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<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="font-family:AGaramond; font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;"><font face="Arial"><b>May</b>
</span></font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">No big deal, any of this, just the daily turmoil of a writer's life. A little
penury, a little sciatica � still no big deal. - <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/22/books/22FURS.html?ex=1020488914&ei=1&en=469d234c976ccc7d" target="_blank">Alan
Furst</a></span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0">
<tr>
<td width="743"> <p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
1
2002 9:09
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
is funny. To me anyway. Remember yesterday
when I said there was another Tuesday group
of questions but it was on a password protected
site? Today I noticed that the questions
were answered on <a href="http://www.lifeuncommon.org/" target="_blank">Life
Uncommon</a>. So this is the Tuesday This
or That (and I'm not linking to the site
... for obvious reasons.)</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Which is worse: a driver riding your bumper or someone pulling out in front
of you with their car?</b> I don't drive.<BR><b>Can you
do 10 push ups?</b> Nope.<BR><b>Do you
bathe/shower in the morning or in the evening (or at all)?</b> I shower in the
morning after I eat breakfast and do my
page. So, sometimes it's more like noon.
Heh.<BR><b>Michael or Janet Jackson?</b> Uh......<BR><b>Which do you enjoy
most? Your bedroom or living room? </b>Right now, since I'm in my living room,
at my computer, my living room. And hour
ago, when I was sleeping....my bedroom. <BR><b>Bathroom or kitchen?</b>
OK, same deal. Hungry, kitchen. Bathroom, well you know. <BR><b>Crayons or markers?
</b>No preference. <BR><b>Leaves falling or flowers blooming?</b> Both.<BR><b>Fred and Wilma or Barney and Betty?</b> Uh......<BR><b>Fame or fortune? </b>Just
enough of both to do what I want to do.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is
it me? I don't think I'm that good at the
question thing. And Wednesday has three.
<a href="http://www.creativedoubt.org/blog/index.php" target="_blank">The
Wednesday Whine.</a></span></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> <b>Julia Cameron's advice to writers is to "keep the drama on the page."</b>
<b>(page 40, The Right to Write) Where do you express your drama? Do
you write about it, sing about it, fight regularly with a significant other or
family member? After the drama has ended, how do you feel? </b>This is making
me laugh.<b> </b>I'm not a big fan of the
Cameron approach to writing. And I am a
drama queen, but I try to resist that aspect
of my personality. But drama happens. And
drama is it's own reward. </span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>What do you think is the most underpaid and unsupported profession? Why do
you think this? </b>This is a good question to ask on May Day. Mom's should
be paid. Teachers should be paid more. I
could go into a long diatribe about women's
work. But let's move on. </span></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Name one thing (object, person, feeling) that you are happy that you have
in your life. Now name one thing that is missing. How are they related? </b>I
love my friends. I often wish for romance.
Are they related? Well, my friends make
sure I know I am loved. They're just cool
like that. But no, they aren't related.
</span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>"You must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." --
Friedrich Nietzsche (Do what you would like with this quote!) </b>I think I'll
just appreciate it. </span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>< whines > Why should we always have to use our "nice
voice?!" </b>Oh, I do not think we should always have to use our nice voice.
Whine away! </span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b> </b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Those
were interesting. And there's the <a href="http://www.nothingofimportance.com/wednesday.php" target="_blank">Wednesday
Whimsy</a>.</span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><b><span style="font-size:10pt;">We've all wanted to be in a movie at some point. If you could be any existing
or added character in any movie, what would it be? </span></b><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
wanted to be in the Mama Cass movie. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Have you ever dreamed of being a star of the stage? Tell us about it.
</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was a star of the stage. It was a little
stage. I had a band in Boulder, Colorado.
It was great fun. And it also sucked. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">No one can convince me that they didn't act up to get attention as a child.
Tell us a story about your childhood theatrics. </span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
used to sing Happy Talk, from South Pacific.
I didn't act up so much, but I did love
attention. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Describe a recent dream.
</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't wanna. Maybe later. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
third one...I couldn't find. And I'm worn
out. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
is <a href="http://diy.spc.org/ourmayday/" target="_blank">May
Day</a>. Remember <a href="http://cpl.lib.uic.edu/004chicago/timeline/haymarket.html" target="_blank">Haymarket</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
mighty, mighty <a href="http://culturalconstructioncompany.com/" target="_blank">Pattie</a>
has </span></font><SPAN class=260263220-30042002 style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial">produced an episode of "Women on Air" for <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/" target="_blank">CFUV</a>.
The radio station is showing
support for a "<a href="http://www.live365.com/stations/stinkyfish" target="_blank">Stinky Fish</a>" action for May Day by highlighting the action and
talking about the implications for women and Canadian webcasting. Tune in around
five o'clock with your web radio. More radio
fun from Pattie and Carl is <a href="http://www.live365.com/stations/255708" target="_blank">here</a>.
</FONT></SPAN></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=157">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
2
2002 8:00
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
we're still in the day late mode. I found
the third Wednesday question thing. It was
<a href="http://www.christyschaos.net/blog/index.html" target="_blank">Hump
Day Humpers</a>. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Who would you want to play you in the movie about your
life? </b>Camryn Manheim.<b> Your significant other? </b>Who? <b>Do these people look anything like you?
</b>Kinda. Cameryn is taller. I think. </span></font></p>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>What rating would the movie have? </b>G <b>What would you allow
them to discuss? </b>Who are they? <b>Mistakes? </b>Sure. <b>Drunken stupors? </b>Yes.
<b>Fighting? </b>OK.<b> Getting Fired? </b>Yeah.
<b>or just the
good stuff? </b>Oh no! Forget the good stuff. </span></font></P>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>3) What is this?<BR>
</b></span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b> </b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
was a picture of something she and or her
son had made in clay that looked like it
might be a cow. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And Thursday has only one,
the <a href="http://www.othersideofglenroad.org/backporch/" target="_blank">Thursday
threesome</a>. </span></font></p>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Lions! Can a lion tame its mane? What about
you? Tell us your worst hair memory... </b>I got a root perm once. The perm
solution is just applied to the hair closest
to the scalp. It was suppose to give my
hair lift...er something. It burned my scalp
and just made this crunchy mess of my hair.
</span></font></P>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Tigers! Can a tiger change its stripes? Can
people really change? </b>Oh...I hope so. </span></font></P>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Bears! Who's a grumpy bear? 'Fess up - what
makes you grumpy</b>? I'm pretty grumpy. No need to 'fess up. It's usually evident.
</span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
actually been happy to use the question
tour as a content devise this week. This
is the last week of school and I should
be writing papers. My brain is tired and
somehow I must focus. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
</span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=158">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
3
2002 9:14
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Here's
an irony. The week I pick to do the questions
tour, T<a href="http://smattering.org/archives/00000507.php" target="_blank">he
Friday Five</a> takes a break. I feel so
abandoned. I was actually looking forward
to the Five because it's something
familiar. I've been finding the questions
kinda overwhelming. Maybe because it's morning
and the caffeine hasn't hit my adrenal glands.
Maybe it's because I'm working on a paper
about the <a href="http://www.emory.edu/EDUCATION/mfp/moral.html" target="_blank">Moral
Equivalent of War</a> and the <a href="http://www.iconsoftec.com/gita/" target="_blank">Bhagavad
Gita</a> and <a href="http://www.bartleby.com/142/110.html" target="_blank">Walt
Whitman</a>. So my desk is covered with
books and my brain is struggling to form
sentences that have academic merit. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Er,
somethin.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
thinking about who I would want to play
me in the movie of my life puts me into tilt.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
while I mine the Internet for content questions
that give me the spins, <a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/?/2002_04_28_pagecount_archive.html" target="_blank">Mike
Golby</a> writes a devastating story of
a suicide attempt. <a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Jeneane</a>
writes about her rage. I read them and reread
them and then I try to shake off the feelings
and think about war. War. Heh. I can't stop
writing to feel. I just have to get this
done. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But,
of course, that's nuts. I do feel. I am
feeling. I remembered my own scratching
at my arms. I used to come home from working
at a diner on Sunday. I'd fill the bathtub
with some bubble bath stuff that turned
the water lime green. I'd make a LARGE vodka
gimlet that was the same color as the water.
I'd put Billy Holiday on a looping tape,
draw a few lines of coke on a tiny mirror,
get an ashtray and a pack of smokes and
spend the afternoon in the bath tub crying.
Every Sunday. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
cried about the man who was not in love
with me. I cried because I'd lost my direction
spiritually. I cried because it was the
only thing that made sense. And I ran the
blade along the lines of white powder and
later along the vein in my arm. But I never
pressed. Often I'd pass out and wake up
in the cold lime green water. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
not trying to compete with the other folks
who are writing about their depression.
I don't have it in me. I have papers to
write. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
my depression waits patiently, knowing
I will return to it. It's a kind of narcissism
that demands it's due time. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">William
James says this is why we still fight wars.
"</span></font><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">War is the </font></span></i><I><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">strong</font></span></I><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> life; it is life </font></span></i><I><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">in extremis;"
</font></span></I></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">I
miss the Friday five. I want the calmer
thinking about the details of preference.
What's your favorite vacation spot? Do you
have any allergies? What famous person would
you have dinner with? </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=159">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
4
2002 10:33
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>"Today
I'm proud to be a freak" -
</i>Max</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Well,
the <a href="http://www.darkangeltheseries.com/" target="_blank">Dark
Angel</a> finale took a turn toward jingoism.
