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<title>October2002</title>
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<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><b>October
2002</b></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e13" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e13"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e13"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">1</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:07
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
women from my therapy group and I went out to dinner
and had fun. Big fun. Dinner with women feels like therapy.
In the best sense of the word. I worry that the word
therapy may bring up thoughts of the dentist office
for some. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
heard a man refer to another man as heavy set yesterday.
He wasn't being mean. I wasn't offended by the term.
In fact I think there's a kind of dignity in the arcane
nature of the term. But it did make me think about language.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
use fat. And if I'm with other fat positive, or size
neutral people, I love it when they use the word fat.
But when I'm first getting to know someone I am cautious.
I listen to their language and watch their body. I would
someday like to hear the word fat and feel it as the
simple descriptive term that it is. Rather than the
expletive that it has become. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was telling the women last night about salad boy. They
were appalled. I don't even write about all the things
that are said to me on the mean streets. Only the times
when I walk into traffic with blood in my eyes. And
it was odd since it was one of the less mean (and that
is so relative) things that have been said to me.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
write about that kind of thing, and talk about it, because
nice liberal thin, or average size, people don't get
it. They don't realize how hostile my public life can
be. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
got home last night and got a phone call from a friend.
A mutual friend of ours died. He wasn't a close friend.
Honestly, he was more of a passing acquaintance for
me. But it is sad. He was really young. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
mind is chaos right now. And I need to finish my piece
for tonight. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Meanwhile.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.portsolidarity2002.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
stand in solidarity with the port workers. </font></span></a></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(311)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_311"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e14" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e14"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e14"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">2</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:41
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Alienation.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh. </span><span style="font-size:12pt;">
</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(312)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_312"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e15" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e15"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e15"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">3</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:20
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Uh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
guess I should explain my obsequious post of yesterday.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I can't. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
not that I don't want to tell the truth about things.
Suffice it to say it's like the Rollingstone's bit about you can't always
get what you want but if you try you might get what
you need. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Some
days you get neither. And you still gotta wake up in
the morning and face the day. It's like that for many
of the people in the world. Maybe even most. Why should
it be any different for me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Except
I'm trying so hard. I quit the soul killing big money
job and half killed myself getting my BA and now I'm
working on my MFA. And I take my antidepressant herbs
and I go to therapy and I'm trying so fucking hard to
want to get up in the morning.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
yesterday morning and this morning...shit. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'll
do my best to pull out of this funk and be more interesting.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Pattie and Carl show today. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(313)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_313"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e16" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e16"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e16"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">4</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:35
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
could blame the president select and the </span></font><a href="http://www.truthout.org/docs_02/10.03F.mcdermott.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">climate
of fear and loathing </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">in
which I live. Despite all the dissent, he seems like
he's going to keep pushing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
could blame </span></font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/South/10/04/maryland.shootings/index.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">guns.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I used to live in Montgomery county. I still have family
there. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
could blame the spread of America's </span></font><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2002/10/03/international/africa/03NIGE.html?&pagewanted=print&position=top"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">toxic
body</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> culture.
(Thanks to </span></font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
for the link.)</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
could blame the </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2002/10/04/state0404EDT0013.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">climate
of fear and loathing</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
in general. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I'm just sad. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(314)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_314"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e17" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e17"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e17"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">5</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 7:27
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Mel
and I exchanged some e-mail. She kindly sent me a link
to the article about </span></font><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2001/02/12/world/12NIGE.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
women in Niger</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> who
wanna be fat. It's a New York Times piece so you need
to sign up. It's worth it. I have more than one reaction
to it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">First,
I love the way being fat is beautiful to folks who understand
what it means to have enough to eat, what it means to
have to work to raise food. Beauty
is a shape shifter. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Shape
shifter. Well. That made me laugh out loud. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
yet, it is troubling to see women doing steroids, vitamins
that were intended for animals, gorging on millet to
be fat.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Picture
me, looking a bit like that kid in Home Alone, slapping
my face with both hands. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">One
of the many ways I think it differs from anorexia and bulimia
is that the women in Niger are trying to look as if
they have enough. They want to have bodies that reflect
their families well being. Anorexia and bulimia are about
power. Because so many people apply a high moral attribute
to thinness, bodies like mine are read as indolent.
If you starve to be thin you must be really, really
moral. You can say you wouldn't be mean to a fat
person, but you think they need to summon up some self
discipline, find a diet and lose the weight. Somewhere
a young girl (and increasingly young boys) succumbs
to the temptation to hang out with some friends after
school and eat a pizza. She knows she has failed the morality
test. She feels the shame. She sticks her finger down
her throat in the bathroom. Another young girl (and
increasingly young boys) begins to avoid times when
being with her friends means eating, or being tempted
to eat. She avoids the family dinner table. She really
has discipline. Very moral. And very sick. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
not going to go into the long explanation of what
I eat and my food and diet history. Maybe some day I'll
get THE BOOK done. Then it'll all be in one place. And
I'm not willing to argue about what is, or isn't, natural.
But, I will say this...my body is natural to my life.
The whole story of my life. Without the moral overlay
of cultural, or individual opinion. The story of my
life is written in my body. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I am not ashamed. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oprah
did a</span></font><a href="http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20021004.jhtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
show about Amina</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
on which she showed some film of women who were buried
to their necks and then stoned. It's an image that will
haunt me. There were </font><a href="http://www.fazaldad.com/update.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">many
stories</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
on the show. And </font><a href="http://www.womenforwomen.org"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
organization looks like a way to help. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are too many people throwing stones at us. I don't think
we need to throw them at each other. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(315)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_315"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e18" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e18"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e18"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">6</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 7:27
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
listen to a combination of NPR and CSPAN on the weekend.
CSPAN has BookTV and they cover demonstrations. But
yesterday every time I turned it on there was someone
like </span></font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=158368145"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ollie</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
North or </span></font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=158378724"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Condoleezza
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Rice.
It's not that I won't listen to them. I did for a while.
But I've been in such a funk. I can't tolerate too much.
I missed the show with </span></font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=157950534"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Henry
Louis Gates Jr. and Fran Leibowitz</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Which sucks.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">My
mood is still murky. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
woke up this morning thinking about how much I value
this little page project. I turned on the computer and
made the tea and toast, thinking about what I was going
to write. I visited some blogs. Read about the highs
and lows of my web friends. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Web
relationships are ... uh ... spacey. I can be mad, or
hurt, about something I read, or don't read, on another
blog and the other blogger doesn't ever need to know.
Like all relationships they are as real as we make them.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I've
been too lost to work on my web relationships lately.
