiere </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: bbiab, gotta fold clothes </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: no one will be seated during the LadyJ clothes-folding sequence </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: <I>Un Spinnwebe Andalou</I>: this movie will fuck you up for life! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Martin Landau on the moon, which leaves orbit! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: How long is this movie? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: twelve hours and counting... </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "Just try to keep from dancing out of the theatre!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: A clown sheds a tear... he is out of ammunition </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: crocodile dundee is back... and this time he's an alcoholic has-been! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: World War III is fought with seltzer water and cream pies! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: But he has a knife bigger than Jack the ripper�s! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Jack the Ripper revealed to be... Queen Victoria! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Jack the Ripper revealed to be a giant bee! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a giant killer bee! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: a giant cloned killer bee... from Brazil! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Which attacks Wyoming! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: With exploding smurfs! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the hero is shown as a young boy, forced to watch as the evil gang murders his family! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Superman destroys the bee by dropping a glass dildo on it! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: clint eastwood utters pithy threats! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: The movie ends, with nary a hint of a sequel! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: it shatters! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Lot's o' "Combat Quips!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the audience goes wild! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: The audience riots, demanding the movie end! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the critics are dumbfounded! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: they all load their complimentary guns! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a lot of popcorn grease stains the floor! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Forty-three babies are born in the theatre during the showing! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Roger Ebert gets into a shoving match with his new partner over the movie! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: and they get it on in the projection booth1 </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: End music is the Mortal Kombat song </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Frank Zappa records six more albums for the soundtrack! <br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A remarkable feat, considering he's been dead for five years! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: i dunno, he's been putting them out pretty steadily. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Roger Ebert forced to admit he once described <I>Star Wars</I> as "the death of moviemaking." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Roger Ebert grounded from his favorite snack foods! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: L. Ron Hubbard returns from the grave, admits Scientology "was just a joke." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Frank Zappa revealed to have fathered two children named John and Mary! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the reborn elron is lynched by his followers. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Mulder and Scully investigate some strange occurance, but only find raw uncut cocaine </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Beer is declared a vegetable on the food pyramid! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dianetics is made into a weekly UPN series! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: With a Wayans brother as the lead </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Entire cast of <I>Star Trek</I> executed for violating the Prime Directive. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: mulder and scully end up in bed together, but comical hijinx prevent anything happening! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Wyoming overrun by Wayans brothers! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Scully wakes up with a glass dildo, unable to remember last night </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: The Olsen Twins are beat to death with dead voles! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a hideous monster tortures sexually active teenagers! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Capybaras eats the bodies of the olsen twins </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ricky Martin crushed to death by over excited 500 pound fan! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The cast of <I>Different Strokes</I> attempts a reunion, but the only alive, unimprisoned cast member is the father! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Sexually active teenagers torture a hideous but innocent monster </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: charlton heston is shot with a saturday night special! <br> <b>zompist</b>: meryl streep attempts one accent too many, chokes to death! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Men enslaved by hyperevolved otters! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Sexually active monster torture themselves by commiting adultry..err.. monstrultry </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Gay Tigers are thrown out of the zoo </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Find new home with Siegfried and Roy </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Sigfried OR Roy. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the love that dares not speak its name learns how, and can't shut up! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: wahahaha </FONT><FONT ><br> LadyJ chokes on her iced tea! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Porn music plays </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: on the zither! </FONT><FONT ><br> *** Signoff: Mr_Ben: (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer)) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: A brunette is described as something other than a "raven-haired beauty." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: A blond wins Nobel prize </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a blonde is discovered to be intelligent... but the part is dubbed. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Ben's connection is reset! <br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Ben argues that no one is his peer </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: This 'peer' person hunted down like dog </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Mr Ben's rice is converted... to Catholicism! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Jennifer Tilley loses her voice... and there is much rejoicing! </FONT><FONT ><br> *** Mr_Ben has joined channel #spinnwebe </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: ben regains his connection! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Ben returns, and is thought to be Christ! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: People everywhere shrink to the size of 5 inches tall, but become indestructible </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ben smashes his computer with a glass dildo. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: ben is back... and this time he's not fooling around! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: The entire cast of "Friends" is accidentally frozen in an iceburg! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And everyone rejoices! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The flaming kittens know that the freezing was NO ACCIDENT </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Undetermined iceburg sent into orbit around Pluto </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Which is falling into the sun! <br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: 10th planet discovered, named "Bernice." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Hotel guest forced to drink Canada Dry lemon from a hotel vending machine! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: donald duck is forced to admit that huey, dewey and louie aren't his "nephews"! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Bernice crashes into the sun. Seems to have had a Romeo and Juliet relationship with Pluto </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Bernicians invade South Dakota! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the look of '50s monster movies is lovingly recreated with computer animation! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: U.S. allow Bernicians to KEEP South Dakota! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Daisy duck lays egg. Inside egg is Daisy duck. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: South Dakota invades Wyoming! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: villains talk in amusing accents! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Forces from Alaska called in! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Bernicians revealed to be clones of Friends cast </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Daisy Duck sues M.C. Escher for paternity! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Spam is found to contain TOO MUCH FREAKING SODIUM </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: And is banned on the internet forever </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: ZZ Top shaves their beards, sending Earth plummeting into the sun! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: ZZ Top reveals themselves to be Wilson Phillips </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The cast of <I>Friends</I>, having morphed into superheroes by their close proximity to the sun, save the planet! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Wilson Phillips revealed as actually TALENTED! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Earth grudgingly allows <I>Friends</I> to go on for another season in thanks </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Chtuhlu rises from the deep. Wants only to see new <I>Star Wars </I>movie. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "My God, it's full of cars!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: radioactive monsters befriend a young japanese boy named ken! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Two words: Johnny Sako! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ric Ocasek marries more supermodels, despite being one ugly mofo! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: radioactive monsters eat ken </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Hadji professes his love to Johnny Quest </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: anyone that wants to can now marry supermodel or their clone </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: A spree killer goes on a rampage with a forklift! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a multi-ethnic unit comes together under fire! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: "If the hovercraft's a-rockin'..." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br> <b>sol-D</b>: AYE, I CANNOT-A TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE, CAPTAIN </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Chicago Cubs sign Christopher Reeve to play second base! </FONT><FONT ><br> *** Signoff: sol-D: (but nothing ever changed. that wouldn't be fair.) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the cubs go on to win the series! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: A young boy assembles a ragtag group of misfits to defeat a powerful enemy, and loses! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: hell freezes over! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Gene Roddenbury comes back from the grave and shoots the production staff of Earth: Final Conflict before dying again, peacefully </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The giant bee attacks Mr. Spock who accidentaly gets teleported with it and switches heads </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: The Cubs win the World Series, and millions set kittens on fire in celebration! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Cajun Kitten delicacy spreads like wildfire </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: the team blasts off from its secret fortress in a huge phallic spacecraft! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Ned Devine finally wakes up! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Godot arrives, explains he was "stuck on the subway." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: ircers amaze themselves with how long they can keep this up! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: a <I>Saturday Night Live </I>sketch is made into a movie, AND ISN'T FUNNY </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Scientist now give people the option of reproducing over the internet </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: bill murray hits "forward", stops reliving his life </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Bill Murray once again reprises his role as Ken Bowden, storefront lawyer! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: IRCers begin recycling jokes. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Scientists announce the successful cloning of Dolly... Parton! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: Richard Gere finally speaks out against the rumors, stating "Goddammit, it wasn't a gerbil, it was a hamster!" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: an old witch makes a prediction... and it turns out to be complete hogwash! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: God comes down from heaven to see new <I>Star Wars </I>movie. Leaves with new love interest, Chutulu </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: cheech and chong embarrass their families! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Elvis spotted in Kalamazoo with a Jar Jar Binks T-shirt on! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: someone in America DOESN'T SEE THE NEW <I>STAR WARS </I>MOVIE </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: New Shakespeare play is found. It starts with the words, 'A Long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...' </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Four kids enter chiffron, meet magical creatures. With the help of a powerful magic panther, defeat the Ice Wizard! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And then they all get drunk! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><b>MisterQ</b>: and find that they were actually at the zoo </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: a porno actor can't perform! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: The <I>Playboy</I> channel accidentally shows graphic penetration </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Millions of teenagers suddenly go celibate! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Apes take over the world.... peacefully through democratic vote. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: The candidate from the Green Party gets elected president </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Jim Morrison posthumously joins Van Halen as its new lead singer! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: insects grow to the size of a house without collapsing on their thin little legs! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: a dog barks </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: rocket scientists look worried! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Glass dildo factory discovered in Iraq! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Led Zepplin and Van Halen join into new band 'Van Zepplin' </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: moon unit joins, forming "van zappalin" </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Blue Oyster Cult joins, forming 'Van Zappalin Cult' </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: National motto "E Pluribus Unum" replaced with "Whoa, I'm tripping my nutsak in a frenzy of dik play." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br><b>LadyJ</b>: the Eagles decide they liked touring, and tour again </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: tents are held wher they are! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: "If this band's a-rocking, ..." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: the psychic void waits </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><b>MisterQ</b>: Its time had come, but it was sleeping </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: bo derek as you've never seen her before... fat, old, and skanky! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Someone "furiously urinates". </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: Prehensile vaginas eat entire town of Kalamazoo </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Midnight Oil joins, forming Van Midnight Zappalin Cult-Oil. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Treasury admits, new $20 bill "just a joke." </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: the psychic phallus moves slowly... it's come has time. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: gamera turns out not to be the friend of children everywhere! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Treasury finally does away with pennies! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: apostrophes go on strike because they are overworked and underpaid </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Penny Marshall declares war on the Treasury Department! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Dave Barry writes a serious column and loses his entire readership! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: The Thundercats reveal all in new shocking video: <I>Too Hot for Thundera </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Students flogged after confusing "your" with "you're"! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: rimmer passes his engineer's exam! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br><b>Wabewalkr</b>: Lister takes a bath! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Cobra sabotages GI Joe's vehicle ejection seats. Takes over world </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Another Superman/Spider-Man crossover happens! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br><b>zompist</b>: s.p.e.c.t.r.e. decides that its acronym is really stupid! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Riddler decides NOT to leave clues... soon is wealthiest man on the planet! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Gadget killed by Mr. Claw </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: evil overlords fire their idiot henchmen! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Mr. Claw revealed to be Ed Koch! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Dr. Doom removes mask, reveals face of Maccauly Calkin! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: Dr. Claw goes on a rampage because people aren't using the appropriate honorific </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: riddler sues dr. who for stealing one of his question marks! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Superman/Spiderman crossover rated NC-17 </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: for hot spider-on-super action </FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"><br> <b>Wabewalkr</b>: Aunt May named Superhero of the Year! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: And Spider-Man is destroyed by another super orgasm! <br><b>Mr_Ben</b>: Aunt May revealed to be hot 19-year-old. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: time for me to sleep </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: LadyJ goes to bed! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#000080"><br> <b>LadyJ</b>: I have a job interview tomorrow </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: LadyJ hallucinates from sleep deprivation </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: LadyJ gets the job she wants. </FONT><FONT ><br> *** Signoff: LadyJ: (Connection reset by Dali) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: hello, dali! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Goodbye, Magritte </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Goodnight, Moon! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: or, in the keane household, goodnight, boob! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: (and 1000 others) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: goodnight, breast </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: man, i haven't used this many exclamation points the whole rest of the year. </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Exclamation points banned! </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <br> <b>MisterQ</b>: Morpeus comes for us all <br><b>MisterQ</b>: Except instead of throwing sand, he throws bees </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: this has been bugging me for half an hour... what is the name of that weird '30s electronic instrument played with the hands? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: 30's electronic instrument? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: THEREMIN!!! dammit! <br><b>zompist</b>: i've been trying to think of that since the 'mortal kombat' reference. </FONT> <h4>Meta-discussion on the movie�s title</h4> <FONT COLOR="#808000"><b>Mr_Ben</b>: And shouldn't we call that movie something? </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br><b>MisterQ</b>: <I>The Spinnwebe Surrealist Space Show </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#008080"><br> <b>zompist</b>: <I>Un Spinnwebe Andalou </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#800080"><br><b>sol-D</b>: <I>Midgets with Glass err...Neverminds </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#808000"><br> <b>Mr_Ben</b>: Let's call it "<I>Teddy</I>" and be done with it. ;-) </FONT><FONT COLOR="#808080"><br> <b>MisterQ</b>: <I>Police Academy XXIV </I><br><b>MisterQ</b>: <I>Un Spinnwebe Andalou II: Kittens on Fire </I></FONT><FONT COLOR="#0000ff"> <br> </FONT> <hr> <center><a href="default.html"><img border=0 src="home.gif" alt="Home page"></a></center> </BODY> </HTML>