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<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:14pt;"><b>November
2002</b></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e47" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e47"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e44"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">1</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:55
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Some
of the Greg Palast piece is </font><a href="http://salon.com/politics/feature/2002/11/01/lists/index_np.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It's a pay to read piece. I don't spend enough time
on Salon to pay. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
went back to bed three times yesterday. It was odd because
I don't really like sleeping. I'm not that good at it.
I have a hard time getting to sleep and once I'm awake,
I'm awake. Which sucks if something wakes me up
in the middle of the night. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
yesterday I was exhausted. I really don't have a reason
to be exhausted. I'm blaming hormones. I woke up and
my back was hurting. I thought that if I lay flat on
it for a while it would feel better. I did. It did.
But I drifted in and out of sleep and had weird dreams
about the painters who are working on the apartment
next door. They were working on my apartment as if I
didn't live there any more. They had moved my stuff
and broken things. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
got up and did the blog roll thang. Wrote my own post.
Took a shower, got dressed, went back to bed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Suzanne
and Kristina called so I talked to them for a while.
I felt like I had a list of things that I should do,
but I just wasn't getting any rev.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">By
one o'clock I started to worry about not having candy.
For the record, no one ever trick or treats here. I
think once, years ago, three kids came by in a little
group. But every year I worry about it. So I buy a bag
of candy. No one comes by. The candy sits around for
a month or more. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
eat it but I don't totally love candy. I love chocolate.
Just chocolate. So I eat M&M's. Sometimes. I like
Mounds bars. Coconut. Yep. Every year on Halloween I
buy a bag of them. Eat too many the first day. Can't
look at them for a while. And then eventually I eat
them all. Unless someone stops by and helps. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
not a Halloween grrrl. But </font><a href="http://www.cobaltika-studio.com/reconstructed-mind/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">bobbi</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
did some </font><a href="http://www.cobaltika-studio.com/halloween02.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">photos</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
that you gotta see. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
</font><a href="http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20021101.jhtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Michael
Moore will be on Oprah</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
today. Something about that makes me laugh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(345)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_345"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e48" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e48"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e48"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">2</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:50
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">OK.
I don't like candy that much. But I do like Mounds. It's
about the coconut.
And every year it's the same. I just eat em until I
am so sick of them I think I'm going to puke. Next year
can someone please remind me that I do not need candy
for trick or treaters?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20021101.jhtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Michael
on Oprah</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
The best part was just as the show was beginning Michael
leans in to the camera and says, "I'm on Oprah."
I laughed out loud. What a cutie he is!</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.pbs.org/now/thisweek/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Now
with Bill Moyers</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
was great last night. There are many great links on
that site about cleaning up elections and making democracy
work. Very cool. They talked a lot about the cost of
political campaigns. Something I think about every day
while I haul another pack of glossy ads for causes to
the recycle bin. None of them are very informative and
all of them seem costly. Imagine how many meals and
rents for homeless people could be bought with what
politicians spend on elections. </font><a href="http://www.moveonpac.org/moveonpac/viewcandidates.phtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Move
on</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> sent
an e-mail request for funds for Mondale and a few others.
I like the idea of many people giving five dollars to
a campaign. I put a dollar in the hat every time </font><a href="http://www.votenader.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ralph</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
passed it. But I cringe every time I'm on the bus riding
through SF these days. The city is littered with posters.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru blogged one of those </font><a href="http://www.io.com/~janis/quiz/quiz1.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">kooky
tests.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Guess which founding father I am...</font></span></p>
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<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
so proud.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(346)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_346"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e49" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e49"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e49"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">3</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:46
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Marilyn
took me to a </font><a href="http://lunasea.org/nowplaying.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">great
show</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> last
night, Generous Portions. Just fantastic. They were all fat women.
They were lesbian and third gender and multi racial.
All colors, shapes and sizes. All speaking their truth,
in poetry and song and just </font><a href="http://www.bigburlesque.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">playing
around</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It was profound. Radical. Righteous. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Good
gawd I love it when fat women speak out. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
did a </font><a href="http://www.googlism.com/index.htm?ism=Tish&type=1"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">gogglism</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
for Tish.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:9pt;">tish is west yorkshire?s big fish<BR>tish is all tru"<BR>tish is only now
reacting<BR>tish is moaning<BR>tish is a bit<BR>tish is a lovely woman and jeff falls in love with her at
first sight<BR>tish is een zwart ticked schildpad met
veel wit een echte tri<BR>tish is one of those girls with big hair who sits in
the back of the classroom<BR>tish is closed nov<BR>tish is
not<BR>tish is an underachieving "big hair girl<BR>tish is ready to remove the protective
covers from her chairs and bed<BR>tish is
bursting inside with fear and rage<BR>tish is a
enthusiastic and knowledgeable agent<BR>tish is a
communally centered collage of guided meditation<BR>tish is tish<BR>tish is appalled when the
slang the others make up about her use of verbose intellectual references
catches on across the entire nation<BR>tish is<BR>tish is 16 going on 40<BR>tish is hot<BR>tish is a member of the international association
of culinary professionals<BR>tish is the brains of
the outfit<BR>tish is a free woman and she
can do as she pleases<BR>tish is singing<BR></span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
one for fat shadow.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">fat shadow is in the corner<BR>fat shadow is waiting</span></font><p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(347)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_347"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e50" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e50"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e49"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">3</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 5:09
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">OK
blogger kids. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_11_01_pagecount_archive.html#85634487"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mike</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
needs our good vibes.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.oracula.org/es-02110316564919"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Here's
a place to light a candle</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(348)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_348"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e51" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e51"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e51"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">4</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:47
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I voted for </font><a href="http://www.votenader.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Nader</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
If you wanna piss me off tell me people who voted for
Nader are the reason we have the president select. </font><a href="http://www.gregpalast.com/detail.cfm?artid=161&row=1"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Wrong</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
have not joined the</font><a href="http://www.greenpartyus.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Green Party</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Yet. I don't know why. </font><a href="http://www.ci.sf.ca.us/bdsupvrs/supervisors/gonzalez.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Matt
Gonzalez</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
wrote about </font><a href="http://www.sfbg.com/News/35/07/07oped.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">why
he joined</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
a few years ago. He says it all. And yet. I still haven't
joined. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well
I do know why. It's about fear.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
didn't want to vote for Gore because I was afraid. It
felt so good to vote for Ralph. It felt like voting
FOR someone. But the same situation
is happening in the California governor's race. </font><a href="http://www.votecamejo.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Peter
Camejo</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is the Green candidate. I do not like</font><a href="http://www.sfbg.com/endorsements/endorsements_ca_races.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Gray Davis</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
But...I am so afraid of </font><a href="http://www.voteforbillsimon.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Bill
Simon</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And if I wanted to send a message with my Nader vote
I want to send a bigger message with all my votes in
this election. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
swear. This shit makes my head hurt. I still haven't
decided. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Happily
there are votes I will make with no conflict. I will
be voting NO on </font><a href="http://www.carenotcash.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">N</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
A measure brought to you by a man who puts the </font><a href="http://www.bartleby.com/65/dr/DracoAth.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Draco
</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">in </font><a href="http://www.bartleby.com/61/45/D0374500.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Draconian</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
YES on </font><a href="http://www.sfbg.com/News/36/02/02chart2.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">D</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Yes on </font><a href="http://www.examiner.com/warren_hinckle/default.jsp?story=n.hinckle.1001w"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">J.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
You may remember that </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/October02.htm#e20"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
love my board of supervisors</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
(And I love my perma links. Thank you </font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">!)</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
what about the governor? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Talking about class. </font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000205.php#000205"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Breaks
it down</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Makes her case. So so good. Called out </font><a href="http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/1103-02.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
article</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(349)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_349"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e52" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e52"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e52"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">5</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
still don't know what to do. But I have thought a lot
about the problematic nature of third party politics.