The finale was pretty great but I cringed
when they raised a flag. Granted, it was
a flag that featured a dove moving toward
light, made by a transgenic who looks a
lot like a puppy and is very sweet (unless
he's pissed). But it was a flag. And then
there was the speech Max makes about them
being made in America. Kinda problematic
for me.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
probably didn't help that I was working
on my paper about the purpose of war and
the need to out grow it. So, I was in front
of the computer with a copy of the Gita
annotated by Gandhi while I watched. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
thing is ... this is a show about how physicality
is created genetically and the variety of
curses and blessings there in. So, I am
a sucker for much of the metaphor. And I
am proud to be a freak. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.textism.com/article/494/" target="_blank">Verisign</a>,
it would seem, sucks. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://scruples.phoxxe.com/" target="_blank">Saturday
Scruples</a> is a questions thing. Apparently
begun by <a href="http://www.fishgirl.org/" target="_blank">Fish
Girl</a> and now hosted by <a href="http://phoxxe.com/" target="_blank">Phoxxe</a>.
</span></font></p>
<P class=text align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>You e-mail your picture to an attractive person you
met on the Internet. Do you mention you put on 30 pounds since the picture was
taken? </b>OK. So you can imagine my reaction to this question. </span></font></P>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>The country gets into a war you don't agree with.
You're drafted. Do you fight? </b>Wow. These questions are workin my nerves.
I'm writing a paper about this now. There
is not one answer. </span></font></p>
<P class=text align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>At an out-of-the-way bar, you see a friend's spouse
having a romantic liaison. Do you tell your friend? </b>This is a tough question
and I've had the experience. Actually, I
was friends with all three people. It wasn't
exactly that I saw them in a bar but I knew
what was going on. I didn't tell. My friend
found out and was mad at me. It just sucked.</span></font></P>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is one more Saturday question thing but
the person hasn't published since last week.
I could answer those questions...I guess.
But I'm burning out on the questions tour,
it's getting late, I should be writing my
papers. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b> </b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Heather
is doing another great <a href="http://www.harrumph.com/020503.shtml" target="_blank">fucking</a>
web project.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
saw a ghost yesterday. Adrienne and I had
plans to go to our favorite restaurant.
The one we ate dinner at before class, back
in the day. We walked in and he was there.
I was surprised that I didn't feel much.
Just this dull thud of awareness. But, Adrienne
noticed that my hands were shaking. We left
and went to another place. She generously
bought me a lovely lunch with a fair
amount of booze. I love talking to her so
it was easy to enjoy the food and the company
and not think about the ghost. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b> </b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="text" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Until
I got home. I worked on the paper and watched
my kooky television show. But my eyes feel
full today. It all just hurts too much.
I can't think about it right now. I have
work to do.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><b> </b></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>"Today
I'm proud to be a freak" -
</i>Max</span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=160">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
5
2002 9:29
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
a very weird person. But I figure that's
not news. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
I went back to the Saturday question site
that I had missed and they had put up new
questions. And I am trying to do the full
tour this week. My need for completion is
overwhelming. So...the <a href="http://www.snarkywench.com/" target="_blank">eight
from the eighties</a>. Eight questions derived from eight songs in the Eighties. Posted at eight.
(Although, clearly, not yesterday at eight.) </span></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Do you want candy?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Sure.</span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I wish they all could be<u>
</u></span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><u>I
have no state of preferance</u> </span></font><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">girls/boys.</span></font></B></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What dreams go on when you close your eyes?
</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Well...these
days...stressful, scary dreams. </span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What takes your breath away?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Dunhill Blues</span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I was born in the...
</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">early
morning. </span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Who drives you crazy?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
People in grocery stores.</span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I don't know much, but I know...
</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't know much.</span></font></P>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Where you going, what you looking for?
</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">No
where. Everything. </span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today
there is the Sunday <a href="http://www.blogland.com/ww/mtarchives/001491.html#001491" target="_blank">Op-Ed</a>.
It's a little different. These are answers
in search of questions. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Where
did I have a trip planned for that I had
to cancel? <b>Mexico</b></span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Where
do I wish I was? <b>France</b></span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What
do you drink when you're feeling wild? <b>Tequila</b></span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
not so good at coming up with questions.
I don't really think I'm that good at the whole
question thing. I don't always
get them. I still think they're a cool thing.
A call and response from blog to blog. But
I'm such a fussy girl. There is one more
for Sunday. It seems that <a href="http://www.arielpayit4ward.com/Sunday_Samaritan.htm" target="_blank">this
</a>blogger goes to other people's sites
and says helpful things, or nice things.
I may not have it right. And I may go back
and check later. But I'm done with the questions
tour. It was interesting. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Tomorrow
is International no Diet Day. Click on the
blue ribbon for details. I'll be in <a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/11322569/" target="_blank">Justin
Herman Plaza</a> with other fat activists.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
for now I must keep working on my papers.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=160">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
6
2002 8:01
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
is
<a href="http://http://www.eskimo.com/~largesse/INDD/" target="_blank">
International National No Diet Day</a>. <a href="http://www.fatso.com/man7.html" target="_blank">Fat</a> revolution activists around the world
will stage consciousness raising events and celebrations. They will dispense
literature debunking diet industry propaganda, perform aerobic street theater,
and build community. But will they get support from the left?</span></font><p class=MsoBodyTextIndent style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Fat revolution has all
the attributes generally embraced by the left. The issues are <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2002/02/23/state1930EST0079.DTL" target="_blank">job
discrimination</a>; unbiased <a href="http://www.sizewise.com/articles/wlsconsiderations.html" target="_blank">health care</a>, access to <a href="http://www.naafa.org/documents/brochures/airtips.html" target="_blank">public facilities</a> and a <a href="http://www.naafa.org/documents/policies/legislation.html" target="_blank">public
policy</a> that asserts an individual�s right to not be excluded because of an
attribute of physicality. But fat activists receive little to no support,
instead obesity is declared a disease, conflated with a host of social ills, or
dismissed as comic. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyTextIndent style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The dismissive attitude
has root in one virulent misconception. Fat people are fat because they do not
control their appetites and they are indolent. Such puritanical assessment of
any group deserves at least a moment of deconstruction. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyTextIndent style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The <a href="http://www.naafa.org/" target="_blank">National Association
to Advance Fat Acceptance</a> reports that </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
10.0pt"><font face="Arial">fatness is most often caused by a combination of heredity and dieting
history. For some people dieting fails 95 to 98% of the time. For those
individuals choosing to remain at a high but stable weight and concentrating on
personal fitness rather than thinness is a healthier way to deal with the
propensity to be fat. Having made that choice, <a href="http://www.fatso.com/man2.html" target="_blank">they should not</a> be expected to
accept a social climate of hostility and discrimination. </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.eskimo.com/~largesse/INDD/origin.html" target="_blank">Mary Evans
Young</a>, author of Diet Breaking: Having It All Without Having To Diet and leader
of the anti-diet campaign in Britain declared the first No Diet Day in 1992</span></font><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt"><font face="Arial">. Evans, a recovering anorexic, had seen a
television show about stomach stapling surgery. One woman had popped her
staples and was having them restapled, for the third time. Then Evans heard a
report about a fifteen-year-old girl who had committed suicide because she
couldn�t deal with being fat. Evans felt the need to speak out against the
culture of fat hatred that engendered this kind of body mutilation and
destruction. </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:13.5pt"><font face="Arial">In the early 1970's a group of radical fat
women known as the <a href="http://www.radiancemagazine.com/fat_underground.html" target="_blank">Fat Underground</a> put forth a political analysis of fat
oppression. They drew comparisons to looksism, sexism, racism, classism,
ageism, and ableism, and pointed to the economic power of a </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">50 billion
dollars a year </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:13.5pt"><font face="Arial">diet industry to account
for the skewed content of media reporting toward anti-fat biases. Their work
and the work of NAAFA was the platform on which fat people began to build their
revolution. </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">In a world
filled with violence and death, fat revolution may seem frivolous until you
notice the <a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/VicDD.html" target="_blank">number of deaths </a>connected to the diet industry. </span></font><span
style="font-size:10pt; color:black; mso-bidi-font-size:9.0pt;"><font face="Arial">On March 19 2002, consumer
advocacy group Public Citizen <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/03/20/MN216579.DTL" target="_blank">filed
a petition</a> with the U.S. Food and Drug
Administration</font></span><span style="font-family:Arial; font-size:10pt; color:black;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; color:black; mso-bidi-font-size:9.0pt;"><font face="Arial">asking them to ban
Abbott Laboratories Inc.'s diet drug Meridia, linking the anti-obesity medicine
to 29 deaths in the United States. Diet drug related deaths are not <a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0312253249&music=&buyable=0" target="_blank">new</a> for fat
revolutionaries. The diet drug </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:7.5pt"><font face="Arial">Fen-Phen
has been linked to over five hundred deaths, five times more than the deaths
that were linked to Firestone Tires.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-bidi-font-size:7.5pt"><font face="Arial">And there the suicides caused by the climate
of fat hatred. Add to the fifteen-year-old girl who inspired Ms. Young the
story of </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/SGrah.html" target="_blank">Samuel Graham</a>. Samuel was a twelve-year-old boy from Fort
Lauderdale, Florida,. He had been teased in elementary school about his weight.