It's kind off true about all my relationships. I'm kind
of shut down. But not entirely because I wake up in
the morning, turn on the computer, make the tea and
toast, and hit the page. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
if you are reading this - thank you. If you keep
an on line journal or a blog - thank you.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Today
we say again -- </font><a href="http://www.nionbayarea.net/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Not
in our name</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(316)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_316"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e19" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e19"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e19"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">7</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">After
the Sunday swim Deb and I went to the </span></font><a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/produce.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">palace
of fine food</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
I was standing in front of the meat department when
I got the bright idea to call </span></font><a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/photo?photo_id=104116"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">K2</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
and ask them to dinner. I called. They said yes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
made lamb chops with a fig infused balsamic vinegar
reduction sauce, a vegetable combo of yellow patty pan
squash, caramelized red onion, shitakes, fennel, yellow
tomato, and Japanese eggplant, red bell pepper pasta
with a little olive oil and mytzithra and watercress
with marinated artichoke hearts. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Let
me just say - I can cook. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
poached figs in water, honey and lavender and we ate
them with almond cake. They brought a bottle of </span></font><a href="http://www.bevmo.com/productinfo.asp?sku=00000059386&area=wine&category=20010090&sid=03&catname=Syrah"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mont
Pellier Syrah</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
swimming and the dinner with such lovely friends was
restorative. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Food
is about many things. Certainly it's about fueling the
body. But it's also about creative expression, celebration,
and camaraderie. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
was </span></font><a href="http://www.bevmo.com/productinfo.asp?sku=00000059386&area=wine&category=20010090&sid=03&catname=Syrah"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Fannie
Lou Hammer's</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
birthday. We had a party. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(317)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_317"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=cwsubnormal style="font-size:8pt;"><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/openletters/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Open
letter </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">to
<BR></font><A
href="http://www.congress.org/congressorg/bio/userletter/?id=358&letter_id=11494916"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sen. Barbara
Boxer</font></A><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><BR></font><a href="http://www.congress.org/congressorg/webreturn/?url=http://www.house.gov/pelosi"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Rep. Nancy Pelosi</font></a></SPAN>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:8pt;">112 Hart Senate Office Building<BR>Washington, D.C. 20510</span></font><SPAN class=cwsubnormal style="font-size:8pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><BR><BR>October 8, 2002<BR></font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=cwsubnormal style="font-size:8pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Please oppose
the war on Iraq. Do not give Bush unlimited war powers.
Congress must retain its powers, including the critical power to declare war.
<BR><BR>Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis
were slaughtered in the Gulf War - and Saddam Hussein is still in power. I
know that thousands of Iraqis die each month due to the sanctions, and untold
thousands more human beings will die if we attack. <BR><BR>I believe it is dangerous to
Israeli Jews and Palestinians alike for the US to attack Iraq. I fear Sharon
may try to expel Palestinians under cover of crisis. I fear that Israeli Jews
may find themselves in a crucible of war that will overshadow even the horrors
of the last year. <BR><BR>It is hypocritical that the US will
not sign the ABM treaty, chemical/bio weapons treaties, etc. and yet insists we
inspect Iraq. We are nearly isolated
internationally, building enemies rather than alliances with every move against
the UN, every unilateral, arrogant statement and gesture of foreign policy.
I believe that war in Iraq has little to do with 'terrorism' - it has
to do with the price and availability of oil over the next fifty years, with
Bush' domestic problems, and with US military superiority and
empire.<BR><BR>In the current paranoid and racist political
environment, we are eroding the very principles of free dissent and pluralism
that we say we stand for. </font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=cwsubnormal style="font-size:8pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> I know you all have
received thousands of calls, letters, and visits opposing war against Iraq. I
know the calls are coming in hundreds to one against war. Please -- honor your
constituents.<BR><BR>Thank you for your support of peace, justice and sanity in
dangerous times.<BR><BR>Sincerely </font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=cwsubnormal style="font-size:8pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Tish
Parmeley</font></SPAN></p>
<p><a id="e20" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e20"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e20"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">8</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love my </span></font><a href="http://www.ci.sf.ca.us/bdsupvrs/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Board
of Supervisors</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
They passed a resolution to urge the U.S. Congress to
oppose military action in Iraq. I shouldn't say I love
the whole board. But living in a country with a boy
prince, pretending to be president, makes me miserable. It's
comforting to live in a city where the public policy
makers make an effort to be real. I don't always love
them. Well, I always love some of them.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.kpfa.org"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">KPFA</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
is doing a special show listening to the congress today.
I can watch it on CSPAN but I like the commentary from
</span></font><a href="http://www.kpfa.org/1pro_bio/1b_sunda.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Larry
Bensky</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
on KPFA. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Speaking
of </span></font><a href="http://byrd.senate.gov/byrd_newsroom/byrd_news_oct2002/rls_oct2002/rls_oct2002_2.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">policy
makers who I love</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.negroplease.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Jason</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
wrote a </font><a href="http://www.negroplease.com/archives/000177.html#000177"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">beautiful
letter</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
If you are having trouble knowing </font><a href="http://www.congress.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">who</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to write, or what to write, </font><a href="http://www.cfunc.com/StopTheRushToWar/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is very helpful. I'm a day late for the </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/openletters/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">blog
burst</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
keep thinking about a comment from Dorothea on my 10/5
post. I agree.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think on an individual level people have preferences
about what they find beautiful. But I think there's
a discussion to be had about how much of what person
prefers is shaped by culture. It should be clear that
I feel like culture makes icons out of certain body
types. And villains out of others. But I don't think making a fat body
an ideal is different from making a thin body an ideal.
I just think you should love the body you're in. Today.
Now.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was getting ready to leave for therapy and I had Oprah
on. (The board was in a closed session by then.) She
was doing a show on girlfriends that I wasn't too interested
in. But there was a group of women who were mothers
of multiples. And they didn't have time for beauty.
Oprah set her teem of beauty makers on them and did
the before and after thing. The looked great. They looked
like they felt great. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Make
over shows like that confuse me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
almost never wear makeup. I like my cloths but I'm pretty
sure my style (for lack of a better word) is kooky.
Cute. But kooky. I don't feel the urge to comply with
any rules when it comes to how I feel about my own sense
of beauty.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
when a woman who doesn't have the time, money or energy
to manufacture beauty gets worked on by Oprah's team
I can see that she feels different in her skin. And
I don't think that's entirely bad. I just hope she can
still feel cute when the make up wears off and the baby pukes
on her new dress. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
try to tell my friends that I think they look good.
I comment about their cloths or their hair. I'm not
lying. I really think my friends are beautiful. They
fill up my eyes. I love to see them. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
is OK to choose away from the beauty conversation. For,
some people it just doesn't matter. It's not something
that they think about. I spend time trying to subvert
the notion of what is beautiful. So, I think about it.
</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(318)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_318"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e21" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e21"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e21"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">9</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:14
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">If
you're a person given to chronic debilitating bouts of existential
despair (uhem) it's probably not a good idea to listen
to the congress debate whether or not to go to war.
Rep.
Sherwood Boehlert (Republican from New York) just said
that Bush was a prudent international leader. My head
is starting to hurt. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">In
this months </span></font><a href="http://www.harpers.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Harper's</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
there is a great piece by Lewis Lapham, in which he
says, "<i>A government that must hold hearings
to find a reason to go to war is a government that doesn't
know the meaning of war." </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> got to hear
</span></font><a href="http://www.greatertalent.com/bios/ritter.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Scott
Ridder</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
speak. And she got an interview. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">At
therapy I was talking about my struggle to not fall
into the dark. I try not to talk about politics there
because I don't want to assume that my views will be
shared. But Beth brought it up, so I got a good vent
out about this war. The folks in group agree with me
but they don't think about it all as much. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Maybe
I should not be listening to these guys. I just can't
stop. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(319)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_319"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e22" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">10</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:17
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
So I finally turned off the radio and CSPAN. I made
a salad with mixed greens and yellow beets. Happy food.
Got ready
for school. I was determined to just hope for the best.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Time
for Oprah. I had turned the channel to her show
while I was getting ready for school. Did I mention that
I was determined to hope? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oprah
did a show on the war. It was so fucked up. She had
a guy who had written a book on why we must go to war
with Iraq, a former Iraqi citizen who had been tortured.
It was emotionally manipulative, limited in scope and
perspective, and full of bias. Within the first fifteen
minutes there were women in the audience who said they
had been against and now they were for. The first fifteen
minutes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
If the congress doesn't get you Oprah will. Happily
I had to leave half way through the show. They kept
using the phrase moral clarity. Make-overs one day.