When I read about </font><a href="http://www.votecamejo.org/issues/glbt.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.votecamejo.org/issues/health.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">things</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.votecamejo.org/issues/peace.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Camejo</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.votecamejo.org/issues/prochoice.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">supports</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I know that I want to vote for him. But then there's
the fear. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't know what to do. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
realize I've been putting off the decision about joining
the Green party. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I went to </font><a href="http://www.thecastrotheatre.com/p-list.html#nov1_7"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
movies</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to take my mind of politics. OK. So they were not the
kind of movies to watch if I really wanted to take my
mind off politics. </font><a href="http://www.hrw.org/iff/2002/ny/trials.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">They</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.frif.com/new2002/pino.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">were</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
great. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(350)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_350"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e53" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e53"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e53"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">6</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:02
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
not sure how to spell the kind of scream I feel lingering
at the base of my throat. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
still hadn't decided what to do as I walked out the
door but I was leaning toward voting for Davis. I stopped to grab the mail and there was </font><a href="http://www.thenation.com/cover.mhtml?i=20021118"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
Nation with a picture of Paul Wellstone</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And the quote: </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">"Politics is what we dare to imagine."
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
not even sure I agree with that. But I wish I did. And,
despite the fact that I don't believe that Green party
candidates (including Ralph) are going to win, I do
believe that with every passing election they are gaining
ground. And if the Democratic party wants those votes
they ought to start making some changes</font></span><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The Green party is more representative of what I want
to imagine.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
I voted for Camejo. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
was not the same as voting for Nader. I felt even more
terrified. But it felt true. Then I got home from school
and the race was neck n neck. What an awful feeling.
Was it indulgent to vote my heart? I honestly don't
know.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Even
when</font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2002/11/06/MN11592.DTL"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> Davis pulled out ahead</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> I felt this tension that
I've been feeling all week. As the night went on and
the news got worse and worse nationally I really began
to sink. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I was watching </font><a href="http://www.hrw.org/iff/2002/ny/trials.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
movie about Kissinger</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I remembered how I felt about politics then. Politics
was evil, corrupt and dangerous. Mind you I was one
of those kids who thrilled when Kennedy said </font><a href="http://www.virtualcolony.com/dgalloway/asknot.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">ask
not what your country can do for you</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I ran for, and was, president of my class. I wanted
to be in it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
by </font><a href="http://www.nhmccd.edu/contracts/lrc/kc/decade70.html#events"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
time I was getting out of high school</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
everything had changed. I ran off into everything alternative
and ignored politics. Voting for Jimmy Carter felt OK.
By the time we got to the eighties and Reagan and Bush
I was completely gone. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then there was Clinton. So much hope. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I was watching the movie I thought about our current
situation. And the fear that I have on a daily basis.
The media and the White House are going to paint this
as a sweeping victory. It was not. It was a bloody battle.
All of these races were close. There is still no mandate.
But they are going to act as if there is.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I listen to Ralph and Media politics sounds like righteous
activity. What we dare to imagine. We're going to need
to be daring. We're going to need to be imaginative.
We're going to need to call up all our energy and faith.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Right
now. Today. I need to cry.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(351)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_351"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e54" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e54"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e54"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">7</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:41
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Lets
see. What could make me feel worse on a day when I'm
already feeling pretty terrible about an election in
which a third of the registered voters (to say nothing
about people who are eligible but never get it together
to register) turn out to vote and the already kidnapped
seat of political power gains a posse? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh.
Lets see...</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.oprah.com/tows/after/200211/tows_after_20021106.jhtml;jsessionid=T4ZM1XKBHT1EZLARAYFR3KQ"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oprah
does a show on obesity.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Why, you might ask, did I watch it? I know the other
day people were asking me why I watched a movie about
Pinoche followed by a movie about Kissinger. I'm just
crazy like that. I feel this need to understand.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
Oprah thinks I live behind a wall because I haven't
addressed my pain. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She
had women on the show who eat a lot. One woman stopped
at a fast food place and ordered three sandwiches and
ate them all. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'd
rather eat the phone book. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Clearly
the women on the show had problems with eating. Each
one of them talked about how much they ate. I understand
that some women have that problem. And, for them, Oprah's
combination of self help and diet and exercise is a
path to something that makes them feel better. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
theirs is not the only experience. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I just couldn't help but wonder if the one woman had
some damage to her satiety signal. She talked about
feeling full but eating any way and not stopping until
she felt unwell. There may be psychological issues but
I think there may well be physical ones as well. So,
all the "dealing with her pain" in the world
will be done with no insight into how her physical body
may be not working to help her understand her own hunger.
And while she's "dealing with her pain" she'll
feel like no one understands how hard it is. And they
won't. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
was a woman who left a comment over at </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000336.php#comments"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
the other day. She had a brain tumor removed and with
it a small section of her brain. There was damage to
the pituitary and hypothalamus and she has gained weight.
She is not fat positive. She resents her situation.
I understand that. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Because
Oprah says that fat people are living a walking death.
Yes. That is what she said. And all we gotta do is get
with the program. So all the fat people who don't eat
four sandwiches at fast food restaurants live in a world
where people think they lie about how much they eat.
And all the people with endocrine problems have no public
voice. And all the thin people who eat piles of crap
don't have anyone who worries about their health.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
me. I'm just livin behind a wall with my pain. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Actually.
I'm not feeling that bad. I mean it's all too crazy.
The world I live in. I think I'm going to call up </font><a href="http://www.ammianoformayor.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Tom</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and see if I can work on his campaign. And I'm going
to write a letter to Oprah. And I'm going to keep on
keeping on. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl show today</font></a></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(352)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_352"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e55" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e55"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e55"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">8</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:19
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
was feeling very lucky that I didn't have to go out
the door </font><a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/11/08/BA89517.DTL"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">yesterday</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It was wicked. At one point in the afternoon a light
flickered across my computer screen and a few minutes
later I heard the boom of thunder. It startled me. We
just don't have thunder around here that often. The
electricity blinked off once. The doors and windows
were rattling. But basically I was snug. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
got some great comments yesterday. April talked about
</font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/about/news/00000203.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">why
she didn't vote.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I understand. Despite the fact that I feel strongly
about people voting I don't think anyone should vote
when they feel that there is no one to vote for. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
Democratic party needs to wake up. I am almost encouraged
by the idea of </font><a href="http://www.truthout.org/docs_02/11.09D.pelosifights.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Nancy
Pelosi</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I still have the dilemma of whether that will make the
Democratic party radical enough for me. And I still
worry that the Green party will not be strong enough
politically even if a Green candidate wins. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">For
people who are trying to live with some kind of integrity
these decisions are never as easy as "you're either
with us or against us." I've read a lot of people
who did vote ragging on people who didn't. And I am
frustrated by how many people don't vote. But I also
read people say that they voted and then felt icky.
I voted and felt like, despite the fact that I voted
my heart, I might have fucked up. It's very fucking
hard. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yesterday
</font><a href="http://www.spiritualintrigue.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Caroline</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
said something about seeing something on Oprah and then
rushed to say that she doesn't actually watch Oprah.
It made me laugh. Oprah comes on at a time of day when
I have had it with CNN and MSNBC. Sometimes I turn
on the radio or play music but, very often, Oprah has
things on that are compelling. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
look, she got a lot of people reading books. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She
is hopeless in terms of the fat stuff. She believes
her own experience to be the truth for all fat bodies.
But I've said before that I see what she's done as a
project. And I give her her propers for coming up with
a project and working on it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
actually do think that people eat for comfort sometimes.
I just don't think that's a pathology. I also think
people eat in frantic compulsive gulps in the same manner
I've watched people suck cocaine into their already
way too wound up bodies, or drink <strike>three</strike>
twenty more drinks than their liver can tolerate, or
smoke fifty cigarettes in a row. And there may be something
going on there. But so? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Let
me clear. I have eaten in frantic compulsive gulps,
sucked cocaine into my already way too wound up body, drank
<strike>three</strike> twenty more drinks than my liver
could tolerate, and smoked fifty cigarettes in
a row. And there were things going on. And so? I don't
do things like that very often anymore. But I don't
think I was bad when I did. I was living my life. Telling
the truth as fast as I could figure it out. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">See
there are thin people who are going to eat four sandwiches
at a fast food restaurant today and they won't end up
on Oprah. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And,
although I do not like fast food, I understand that
people do and I understand that there are class issues
around who can afford what, and pleasure in all its
many forms is a good thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">That
last line sounded a bit too Martha Stewart. I just don't
think we need to hang out in shame and blame. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(353)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_353"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e56" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e56"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e56"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">9</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:09
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Christine
(Not to be confused with Kristina) sent me </font><a href="http://media.smilepop.com/smilepop/flash/10_2002/sept02-smilepop-bugseren2.swf"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
link.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
I swear I laughed out loud. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
keep thinking about Kell's positing about Oprah and
what she gets out of the fat = a living death thang.