He had dieted and tried to exercise. He was still fat. He hung himself in his
back yard the night before he was to start middle school. There are many more.
Deaths that can be linked to fat hatred and pursuit of the false hope spun by
the diet industry and its media allies are generally the deaths of women and
children.</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">A liberal
reaction to all this might be to <a href="http://tolerance.org/news/article_tol.jsp?id=505" target="_blank">affirm</a> the rights of fat people and perhaps do
some self-examination for signs of internalized fat hatred. Would you date a
<a href="http://www.catay.com/cat/GoddessGarden.htm" target="_blank">fat person</a>? A radical reaction would be to educate your self about the truth,
join activists on May sixth and speak out. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=161">comment</a></noscript></p>
7
2002 9:43
AM
</p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
was full of victories.</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Jazzersize
decided that "<a href="http://www.bayarea.com/mld/mercurynews/3210264.htm" target="_blank">perhaps it's possible for people of varying weights to be fit."</a>
Thanks to Jennifer for leading the charge.
She announced it at <a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/05/07/MN223501.DTL" target="_blank">INDD</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Adrienne
and <a href="http://www.dagnabbit.com" target="_blank">Craig</a>
came and took photos. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="288">
<tr>
<td width="282">
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><img src="Fatso.jpg" width="280" height="347" border="0"></font></span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was a great fun day. And there was some
news coverage. But some news channels covered
the release of the <a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/748532.asp#BODY" target="_blank">new
hope</a> (and I say the word hope with teeth
clenched) for weight loss. They're talking
about something that we in fat activism
have know for a while, thanks in part to
<a href="http://www.naafa.org/Convention2001/gaesser.html" target="_blank">Glen
Gaesser</a>. The body fights weight loss
in a natural reaction to starvation.
A distinction that I would think should
be made clear is that even this natural
response varies in different bodies.
They know that there are different
things controlling this response and one
of them is the hormone <a href="http://www.rockefeller.edu/pubinfo/leptinlevel.nr.html" target="_blank">leptin</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So...I
guess we can all run and get our leptin
implants. OR we can eat healthy food, exercise
in reasonable amounts and enjoy a diversity
in body shapes. Anyone watching <a href="http://www.fitnessfuncentral.com/" target="_blank">Jennifer</a>
jumping around yesterday, and the fat cheerleaders,
and the fat hip hop dancers, gets this.
Everyone was very cute. </span></font></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="287">
<tr>
<td width="281">
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><img src="cheerleaders.jpg" width="280" height="215" border="0"></font></span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
<a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/indepth/facts/suu_kyi.html" target="_blank">Aung San Suu Kyi</a> was
released from house arrest. Which is the
kind of news that makes it easier to have
hope. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And...I'm
almost done with all the papers. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=162">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
8
2002 8:47
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
isn't totally true that I'm not reading.
I'm rereading some of the books I read for
Ethical Issues and a few more while I work
on the papers. I'm reading the <a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=1893163113&music=&buyable=0" target="_blank">Bhagavad
Gita</a>, annotated by Gandhi. I also worked
on a piece for workshop about my India days/daze
so I've been sentimental for that blissed
out guru girl feel. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
sitting on the bus, and I've just finished
a section of the Gita and I'm trying to
remember my first mantra (it's been a while)
and I'm trying to feel...bliss. We're at
stop and a young man comes forward swearing
about how the driver hit him in the head
with the door and he's cussing the guy out
and it's ugly. And the driver decides to
get up and get into it. He's saying, "I
didn't do anything. You didn't get off the
bus properly." And the kid is
saying, Shut up, who are you? You're nobody."
And they do some more back and forth and
then the kid gets off. The driver looks
up at me through the mirror and says, "That
kid has pulled a gun before." </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I could see it. I could see it when it was
happening. I wasn't scared. I just felt like
there were a few possibilities and we got
to have the one where the kid gets off the
bus. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
much for bliss.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
didn't plummet me into a pit or anything.
It just felt like part of the writing of
the paper. We are always on the verge of
war. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=163">comment</a></noscript></p>
9
2002 9:20
AM
</p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Barbara
was telling me that, as the month goes along
and the <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/thestory.html" target="_blank">before</a> page gets filled, it takes
longer and longer to load. So, I decided
to move things every seven days or so. The
<a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm" target="_blank">May</a>
link has the earlier stuff. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Papers
are done, school is over, yippie yi o ki
aye. Is that how you spell that? I came
home and watched the end of West Wing and
<a href="http://www.pbs.org/americanfamily/" target="_blank">American
Family</a>. I've only seen the show one
other time and it was good. It was good
last night as well but it was about the
eldest son enlisting in the army after 9/11
and the father remembering fighting in the
Korean War. After all the work I did on
the William James paper I was tired of war.
I didn't even realize how tired I was until
I hit the bed.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Adrienne
did a <a href="http://homepage.mac.com/craigfoster/adrienne/PhotoAlbum1.html" target="_blank">page</a>
of INND photos.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Marilyn
was on <a href="http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0205/08/cf.00.html" target="_blank">Crossfire</a>
yesterday. I didn't see it but the transcripts
say it all. Some of the people who opposed
Jennifer's case talked about the right of
a company to hire who they want to hire.
The guy on this episode of Crossfire said
"<i>it is really demeaning to</i></span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>those people</i></span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">, </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>who have fought for true civil rights,
to have their fight compared to the fight of overweight megabar babes to be Jazzercise instructors."
</i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Uh...what's
a megabar babe?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oh,
never mind.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Marilyn
did a fine job in the debate. The guy that
was being so contrary was so idiotic and
inflammatory. He kept saying things like
Jennifer is not fit and demeaning her certification
by the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America,
with out ever saying why it wasn't a credible
certification. And he said, "<i>If you followed her through a grocery store, it would be white bread, frozen
pizzas, Breyers ice cream, the whole bit." </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Amazing.
This guy knows what Jennifer eats. More
specifically, he thinks he has a right to
look into her grocery cart. I guess he thinks
he has that right because he's making his
point about her body being not fit. But
I'm just gonna bet there are Jazzercize
instructors who do eat white bread, frozen
pizzas and Breyers ice cream but who don't have the genetic disposition that
holds on to fat. Are they fit? Why aren't
we worried about their food? I don't really
know what Jennifer eats but she does six
classes a week, some back to back. She's
need to eat every other minute of the day
to be fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What's
weird to me is that Jennifer isn't really
fat. Not to me. I guess my perspective is
skewed. Or, maybe it's "their"
perspective that's skewed. Or MAYBE...it
doesn't matter. I appreciate the work she's done
to break the mold of what fitness looks
like. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
thing that was so clear was the hatred spewing
from this guy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://culturalconstructioncompany.com/" target="_blank">Pattie
and Carl</a> are doing another radio
show today at 3:00 on <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/" target="_blank">CFUV</a> Today's
topic is Who's In Control of Your Life? They
will air interviews from people on the
street regarding control, discuss a Mark Twain spoof of a Horatio
Alger story, and review the movie "The Matrix" as the ultimate
sociology movie. Sounds like fun. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=164">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5
10
2002
8:42
AM
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://culturalconstructioncompany.com/" target="_blank">Pattie
and Carl </a>were on at three yesterday...if
you lived in the east coast. I don't. DOH!
I need to read better. I didn't get the
EST part. I figured it out at three...when
I tuned in...sigh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
spent the day going though the piles of
paper that I've ignored for the past week.
Reading blogs that I've been unable to concentrate
on. (<a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Golby</a>
and <a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html" target="_blank">Wood_s
Lot</a> took almost an hour each) I've been on
the <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blogsisters</a>
blog roll for a while ... but I didn't realize
I could post there. Figured that out yesterday.
Thanks <a href="http://kalilily.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Elaine</a>.
Thanks <a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Jeneane</a>.
Tried to read and answer all e-mails, and
clean up my inbox, outbox and deleted files.
I have joined the ranks of the spammed.
Let's see spam, telemarketers, commercials.
Can't they just leave me alone?!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Didn't
shower till noon. Ordered pizza. Did dishes
at 7:00. It wasn't like there were that
many of them but it seemed like I coulda
done em earlier. Totally forgot that I have
registration and financial aid issues to
deal with. Didn't look for a job.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Didn't fully realize how tired I was. In
the afternoon I went to lay down and an
hour and forty five minutes later I struggled
to wake up. After so many years of working
one or two jobs, this last year has been
... odd. I mean I'm digging a debt hole
that I may never fill. I don't really like
not working. And it just doesn't seem like
I should ever be tired. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
took a second shower at 7:30. I didn't really
need one but ... I just felt like it. Put
on new pajamas. I started reading <a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0679727892&music=&buyable=0" target="_blank">Tripmaster
Monkey</a> on the way to school on Wednesday.
I thought a novel might be relaxing...heh.
So, I'm sitting on the muni, depressed,
reading about a guy who is sitting on the
muni, depressed, reading Rilke, outloud.
It was not exactly relaxing. But I read
it for a while last night. Before Will &
Grace. (The show I love to complain about...first
two minutes they say "<i>it's my day
off I don't want to read</i>" "<i>it's
my day off I don't want to learn</i>."
"<i>I'm going to boink my fat husban</i>d."