Public policy the next. This is how we do it in
America.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
felt numb.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
I got home from school I read </span></font><a href="http://youliveyourlifeasifitsreal.blogspot.com/2002_10_06_youliveyourlifeasifitsreal_archive.html#82774446"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
poem</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">and
I just smiled. Smiled big. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">More
smiles thins morning. </span></font><a href="http://www.randomwalks.com/ndx.php"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Random
Walks</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
is using haiku, er, </span></font><a href="http://randomwalks.com/dayku/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">dayku</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
to talk about the war. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today,
October 10, is the 10th anniversary for </span></font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
And they are doing a </span></font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Twenty-One.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">show
about weddings</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Say </font><a href="mailto:carl&[email protected]"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">happy
anniversary</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
if ya wanna. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(320)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_320"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Is the goal propaganda ("seizing the high moral ground")? Or reducing the threat
of weapons of mass destruction (WMD)? If the former, we can dismiss the matter.
If the latter, some obvious questions arise. Weapons inspection appears to have
been highly effective, even if imperfect. </span></font><a href="http://www.greatertalent.com/bios/ritter.shtml"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Scott Ritter'</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">s testimony on the topic
is compelling, and I know of no serious refutation of it. Those who want to
reduce the threat of WMD will, therefore, try to create the conditions for
meaningful inspection, as required by resolution 687 and earlier ones, and
supported by the actual international community. For some years, the US has
sought in every way to block such eventualities. The inspections were used as a
cover for spying on Iraq, with the open intent of overthrowing the regime and
probably assassinating the leadership. -
</span></font><a href="http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=15&ItemID=2422"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Chomsky</font></span></a> <p><a id="e23" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e23"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">11</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:07
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Thur</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">sday
has become like Saturday for me. When I was growing
up Mom & I did chores on Saturday. Laundry, cleaning.
My life is kind of unstructured these days but Sunday
though Wednesday have the most structure. And then Thursday
I clean up. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was roasting garlic last night. While I was in the apartment
I didn't smell it but I went down stairs to get the
last two loads of laundry and when I came back in WOW.
Roasty, toasty garlic. Mmmm. It was a little chilly
and rainy so it felt good to walk into the smell of
cooking. I was roasting it for today. Yesterday I ate
pile-all-the-left-overs-into-a-bowl. Heh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
the congress. 133 no votes. See how positive I am? I love </span></font><a href="http://www.house.gov/lee/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Barbara
Le</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.house.gov/lee/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">e</font></a></span><a href="http://www.house.gov/lee/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.congress.org/congressorg/webreturn/?url=http://www.house.gov/kucinich"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dennis
Kucinich</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And then it was on to the Senate. 23 no votes. </font></span><a href="http://byrd.senate.gov/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Senator
Byrd</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
did his best in the Senate. There was a fight. Now, we need </span></font><a href="http://www.congress.org/congressorg/webreturn/?url=http://feinstein.senate.gov"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Feinstein</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
to cut the funding.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
isn't hard to imagine that a man who can pretend he
is the president can pretend he has support for his
war. But I'm just going to keep saying </span></font><a href="http://www.shinybluegrasshopper.com/nowar/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">no</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
fleet week in SF. </span></font><a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/10/10/BA180600.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
sound of the military </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">working
my nerves.
I took down the open letter since the blog burst is over.
I was the </span></font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/openletters/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">coda</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">As
I write this </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2002/10/11/state1108EDT0050.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">protesters
have blocked entrances to the federal building</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
in SF. We got work to do. But there may be time for
</font><a href="http://www.bowlingforcolumbine.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
movie</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(321)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_321"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e24" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e24"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">11</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 7:37
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
This is a test. I'll explain it tomorrow. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(322)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_322"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e25" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e25"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">12</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:47
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Phew.
Yesterday was hard. Partly coz of me and partly because of ...well...lemme tell
ya the whole story.</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify> </P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I
like to rearrange my furniture. I'm just crazy like that. I think it helps me to
feel like there's something I can do in times when I feel helpless. I can't
change the world but I can change the furniture. But a few years ago I bought
this big desk. Now my options are limited. I've been wanting to do it anyway
since it's a great way to dust. Somehow I came up with a crazy new idea for
where everything could be. Yesterday I started moving stuff. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I am
not the grrrl I used to be. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I
used to be able to move every piece of furniture in my apartment in one day. Not
anymore. I am now aware of muscles that I forgot I had. I feel them all today
and they all hurt. Part of the reason I did it was I had to move the desk
anyway. I had to install the track ball mouse replacement and (here's where it
gets weird) I ordered DSL. Half way through the day the DSL stuff came. I was
still moving books and bookshelves. By four I was beat. But I began to install
the DSL. It was more work than I was up for. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify> </P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>When
the guy called to sell me my DSL he assured me that I had web space. After I got
the DSL installed I started looking for where that might be. Six phone calls
later no one seemed to know. I may have hosting problems. I still have my laptop
hooked up to my ISP, which fortunately I haven't canceled yet. So, I'm writing
this on the laptop. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>My
apartment looks like a tornado went through it. Well, half of it looks that way.
As soon as I finish this I'll need to start moving books off the last book
shelf. Who bought all these books? </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I'm
not sure if the new arrangement works. The last one didn't totally work. The DSL
is fast. I guess. I'm too cranky about the whole thing to feel good about it
yet. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>The
Blue Angels were buzzing me the whole time. My nerves are shot and my body feels
like I got beat up. I may have web hosting problems. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>But.
It is a little bit cleaner around here. I guess.</FONT></SPAN></P> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(323)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_323"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e26" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e26"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">13</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:01
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I had
this dream. I was at a rave/demo. I was in a group of people who were taken to a
7Eleven where it became clear that we were going to be taken to jail. I was with
a young woman who didn't speak English very well and had some kind of canister,
or bong like thing. She was telling these two reporters about it and the people
who gave it to her. I walked into a room and realized that the "reporters" were
really cops and she was going to be sent to jail, but they were willing to let
me go. But, wait, there was another funny part. One of the reporters was calling
someone about Southwest. So, like I could go free, but then Southwest would keep
charging fat people for two seats. And they were asking me how I felt about
that. I was mad. My first thought when I woke up was - why didn't I tell that
girl she had a right to remain silent?</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Call
my therapist.</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff>Sometime in the afternoon I got everything put back together. The
new arrangement looks OK. I like the way it feels when things are different.
colors seem brighter. I guess it's my own version of </FONT><A
href="http://www.spiritweb.org/Spirit/feng-shui.html"><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff>Feng Shui.</FONT></A><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>
</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I sat
down with stuff to read for school, but couldn't concentrate so I watched
</FONT><A href="http://www.godsandmonsters.net/story1.htm"><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff>a movie</FONT></A><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff> on </FONT><A
href="http://www.ifctv.com/ifc/0,6520,CAT0-42-AID-421-,00.html"><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff>IFC</FONT></A><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff> which was pretty
great. I'm still a bit achy.</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I
gave up on trying to understand if and where I have web space till Monday. I'm
just lucky I have the laptop. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(324)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_324"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e27" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e27"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">14</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>At
some point yesterday I looked at my site and realized that it was borked. I was
too tired to do anything about it. It seemed like it was fine yesterday morning.