Does race factor into it? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Weeellllll....</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
the kind of thing I worry about being too quick to agree
with, despite the fact that I suspect it's true. Hence
my continued thinking. But I will say that, on the a
fore mentioned </font><a href="http://www.spiritualintrigue.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Caroline</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
show the people who were embarrassed to admit that they
watched Oprah (ever) mentioned something about her gaining
too much credibility with the left and then the powers
that be might be upset with her. (I'm paraphrasing wildly.)
And another of them said something like, oh it would
be easy to discredit her, they'd just say she was fat.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ahh
huhh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
I guess if you're a woman and Black AND fat ... I mean
it's three strikes. Still, for some reason, I wanna
give her the credit that I believe she is due. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There's
an </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/2002_11_03_archive.html#84241894"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">interesting
post on Alas</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
in which he talks about his economic theory. I hope
he won't mind that I'm going to use it to say something
about fat hatred. What other people think does matter.
In his example of Debbie Allen not being seen as someone
who can afford to shop in certain shops, race is the
thing that causes the reaction. Well. Racism. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I'm here to tell you fat girls in department stores...may
not get respect. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
do think that people who lose weight get into this morally
superior thing. It makes it hard to want to give them
the credit that they deserve for taking on a project
and completing it. Because that project gives them a
body that grants them a new level of access. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Still.
I don't want to take their feeling of struggle and success
away from them. I just want them to imagine that my
relationship with my body is different from their relationship
with their body and not in good/bad way. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
Watching Oprah is problematic. Watching television is
problematic. And yet...last night, </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/now/transcript/transcript_lapham.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">on
Now, Lewis Lapham said he is optimistic</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I needed to hear that. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(354)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_354"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><FONT face="Arial,Helvetica" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">now, tonight, I feel a part of
many people. the moon and I are being towed by the meticulous windows and plugs
and streetlamps all around the world, towed in from the sea, to sleep in warm
and nod off in gold light. towed by these large wheeled come and getcha where
ever ya are fans, by these all-wheel offroad golden hearts that bring ya in from
where ever you are and put a blanket over ya and give ya a warm drink -
</span></FONT><a href="http://www.rickieleejones.com/news.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial,Helvetica" color="#9933FF">Rickie
Lee Jones</FONT></span></a>
<p><a id="e57" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">10</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:14
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
have to read</font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=704204E38E156B83884225FC4106A563.t3?s=showproduct&isbn=0375507906"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
In Cold Blood</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
for school. Which kinda bugs me since I have a stack
of other books I'd rather be reading. I read it back
in the day and again a few years ago in a class
I took on literary journalism. It is </font><a href="http://www.salon.com/ent/masterpiece/2002/01/22/cold_blood/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
great piece of writing</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://divamaggie.com/easybakecoven/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Susan</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
has these funny little smiley faces in her comments.
Every time I leave her a comment I spend soooo much
time trying to pick the right one. Really. I am such
a goof. I was reminded about </font><a href="http://www.rickieleejones.com/news.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Rickie
Lee Jones on line journal </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">in
her comments. Hence my new epigraph. I love me some
Rickie Lee.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
my goddaughter was a little girl, oh so many years ago,
I bought her </font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/ag_agc_samantha?catid=375914"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
doll</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It was way too expensive and I worried that I was gifting
her a love for dubious commercial values with the doll.
But good gawd the doll and her stuff was so cool. I
was obsessed about making sure she had ALL the stuff.
I think I was into it long after she was. There was
a point where it was more like I was buying </font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=375922&groupid=359241"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">presents</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=375922&groupid=359245"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">for</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=375921&groupid=358835"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Samantha</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
than her. Even now I see </font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=376023&groupid=371944"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
new thing </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">for
the doll and I get all mooky and want to buy it. My
god daughter, by the way, is in college. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">My
rational about the doll was (oh. actually I had many
rationals about the doll.) that it was a way for her</font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_fp_splash?catid=386851"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to learn about history</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And yet I wondered how the company would ever
make dolls of color and describe their American Girl
experience. </font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=389457&groupid=362520"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=389457&groupid=362575"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">they</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagestyle?catid=389457&groupid=376174"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">have</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
tried. Every year, about this time, I get a catalog
from them and </font><a href="http://www.americangirlstore.com/pls/ag/AG_pagethumb?catid=375784"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
lust to buy</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
gets kicked up.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
still think the doll was a good idea. But it is a thing
to worry about. I mean I spent the money on the doll
but her parents spent the money on food and rent. Consumerism
puts such a burden on parents. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
we know I like to </font><a href="http://thesims.ea.com/us/index.html?frame_src_content=/us/about/unleashed/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">play
with dolls</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">OK.
Let's see. I've written about murder, smiley faces and
dolls. It's Sunday morning. I'm rambling. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh
yeah. </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
has a </font><a href="http://www.cafeshops.com/bigfatblog"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Cafe
Press store </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">now.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(355)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_355"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e58" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e58"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">11</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:52
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I got home from the Sunday swim I felt the need to nap.
Not a big deal. I slept a while and then got up and played
on the computer. At 6:30 I was so tired I thought I
might go to bed. I really couldn't keep my eyes open.
So...another nap. Then at 11:00, when I went to bed,
there was no way I was going to sleep. Even when I went
to sleep I didn't stay asleep for long. I woke up about
five times. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
one of those times I sat on the edge of the bed and
all I could think was that it was crazy that I couldn't
sleep. Crazy isn't the word. It felt like I couldn't
do it right. I sat there trying to understand why I
was so tired in the day and now I couldn't sleep. I
kept thinking I don't know. I don't know. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Part
of what was keeping me awake was all the stuff I had
to think about. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Money.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">War.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sex.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Writing.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Earthquakes.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Death.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
there I was sitting on the side of the bed thinking
about it all and saying I don't know. I don't know.
And suddenly I just started to laugh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
mean it would be great if I'd had some kind of vision
or epiphany. But no. Just an acute awareness of powerlessness
and uncertainty. And it felt bad...but it also made
me laugh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
I'm a little groggy today. I should probably not try
to make sense of anything. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(356)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_356"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e59" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e59"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">12</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:11
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
seems to me that the word partisan gets used a bit too much
lately. It's become an expletive. It's used to describe
a politic that isn't in lock step with the current (cough)
administration. And every time I hear it used that way
I feel like it's just one more way to silence dissent.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
theory is that having two parties represented puts in
checks and balances. Despite the fact that I haven't
seen much difference in the two parties I am aware that
now those checks and balances (no matter how limited)
</font><a href="http://truthout.com/docs_02/11.12E.ca.dems.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">are
all but gone</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And even people who are radically right should be worried
about this. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
the sound bite methodology of political rhetoric morphs
language. Is it </font><a href="http://www.askoxford.com/dictionary/partisan"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">partisan</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to be committed to the ideals of the party to which
you belong? Yep. And is that </font><a href="http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=partisan*1+0"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">unfair</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Um.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Maybe.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
just seems to me that when a member of the congress,
or the senate doesn't agree with the (cough) administration
they are </font><a href="http://dictionary.law.com/definition2.asp?selected=2310&bold=||||"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">accused</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
of being partisan. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I,
often, can not tolerate opinions that are not the same
as mine. Sometimes I really need agreement. Especially
when I'm very scared or angry. But I know I need to
listen to the other opinion. And in a political system
that </font><a href="http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=purport*1+0"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">purports</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to be democratic opposing opinions are argued as a way
to keep everybody thinking. And actions are taken after
a vote. A vote that reflects the thinking and a sense
of majority. Do I really now live in a country where
majority means Republican? Or do I live in one where
</font><a href="http://truthout.com/docs_02/11.09A.wrp.wrs.days.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">democracy
has been stolen</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
have no partisan loyalty. I wish I did. For me, the
Green party feels like the boy you really want but know
things won't work with. And the Democrats...well. </font><a href="http://www.commondreams.org/views02/1107-03.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">We'll
see</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(357)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_357"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e60" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e60"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">13</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:16
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
spaced out a friends birthday the other day. I knew
it was coming up but on the day I just spaced out. Got
lost in my inner blah blah blah. When I realized that
I had forgotten I begged forgiveness and she understood.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
thing that sucks is that it was one of my very best
friends. One of the people who makes me feel better
about the world. I so admire the way she lives her life.