"<i>hell, I need to drink that</i>."...<b>why
didn't I turn it off</b>!!! ) And ER. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
were these commercials for ER that had a
tag line...a show to cherish. Uh...I just
can't cherish television. I've watched ER
on and off. It's a good enough show. I cried
watching Mark die in Hawaii. But cherish...if
I ever start cherishing a television show...do
an intervention.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
woke up at 6:30. Tired. Ate dry Cherrios
because I didn't get myself to the store
for milk. And made coffee that shoulda woken
me and my ancestors. But... </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So...today...
I must ...do...something...</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in" align="justify"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial">There's no Friday Five today. And I still haven't cleared
my head from the week long questions tour,
so I'm almost happy about that. But my thesis
on the question things building community
is born out in the <a href="http://www.smattering.org/archives/archive-052002.php#541" target="_blank">comments</a>
on the site where the Five is posted. Some
folks are doing their own Five, some people
are fussing, some are threatening to never
come back. Oh well. Some are going into
the archives and doing ones that they haven't
done. Which might be what I would do, but
I'm too busy figuring out ...what...I'm
...doing. </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=165">comment</a></noscript></p>
11
2002 10:43
AM
</p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">People
are always saying, "It's so beautiful
out." </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">To
which I usually quip, "I don't do out."
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
it's true that I am in a curmudgeon phase
and I'd rather be in my house, grumpy. But
I did need to go out yesterday. I needed
milk. I went to <a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/910974/" target="_blank">Real Food</a>, since I'd heard
that they deliver. And they do. I love this
store. It's got <a href="http://www.honesttea.com/" target="_blank">all</a>
<a href="http://www.newmansown.com/" target="_blank">my</a>
<a href="http://www.blueskysoda.com/natsoda.htm" target="_blank">favorite</a>
<a href="http://www.strausmilk.com/" target="_blank">stuff</a>,
and a deli, a meat and fish department,
and good veggies. It isn't as abundant
as Whole Food but it's not as crowded. It's
very mellow. And they deliver, FOR FREE
if you buy more than forty bucks worth of
food. So, I stocked up.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
it was good to be out. The sun was shining.
Blah. Blah Blah. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/photo?photo_id=380021" target="_blank">Kara</a>
came over and I made dinner. Pork loin,
smashed Yukon golds, watercress and roasted
tomatoes. She brought strawberries and we
put em in a bowl with ice cream. And we
drank a bottle of Syrah. Well,not the whole
bottle. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think I've said that I like <a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html" target="_blank">wood
s lo</a>t because he blogs art and poetry
and really brainy stuff. And that's true.
He blogs really <a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2002/05/08/notes050802.DTL&nl=fix" target="_blank">important
things</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun:
yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="86">
<tr>
<td width="80">
<p><a href="http://www.goodvibes.com/cgi-bin/sgdynamo.exe?CODIV=0102&HTNAME=about/nmm/index.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><img src="think_global1.jpg" width="83" height="123" border="0"></font></span></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
know I'll be doing my part. </span></font></p>
<p style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0679727892&music=&buyable=0" target="_blank">Tripmaster
Monkey</a> is such a San Francisco book. They're
walking though North Beach. <i>The air of
the city is so filled with poems, you have
to fight becoming imbued with romanza. </i>I
love that.</span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=166">comment</a></noscript></p>
12
2002 8:42
AM
</p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I should
probably say Happy Mothers Day. Not that
my mom reads the page. I'll write about
it tomorrow. But I had two conversations on
Friday. One in person
and one in e-mail. And I'm still having them
in my head. So, I'm going to write out the
inner blahblahblah.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
about the impact of diet talk
and fat hatred. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
you're in a room full of people who have
just finished a great meal and someone says
something about not doing that too often...or
else...we'll get...<b>FAT</b>. Or a parent is telling
a kid not to eat the eighteenth cookie and
they say something about them not wanting
to be <b>FAT</b>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Why
don't we want to be fat?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Fat is ugly. Fat is unhealthy.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think everyone has a right to their own
esthetic of beauty. But it occurs to me
that some of our esthetic is trained. Magazines,
television, culture sends a bombarding
message about what beauty looks like. And
kids notice things. Parents communicate
things to their kids on subtle levels. When
you walk past a group of people of color,
and you're holding your child's hand, and
your hand gets tighter, they learn that
there's something different when people
of color are around. No one ever has to
say anything racist, it's communicated in
body tension. With beauty, children notice
reactions as well. "Beautiful" people get
a certain response and kids notice. So ...
how do you know what you think is beautiful
if you've never questioned your perception?
Most people look at fat bodies and look
away. Nothing to see there. Others stare
and think hateful thoughts. Just once,
or twice, look at a fat body. Really look.
Try not react in any way for awhile. Just
look. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
worked on my loving own body. I've looked
at it and stopped all the voices and just
looked. I haven't tried to affirm anything.
I've just looked. I've had some spontaneous
moments of self acceptance. But they came
from lots of taking the time to really look
at my own and other fat bodies and not listen
to the first response. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">You
may never think a fat body is beautiful.
Preference happens.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
then there's the health thing. Much of the conflation of fatness and bad
health is junk science. You can be fat and
healthy. Especially if you don't hate
your body. Dieting is not healthy. Many times people
defend dieting by saying that they just
know they feel better, thinner. Well, the
smart-Aleck part of me wants to say...oh
do ya? ...in a sneering, jeering manner.
The part of me that
really does believe that everyone has a right
to their choices usually just nods and smiles.
But, dieting is weird. Eating healthy is
great. Eating moderately is fine. And sometimes
you just have to indulge. Dieting is punitive.
Dieting is controlling your desire. I really
believe that if most people work on being
aware of their appetite they will naturally
eat more and less in response to inner signals.
That doesn't mean that we'll be thin but
... remember me...I'm not worried about
that. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When you're telling
a kid to not eat too many cookies you can
remind them that they may get a tummy ache.
Create awareness. Big soup to nuts dinners, especially with
friends, are great, but not if you do them
every night. Why add the<b> threat</b> of
fat?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Because
fat is ugly. Fat is unhealthy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Not everyone gets to be fat. The
people that study these things know one
thing for sure...no one knows why anyone
is fat. They know it is a combination of
genetics and diet history. They think there
are brain chemicals, hormones and a bunch
of stuff that may influence getting fat
and staying fat. Diet and exercise do mediate
how fat, but there is a range of how much
can be mediated. In other words, some people
are just gonna be fat, unless they live
on rice cakes and work out five hours a
day. And there
are people who will never be as fat as I
am. Not if they lay on the couch and eat
cake for six years. They'll be fatter. And
they may change their metabolism. And it
may be harder for them to lose weight after
six years of cake, but for some people all
they have to do is get off the couch, stop
eating cake and they'll lose the weight.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">If
you think Americans drink too much soda
and eat crap fast food and spend too much
time watching bad TV and not moving, I'm
with you. If you think I drink too much
soda, you're wrong. I may have soda once
or twice a week and I drink <a href="http://www.blueskysoda.com/natsoda.htm" target="_blank">hippie</a>
soda. If you think I eat fast food. OH.
You're so wrong. If you think I could be
more physically active, you're right. But
I can tell you that when I lived in NYC
I worked out five days a week and I was
still fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
if I did eat junk food and drink soda and
watch crap Jerry Springer, so what? I can
say I have judgements on all those things
but not on the people who do them I have
no feeling of moral superiority. At least
not because of soda and TV.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Imagine
I'm standing next to a thin or averaged
sized body person. You don't know me. You
don't know that I'm a food snob who has
her television tuned to BookTV. You don't
know the other person. They live on junk
food, smoke, and watch the game show network.
But if you're asked to guess who does what,
you may guess me, based on my weight. That's
called prejudice.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
what you need to understand is that people
are denied jobs, housing, good medical care
and access to public facilities because
of their weight. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
the next time you're with a group of your
friends and some one says they're making
choices avoid being fat...experiment. Ask
them, what would be so bad about being fat?
Ask yourself that question. If you don't
ask those questions you are tacitly approving
of the prejudice. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Which
is, of course, your choice. </span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=167">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Mustard doesn't taste yellow.
- </span><a href="http://www.bonney.org/proverbs/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sparrow</span></a></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><div class="byline"> <font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm/#1shtml" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 13, 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
8:06
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I needed a new design.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was pretty cranky. And then I got a comment
from Christine at </span><a href="http://www.studio315e.homestead.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Infinite
Pink</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">. I spent some time on her site,
looked at the </span><a href="http://www.studio315eannex.homestead.com/NotreDameArt.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size:10pt;">great
art</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">. It cheered me up. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Then
I decided to try and learn HTML. Again. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I spent two hours and finally got </span><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/By%20hand.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-size:10pt;">this</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
done. Well,except it didn't have -the links
open windows- thing, that came later. I took a break and then went back on
line and read tutorials and studied the
code
on pages and figured out how to make my
scroll bar pretty. I've been trying to figure
that out for a while. And I found </span><a href="http://www.randomwalks.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">a site</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
that was giving out the code for the -open links
in new windows- thing. If you put a check in the
box and you click on a link, it opens a new window.
Then you can close that window instead of clicking
back to my page. I prefer this when I'm looking
around. Maybe because I don't have DSL and it's
so slow going back and forth. So, if I can open
new pages and close them ...I just like it better.