Why was it suddenly weird? And then this morning I was looking at other sites
and the font was huge. I realized that my browser font was set to the largest. I
didn't do that. I don't know how it happened. When I changed the font size the
site looked as I intend it to look. I hate shit like that. There are so many
parts to design that I just don't get. This means that if anyone reads the site
with the font set to large ...well...you get it. It's not like I have a zillion
people reading me, but I always wanna hope that what you see is what I put
together. But my design skills are weak. I'm looking forward to MT and
Dorothea's help with jumping the site up a notch, or twelve. I always feel like
I'm a slow learner. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>But
first...do I have a web host? If things get weird around here in the next few
days, like if you look and the site seems to be gone, check back.
</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Last
night I was thinking about the week. I guess it was a day before therapy moment.
First there was the days of obsessing about congress and then I moved my
furniture. </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff>Uh.... </FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff>Sigh.</FONT></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Happy
I</FONT><A href="http://www.kstrom.net/isk/books/adult/thanksgi.html"><FONT
face=Arial color=#9933ff>ndigenous people's</FONT></A><FONT face=Arial
color=#9933ff> day. </FONT></SPAN></P><p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(325)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_325"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e28" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e28"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">15</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>The
DSL saga continues. It turns out that I do not have
web hosting with my new DSL. The site will still be hosted at my old
ISP.
I now have two bills. I could send the DSL back. But there
are reasons too numerous to detail for keeping it. Meanwhile
my computer is so buggy. It crashed about twenty times
yesterday. Things are fighting for dominance in the world
and in my PC. Tech support for the DSL is so bad. Tech
support for my Dell is fantastic. They solved some of
the conflicts.</FONT></SPAN></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Sigh.
</FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I'm
so dependent/addicted to my PC. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Great
conversation over at </FONT><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000104.php#000104"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Dru's
yesterday</FONT></a><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>.
Based on this quote. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"Making women afraid to be fat is a form of social control. Mass starvation of
women is the modern american cultures equivalent of foot binding, lip stretching
and other forms of female mutilation."<BR>~ </span></font><a href="http://www.lib.uconn.edu/DoddCenter/ASC/findaids/Mayer/collectiondesc.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Vivian Mayer</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> <BR></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
in one of my zero tolerance moods about fat stuff. You
either get this quote, or you don't. But please. Do
not. Talk to me about my health. Don't do it. Maybe
I'll be in a better mood another day. And then we can
have a nice long talk about how fat people can be healthy.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Here's
a nice </span></font><a href="http://www.markfiore.com/animation/remember.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">cartoon</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
for ya. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(326)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_326"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e29" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e29"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">15</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 3:24
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Well.
</FONT></SPAN></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I
was thinking about size acceptance. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Ya
know, size acceptance is about many things. It's has
a different meaning to each person who uses the term.
So when I talk about it, I'm talking about my own version.
And, honestly, I'm into something much more seditious
than acceptance. I'm interested in celebrating my body.
I'm deeply grateful to my body. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>But
I'm going to try to stay on topic.</FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Size
acceptance, for me, is not about dictating preference.
You get to like what you like. I get to like what I
like. I do think that we ought to like our own bodies.
I don't think it's useful to withhold acceptance. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I
keep thinking about this one time in my life. I spent
a few years on cocaine, smokes and booze. I ate
food. But I did some cocaine, every day. I was really
fat. My sense has always been that my body was spending
so much time dealing with the known toxic substances
with which I was pounding it, that it just didn't deal
with much else. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Then
I stopped getting high. I drank less. I ate more. And
I got massage and acupuncture. I don't know how long
it took, because I wasn't paying attention, but I lost
a lot of weight. People kept asking me if I was losing
and I kept saying, "Duh...I duuno." I
really didn't care. I was still fat.</FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>I
moved to New York City. I still smoked but I belonged
to a gym and I ran up and down subway steps every day.
I got muscles. but I was still fat.</FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>My
body has changed over the years. For a variety of reasons,
only some of which having to do with what I ate, or
how much I moved my ass. I've been thinner, but I've
always been fat. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>That's
the thing about bodies. They change. For a variety of
reasons. All day. Every day. All bodies. Some change
imperceptibly. But they all change. Especially women's
bodies. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>So
when people think they know me (how much I eat or move
my ass) based on the size of said ass...I just wanna
say... step off. It would not occur to me to apply my
experience, or standard, to anyone else's body. Of course
diet people think they've found the path to god. And
if it works for them...it's all good. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>But
they need to make me, and my body wrong. And that is
what I get from Ms. Mayer's quote. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>You
don't have to join my celebration. You don't have to
like my body. But I can't imagine any reason for not
accepting my right to have an experience with my body
that is different from yours other that a need to establish
a cultural hierarchy. To the extent that you confirm
the righteousness of that hierarchy, for me, you're
just like the boys who say stupid shit to me on the
street. It's called bigotry. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Size
acceptance, for me, is about understanding that size
is part of diversity. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(327)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_327"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e30" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e30"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">16</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:13
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<P style="MARGIN-TOP: 0px; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0px; LINE-HEIGHT: 100%"
align=justify><SPAN style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>Dorothea</FONT></a><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>
points and </FONT><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2002_10_13.html#e001002"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>responds</FONT></a><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>
to the </FONT><a href="http://www.wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/entries/000352.html#000352"><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>We
Have Brains topic</FONT></a><FONT face=Arial color=#9933ff>.
</FONT></SPAN><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>What aspects of stereotypical or archetypal feminine roles do you embrace,
either in yourself or in others?</i></span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Hmmm.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was talking about an aspect of this last night in class.
There is a male to female transsexual who lives in the
city. </span></font><a href="http://www.sfbg.com/SFLife/34/50/lead.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She's</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
had a remarkable amount of surgery. The obvious sexual
identity surgeries, including hair removal and replacement,
carpal tunnel surgery, and distal by pass surgery. Now
she's a thin, dyke. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
number of identity markers in her quest for a physicality
that matched her sense of herself, and what she had
to put her body through is mind boggling for me. I think
she has every right to spend her money and put her body
through what ever she may choose, but it seems like
a kind of conformity. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Do
my breasts make me a girl? Or is it my uterus? What
about the associative hormones? And what about the hair
on my legs, in my arm pits, on my chin? Do I get to
be a girl if I'm really tall and fat? What am I willing
to put my body through so that I can pass for a girl?
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was in my forties before I bought a dress. I had them
when I was a kid, but right around sixteen I stopped
wearing them. Somehow I felt that I couldn't <b>fit
</b>into the girl thang. Why pretend? It was the sixties.
I stopped wearing a bra. I started wearing work boots.
I stopped wearing makeup. I was a womyn. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
makeup came back first. It was the seventies. I was
in a rock n roll band. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
in my early forties I found a dress. I went back to
the store and tried it on three times before I bought
it. Now I have lots of them. But I don't really wear
make up any more. Once in a while. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Did
the dress make me feel more like a girl? In a way, I
suppose. But not in a substantive way. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">How
far down the identity list is the adjective woman for
me? It depends on the conversation. It is pretty high
up on the list in terms of political identity. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
what do I mean by woman, girl, grrrl? I have no definitive
answer. I have a sense of things, some of which may
be stereotypical. The little boxes are useful when you're
trying to understand things. But when all the boxes
fall apart identity has to be anchored somewhere really
deep and in every individual. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Plastic
surgeons may not agree. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(328)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_328"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e31" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e31"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">17</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:41
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
have my own </span></font><a href="http://www.deardiary.net./cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=26140"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">book
fairy</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Her
generousity is ...well. I don't have a word big enough
to describe her generousity. But I do have three new
books and I am a happy grrrl. Thank you.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
do need to go to a book store because Cynthia's piece,
<i>What the Heart Does, </i>is in the new </span></font><a href="http://shenandoah.wlu.edu/index.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Shenandoah</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Twenty-Two.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl show</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
today. They will be airing some of the </font><a href="http://www.greatertalent.com/bios/ritter.shtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Scott
Ridder</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
press conference, from when he spoke at the University
of Victoria. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(329)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_329"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e32" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e32"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">18</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:49
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> A
conversation about money for blogging has been circulating
with some of the bloggers I read. It's making me laugh.