I admire her relationships, the way she operates in
her work, her curiosity and grace and dignity. The ways
in which she struggles with adversity. The way she creates
beauty. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She's
always in my heart and I wish I woulda snapped out of
my self and remembered to call her and tell her how
grateful I am to have her in my life. Which is really
what I mean when I say Happy Birthday. I mean thank
you for being. And thank you for being my friend. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Today
is Kristina's birthday. I feel all of the above about
her as well. I feel so lucky to have the friends that
I have. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
whine about feeling alone. A lot. And I do feel alone. A
lot. But I do
snap out of it every once in a while and remember that
I am so rich in friends. It doesn't always help to know
this. But even when I am suffering in the deepest, darkest
part of aloneness, I try to remember them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There's
a thread on line right now. It began with </font><a href="http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/02/11/09/120606.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
woman talking about the games men play</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And </font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2002_11_10.html#e001068"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea
picked it up</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
thought about picking it up. But I have the same problem
I had the last time there was a discussion about sexism
on the blogs. It talks about a blogger who I don't read.
I've been to his site a few times. I didn't feel the
connection. I have been offended by his site a few times.
But, ya know, I just don't read him. No big deal. I
usually end up reading him because another blogger, who
I do read, links to him. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
I didn't feel like I could jump in. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
reading Dorothea I did feel like I needed to jump in
long enough to say one thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yes.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">You
know. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Just yes. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
other day I was listening to a man talk about a visit
to New York. He was saying that everyone was telling
him that since Giuliani is gone crime is up. He
said something about gangs of young black men running
around in Times Square. All I could think of was the
</font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2002_11_10.html#e001068"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Central
Park Jogger case</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Why
do I bring it up now? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Racism.
Sexism. The whole list of isms. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There's
a young man in my class. He's a good writer. But he
writes about women in that "playful" way.
He's gotten feedback from women in class about the negative
effect some of his languages has had on us. I know he
hears it. And I know he's thought about it. But he still
has the reflex. The easy joke about a woman as an object
of desire.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
part, I think he thinks he makes himself the fool in
some of these jokes. Like his longing for a certain
type of woman makes him the fool and he just can't help
it. But the things he writes hit the bodies of the women
in the room. I feel it. Some of them laugh. I always
wonder how I can say something about how the writing
makes me feel with out sounding puritanical, or humourless.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't know how the a fore mentioned thread is going
to play out. But I wanted to come out strong and clear
about the big yes I felt when I was reading Dorothea.
I want to thank her for mentioning fat jokes in her
rant. And I want to say yes to Elaine as well.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
mostly, I really hope that the men who blog take a minute
to think/feel before they react. I want men to feel
safe to say whatever they want to say, even if some
of those things are hurtful. But I also hope that men
who really care about thinking will ask them selves
why they laugh at some of the stuff they laugh at. Not
in "oh I've been a bad boy way". In a deep,
open hearted way. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Please.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
thank you.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(358)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_358"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e61" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e61"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">14</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">One
of my teachers said something interesting about the
relationship between readers and writers. He talked
about the reader bringing things to the writing from
where they are at and how that can be problematic. It
made me think about how I was sure that </font><a href="http://www.jonimitchell.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Joni
Mitchell</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
wrote all her lyrics about my life. Still do sometimes.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
is true. The writer and the reader meet at an intersection
of meaning and exchange notes. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
in the blog world that is, theoretically, the place
where conversation begins. So if women talk about the
jokes that men make on their blogs, the embedded sexism,
or lookism, and the way it feels to see it, read it...a
conversation, theoretically, might begin. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
it's not going to happen if men don't think about the
ways in which they are privileged by the institution
of sexism. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
deeply committed to thinking about the ways in which
I'm privileged by my skin color. I'm committed to watching
for the ways in which I contribute to racism. I feel
uncomfortable in conversations about racism and I think
I should feel that way. Racism should make us all feel
very uncomfortable. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
talking about sexism should make men feel uncomfortable.
So why would a man willingly enter into a conversation
that might make him uncomfortable? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Can
you imagine the curve of my eyebrow right now?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yes.
We bring stuff into our reading of other people. And
people who write books or in magazines may not ever
know what the reader brings. But in the blog world we
are, some of us, theoretically, jumping into the fray.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
The Book that I am not working right now ( but I will
over the holidays. really. I will. ) I am reaching toward
readers. I am asking them to think with me. And sometimes
it seems like too much to ask. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ah
well. We'll see. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
are talking about sex toys today. Yes. Sex. Toys. And
that may be a whole other conversation. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(359)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_359"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e62" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e62"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">15</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:28
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">If
you haven't heard the </font><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
show you don't know the format. They usually open
with an interview, or reading to set up their theme
and then in the latter part of the show they chat about
the theme. </font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Twenty-Five.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yesterday's</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
interview was with </font><a href="http://www.laskamaria.com/cgi-bin/lmc/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
young woman who sells sex toys</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
In the second part of the show Pattie talked about how
she was surprised how she felt during the interview.
She had to fight the taboo against talking about sex.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">While
I was listening I was thinking about the my last
two posts. I was thinking about the intersection where
sexuality and desire and longing become shadowed by
the politics of male power. I was trying to figure out
how to parse the topic without sounding like a women's
studies 101 prof. I wanted to try and keep writing about
what I was thinking and feeling but I worried about
it getting too theoretical and losing heart. I was reaching
out for some kind of ... something. I dunno. Something
like recognition. Reconciliation. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Something.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
there were people who reached back. </font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/past/000317.html#000317"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George
</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">reached
back with a comment and a post. A very clear direct
affirmation for which I was grateful. </font><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
reached back in her</font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000270.php#000270"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
open hearted active brain way</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Wrote an amazing, detailed, thoughtful, heart felt response.
And wrote it with a baby at her breast.</font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/about/blog.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
April wrote a response</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to </font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2002_11_10.html#e001068"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea's
post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
The one that got me going. April's post brought out
an angle of the nature of play and gender. And </font><a href="http://youliveyourlifeasifitsreal.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ray</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
left a comment that opened up a conversation. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then </font><a href="http://youliveyourlifeasifitsreal.blogspot.com/2002_11_10_youliveyourlifeasifitsreal_archive.html#84561084"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ray
wrote a poem</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
read the poem toward the end of my morning blog roll.
As I read it I started to cry. Thick tears. Not sad
tears. Tears of deep relief. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I went to bed last night I felt like I understood how
Pattie felt. Because in the conversation that broke
out in my comments we were talking about sexism.
Not in a big political theory kinda way but in a people
trying to talk about how it makes us feel kind of way.
It felt like breaking a taboo. I was worried about misunderstanding.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Because
when we talk about the intersection where sexuality,
identity, representation, and power collide it gets
very personal and very individual and very tender. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are may parts to this conversation. And I'm having trouble
seeing the keyboard through my tears. </font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000270.php#000270"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru
did a great job of detailing</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I stop crying I'm going to feel clean. Like something
dark has been washed from my heart. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
there's still more work to do. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(360)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_360"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e63" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e63"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">16</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
got my hair cut yesterday. I go this place a block from
my apartment. The two men who own and operate it are
both named Tom. Hence the name ... Tom's Beautiful Hair.
It's a small place and I was here when they first moved
in, so I've been getting my hair cut there for about
ten years. I only get my hair cut once a year, but I
see them on the street, or at the grocery store. It's
a pretty sweet feeling. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
you get your hair cut you stare at yourself in the mirror
for an hour. Women get early training in how to look
in the mirror and go down a check list of beauty failures.
But I was fortified by Ray's poem and the conversation
in my comments and around the blog. So I just chatted
with Tom and Tom and enjoyed being fussed over. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
came home and saw Mike's comment and started crying
again. But, ya know, these were all tears of relief
and heart healing.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Last
night Kristina and Joe took me out for a </font><a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/880097"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">lovely
dinner</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It was great to chat it up with them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
I woke up this morning feeling pretty great and grateful.
Made my </font><a href="http://www.gracebaking.com/fredbread.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Fred
bread</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
toast and tea and hit the blogs. I read someone who
I read every day, often more than once. They had a comment
from someone in a post that was pretty terse. I followed
the link to the commenter's site and they had a huge
and vitriolic post aimed at the person I read. I'm being
oblique because I don't want to add to what could become
a never ending circle of slams. Every once in a while
someone doesn't agree with something I say, usually
when I'm writing about fat stuff, and they leave
a comment or send an e-mail. Sometimes I try to
engage them in a conversation. We can agree to disagree.