But, now you can make the choice. I'm unlikely
to get really good at code. I just like
playing with the site. I don't usually like
yellow but... it looks so buttery. It
helped me to stay distracted from my cranky inner self.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I liked </span><a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Jeneane's</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
new design.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I talked to Mom last night. We reminisced
about all the times we've said goodbye and then
cried
our eyes out. We're close and not close. It's the
cornerstone of my insanity. I've always marveled
at the fact that our moms are the only people in
which we've lived. Our skin holds the memory of
being in that body. When our mothers don't get us
it feels like god doesn't get us. Elaine </span><a href="http://kalilily.blogspot.com/?/2002_05_05_kalilily_archive.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;">wrote</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
about giving her mom </span><a href="http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Kahil
Gibran </span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">and it didn't work for her mom. Jeneane
</span><a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/?/2002_05_12_allied_archive.html#85082293"><span style="font-size:10pt;">wrote</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
about the changes in her relationship with her four
year old daughter. Things with moms and daughters
can be so push away/hold me close. Conflicting drives.
It's kooky. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Jo
Ann wrote </span><a href="http://www.canwehaveourballback.com/9wasserman.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;">poems</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
mom gets that she doesn't get me, but it makes her
uncomfortable. She wants to get me. She just wishes
I were a Republican. I want her to get me. And ...
that ain't gonna happen. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oh,
I
love </span><a href="http://www.seruv.org.il/defaulteng.asp" target="_blank"><span style="font-size:10pt;">these</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
guys.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So...I'm
going to be wringing my hands, waiting for the complaints.
Does it work? Is it pretty? Do you love it? </span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=168">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><div class="byline"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm/#2shtml" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 13, 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
11:06
PM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Men were
working on my roof. I don't know why. All I know
is I kept thinking, if there is an earthquake in SF today, I
won't be able to tell. I could hear the concrete falling
through the walls. Little pieces of it kept falling
after they left. Ai Yi Yi. The desk was shaking,
the monitor was wobbling. It spaced me out. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Maybe
that's why I could only look at jobs for two minutes
at a time. Yeah, that's why. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
then...at 10... as the news was coming on...</span><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2002/05/13/national0116EDT0407.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;">we
had an earthquake</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">. And I was able to tell. It's
such a strange feeling. My favorite thing is when
news channels play people telling </span><a href="http://www.quicktopic.com/boing/H/Wc8zjnRQrjAeU"><span style="font-size:10pt;">the stories of
what they felt</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Earthquakes
make me dizzy. And I'm awake now. So, I'm posting.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">You
know, there are sooooo many people who have never
heard of blogging, never been on a computer, don't
even care about the issues. What are the issues?
I say all this because I'm fascinated by metablogging.
Bloggers blogging about the impact of blogging,
or the purpose of blogging, or the joys of blogging,
war bloggers, peace bloggers. Can blogging effect
public policy? Is blogging the new journalism? I
dunno. </span><a href="http://news.com.com/2010-1074-897638.html?tag=fd_nc_1"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
fun</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">If
I use the word blog too many times on my page I
get e-mails and phone calls asking,"What is
a blog?" I find myself trying to explain google
bombs to people and watching their eyes glaze over.
Many of my friends don't spend much time on the
Internet. They read me because I whine if they don't.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">How much power does a google bomb have?
I'd
like to think that google bomb campaigns like the
</span><a href="http://www.textism.com/article/494/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">verisign</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
bomb (and they really do need to clean up their
mess) work. I like to think that all the letters
I write to my public representatives work. Letters
are powerful. And a google bomb is like a public
letter campaign, in a way. But of all the blogs I read,
maybe half of them knew about the campaign. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">A
while ago, my friend Karen noticed a change in the
page. She said, "It's like you're talking to
all these people." I think that was when I
was obsessing daily over whether or not I could call my
little project a blog. She was right. I'd stumbled
onto a blog cluster and I loved all the kids in
the cluster. I was reaching out to them from my
page. I don't really think they read me. Or
not as often as I read them. But, I really dig checking
in with my blog buddies every day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Jeez.
I'm doing it now. I'm responding to something I
read. All this probably doesn't make much sense.
Part of what got me wound up was an assertion that
everyone has access to a blog. Oh...no. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Blogging
is, potentially, a great subversive tool. A way
to get information passed about. I linked to a
story about </span><a href="http://www.dassk.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Aung
San Su Ki</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> last week. A friend wrote me an e-mail and said
that she hadn't heard anything about it on the news.
And my site is far from the vanguard of news posting.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
we can use our power for good or evil. And we'll
be the arbiters of which is which. Democracy in
action.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May
14 8:43
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
the morning after. It is a little hard to go to
sleep after an earthquake. The adrenalin jolt is
a bitch. I listened to the news. Took a shower.
Read for a while.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
men are back this morning. It's so noisy. The earthquake
wasn't as bad.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=169">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><div class="byline"> <font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm/#3shtml" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 15, 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
11:06
PM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Roof
pounding continues. Sigh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">You may notice
the new button on the side, SOUL. Like </span><a href="http://jenett.org/ageless/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Ageless</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
and </span><a href="http://jenett.org/ageless/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Aortal</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
it's a portal to the independent web. If you click
on it you get a popup window with a few links.
If you have some time, it's a great way to take a
tour. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My pretty
yellow scroll bar only shows up in IE. So, if you're
using Netscape, or Opera, or AOL, you can't see
it. Bummer. I'm pretty proud of the new design.
I think I figured out perma links, but it made me think
about the way I archive. All this is how I talk
myself down from the emotional ledge I crawl out
on after ten minutes of looking at <a href="http://www.craigslist.org/">Craig's List</a>
for a job. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Really. I
am nuts. Finding a job was always the same. Look
at the restaurant section of the want ads, go to
the place, give them a resume, go to work. Some
times I took bad jobs, but I could always find a job. I just don't know what I'm doing. I force myself
to look at the ads, but I get almost frantic. Hard
to believe I could ever have run a business. But
I did. More than one.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Kristina has
</span><a href="http://www.deardiary.net./cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=26140&entry=1021334400"><span style="font-size:10pt;">written</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
in her journal. A lovely entry, I might add. </span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="297">
<tr>
<td width="97"><p><a href="http://www.newmoon.org/TBIOD/2002/about_tbio.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><img src="tbio2.jpg" width="95" height="110" border="0"></font></span></a></p>
</td>
<td width="190">
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> So
today's the day to turn beauty
inside out! </span></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
how are we gonna do that? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.wearingwool.com/cpwhoa.html">These</a>
women had an idea. A <a href="http://www.wearingwool.com/cpcale.html">calendar</a>.
I love the picture with the socks. <a href="http://nm-server.jrn.columbia.edu/projects/masters/bodyimage//history/index.html">This</a>
is a good read about the notion of beauty. On the
site they have a section on <a href="http://nm-server.jrn.columbia.edu/projects/masters/bodyimage//fighting/antidiet_page1.html">anti-dieting</a>.
You know I like that. Andrea, one of my <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/">Blogsisters</a>,
did a <a href="http://www.jngm.net/TBIOD/">AMAZING</a>
tribute. <a href="http://www.diaries.com/es/">Esta</a>,
also a <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/">Blogsister</a>,
wrote about her hands in a way that'll make you
look at your own in a different light.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Inside
out. Outside in. Beauty, it seems to me is in the
eye of the beholder. And the eye is connected to
a heart and a mind and body. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love telling my friends that they're beautiful.
And I have friends of all shapes. I like telling
men that they're beautiful. Once a man, who I had
just gushed over about his beauty, said, "Tish,
men are handsome, not beautiful." </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
Whatever. He looked goooooood to me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">St.
Francis said something like, what you are looking
for is what you are looking with. I'm paraphrasing
and I think he was talking about God, but it's a
nice way to think about beauty. Beauty is. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=170">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><div class="byline"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm/#4shtml" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 16, 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
8:32
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The roofer
guys keep up the banging and they're putting on
the tar. The smell gives me a headache and a stomach
ache. I guess I shouldn't complain. It was my bathroom
ceiling that fell in last year after some big rains made
puddles that
leaked though the cracks. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Looking
for a job with a headache and a stomach ache was
just so much fun. My misery and panic multiplied.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
may have been the universe trying to get me out
of the house. It worked. I grabbed my book and headed
for the wharf. <a href="http://www.rooknet.com/beatpage/writers/ferlinghetti.html">Ferlingetthi</a>
was standing on the corner near my house. I said
hi. He seemed startled, but he said hi. It's good
to have a poet hanging around the hood. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
live three blocks away from the wharf. It can be
such a mob scene, but this is an ebb time in tourist
season. A band of musicians from Peru play music
down there. They sell CD's to tourists. There's a wharf that runs parallel to Pier
39. No shops. Just a walk way. I passed through a Japanese tourist
cluster and found a bench. Peruvian music providing
a sound track. It is good to breathe
sea air. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Stopped
on the way home and bought some chicken/artichoke
sausage, which I ate with some pappardelle. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I was reading
</span><a href="http://www.utne.com/bMedia.tmpl?command=search&db=dArticle.db&eqheadlinedata=Media%20Diet%20111%20Sarandon%20Raps"><span style="font-size:10pt;">this</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
interview of Susan Sarandon in </span><a href="http://www.utne.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;">UTNE</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
and I thought she gave two answers that demonstrated
my idea of internalized fat hatred. In one part,
she's talking about political subtext in movies
and she says, </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"...</span><i><span style="font-size:10pt;">any film is political. For instance, I think Eddie Murphy�s version of</span></i></font><I><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> The
Nutty</span></font></I><font face="Arial"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></font><I><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Professor</span></font></I><font face="Arial"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> was incredibly revolutionary. By the end, everybody
in the audience was rooting for this guy to stay </span></i></font><I><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">fat</span></font></I><font face="Arial"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;">. What�s more radical
than that?"</span></i></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Earlier
she talks about the kind of music that she listens
to. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;">"And then there�s Britney Spears. She�s great for exercising to. If you need
inspiration while you�re working out, you can think of her body."</span></i></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
So ya know...it's great that she works out, and
I'm not going to dis Britney, but Susan is in
her fifties and she's beautiful. And when she works
out she thinks about the body of a woman in her
twenties. (Britney is in her twenties, isn't she?)