Many bloggers link to their Amazon wish list. or have
a Pay Pal account. It's kind of like having a tip jar
on the piano. I don't have a problem with it. But I
can't do it. I have </span></font><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/registry-edit-items-done/1ST5X684I71FM/103-7430677-7267054"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">wish
list</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
I haven't really added to it very often. I've used it
to keep track of the name of a book. </span></font><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-glance/-/A19HC706EG710B/ref=cm_aya_fb_aya/103-7430677-7267054"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Tom</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
sent me a book from my list once. It was kind of thrilling.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But,
ya know, I have issues with Amazon. I love them. I use
them. I think they are a valuable service. But I know
they have a negative impact on the small local book
stores. And I LOVE the small local book stores. When
I link to a book I'm reading I try to use my </span></font><a href="http://www.staceys.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">small</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.bookstore.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">local</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><a href="http://www.citylights.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">book</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.mtbs.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">stores</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
Or the site for the book. But if used Amazon or </span></font><a href="http://s1.amazon.com/exec/varzea/subst/fx/home.html/ref=gw_hp_ls_1_9/103-7430677-7267054"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">promoted
them with my site</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I could get cash. Or discounts on books. And, again,
I don't think there is anything wrong with doing this.
It might be good if I asked people to </font><a href="http://r2.us.rmi.yahoo.com/rmi/http://www.towerrecords.com/product.asp/rmivars%3ftarget=_top?pfid=2707423&cc=USD"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">buy
me things</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
But I can't quite do it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Would
it affect my writing? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Everything
effects my writing. If too many days in a row go by
with no comments I have talk myself off the ledge. Belive
me. I am aware that people may, or may not, like my
writing and when they do I get puffed up and when they
don't I head for the ledge. But I usually keep writing.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And,
I am writing THE BOOK. I do hope I finish it and I do
hope I sell six or seven copies. But the blog is like
a letter. I can't quite get to where I imagine it to
be source of income. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
I like when bloggers reach out to one another for cash.
I love that </font><a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Wood_s
lot </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> was
rescued and now </font><a href="http://www.emptybottle.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Chris
Kovacs</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is posting about </font><a href="http://www.emptybottle.org/glass/003084.html#003084"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
trust fund for a friend who was injured in the Bali
Bla</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">st.
I think this is a great thing to do. </font><a href="http://leslie.harpold.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Leslie
Harpold</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
asked for help paying the legal costs for the </font><a href="http://www.textism.com/article/490/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Hoopla
theft</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
If everyone sends a little amount it ads up. It's about
community.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Speaking
of community...</font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/about/blog.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">April
</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">has begun
to post </font><a href="http://www.wickedpersephone.org/biography/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
bios</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
They are so cool! Here's the one Lisa wrote about </font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/biography/000354.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">me</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And here's what I wrote about </font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/biography/000355.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">her</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Tada!</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.dollarshort.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mena
</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">blogged
</font><a href="http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/young/young-exhibit.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
today and it is so great. Go look now. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(330)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_330"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e33" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e33"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">19</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:14
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I'm
blaming </span></font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000127.php#000127"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
She was the one who told me about </span></font><a href="http://www.downloadpeace.com/tiny/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">it</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
She tells me I should blame </span></font><a href="http://www.randomwalks.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Adam</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
I guess I should just quit looking to place blame and
accept that I am an addict. Are there support groups?
Sims players anonymous? I had to get a little picture
of the Lennons and I had to put it in a house and I
had to keep playing once I got it going. Sigh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="170">
<tr>
<td width="164">
<p><img src="simspeace.gif" width="227" height="171" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:12pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
picture looks better in the game. It looks better in
Photoshop. I don't why it's so dark. Just another one
of the many computer things I don't seem to be so good
at. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
actually get bored with the Sims. It's too much like
life. You gotta make sure every one is clean and fed
and doing self improvement. Of course this might be
about me not being good at playing. I had a friend challenge
me to let my Sims go crazy. I can't do it. I march them
through the day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
was excited about </span></font><a href="http://thesims.ea.com/us/index.html?frame_src_content=/us/about/unleashed/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
pets</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
The pets are cute. But what keeps me playing is the
little story lines I get into. It makes me think I should
experiment with writing fiction. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
many ways to protest the war. </span></font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Alas</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">urges
us to got to </span></font><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/talkpost.bml?journal=jmhm&itemid=95988"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sisyphus
Shrugged</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
(a great blog name doncha think?) for some </span></font><a href="http://www.actionforum.com/forum/index.html?forum_id=250"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">great
ideas</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
about the upcoming election on the </span></font><a href="http://www.moveon.org"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Move
on</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
web site. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Or,
like me, you can </span></font><a href="http://www.downloadpeace.com/tiny/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">download
a sign</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
for your computer game and spend the rest of the day
playing. Sign. Will I ever grow up?</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(331)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_331"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e34" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e34"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e34"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">20</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
wanted to sleep in this morning. I felt like I worked
too hard in my dreams. I keep having these "problem
solving" dreams. I wake thinking I need a therapist
on speed dial. I can't even remember what I was dreaming
last night but I woke up and thought ....fuck this.
I rolled over to go back to sleep and then the bells
from </span></font><a href="http://sanfrancisco.about.com/library/weekly/aa060998.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">St
Peter & Paul</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">started,
the Chinese family next door started a loud conversation
in their back yard and a fire truck left the fire house
at the top of the hill, siren and all. Yeah. Sleeping
seemed unlikely. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Every
once in a while I see one of the Internet tests that
appeals to me. There is </span></font><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">one
to determine if you have a personality disorder. Here
are my results. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Disorder
| Rating</b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Paranoid:
Moderate</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Schizoid:
Moderate</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Schizotypal:
High</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Antisocial:
Low</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Borderline:
Low</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Histrionic:
High</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Narcissistic:
Moderate</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Avoidant:
High</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Dependent:
Low</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Obsessive-Compulsive:
Moderate</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love it. A little bit of paranoia is a sign of mental
health. I hate the questions. I wish they'd give me
a both choice, instead of either or. I'm not sure I
like the high histrionic. Does that mean I feel things?
Guilty. Oh well. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
found it jumping from </span></font><a href="http://culludgal.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">place</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
to </span></font><a href="http://fatamorgana.livejournal.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">place</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
beginning with </font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George</font></a></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
It seems important to site the trail I followed. I have
a link to </span></font><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
but I know that some of you (who shall remain nameless)
don't always</span><span style="font-size:12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size:10pt;">follow
the links. And when she blogs </span></font><a href="http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">something
that makes me laugh out loud</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I want to share it, and I feel like I should mention
that I got it from her. She got from </span></font><a href="http://www.uffish.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">someone</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Another Sunday morning blog jumping. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
had CNN on last night. I must admit I got caught up
in the news about the </font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/South/10/20/sniper.shootings/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Virginia
shooting</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I am usually so put off by the way they cover things.
Day long conversation about this event with no discussions
of everything else going on in the world pisses me off.
But I did get caught up last night. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
must be so crazy to live in that area right now. I think
about my aunt and my cousins. My aunt was at a church
meeting on the day of the first shooting. They tried
to keep everyone there in the church. But my aunt said
she had places to be and marched out the door. She's
so cool. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
was just about to turn it off when a show about </font><a href="http://www.michaelmoore.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Michael
Moore</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
came on. It was pretty good, but I can't find a link
to it. I swear it makes me wonder if they burned it.