I don't play hostility very well. Anger. Yes. Frustration.
Sure. But mean, aggressive, venting...not at all. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
it made me think about something Mike said in his comment.
"Here, we speak generally as we find our way to
specificity." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are many really great people writing on line. Taking
risks. Exploring themselves and their feelings with
language. Trying to push the limits of what is possible.
With comments it can get interactive. And, I guess,
sometimes that means it gets stupid and ugly. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
didn't harsh my mellow or anything. I'm still feeling
great and grateful. And cute. Coz of the haircut. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(361)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_361"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e64" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e64"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">17</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:42
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
I was feeling all pleased and happy. I was feeling like
some conversation had happened and it was good and some
healing got done. Maybe just for me. But some got done.
And then I was on another person's blog. Another
person who I read all the time. I saw a comment there.
It seems I wrote something a while back that someone took a certain
way. In a way that I did not intend. But I can
see how it was taken that way. I guess.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">At
first I thought about writing to the person to try and
clear things up. Then I thought about taking a break
from blogging. Then I thought about leaving my writing
program and finding a convent, or ashram, or something,
where I could take a vow of silence and give up on trying
to use language at all. Ever. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Then
I thought ... aw.....what the fuck.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sometimes
you write something and it hits the mark. Sometimes
people just slide past each other. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
the afternoon I went to </font><a href="http://www.willa.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Willa's
place</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and read her </font><a href="http://www.nanowrimo.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">NaNoWriMo</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://rarepeace.org/fallenangel/weblog/index.shtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">writing</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Very, very pleasant. I want to be the character in her
story.</font></span><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I have so much respect for all
the people who are doing the NaNoWriMo thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
going swimming. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(362)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_362"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e65" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e65"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">18</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:37
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Swimming
was good. Then we grabbed </font><a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/1025809/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">some
lunch</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and went to </font><a href="http://diesel.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
book store</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to listen to the poets from </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/USFMFA.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
program</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
read. They were amazing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I've
been thinking about the way I do my little page project.
I do that from time to time. But owing to the last few
days of blog crossed conversation I've been examining
my motivations and desires and abilities and on and
on and on.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
the way in which a specific thread gets picked
up and woven into other people's motivations and desires
and abilities and on and on and on. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">While
I was focused on a specific few bloggers and their specific
conversations and an <i>idea</i> of sexism
and how it transacts with what is thought of as sexy,
there were other conversations going on. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.negroplease.com/archives/000206.html#000206"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Jason
wrote a post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
about the men and women who are/will be called upon
to fight the war. I thought about this morning while
reading </font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_11_01_pagecount_archive.html#85685187"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mike</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
still reading </font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=704204E38E156B83884225FC4106A563.t3?s=showproduct&isbn=0375507906"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
Cold Blood</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It's taking me a while because I dread picking it up.
I know why we were assigned it. It is an amazing piece
of writing. But it is a portrait of violence. Capote
draws everyone in a way that lends insight. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
is one thing that stays with me, the fact that human
beings can kill other human beings. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Maybe
because I'm reading this book, maybe because 60 minutes
last night seemed to say that </font><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
inspectors will fail </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">and
when they do our </font><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/11/17/60minutes/main529657.shtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">cowboy
president </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">will
lead us into the battle. Maybe because I watch too </font><a href="http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/alias/missions/episode1.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">much</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/thepractice/episodes/2002-03/2.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">crap</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
on Sunday nights. Maybe because I love language and
believe in conversation and when things go wrong I feel
lost. I don't know why but I had bad dreams all night.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I sat down at the keyboard today thinking about too
many things, all at once. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
I don't always know what I'm doing here. I just keep
trying to do something that reflects my chaotic, frenzied
thinking and my aching, worried heart. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(363)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_363"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e66" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e66"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e57"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">19</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:44
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.pacifica.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pacifica
Radio</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is doing a </font><a href="http://www.pacificaradioarchives.org/new_grid.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">National
Day of Programming</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to raise money to preserve their archives. Many beautiful
voices. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
last few times I've been on the bus I've noticed the
cameras. It's not new. I've seen cameras on buses before
but these are new ones. And I'm noticing it for </font><a href="http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/1119-03.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">obvious
reasons</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
got a call from Tom last night. A mutual friend of ours,
Adam, died. Both of them were pivotal in my little
music career. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yes.
I had a little bit of a musical career. And I got lots
of support from musicians in Boulder. it was a time
of my life that felt wild and fun and free. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
wanted to have a band. So I asked Tom if he'd help me
work up a few tunes and I rented a hall and I
asked Adam if his band would play. Adam's band was Fat
Chance and mine was Fatshadow and I called the gig two
tons of fun. That was the beginning. A little bit of
music on a Sunday afternoon in the mountains.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
remember a time when I was sitting next to Adam in a
bar and he was running his hand through my hair. I remember
the comfort and the electric sensuality of that moment.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But,
ya know, time goes by. People lose touch. And then a
call comes. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Martin
Luther King is on the radio right now. Many beautiful
voices. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(364)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_364"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e67" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">20</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:36
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I was thirteen I was in love with Gary Demblowski. Yep.
In love. His </font><a href="http://www.geocities.com/merrystar3/allysongs/WalkAwayRenee.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">name
& mine inside a heart on a wall.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
sat next to him in Latin. And, after school, I sat at
the picnic table behind our apartment building, trying
to look like I was studying, waiting for him to
run past. He usually did. And I said. "Hi."
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">"Hi."</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then my mom married Ken and we began to get ready to
move to Maryland. There was a big last dance of the
year. As I walked in I saw Gary talking to Kathy Garrity.
Kathy was tall and blonde and had ... you know ... really
big tits. And a reputation. I don't know which part
of all that I felt the most competitive about. Actually
I don't think I felt competitive. I was too sure I couldn't
compete.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
as I walked past them Gary turned and said hi. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Turned.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
said, "Hi." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't remember much about the dance. I think all the
girls danced and the boys stood in a circle around
us. When they played slow music a few intrepid young
men moved onto the floor, met the girls who wore their
school rings, and they would wrap arms around necks
and waists and sway. Slowly.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">At
the end of the dance Gary, and a group of boys, followed
me, and a group of girls, all the way to the street
car. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then we moved away. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">That
moment. When he turned. The look in his eyes. That feeling
of mutuality. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sometimes
I wish we'd stayed in Pittsburgh. I imagine a life in
which I wore Gary's school ring. And the prom. And the
wedding. And the kids. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
you know how those stories go. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(365)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_365"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e68" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e68"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">21</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:48
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://phonezilla.net"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Paul
</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">has been
dealing with trolls at </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I guess it's inevitable but it pisses me off. Paul has
clearly delineated </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/faq/guidelines.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">guidelines</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
for commenting. He does the policing of the site
to make sure that the blog feels like a safe place for
fat positive discussion. There really aren't that many
places where fat positive discussion is happening, so
it's pretty important. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
difficult to know where to draw the line. There are
people who haven't done any reading about </font><a href="http://www.niddk.nih.gov/health/nutrit/activeatanysize/active.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fat
and heath</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and are bombarded by </font><a href="http://gastricbypass.netfirms.com/obesitykiller.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">mainstream
media's message of fear</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and they just want to talk about the problems of fat
because...there are problems....aren't there? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Uh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yeah.
OK. And I know there are NO problems for thin and average
sized people. None. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
becomes difficult to tolerate the good intentions of
people who are only worried about your health. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
truth is I haven't been taking very good care of my
self lately. I'm preoccupied and tense. This almost
always means I eat less. Yesterday I had Cherrios and
a piece of toast, some mango and two pieces of
spinach and feta pizza fairly early in the day. By the
time I got out of class, at 9:00 PM, I was pretty hungry
but I don't like to eat late at night. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Still,
I thought I'd ask Susan to stop at Mc Donalds. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yeah.