I just don't think Britney should be a source of
inspiration for a body. </span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
why is it radical for Eddie to be fat? I haven't
seen the movies and I'm glad people root for anyone
to stay fat, so is it radical...sort of. You know
what would be more radical? If Susan Sarandon
didn't think about a younger woman's body as a model
of what an older, or any, woman should aspire to.
</span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
I'm saying that she has a fear
that fat might suddenly take over her body. See, she could work out because it feels
good. She could listen to Britney for the rhythm.
(I guess.) But the minute she turns Britney's body
into an icon, well...it just makes my eyebrow raise.
It's about staying thin, and young, and nubile, or
something. And she's a very cool, smart woman. So,
what's that about? </span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today
at 1:00 Colorado time, <a href="http://www.jazzarts.org/diamond.htm" target="_blank">Mark
Diamond</a> is playing some Jazz on <a href="http://www.kuvo.org/">KUOV</a>.
<a href="http://culturalconstructioncompany.com/">Pattie
and Carl</a> are on <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/">CFUV</a>
at NOON, SF time. Good gawd. I need to do math.
But it seems I may be channel surfing. </span></FONT></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=171">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm/#5shtml" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 17, 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;">
6:55
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.democracynow.org">Democracy
Now</a> is broadcasting from East Timor this week.
They are there to cover the formalizing of <a href="http://www.easttimor.com/">East
Timor</a> as an independent nation. You can listen
to these shows on <a href="http://www.webactive.com/pacifica/demnow.html">Web
Active</a>. Very moving stuff. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
mentioned yesterday that </span></font><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.jazzarts.org/diamond.htm" target="_blank">Mark
Diamond</a> was playing some Jazz on <a href="http://www.kuvo.org/">KUOV</a>
and <a href="http://culturalconstructioncompany.com/">Pattie
and Carl</a> were on <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/">CFUV</a>
at NOON, my time. So, right at noon I was
listening to CFUV and I realized that there
was no Pattie & Carl. Apparently, there were
technical difficulties. So, I bounced over to KUVO
just in time to hear Mark's voice say hi to me.
( Hi Mark!!) That was fun. Then they started playing
some tunes and doing some pledge drive stuff so
I bounced back to hear Pattie, who was doing an
interview about immigration policies in Canada.
I listened for a while and jumped back to hear Mark
play some tunes. Then back to Pattie, who also said
my name when referencing the <a href="http://www.scottlondon.com/insight/scripts/iyer.html">Iyer</a>
quote at the bottom of my page. </span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Pattie
was on Real Player and Mark was on some thing that
opened in IE as a side bar. Every time I went back
to Mark I had to listen to a commercial for allaboutjazz.com.
Arg. </span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
great to have this many talented friends. A little
hectic. But great. By the time <a href="http://www.visionaryactivism.com/default.htm">Caroline</a> came
on I was happy to have one person on my good ol
radio to listen to. She was interviewing <a href="http://www.bollier.org/">David
Bollier</a>. </span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And, there
was a hearing on the much debated <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2002/05/16/MN231316.DTL">SF
public policy on homelessness</a> on channel 26
during all of this. I did feel a bit over stimulated.
TV on, sound off, Internet radio on, blog on the
screen. Three e-mails half way written. </span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
not been a reader of <a href="http://www.rageboy.com/blogger.html">Rage
Boy</a>. No big reason. But he was on the <a href="http://www.marketplace.org/">Market
Place</a> talking about blogging and you can <a href="http://www.marketplace.org/morning_report/rafiles/020516locke.ram">hear</a>
him and he's kinda sweet.</span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><FONT face="Arial,geneva"><span style="font-size:10pt;">While
I was listening to all this I was looking for a
job. I'm thinking of changing the name of the page
to Fatshadow Looking For a Job. And I think I found
one that I might actually not hate. So, I sent a
resume. Of course I can't say more. I'm superstitious.
But send good vibes.</span></FONT></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
still working on permalinks. This is <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm/#4shtml">a
test</a>. If you have any techie wisdom for me ....
I'll be happy to hear it. Not that anyone is linking
me. Heh.</span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table border="0" width="78">
<tr>
<td width="72">
<p><a href="http://fridayfive.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></font></span></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>What shampoo do you use?</b></span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
change shampoos. Right now I'm using <a href="http://www.rusk1.com/">Rusk</a>,
green tea & alfalfa. But I like <a href="http://www.eoproducts.com">EO</a>
products.</span></font></p>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>Do you use conditioner? What kind?</b></span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
just started using it more often. Right now I'm
using EO <a href="http://www.eoproducts.com/products/hair.shtml">rosemary
& mint</a>. </span></font></p>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>When was the last time you got your hair cut?
</b>September.</span></font></P>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>What styling products do you use?
</b>Not.</span></font></P>
<P align=justify style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>What's your worst hair-related experience?
</b>OK...I just answered this. Remember...during
the question tour. It was on a Thursday. Root perm,
burned scalp. Yada,yada. </span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'd
link to it if I knew how to do a permalink. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><BR><BR></font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=172">comment</a></noscript></p>
would not understand until years later that, consciously or not, Rimer was
following a long tradition in Japanese literary criticism which�using terms such
as "<EM><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">joryu sakka</font></span></EM><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">" (woman writer) and "</font></span><EM><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">joryu bungaku</font></span></EM><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">" (women's
literature)�places most women writers in a separate (and implicitly inferior)
category. -- </font><a href="http://weblog.delacour.net/archives/2002/05/16.html#000482"><font face="Arial">Jonathon
Delacour</font></a></span><div class="byline"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#5" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 18
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:22
AM</span></font></p>
<div class="byline"> <div class="byline"><div class="byline"> <div class="byline"><div class="byline"><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
guy who came up with <a href="http://www.bookcrossing.com/">Book Crossing</a>
is on <a href="http://www.npr.org/programs/wesat/features/2002/may/books/index.html">NPR</a>
and they talk about the <a href="http://www.freewords.org/dir.html">Free Words</a>
project. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Random acts of bibliophilic kindness.
I think <a href="http://www.deardiary.net./cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=26140">Kristina</a>
coined that phrase. Or, anyway that's where I heard it first.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
really thought the roofer guys were gone. their
little orange tar machine wasn't in the parking
lot. But they were
back, bright and early, pounding away. The little
orange tar machine was in front of the building.
The tar smell
was overwhelming. I don't know what they were doing
but, I swear it changed the air pressure in my apartment.
They were using some kind of machine to, I dunno,
maybe roll down the tar. </span></font></p>
<div class="date"> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
When I heard that Ilyasha Shabazz was going to be
at <a href="http://www.staceys.com/">Stacey's</a> talking about her book<i> </i><a href="http://www.randomhouse.com/BB/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0-345-44495-7"><i>Growing up X</i></a>,
I decided I best get out of the house. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">She
was interesting. Apparently she didn't realize that
she was going to speak. She thought she was just
going to sign books. So she read from the book and
she chattered and seemed a bit wound up. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
had just heard Malcolm's <a href="http://www.brothermalcolm.net/whathesaid13.html">The
Ballet or The Bullet</a> speech on <a href="http://www.kpfa.org">KPFA</a>.
It was prescient and fierce. He talks about the
similarities between the Democratic and Republican
parties, and the power of the African American vote.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Shabazz
had, in her own words, a privileged life and protected
life. She never felt fatherless. The book is a
testament to <a href="http://www.pacificnews.org/jinn/stories/3.16/970805-shabazz.html">her mother</a>. She wants the truth about
her family to be told and the truth is that, after
her father's death, her mother did everything she
could to give her six girls a "normal"
life. So, <i>Growing Up X</i> is about summer camp
and first kisses. She talks about black nationalism,
globalization, and her father's assassination, but
she returns again and again to the affirmation of
"normalcy"</span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'll
admit, I went hoping to hear Malcolm's daughter, and I had ideas about who she
should be. She talks about how that expectation followed her in life. Her project
is different. She wants to tell people about the Shabazz family, a father
who gave his two year old daughter oatmeal cookies, and a mother who worked
to shield her daughters and define herself, and sisters who share the role of
Malcolm's daughter.</span></font></p>
<div class="date"> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Malcolm's
birthday is on Sunday. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
came home and read some blogs. I read something
that hurt my feelings, despite the fact that it
had nothing to do with me. I think it was because
it had nothing to with me that my feelings got hurt.
I felt left out. I know this is oblique, but it
isn't really about what I read but the way I reacted. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
just such an emotional whack job. Maybe because
my father was able, is able, to not have a relationship
with me. But if I called him right now he'd be all
charming and say he loves me. And my mother has
a relationship with a me that she has constructed
in her head. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't know. I long for relationship. I mistrust
relationship. I'm deeply grateful for the friends
I have. I covet the friends I don't have. It's so
exhausting that I withdraw into my own isolated little
space. My web site becomes a message in a bottle.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't know. I'm just cranky.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I don't know how to make permalinks. </span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="date"> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=173">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font><div class="byline"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#6" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 19 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:29
AM</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Roofers
do not work on Saturday. Or maybe they're done.