There was this "political columnist" (I honestly
do not remember his name) who was trying to discredit
Michael. As he was talking about Michael's views being
fringe and unpopular they panned the camera around the
packed Barnes & Noble book store where he was speaking.
It made me think of </font><a href="http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Herman%20/Manufacturing_Consent.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Manufacturing
Consent.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
The voice was saying one thing but the picture communicated
another. Nice when they use that power to make a point
that I like. But, like I said, I can't find a link to
the show today. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">A
little bit of paranoia is a sign of mental health.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(332)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_332"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e35" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e35"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">21</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:10
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Sometimes,
when there is a </span></font><a href="http://www.earthcalendar.net/2002/102102.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">full
moon</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">,
it seems like I can feel it torturing me. I lay in bed
last night for two hours. Well, not so much lay as thrashed
around. Needless to say waking up was difficult. Again.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
same show about Michael Moore was on CNN last night.
There is a </span></font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/people/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">web
page</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
for the show. A </span></font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/people/archive.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">page</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">filled
with other people. Nothing for Michael. I did notice
an article on </span></font><a href="http://people.aol.com/people/magazine/coverstoryexcerpt/0,11369,362513,00.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">sexy
at any size</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font><a href="http://people.aol.com/people/magazine/coverstoryexcerpt/0,11369,363352,00.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Limited</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
But still cool. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was talking to someone yesterday who said that they
fear attendance at the </span></font><a href="http://www.internationalanswer.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">demo
in DC</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
will be affected by the sniper. They're going there
despite the fact that there will be a </span></font><a href="http://www.internationalanswer.org/campaigns/o26/o26endorse.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">demo</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> here.
The sniper has been very random. It would seem like
he/she was making a political statement if he/she shot
into a crowd of antiwar demonstrators. I hope it
doesn't keep people away. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't blame people for being afraid. But I also think
about </span></font><a href="http://electronicintifada.net/new.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">what
people face</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
when they do demonstrations in other countries. I can't
be too critical because if my knee is fucked up on Saturday
I won't be able to go. And it has been fucked up all
week. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Thanks,
again, to </span></font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I read this interesting, although disturbing, </font><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A56936-2002Oct20?language=printer"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">article.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="283">
<tr>
<td width="277">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Because humans during most of history have suffered from periods of starvation
or food shortages, genes that help the body store and use calories efficiently
have been evolutionarily favored. For that reason, much of the world's
population is genetically prone to becoming overweight, especially in a modern
environment that offers abundant, high-calorie foods and facilitates an inactive
lifestyle.</span></font></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
the use of the word cure that disturbs me. They
understand that it's a genetic response to protect the
body from starvation, but they want to cure it. I think
what they want to do is sell drugs. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">One
doc says, "</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Instead of the one-drug-for-all approach, specific treatments might have to be
tailored" to different subgroups of overweight people, depending on what genetic
factors are contributing to their obesity." Which supports something that
I say. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is not one fat body.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Lately
I've been thinking about how I feel about fat people
who diet and exercise and lose weight. I think about
them in the same way I think about athletes, or dancers.
A thin or average size person can skip desert once a
week and take some walks and control their weight. But
someone with a genetic predisposition to fat will need
to work harder. Oprah works out twice a day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think it's great when people take on the project of
doing something extreme with their bodies. What dancers
do with their bodies is not always healthy. The same
can be said of extreme athletics. But their body is
in service to their project. That's cool. If people
adopt a life style of working out and eating all protein,
or what ever diet they find works for them, it becomes
a project. And that's cool.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
the hyper praise they get is disturbing to me. The valour
and righteousness the become draped in. I eat good,
healthy, alive food. I walk every where I go. I could,
maybe should do more exercise. But even when I did I
was fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Last
night I made whole wheat pasta with some </span></font><a href="http://www.aidells.com/sausages/descriptions/details.cfm?prodID=13"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Aidells</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
Japanese eggplant and shitakes. It was so brown. And
beautiful. And good.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Do
I ramble when I'm tired? </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(333)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_333"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e36" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e36"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">22</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 6:48
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:12pt;"> </span></font> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="606">
<tr>
<td width="600">
<p><a href="http://www.uclick.com/client/pen/db/"><img src="db021021.gif" width="600" height="191" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(334)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_334"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e37" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e37"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">23</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Lately
I've been musing on what anyone can do for anyone else
when they're sad. Or mad. I've been in one of my dark,
heavy depressions for the last two weeks but I've been
trying not to talk about it. I know that people care
about me and don't want me to feel so bad. There is
a point where I start worrying about their worry. Then
I'm dealing with my own depression and their worry.
It really gets to be too much. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I feel like it's too too narcissistic when I can't pull
out of my own shit long enough to have a relationship.
So I try. But mostly I just stay alone. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Therapy
doesn't help. Therapy is part of the problem. Talking
with friends does help. Sometimes. I have some
pretty great friends. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
what can anyone do? Or say? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Ironically
if I have to say what is making me so sad I start with
the world, my own aging, floundering, who will I be
when I grow up life. But I'm sad because I'm lonely
in some deep essential way that I can't even totally
articulate. Some existential way. I guess. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
what can anyone say about that?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
do keep working on it all. I keep taking the herbs and
trying to take care of myself. But I keep falling into
this dark place. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
I decided to try and write about it. Not here necessarily
but in a piece of writing for my workshop. I'm
not sure yet. I'm hoping that writing about it
is a way to keep processing it. Somehow.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't actually think I should ever not be a little sad.
And mad. There are things to be sad and mad about. But
yesterday I felt like I could hardly breathe. The effort
of it was too much. I had to get to school and participate
in class. I had to keep pushing out of it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Which
is good. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
morning I was reading through the blog roll and saw
that </span></font><a href="http://www.emptybottle.org/glass/003091.html#003091"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Chris's
friend is gone</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
I started to cry the minute I read the words. I left
a comment. I had to retype it twenty times. Words seemed
so useless. Not good enough. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't know Chris. I don't know </span></font><a href="http://www.canada.com/vancouver/news/story.asp?id=%7B8FE25C90-F3C5-4B71-895E-FB79324AB158%7D"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">his
friend</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
But I read Chris. Remember </span></font><a href="http://www.balloonhat.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">balloon
hats?</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I learned about balloon hats from Chris. Every time
I get an e-mail from </span></font><a href="http://www.balloonhat.com/photoweek/week_41.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">the
balloon hat of the week</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I think of him. And, somehow, I've become involved in
his story. And now he has lost a friend. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Words
do seem useless. And I'm trying to be a writer. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
words are what formed this relationship. And words are
all I have to give. And, somehow, I need to find a way
to use them to find my way out of the dark. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Again
and again.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Somehow.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(335)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_335"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e38" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e38"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">24</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Whatever
noise may have woken me up a few days ago had no effect
on me today. I slept till 9:00. Felt pretty good. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
I was doing the blog thang and the door buzzer rang.
I'm on the third floor so there is a buzzer for the
door to the building. I buzzed them in but no one came
up the stairs. There is a shelf down stairs where delivery
guys put things. I didn't remember ordering anything.
You would think I might go down and see what was up.
You would think I'd be curious. But I was in my soooo
down place. It just couldn't be anything that good.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
day went on and it was time to go to school. As I got
to the bottom of the steps I saw a box from Amazon.