I know. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
hate Mc Donalds. I hate them for </font><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/foreign/barberf.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">so
many reasons</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
But it was late, I didn't want to go out, and suddenly
the idea of fast carbs, fat and salt sounded OK. But
we were talking about school and I forgot to say anything
about stopping and suddenly I was home. There wasn't
really anything here. So, I just went to bed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
need to put more energy into cooking. I need to manage
my time a little better. I need to do blah blah blah.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
world is full of people who think they know me better
than I know myself. People who wanna jump in and tell
me about will power and self control. Not many of them
have a clue about the real issues in my life. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Hey.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
</font><a href="http://onewhodares.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Carl's</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
birthday. Listen to </font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Twenty-Six.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
show</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Send him </font><a href="mailto:[email protected]"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
note.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(366)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_366"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e69" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e69"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">22</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:51
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Nailing
Jello to the wall. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Thank
you </font><a href="http://kbrigan.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Kell</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ah.
It's good to laugh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
I click to Mike everyday. Hoping he's back. And, happily,
</font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_11_01_pagecount_archive.html#85703632"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">today</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
he was. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Blogging about the Miss World pageant in Nigeria.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="571">
<tr>
<td width="565">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://news.independent.co.uk/world/africa/story.jsp?story=354582"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The collision of two worlds � the beauty queens bathed in glamour and glitter
and poor African Muslims observing the Ramadan fast in all its modesty � was
enough to ensure that the explosion of violence was waiting to happen.</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are five countries who are boycotting the pageant
to protest the death by stoning of women in Nigeria.
And </font><a href="http://news.independent.co.uk/world/africa/story.jsp?story=351633"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Amina
Lawal puts her faith in God</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In the
theater of what women and their bodies represent
we praise some and stone others. And all the while money
is being made. And the spokeswoman for the pageant wants
us to know</font><a href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=515&e=4&u=/ap/20021122/ap_on_re_af/nigeria_miss_world"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
that the show will go on</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
on. And on. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(367)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_367"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e70" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e70"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">23</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:10
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.kpauls.com/chefpaul.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Chef
Paul</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> was
on CNN yesterday talking about his </font><a href="http://chefpaul.com/turducken.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">turduken</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
He said it was like your first kiss. I love Chef
Paul. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
holiday stuff is already is full drone. I can't say
I'm much in the mood to celebrate a group of religious fundamentalists
who thought that </font><a href="http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Zinn/Columbus_PeoplesHx.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">they
had a right to claim ownership</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
of land which was </font><a href="http://www.tolatsga.org/wampa.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">already
inhabited.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
But I will admit that the </font><a href="http://www.historychannel.com/thanksgiving/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">gathering
together of folks to share food</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
has always seemed like a good thing to me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The first
time I was away from my mother's house on Thanksgiving
was classic. I was in </font><a href="http://www.ci.boulder.co.us/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Boulder.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
There were no grocery stores open. the only restaurant
open was a small cafe. A friend and I wrote a bad check
for omelettes. Then we wrote another bad check to see
</font><a href="http://www.moviesunlimited.com/musite/product.asp?sku=041276"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
movie</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
We ended the day in a bar. I talked to my mom on a pay
phone. It was cool in a crazy kind of way. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
I soon became the Thanksgiving queen. I would cook for
days and invite every one in town who had no where else
to go. It was about the gathering up. And the sharing
of resources. The romantic ideal. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then, when I moved to New York, I spent the morning
at the parade and the afternoon in a diner. Heh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">These
days I'm ambivalent and reclusive. I have some invitations,
but I'm thinking I'll be working on a last paper for
school. And thankful for the time to do it.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But,
some day, I may try that turduken thing. just coz. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(368)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_368"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e71" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e71"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">24</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:16
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.windchimewalker.com/2-27-suzanne&carrie.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Suzanne</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
</font><a href="http://www.windchimewalker.com/mitchells5.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Lucia
& Gabe</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
came over and brought </font><a href="http://www.spykids.com/sk1.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
movie</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Before we watched it we went out for </font><a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/917661/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">lunch</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and a </font><a href="http://www.caferoma.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">coffee</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Fun. Fun Fun. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">At
one point we saw a bit of the </font><a href="http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Osbournes</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I think I've seen a bit of it before, but I've never
really watched it. In the bit we saw Kelly licked her
finger and wiped it on her mother's face. Then her mother
put her fingers in her pants to (presumably) get some
vaginal fluid to wipe on her daughter. A sort of body-fluid
get-even thing. I guess. So the mother chased the
daughter around the house in an attempt to wipe
vaginal fluid on her.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Uh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">What
do I think? I honestly don't know. I was too ... uh
... hmmm ... stunned? ... or something. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
</font><a href="http://www.willa.com"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Willa'</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">s
Birthday. Send her </font><a href="mailto:[email protected]"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
note</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_369"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e72" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e72"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">25</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:07
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So.
You know.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sundays
are about </font><a href="http://www.enterit.com/ALBANY6640/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">swimming</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
</font><a href="http://www.fondasolana.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">lunch</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
buying </font><a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/produce.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">some
veggies</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And last night I saw a play by Teresa Walsh about her
spinal chord injury and recovery in Havana. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Teresa
is a beautiful woman. She is also average sized. Her
injury was a result of falling out of a window. Her
body literally fell from the state of norm into the
definition of damaged. The play is about her journey
away from that definition and back to her self. Her
fall happened in Harlem and once she could walk a little
bit she realized that her insurance would not cover
rehabilitation. But she had friends in Cuba. The story
of her recovery speaks to the need for health care that
goes the distance, creates community and solidarity
and heals the heart and soul as well as the body. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
is a line in the play. She's just had sex for the first
time since her injury. She's vulnerable and ashamed
and she tries to avoid her lover. But he pushes her
to talk to him about what she is feeling. She talks
about her insecurities about her body and he says, </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">"It's
your body. It's my job to understand." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh.
Yeah. That would do it for me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">For
me that line holds the sound of grace and dignity. I
long for people who experience my body as part of my
whole story and not as a simple pathology. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I'm lucky. I know a few.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today the </span></font><A href="http://www.undp.org/unifem/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">United Nations Development
Fund </span></font></A><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">for Women is hosting an event in New York to commemorate November 25
as</span></font><A href="http://www.undp.org/unifem/newsroom/events/november_25th.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Wom</span></font></A><a href="http://www.undp.org/unifem/newsroom/events/november_25th.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">en.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><BR></span><span style="font-size:10pt;">Somewhere in America a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner,
every 15 seconds. <BR>A woman is raped every 23 seconds in South Africa.
<BR>Every minute in the United Kingdom, police receive a call from the public
for assistance for domestic violence. 81% of these are female victims attacked
by male perpetrators. <BR>47% of women in Bangladesh have been physically abused
in their lifetime by an intimate partner.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(370)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_370"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e73" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e73"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">26</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:54
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
a little bit cranky. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000347.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Paul
blogged</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
about </font><a href="http://www.anitaroddick.com/weblog/weblogdetail.jsp?title=null&id=347"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Anita
Roddick's</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
experiment with life in a fat suit. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">My.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She
wonders how we (fat people) have sex. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yes.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Let
me count the ways.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-family:Arial; font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:
EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">"Certainly I love to
eat. I'm Italian and I love Italian food. I've been known to steal chocolates
from my grandchildren and pretend the fairies have eaten them. I salivate in
confectionary shops. But I found it impossible to imagine being that size."</font></span>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-family:Arial; font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:
EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">Um.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-family:Arial; font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:
EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">OK.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"I was glad to say goodbye to the suit. If I had the choice whether to be my
normal weight or 20 stone, nothing in the world would make me carry around that
amount of weight."</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
wonder if John Howard Griffen had ended </span></font><a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/41800-42000/0451192036.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">his
book</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
with a similar sentence if anyone would have responded
the way I responded to that sentence by Roddick. I read
the book so long ago. I remember that I thought it was
such a cool idea. Right now I'm wondering how much a
person can understand about another person's life by
a few days, or weeks, or months of pretend "difference".
The things that shape my body and my experience have been collected
over a life time in my body. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh
wait. It's about not eating Italian food or chocolate.
It's just that simple. I had pasta yesterday. Red bell
pepper pasta with roasted mushrooms, eggplant
and yellow bell pepper and a lovely bit of asiago.