I haven't been able to open the windows all week,
so that was the first thing I did. Then I turned
off the radio, put on music and cleaned up. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
need a job.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
are two things I need to do every day. Find a job
and work on my summer writing project for school.
Both happen in front of the computer. Writing the
page and reading blogs are the things I do
for pleasure...in front of the computer. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sheesh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Scrubbing
the bathtub felt like a wild new adventure. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Clearly,
I need a job.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
exception to all this sitting front of my computer
is reading ... you know ... a book. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">In
the afternoon, I did more HTML studying. I redid
<a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rage.html">Rage</a>.
It was one of the first pages I ever did. I think
I used Netscape Composer. So, I used my web
editor but, every time I did anything I looked at
the HTML to see the changes. And I practiced editing.
There's probably an easier way to learn. While I
was at it I edited the writing a bit. I thought
I'd figured some things out, but when I tried a
second page... well... I just didn't know enough.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
may have figured out perma links. At least, as of
yesterday the May page opened when you clicked on
the date, but, it doesn't open to the place on the
page I'm trying to link to...so this is another <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#5">
test.</a></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Worked
on the summer project writing.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Made
some pasta with asparagus and chicken. Talked
to Mom on the phone.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">That
was my swinging day.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Happy
Birthday Malcolm </span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="210">
<tr>
<td width="204">
<p><a href="http://www.historychannel.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><img src="malcolm2.jpg" width="209" height="250" border="0"></font></span></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Happy
Birthday Marie.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=174">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">For people like us - that is, relatively privileged people in quite free
societies - none of this is inevitable. Terrible crimes are committed if we
allow them to be committed. It's as simple as that. We're not talking about
things happening on Mars, or crimes being committed by Attila the Hun, but
crimes being carried out by forces that are, in principle, under our control, if
we want to control them.</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">We're not confronting laws of nature. These are questions of will and choice.
We can't undo the past, but at the very least, we can face the present. We can
choose to look at it honestly, to learn lessons from it, and to use those
lessons to affect the future. -<a href="http://www.zmag.org/CrisesCurEvts/Timor/sovereignty.htm">Chomsky</a></span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="byline"> <div class="byline"><div class="byline"> <div class="byline"><div class="byline"><div class="byline"><div class="byline"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#7" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 20 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 10:17
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
East Timor became a <a href="http://www.easttimor.com/events.html">nation</a>.
Democracy
Now did a <a href="http://www.democracynow.org/Timorreports.htm">special report</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I'm usually tense about flag
waving. I
like to think that, some day, we won't need borders
and states. But we
aren't there yet. And this is wonderful story of
a people who are experiencing, in the words of <a href="http://www.nobel.se/peace/laureates/1996/index.html">Jose Ramos-Horta</a>, "<i>a triumph of faith and conviction over oppression
and tyranny</i>". </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Events
in East Timor <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/archive/content/?020422fr_archive03">Venezuela</a>
and <a href="http://www.dassk.com/">Burma</a> have
been heartening in a still <a href="http://news.independent.co.uk/world/middle_east/story.jsp?story=296901">worrisome</a>
<a href="http://news.independent.co.uk/world/asia_china/story.jsp?story=296870">world</a>.
And I'm waiting for this <a href="http://www.sf.indymedia.org/features/judibari/">jury</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
went swimming in the morning. So good.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Marilyn
took me out to lunch. Thank you Marilyn. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Came
home and took a nap. Woke up. Read and watched some
TV. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
in a mood. Tense about money and meaning and ...
it all. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=175">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font><div class="byline"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#8" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 21 2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:01
AM</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Roofers.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">They were here. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The rain chased them away.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The rain stopped. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">They were back. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">One of the funny
things that's happening is that, what ever it is
that they're doing, knocks the wiring loose in my
kitchen light. So, one day it works, the next it
doesn't. I'm sure this isn't good. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I needed to register for the summer
writing project. While I was at <a href="http://www.usfca.edu/">school</a> I stopped
by and visited Cheryl. It may be a grass is
always greener thing, job crazed that I am, but her world looks pretty
great to me. Nice little office with lots of windows,
and a nice view. Cool work buddies that bring lattes
from the corner cafe. (And double capps to visiting
friends. Thank you Cheryl's cool work buddy!) </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
I got away from my computer and my little page and
my obsession. And what's the first thing we do?
We look at my page on Cheryl's computer. I'm always
mind blown when I see the page on other people computers.
It looked good on her's. It looks the way I
see it, except in Netscape. I don't freak out the
way I used to when I'd see the page on some one
else's computer and it looks different. I figure,
I'm making it up as I go along and it looks OK,
and I'm trying to learn more all the time. (Do I
sound defensive?)</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was funny. At a certain point we're looking at stuff
on the computer, sites from the SOUL button and
such, and we realized that we could talk to each
other, instead. It's like a virus that I carry.
I walk in the room, the computer goes on, I'm checking
the site for design flaws. My poor friends wondering
what I'm talking about. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
had good bus karma yesterday. They came right as
I got to the stop; I got a seat. If that doesn't
seem like a big deal to you, you don't ride MUNI.
I missed most of
the rain.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did one piece of writing this semester that I had
fun writing. I took chunks of Atlas of the Difficult
World and did responses to them. I decided to make
a page of it. I was trying to use it to practice
HTML, but I got frustrated with my limitations.
So, it's a <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Conversation_on_the_Difficult_World.htm">Conversation
on the Difficult World</a></span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#336699">.
</font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
we had to answer the question Why Write? So <a href="And%20we%20had">I did</a>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=176">comment</a></noscript></p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><div class="byline"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#9" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 22
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:11
AM</span></font><div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">No
noise from the roof. Is it possible? Are they gone?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was reminded of <a href="http://www.freewillastrology.com/">Rob Brezsny
horoscopes</a> by Elaine.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="3" width="719" bordercolor="teal" bordercolordark="#A0CCA0" bordercolorlight="#A0CCA0">
<tr>
<td width="705"><P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">GEMINI (May 21-June 20)</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Week of May 16, 2002</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
</span></font><P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"In my dreams, I was drowning my sorrows. But my sorrows, they learned to
swim." So sings Bono in U2's tune, "Until the End of the World." I bring this
up, Gemini, because unless you act quickly, your sorrows will also learn to
swim. If you hope to leave them behind for good -- if you prefer them not to
follow you to the new world you're headed for -- make sure you don't do anything
to help them stay afloat in the coming week.</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></P></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Hmmmm.
Gulp. OK. No more whimpering from me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://kalilily.blogspot.com/2002_05_19_kalilily_archive.html#85102746">Elaine</a>
reacted to something <a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_05_19_pagecount_archive.html#85101083">Mike</a>
said. Elaine writes: <i>The question for me still remains: Do I want to stir things up or do I just want
to write the kinds of �personal essays� with which I seem to be most
comfortable. Sometimes too much comfort gets stale and boring. Just something
for me to think about.<BR> </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think about this kind of stuff every day, in
terms of the page, and the writing that I do for
school, and the writing that I'm doing so I can grow
up to be a writer. How do I position what I'm going
to say? How much do I reveal? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
made veiled references to things that happen
in school here. Things that only some folks would get.
But once I went off about some fat talk in a class,
sort of forgetting exactly who said what, and one person
who said stuff read my site. We talked about it all,
so it was an opportunity for us to understand each
other.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think a web page is like hanging a piece of writing
on a tree in the middle of the forest. One person
may happen to pass and read it. They may tell others.
Eventually a trail may be carved by folks stopping
by and other folks will follow that trail. So, it's
a public space and yet...</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Lately,
other than my chronicle of the roofers and my job
search, I haven't had much to write about here.
I wander the Internet, looking for <a href="http://www.ieeha.org/stickers/">cool things</a>,
or <a href="http://www.sf.indymedia.org/features/judibari/">news
items</a> that I am tracking. I record what I had
for dinner (tamales) and I <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#5">fuss</a>
about my design frustrations (see if I knew how
to do perma links, when you clicked on fuss, it
would go to the exact place on the page, where I
was fussing. BUT NO!!! Arg!) Doing the page has
always been about writing every day. <a href="http://alientongue.blogspot.com/2002_05_01_alientongue_archive.html#76810801">Nithia</a>
writes about this in a lovely way. (See how that
perma link worked?!)</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
like the way Mike writes. I like his politics and
his passion and his hyperbole. (I mean what is all
that Porridge Boy stuff about?) He can be very revealing.
But Elaine can be very revealing as well. I mean
she talks about her <a href="http://www.kalilily.blogspot.com/2002_05_12_kalilily_archive.html#85091907">vagina</a>!
She has never struck me as a woman who plays it
safe. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Bloggers do have conversations with each other on
their pages. It's one of the things I love. And
much of it happens in comments. I usually get comments from my friends. The ones
I know and talk to in my life. Thank you my
friends. All these bloggers
that I hang around rarely show up here. A fact that
I just internalize as unrequited love. Sniff. <a href="http://justlikethat.blogspot.com/">Anita</a>
left me a comment last week. Thank you Anita!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
was a point in school where I wrote about something
that seemed very revealing, in terms of content,
but for me it was just the details of some thing
that happened. I knew that some readers would settle
for those details and believe that they had really
gotten a deep part of me. But I didn't feel like
I was revealing that much. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think if you're really reading some one you get
as much from what they aren't saying as from what
they say. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=179">comment</a></noscript></p>
</div>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#10" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 23
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:23
AM</span></font></p>
</div>
<div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
roofers were indeed gone. But the handy man
and the owner of the building were here checking
out their work. Apparently they messed up the cable for
some folks, not me. So, it was chaotic here.