Wha? I got that kid on Christmas morning feeling. </span></font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">George</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
</font></span><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">sent
me </span></font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=642744DED829C71551182F32149ADBE4.t1?s=showproduct&isbn=0684835339"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">a
book</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
I sat on the bus with this goofy grin reading my new
book. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">That
was a very nice thing to do. On exactly the right day.
Thank </span></font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">you</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">In
class we were talking about portraits. We'd read two
by </span></font><a href="http://www.nagasaki-gaigo.ac.jp/ishikawa/amlit/d/didion21.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Didion</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">,
one by </font><a href="http://www.speak-truth.com/bio/rodriguez_richard.html"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Rodriguez</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
and one by </font><a href="http://www.readwest.com/ianfrazier.htm"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Frazier</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">.
I don't think it was intentional but they were all about
what it is to be a man. Even Didion, writing about O'Keefe
seemed to be about how O'Keefe was positioned against "the
men." And the other Didion was about John Wayne.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">We
mostly talked about the writing. It being a writing
program and all. But I wished we could have talked more
about the content. Especially the men in the room. I
wanted to know how they felt about all these ideas.
I really wish there was a Blogbrothers. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.michaelmoore.com/"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Michael
Moore</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
was on </font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Democracy
Now</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">. Amy
was giggling the whole time. I saw </font><a href="http://www.bowlingforcolumbine.com/"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">the
movie.</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
It is pretty great. Devastating. In a good way. Michael
has a </font><a href="http://www.michaelmoore.com/message/index.php"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">great
letter</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
out. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">I
gotta go read. She said, with a big goofy grin.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Don't
forget. </font><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Pattie
& Carl</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
show today. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(336)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_336"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e39" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e39"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">25</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">A
few of the teachers in </span></font><a href="http://www.usfca.edu/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">my
program</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
did a reading last night. Very cool. Kristina and I
had </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/reviews/restaurants/4153868530.DTL&type=food"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">dim sum</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"> first. Very, very cool. So
I spent the day reading, or being read to,or talking
to a great friend, or eating good food. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Doonsebury
continues to </font><a href="http://www.uclick.com/client/pen/db/"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">rip
on blogging</font></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">.</font></span><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(337)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_337"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e40" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e40"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">26</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:45
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<div align="left">
<table style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="111">
<tr>
<td width="105">
<p><a href="http://www.internationalanswer.org/"><img src="poster.jpg" width="114" height="32" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(338)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_338"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e41" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e41"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">27</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:21
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
tried to fight my fear of crowds and the pain in my
knees to go to the demonstration. I actually went to
the bus. It was packed. I balked. I spent the day following things
on TV, the radio and the Internet. I guess that makes
me an armchair activist. </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2002/10/26/state1719EDT0164.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">They
had</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
a </span></font><a href="http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2002/10/1539188.php"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">great
turn out</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
main stream media is almost shocking in their disregard. The </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2002/10/26/state1305EDT0075.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">SF
paper</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
did report that there were demonstrations happening
but ends the report by saying that attendance was not
what organizers predicted in Europe. They did do a nice article
about </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2002/10/26/MN36571.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Medea</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
And later, when it was over, </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2002/10/26/state1703EDT0162.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">they
did write it up</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
There were more like 50,000 people. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.c-span.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">CSPAN
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">did
play the demo in Washington. But as I looked around
for news I saw little coverage. Finally, in the middle
of the day I saw a tiny thing on the </span></font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/10/26/us.iraq/index.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">CNN
site</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">If
it weren't for alternative media there would be no substantive
information. </span></font><a href="http://www.kpfa.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">KPFA</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
followed the demonstrations around the country.
</span></font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Democracy
Now</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
has daily reports from Jeremy Scahill in Iraq. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was sad for about two minutes because I didn't feel
up to getting on the bus, as it were. And then I just
decided that I had to accept some of my limitations.
I don't like crowds. My knees do hurt. I kept thinking
about the demos of my youth. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.digitaljournalist.org/issue0005/hr01.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Allison
Krause</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">went
to my high school. On the day she was shot there was
a near riot in front of the school because the hippies
wanted to lower the flag to half mast. I wrote about
it in </span></font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Daughter%20of%20Revolution.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">DOR</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I remember being at the University of Maryland waiting
for </font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/US/9803/16/obit.dr.spock/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dr.
Spock</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to begin speaking. The National Guard stood in a circle
all around us. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Jeez.
I sound like I'm eighty years old, sitting on my porch,
reminiscing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(339)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_339"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><a id="e42" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e42"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">28</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:11
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sometimes,
when I'm swimming, I fall into rhythm with another swimmer
and we chat while we swim, languid side strokes and
chatter. But yesterday no one talked to me and I swam
in a trance, back and forth across the pool, a glazed-over stare on my face. Not thinking, just swimming.
I was vaguely aware of the light on the water and the
smell of chlorine and a pinch in my back and the tenderness
in my knees. But mostly
I was just moving through the blue shiny world
of float. No gravity pulling at me.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was tired and left the pool before Marilyn. So I sat outside and read my
book. The sun was warm. My muscles were still twitching.
I was reading now but, still, my brain was soaking stuff
up, not generating thought, or static. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
brain is like a noise machine. I long for these quiet
times. I don't seem to be able to generate them.
Meditation doesn't always work. Swimming, or other,
exercise doesn't always do it. When it happens I'm deeply
grateful.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
like thinking. Thinking is good. But these occasional
moments of just being are deeply pleasurable and restorative.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Now
it's Monday and I'm already distracted by the things
I need to be doing. I hear the whirr of the noise machine
cranking up. </span><span style="font-size:12pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(340)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_340"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e43" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e43"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e22"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">29</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:23
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2002_10_27.html#e001030"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea
responds</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
to a post by </span></font><a href="http://www.dashes.com/anil/index.php?archives/003804.php"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Anil
Dash</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I've read him a few times. I admire his design. In this
post he talks about mental illness, depression and blogging.
It's a great thing for me to read right now. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
often write about my depression here. And sometimes
I worry that it's too much. Too dark and powerless.
I also try to write about the </font><a href="http://www.hypericum.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">things</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> I </font><a href="http://www.emotional-literacy.com/rp0.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">do</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to work through
the darkness. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Writing
here is one of the things I do. Reading other people
is one of the things I do. Sometimes it helps and sometimes
it doesn't. Reading Dorothea and Anil helped. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
guess the first reason is that it lets me know that
I'm not alone. Sometimes it helps to know that I'm not
alone in the things that I feel. </font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000170.php#000170"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
pointed to a great post by </font><a href="http://surreally.com/jadedju/000317.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">another
blogger</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Another fierce fat woman who is telling the truth
about her experience and feeling the anger and the grief.
Reading through her comments I saw all the reactions
that I deal with. People are startled that she deals
with so much public hostility. People tell her she's
beautiful on the inside. People send her love and share
her rage. People mention the diet program that they
use. People worry about her health. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She
got them all thinking. Some of them get it. Some of
them don't. Which is where it becomes about more than
feeling less alone. In writing about it she opened herself up
to the love that she got, and the stupidity. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Anil
mentions that talking about things like mental illness
and depression on the www, a place where a google search
can out you when you least suspect it, is risky. Anyone
who reads </font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Golby</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
watched while he struggled with his personal writing.