It was good. I'll be having it again today since there
were left overs. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
pisses me off because this is not a stupid woman. And
the fact that she doesn't get how offensive some of
the things she wrote were... well... I guess it's a
fat thing. She doesn't understand.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh
but there's more. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There's
a new conversation about sexism going around. Beginning
</font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/?/2002_11_01_blogsisters_archive.html#85706267"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and then </font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/?/2002_11_01_blogsisters_archive.html#85714951"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">moves</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and moves </font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/?/2002_11_01_blogsisters_archive.html#85717810"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">again</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It's occurring </font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_11_01_pagecount_archive.html#85717307"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and </font><a href="http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/02/11/26/105001.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I was trying to stay out of it. The last time I got
involved in a cross blog conversation about sexism I
lost sleep worrying that I wasn't being clear. Worrying
that people would feel silenced. Worrying that a truly
meaningful dialogue isn't possible in a text based relationship
and that feelings get hurt and that my feelings got
hurt and ... maybe I just don't think that truth is
simple. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Maybe
I need to put on a leggy, blonde suit and then I'll
understand.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
I do have something to say about being a girl. Being
a girl is filled with moments of awakening. But the
awakenings are different for each individual girl. As
I'm sure they are different fro each individual boy.
And part of that awakening is about feeling your own
sexual self and feeling the electric dance of sexuality
between you and boys and/or other girls. Feeling
the power of all that charge. Looking for the person
who will turn to you and meet you in all that sparkling
power and longing. It seems like pretty precious stuff.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Not
something to use. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Shit.
I'm so fucking cranky. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(371)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_371"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e74" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e74"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">27</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:57
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">My
step father has had a bad health year. Which means my
mom is having a bad year. So. I'm going to North Carolina
for the month of December to be with them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">This
will be the longest time I've spent with them in my
adult life and I'm filled with anxiety. I'm distracted
and irritable. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Family
relationships are complicated. I don't know how much
I will write about this. But I set up a </font><a href="http://fatshadow.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">blogger
blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> for
the trip. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
tried to help me set up MT but we discovered that my
server doesn't allow CGI bin access. And I can't access
my site from NC with out a long distance call. So, the
blogger site seemed like a good way to go. I'll start
writing there on the first. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Writing
my page has become a daily touch stone. A way of thinking
like a writer. A way to challenge my feelings of isolation.
And I'm REALLY going to need to do that while I'm in
NC. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Today
I feel tired and scared and tense. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">A
few days ago when I was writing about </font><a href="http://www.willa.com"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Willa</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">'s
birthday I thought again about how I got started doing
this and the ways in which it has changed over the last
year and half. Willa was the first on line journal I
read. Her site was my portal. Then, sometime last
year I stumbled on the blogger crowd and ... I dunno.
Sometimes I feel like I'm trying too hard. I'm reaching
and reaching. And it's fucked up. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
reaching for links. Links those little nods to other
bloggers. Those introductions to others. they're about
acknowledgment and generosity and ego. And I'm sick
of caring about them. If you don't do the blog thing
you may not get the link concept. But it has become
a thing for me. An unseemly thing. A blogger told me
that the way to get linked is to write something REALLY
great. Well. I try. I do get linked sometimes. </font><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
has linked me often enough to make me blush. And I'm
on some blog rolls. But I swear. Every month or so I
find myself spending way too much energy on caring if
certain people are reading me. And I have to shake myself
and refocus. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
right now I have NO energy to worry about writing something
REALLY great. I'm writing to save my heart. I'm feeling
my way along. I'm trying to stay honest. I never know
from one day to the next if I'll be able to do it again.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Today
I feel tired and scared and tense. And this is the best
I can do. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(372)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_372"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e75" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e75"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">28</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:08
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Suzanne
told me not to, but I did. I watched Dr. Phil's show,
titled </font><a href="http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtml?contentId=1080_bigfatattitude.xml§ion=Weight&subsection=Eating%20Disorders/Obesity"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">my
big fat attitude</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And. It didn't totally suck. Don't get me wrong. Phil
is a fascist and a bully. Generally I cannot bear more
than a few minutes of him and I don't watch his show.
But I got e-mail from some folks about last night since
some </font><a href="http://www.naafa.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">NAAFA</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
women were on. So I watched. There was a woman who let
loose a bunch of vitriolic fat hatred. Phew. It
was bad. And he got in her face and told her she was
being mean. That's what he does. He gets in people's
face. That's why I don't watch him. He had a 400 pound
women who talked about how happy she was. They showed
her swimming and it was great because, there she was,
exercising and loving it. He kept asking one fat woman
if she could lose weight would she and she didn't want
to say yes so she kept hedging. I wanted to telaport
there and say, "Ask me." He did use his credibility
to talk about fat as unhealthy with no one to talk about
that in any really detailed way. There are people with
</font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/fat/etc/experts.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">more
to say.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
It wasn't great. But it didn't suck. And I still won't
watch him. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Frontline
will be re airing </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/fat/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">their
show on fat</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
tonight. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
pointed to </font><a href="http://www.unishade.com/cgi-bin/index.cgi/2002/Nov/27#peninhand"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
response</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to the girlism stuff. It is pretty great. But, ya know,
I just hafta say that </font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/?/2002_11_01_blogsisters_archive.html#85706267"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
post that started it all</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
hit me in a very emotional place. It may have been meant
as an observation of a trend and not an endorsement.
But it FELT like a woman who was distancing herself
from the stereotype of the angry feminist and the tactics
she described aren't going to work for all of us. So
am I jealous? Uh... not so much. Is feminism dead? Uh...I</font><a href="http://www.msmagazine.com/spring2002/treetable.asp"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
don't think so</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
There's still a lot of work being done. Is it about
gender equity? In </font><a href="http://www.msmagazine.com/election02/budget.asp"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">part</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Maybe. But really...I don't want the playing field to
be leveled, I want it to be completely redesigned. So,
the post that started it all hit my heart. And there
have been some posts in response to it that have hit
my heart as well. And at the end of it all what I still
hear is that people with privilege don't want to hear
about the experience of people with none. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
was IMing with </font><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
last night. Which was pretty fun. I can't type and I
can't spell and I always feel like a goof in the IM
thing. But we were talking about competition in relationships.
I blame Capitalism. I think we get early training in
scarcity and how one needs to distinguish oneself in
the public space. We get handed a set of measuring sticks
with which to determine our value. I'm competitive.
In some really unseemly ways. I just keep trying
to tell the truth and move on.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh.
Yeah. It's Thanksgiving. If you're with your family,
cooking and eating, have fun. Dru found the </font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000401.php#000401"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">perfect
Thanksgiving poem</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Pattie and Carl are talking about </font><a href="http://www.ddh.nl/nwd/english.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">buy
nothing day</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
today on </font><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">their
show</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Me.
I might do the laundry. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(373)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_373"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e76" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e76"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">29</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:04
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
didn't do the laundry. I decided to wait till Monday,
closer to when I leave. I guess I could even do it in
the day on Tuesday. Since I'm sure I'll be completely
tense. It might be good to have something to do. We'll
see. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
vacuumed and scrubbed the bathroom and talked on the
phone. I wrote checks for the bills. I worked on my
last paper. It's due Tuesday. I listened to </font><a href="http://www.steveconn.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Steve</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and </font><a href="http://www.sonnylandreth.com/sonnyframes.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sonny</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and pretended I was hanging out </font><a href="http://www.pineville.net/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">where
they are having t-day and playing music</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000406.php#000406"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru
had a very cool idea</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
to be creative on buy nothing day. </font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Twenty-Seven.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Car</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">l
interviewed </font><a href="http://lotusboy.com/#"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
guy</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> yesterday
who talked about the idea that it's not just about not
spending, </font><a href="http://www.buynothingday.co.uk/101.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">it's
about creating</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I'm not going to have any trouble not spending. Not
after I paid all those bills. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(374)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_374"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e77" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e77"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e67"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">29</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:40
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When I do a second post of the
day you know I�m worked up about something. And I think I�ve noted that I am a
bit on edge these days, so I get worked up easier. Things that make me sad make
me sadder. Things that make me mad make me madder. So with that qualification
as an opener I am now going to write a response to a </span></font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_11_01_pagecount_archive.html#85729393"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">post by Mike</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. Why? Oh. I
dunno. It�s Friday night in fat city and I�m just feeling mouthy. (For the
record I am not offended by the use of fat in that title. I just thought I�d
use it in my own way. OK. I�ll try to stop qualifying.) </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i><b>What is 'caring'? Being
hypersensitive, prickly, and aggressive or taking cognizance that some people
view us in a certain way and there's very little, given the way human beings
run their lives, we can or need do about it? </b></i></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well�I guess I think I get hypersensitive, prickly and aggressive
sometimes because I care. I try to make note of my own emotional responses when
I communicate with people during hypersensitive, prickly and aggressive times.