</font><a href="http://www.dooce.com/about.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dooce</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
lost her job, alienated her family, quit blogging, recovered,
is blogging again. I think there's some kind of raw
courage in the act of putting your life in words and
putting those words in this public space. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are plenty of things I back away from here. I don't
write about everything. I'm aware of feelings of the
people I drag into public with me. Some times you just
need to hold things and not talk about them. But public
writing is an act of breaking silence, an act of pushing
away the fear of shame and blame and trying to believe
in the process of truth telling. And then you do the
work of sorting through the responses you receive. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">This
public writing is all about generosity. I'm so
grateful to the people I read. I'm so grateful for the
people who read me. It cuts through the isolation. It
inspires. It moves. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
at the end of the day, even if no one did the google
search, even if you're never on </font><a href="http://www.daypop.com/top.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Daypop</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and </font><a href="http://blogdex.media.mit.edu/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Blogdex</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
even if you end up writing to yourself, the act of doing
it pushes through the darkness. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sometimes.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(341)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_341"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e44" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e44"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e44"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">30</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:27
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yesterday
</font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000336.php#comments"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Paul
blogged</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
about the </font><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/wire/US/reuters20021029_216.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">new
obesity cure</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Cure.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
before I rant out, let me take a minute to say how great
</font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is. It is so so so great! Paul is a radical thinker.
On one of his other blogs he wrote </font><a href="http://phonezilla.net/3stations/archives/000666.php#000666"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> that
made me want to stand up and shout. It great to read
a man write like this.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh,
yeah. The cure. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">First
of all the idea that there is one fat gene, like an
on/off button, is reductive. There may be one common
gene, but if you look at fat bodies you see that they
DO NOT ALL LOOK ALIKE. People hold their fat in different
places. People gain weight at different times in their
life and for different reasons. People lose weight at
different paces. Fat bodies in Samoa, in Russia, or
in Japan, are fat in different ways. Once you stop looking
at fat bodies through the fat hatred lens you see the
variety. Once you start really talking to fat people
and hear their stories you find out that it's a little
more complicated than too many doughnuts and too much
couch time. I suspect there is more than one gene involved.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Now
that they found the on/off button they can make a pill.
Won't the pharmaceutical companies be happy?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">If
I could take a pill and be thin -- would I? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">No.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I've
thought about this a lot. Remember in The Matrix, when
Neo gets offered two pills? Take the blue one and life
is but a dream. Take the red one and see "how deep
the rabbit hole goes." I don't need a pill to know
how deep the rabbit hole of fat hatred goes. I've been
through that looking glass. My body is the pill. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">See
this is what people don't get. Being fat is part of
how I learned to see the world. If I was thin, physically,
tomorrow I would still have that fat experience.
The world that would congratulate me for finally getting
it together and joining the ranks of body conformity
would piss me off. More pissed off than I am now. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I've learned to see my body with different eyes. I've
learned to experience my body from the inside out. Even
now, with my achy knees, I appreciate what my body teaches
me. I love my body. My
body doesn't have to live up to an ideal of health and
beauty. I get to enjoy the difference of my experience.
My body will go through many changes in life. I get
to feel through them and stay awake. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Do
I enjoy not being uncomfortable in an airplane seat or
in a movie? No. I think the public world can
make some room for me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
we take a pill and suppress an expression of diversity. And then let's not have people who are too
tall, or short, or thin. Lets just have a one size fits
all body. A body that fits in and doesn't cause any
trouble. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't need a pill to wake up from the dream of life.
My body did that for me a long time ago. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(342)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_342"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e45" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e45"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e44"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">31</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:12
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">We
talked about literary journalism last night in class.
I love literary journalism. We talked about </font><a href="http://www.tomwolfe.com/index3.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Tom</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and </font><a href="http://www.johnmcphee.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">John</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I love them. But we did not talk about </font><a href="http://www.ralphmag.org/AU/famous-men.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">James</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. I
really love James. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
guess I should worry that most of </font><a href="http://www.epdlp.com/borges.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.faculty.rsu.edu/~felwell/Theorists/Mills/#Power"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">men</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I currently feel most in love with are dead. Well. I
do have some blog crushes. But I'm not naming names.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
started thinking about this kind of thing the other
day when I noticed that a good many of the people I
know center their "self improvement" (I hate
that phrase) around finding love or keeping love.
I've always based my "self improvement" (shit.
I can't think of another way to say that) on some loosely
defined notion of wholeness. Or enlightenment. Er sumthin.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
keep thinking I should leave love up to the gods. Er
sumthin.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
just not in me to imagine that I can organize something
about myself in such a way that love will arrive. I
like to think I'm open to it. But I am pretty cranky.
I've sort of lost hope. But I know that I need to keep
hope alive. Er sumthin. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
sometimes when I'm talking to a friend who thinks that
they will never find love and I'm encouraging them I
ask myself...well...do you belive that you will ever
find love? And I must admit I have my doubts. And it's
not that I feel terrible about that. I kinda see myself
as a </font><a href="http://www.dartmouth.edu/~sorjuana/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sor
Juana</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
wanna be. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But.
Last night I was thinking about James all through class.
I was thinking about the way he saw things and the way
he said things. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="248">
<tr>
<td width="242">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Sure on this shining night<BR>Of starmade shadows round,<BR>Kindness must watch
for me<BR>This side the ground.
</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;"> </span></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">The late year lies down the north.<BR>All is healed, all is health.<BR>High
summer holds the earth.
</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;"> </span></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Hearts all whole.<BR>Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring
far<BR>
</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;"> </span></font></p>
<dl>
<div align="justify">
<DD style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">alone<BR>Of shadows on the stars.</span></font></DD>
<dd style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;"> </span></font>
<dd style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">from
</span></font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=7429FA1E9D16CD414E3359C3CA96CEB7.t1?s=showproduct&isbn=0375701230"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">A
Death in the Family</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">.
</span></font>
</div>
</dl>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Twenty-Three.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl show </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">today.
It might be scary.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
as hard as it is to believe...it's </font><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">rabbit
rabbit</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
time. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(343)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_343"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e46" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e46"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">October</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e44"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">31</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 2:48
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
always wonder if I had MT if I would post more often.
I almost never post more than once a day. If I do I'm
on a rev about something. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Here's
something. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.gregpalast.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Greg
Palast</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
was on </font><a href="http://www.visionaryactivism.com/default.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Caroline's</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
show talking about a Salon Article he's written. It's
not up yet. He's talking about how African American
voters will be dissed again in Florida. As I was listening
I was reminded of </font><a href="http://www.sideshow.idps.co.uk/soct02.htm#30at1720"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">something</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Alas pointed to earlier, also by Palast.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
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<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The company that put together racial roster that fixed the election, DBT On-Line
of Boca Raton, has now 'fessed up, having been sued by the NAACP for violating
Floridians' civil rights. They have turned over to the NAACP's lawyers a report
indicating that the state ordered the purge of 94,000 voters and that, according
to the company's data, no more than 3,000 are likely illegal voters.</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Harris and the state admit that tens of thousands of black voters had been
wronged, and with plantation noblesse have agreed to return them to the voter
rolls -- at the beginning of 2003. In other words, the votes seized in November
2002 will not be emancipated until after the ballots are counted in the race
between Governor Jeb Bush and his Democratic opponent Bill McBride. Is there
some technical reason for the delay?</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.sideshow.idps.co.uk/soct02.htm#30at1720"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">more...</font></span></a></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
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<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Uh
huh. I'm telling ya. We can not assume democracy is
alive an well in a country with a president select.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Alas
also </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/2002_10_27_archive.html#83839668"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">points</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to the </font><a href="http://www.moveon.org/keepfighting/standup.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Move
On campain</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
for </font><a href="http://www.bradbury2002.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Bill
Bradbury.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Caroline
has an intersting </font><a href="http://www.visionaryactivism.com/storyofnow.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">astrological
picture</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
of now. </font></span></p>
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