(See above lengthy qualification.) I am very clear that some people view me in
certain ways. But I really don�t want to accept that there is very little I can
do about it. If I start to believe that I�ll stop writing all together.<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>Do we live our lives or do we live for the nebulous 'them'? <o:p></o:p></b></font></span></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I do know that there are people who will never see me in any other way
than the way they want to. I don�t worry about them. But I do always hope for a
window of opportunity, a moment when I can break through and have some real
communication. I neither want to live for a nebulous �them� nor ignore the fact
that I feel things. Sometimes unseemly and childish things. Oh well. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b><i>I do have some related, general
questions hindering an understanding of the vehemence with which Halley's views
were opposed.</i></b></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well�only speaking for myself�I didn�t oppose Halley�s views. I think
she has every right to them. I reacted to them viscerally. I�ve </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e73"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">already</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e75"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">written</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
about my reactions and I thanked Shelly on Blogsisters for speaking up with
another point of view. I guess it�s clear that I did not love what Halley was
saying, but she has every right to her views. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b><i>Is there not merit to the
argument that men, being told to shut up, become indifferent to the good and
bad in others who happen to be women? </i></b></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I�m not sure where and when and which men were told to shut up. But,
yes. People who tell me to shut up are usually people who I become indifferent
to. On the other hand, there have been men and women who have said things that
I find particularly egregious, and I have said shut up. Only today when the
president select was on the TV � Oh. Wait. That�s another post. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b><i>Is there not a price being paid
by about two billion women around the globe who, through globalization,
subsidize the 'freedom' of today's First World feminist?</i></b></span></font><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b><i> </i></b></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yes. And, for me, part of being a First World Feminist is about
recognizing my privilege and working to keep the problems of all women in the
conversation. I know having a membership to Amnesty isn�t enough. Writing
letters to public policy makers isn�t enough. I probably don�t do enough. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i><b>Can the breakup of the modern
Western family, now being exported worldwide, not also be partly attributed to
a wholesale eschewing of 'institutional doctrines' containing good and bad
attributes - but which, till a few decades ago, seemed to work, even if
somewhat precariously or miraculously?</b></i></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Um. Well. I love families. All kinds. My own family �broke up� early on.
I live in San Francisco, where family has a bunch of different looks and feels.
All good. Was the mom, dad and kids thing working? It didn�t work in my life. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>Are women, worldwide, better off today than they were two centuries
ago?</b></font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b> </b></font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Somewhat. There are women here, and in your neck of the woods, who can
vote now. But there�s a lot of work to do.</font></span><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> <o:p></o:p></i></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><i><i><i><i><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>Are men?</b></font></span></i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><o:p></o:p></i></font></span></i></i></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I don�t know. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><i><i><i><i><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>Do gays and women not objectify themselves through a continuing call for
their 'rights', another label of convenience much loved of politicians and
others selling causes and -isms. Do women not inflict this on themselves when
they consciously use feminism as an 'analytical perspective' or 'theoretical
tool'? Do we not all detract from the reality of 'what is' by having days set
aside for this, that, and every other thing? Will lighting a candle in my
window on Sunday really help AIDS orphans in kwaZulu-Natal or would ten bucks
dropped in the letterbox of the AIDS orphanage up the road do more good</b></font></span><span
style="font-family:Verdana; font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>?</b></font></span><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b> <o:p></o:p></i></b></font></span></i></i></i></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well�I�m kinda into lighting candles,
as you may remember. <o:p></o:p>But money is good too.</font></span><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</i></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText2 align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><i><i><i><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i><b>In scrutinizing, analyzing, and 'academifying' the whole
gender debate are we not detracting from an essential sense of mystery
accompanying our interaction and mutual needs?</i></b></i></span></font></i></i></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I would apologize for my own tendency to </font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">'academifying' stuff.
Except I just spent the last five years of my middle aged, menopausal life
working myself into states of exhaustion trying to get some academic wisdom.
I�m now so in debt I�ll have to die the day I graduate. But somehow, somewhere
I got a kooky idea that learning was a good thing. I love mystery. I love the
mystery that accompanies the interactions of people with mutual needs. But if
what you mean by mystery is evoked by the flip of a skirt in an office and
results in the advance of a woman in said work place then yeah, I�d like to
detract from that mystery. Maybe it�s because flipping my skirts won�t work for
me. Maybe I�m just jealous. Maybe. But if it did work for me I would hope I
wouldn�t use it. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><i><i><i><i><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>In other words, are
we not buggering about with archetypes rather than stereotypes and screwing up
big time because we want something indefinable that fills a need in us? </b></font></span><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b> </i></b></font></span></i></i></i></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Archetypes. Stereotypes.
Whatever. Yes. I may sometimes be guilty of wanting something indefinable to
fill a need in me.</span></font><i><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </i></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><i><i><i><i><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b>Are others lacking or
are we lacking?</b></font></span></i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><b><o:p></o:p></i></b></font></span></i></i></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Yes. We are all lacking. And we are all full.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> <o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Look. I�m not sure where all this fits into the thing Halley wrote. And
so I may be veering off here. But I will say that Madison Avenue has something
to do with what is perceived as beautiful. That�s not about mystery. It�s about
hypnosis. I understand that there is preference in the world. And some of that
is about physicality. But I also understand that it might not hurt to take a
minute and think about it all. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><i><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </i></span></font></i></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText2 align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><i><i><i><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i><b>Who, ultimately, are we? Are we men, women, or people?
And who tends to denigrate any distinction between the two, be it good or bad,
real or unreal? The person to whom this debate appears meaningless or those who
find it worthy of commodification, promotion, export, and implementation
through legislation?</i></b></i></span></font></i></i></i></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I�m a people. And a woman. Oh, there is a long list of labels I attach
to myself. I hope not to denigrate. But I do want to distinguish. And yeah.
Some of that is about wanting to affect public policy. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I guess my idea of feminism is one
that includes men. I don't think men are served by sexism.
<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Or maybe I'm just one of those angry
women. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(375)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_375"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e78" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/November02.htm#e78"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">November</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e78"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">30</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2002</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:34
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
wasn't actually angry last night. Or sad. I was a little
bit of both. And neither. And I should probably give
up on cross blog conversations. I'm not really part
of the blog cluster and I never really have been. I
was just trying to talk to one person who I admire and
who, I
think, was asking some questions. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
went to the post office to put my mail on hold. I spent
a ridiculous amount of time packing up a months worth
of the eight vitamins and two herbs I take every day.
It wasn't exactly creative. I put </span></font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=E08B94D34B88F61A62E280F2A3776775.t2?s=showproduct&isbn=0062503138"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=E08B94D34B88F61A62E280F2A3776775.t2?s=showproduct&isbn=0151008116"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">books</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=E08B94D34B88F61A62E280F2A3776775.t2?s=showproduct&isbn=0375507507"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=E08B94D34B88F61A62E280F2A3776775.t2?s=showproduct&isbn=0385493002"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">going</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0316666343&music=&buyable=0"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">to</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=1560239999&music=&buyable=0"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">take
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">in
a pile. </span></font></p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="129">
<tr>
<td width="123">
<p><a href="http://www.linkandthink.org/"><img src="badge125x60.gif" width="125" height="60" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
going to start posting on the </span></font><a href="http://fatshadow.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">blogger
blog</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
tomorrow and I'm not sure how to put images on blogger
so I'm putting the link and think banner up today. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
it is time for </span></font></p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="85">
<tr>
<td width="79">
<p><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/"><img src="rabbit.gif" width="88" height="31" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
woke up having a crazy dream about decided whether or
not to live in SF. But in the dream I was younger and
had never lived here and was staying with some other
women. And I wasn't feeling welcome. And there was danger
in living there. But I was looking at other apartments.
And there were these built in beds in the walls. And
then Joni Mitchell was telling me that once she got
older she was never alone. And I looked into the built
in bed area where she slept and it was covered with
her paintings of herself. And I woke up with Joni Mitchell
singing the phrase never alone, never alone to me. </span></font></p>
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