Lots of shouting from the roof. The handy man fixed my kitchen
light. </span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was an odd day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
worked on the <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rdoor.htm">refrigerator
door</a>. No big changes. I put in a white scroll
bar, which you can only see in IE. I added some
links.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Rebecca
called and we set up a chat in Yahoo. She has a
web cam so I could see her and hear her via my computer.
What a trip! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Suzanne
came over to practice for her <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/suzanne.htm">gig</a>.
I'm going to sing a tiny bit o backup. Mostly we
talked and drank coffee. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">MARK
SENT ME A <a href="http://www.synergymusic.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=13">COOL
CD!</a>! YIPPEE! THANK YOU MARK!! OK. I'll stop
shouting. But, you should really listen to <i>Slappin
the Cakes on Me</i>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
got <a href="http://www.bluesforpeace.com/belief.htm">this
</a>from <a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html">Wood
s</a> Lot. I'm always gonna have a crush on Jack
Kerouac. Forever.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
saw this on <a href="http://www.willa.com/moodswings/index.shtml">Moodswings</a>.
<a href="http://www.0format.com/images/cnn.php">New
terrorist attack, really, really, really certain
in like five more minutes</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The Bangladesh Film Censor Board,
a division of the Ministry of
Information, has refused to issue a censor
certificate to the film MATIR MOINA (Clay Bird). They say it contains "religiously sensitive" material.
Well, let's <a href="http://www.petitiononline.com/moina/petition.html">take
issue </a>with that. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">
</font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/CCC%20contents.htm">Pattie
& Carl</a> are <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/">on</a>
at <a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Three.htm">noon</a>.
</span></font></p>
<div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b> </b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=180">comment</a></noscript></p>
</div>
</div>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#11" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 24
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 7:46
AM</span></font><div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is an interesting discussion among Indian bloggers
about which Anita
<a href="http://justlikethat.blogspot.com/2002_05_19_justlikethat_archive.html#76883530">blogs</a>. </span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
read her right after I had two discussions with friends about
the problems of being American. Both conversation
stemmed from my worrying about money and feeling
frustrated because I worked so hard to get my
BA and now I'm working on the MFA and so it
seems Sisyphean.
And I keep signing up for another semester worth
of loans. The whole notion of ... if you work
hard enough things will work out ... is lost on
me.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was raised, according to my mother, in a white
collar working class family. But I'm a sixties kid.
We rejected middle class values and went running
into poverty. And what we saw as middle class values
were valuing money above all things, uniformity,
exclusivity, things that felt so constrained. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Of
course our parents didn't love money so much as
they feared the lack of it. And they had experienced
the lack of it. They worked to provide us with the
choices
and education that they never had, and when we began to choose away from
their ideas of limitation, they reacted with anger.
We ran off into the world, looking for art and spirituality
and truth. We ran to places like India.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
should probably say I, rather than we, but part
of the whole sixties kid thing is feeling part of
a ... community. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Now,
in my midlife, I am trying to do what my parents
wanted me to do after high school. Get a degree and
get a white collar job. I'm not trying to be rich.
I'm just trying to be happy. And economically, I'm
floundering. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
not for me to speak about where anyone chooses to
live, or why. Anita says it very well.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></font></p>
<div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>Where you choose to live is a totally a personal decision as to what you want to
do in life, how you want to achieve what you want and what makes you happy. Make
your choice. <BR></i></span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
rejected the identity of being American in reaction
to <a href="http://www.derechos.net/paulwolf/cointelpro/cointel.htm">so</a>
<a href="http://www.whiteprivilege.com/">many</a>
<a href="http://home.columbus.rr.com/woodstock1969/index.html">things</a>. I
went in search of an authentic self. Part of
self is where you were born, and where you grew
up, and everywhere you went after that. But only
part.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
friend Abeer's parents are Bangladeshi. She was
born in Nigeria. When she was 13 the family moved
to Pittsburgh, PA. Is she Bangladeshi? Nigerian?
American? How does she anchor identity in terms
of place?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
agree with Anita. There is no moral high ground
in terms of where you choose to live. We all make
choices and some choices are made for us. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div align="left">
<table style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="84">
<tr>
<td width="78" height="29">
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> <a href="http://fridayfive.org/"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></a></span></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What's the last vivid dream that you remember having?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
dreamed about talking to <a href="http://www.willa.com">Willa</a>.
I was trying to figure out some code that I was
reading at the top of web pages. She said it was
there to make sure that if there was a photo of
someone with bangs on the page the bangs would show
up. I experimented and when the code was gone my bangs
on my photo were gone.<BR></span></font><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Do you have any recurring
dreams?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
used to have tornado dreams. <BR></span></font><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What's the scariest nightmare you've ever
had?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Cats
always scare me. In my dreams. The other night I
dreamed about a cat chaseing me and I was closing
the door to keep it from escaping. It wasn't really,
really scary, I guess.<BR></span></font><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Have you ever written your dreams down or considered it? Why or why not?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> On
& off. It is a good idea. My dreams are clearer
when I try to remember them. <BR></span></font><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Have you ever had a lucid dream? What did you do in it?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Well.....I think so. When I paid more attention to them, they were more lucid.
I've dreamed about blogging. I'm not sure that's
lucid.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<div class="byline">
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=181">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#12" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 25
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 7:29
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
<a href="http://www.naafa.org">NAAFA</a> memorial
day weekend is happenin. Marilyn and I went
for a while. There was a nice photo show, a
woman who takes pictures of fat women and men.
Very pretty. There was
some fun shopping. But, as we know, I have no
money. I do have some very cool and generous
friends. Marilyn bought me a dress. It has cherries
on it. And then she took me out for Chinese
food. Thank you Marilyn.</span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
came home and was looking at e-mail and I put on
the TV. Big mistake. 48 hours was doing a show called
<a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/48hours/main3410.shtml">Slim
Chance</a>. On every diet thing they talked about
they note that people have died as a result of taking
the pill, or having the surgery, or what ever. They
even had a man who is bulimic and a man who is anorexic.
The horror! Men are now doing the same things to
their bodies that women have been doing for centuries!
But they leave you with the impression that it's
understandable that folks would take these risks
and adopt these behaviors.
After all, they want to be thin. Doesn't everybody?
Arg.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
first I visit fat xanadu and then I'm reminded of
the world in which I live. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
tired.</span></font></p>
<div class="byline">
<div class="date"> <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=182">comment</a></noscript></p>
</div>
<p><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#13" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 26
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:36
AM</span></font></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">As the African proverb goes, however, when two elephants fight, it is the grass
beneath their feet that suffers. In fact, the grass simply vanishes! -
</span></font><FONT face="Arial,Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4406539,00.html">Wole Soyinka </a></span></FONT><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"><BR></font></span></p>
<div class="byline">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
watched my goddaughter graduate from high school
yesterday. It was amazing. I think rituals can be
hollow, but I also think they provide an important
context for transistions. And I was sentimentally involved
with this one. The minute the principal gave her
the diploma and she turned to walk away, I started
to cry. I was flooded with images of her from the
last eighteen years and I was aware of the tenuous
world she enters as an adult. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Ironically,
my mother just came across my cap & gown from
high school. I remember not wanting to participate,
being petulant and miserable. Perhaps the world felt as
tenuous then as it does now. I know mom was worried
and I was anxious and ready to get out into the
mix. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
goddaughter is already enrolled in college. She's
smart and aware and creative and beautiful and deep
and fair. She brings so much to the world. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Back
in Colorado, Dean is graduating. It's such a wave
of feeling when someone you knew as a baby, and
as a child, becomes an adult. The transition is
viceral. Life has rolled in a way that can not be
denied. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
not about feeling old. It's about knowing that you
now have a new set of allies in the world. People
who will engage in their own terms and do great
things. And these allies were there when you did
some of your own great things, and many of
your stupid things, and you hope that you didn't
let them down too much. May be you did some small
thing that made life seem possible and good. And
maybe they'll take those memories with them as they
sheer away from the role of beloved child.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Now
they are beloved adults. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
still not sure I get what being an adult means.
But I know that it is the best thing to have someone
who you watch grow. What ever fear I have about
the world pales when I think about the wisdom that
these new allies carry forth. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="left" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Come mothers and fathers<BR>Throughout the land<BR>And don't criticize<BR>What
you can't understand<BR>Your sons and your daughters<BR>Are beyond your
command<BR>Your old road is<BR>Rapidly agin'.<BR>Please get out of the new
one<BR>If you can't lend your hand<BR><a href="http://bobdylan.com/songs/times.html">For the times they are a-changin'</a></span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span><p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
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<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#13" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 27
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 7:58
AM</span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Went
swimming with Ari Asha. I love swimming. And it
was great to get a chance to visit with Ari Asha.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Then
I came home and crashed. I read, watched some TV,
ate Chinese food. Not much. And I don't have much
to say today. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did have a nice dream about a man that I have a
crush on. I was some how involved with a plan for
him to take a trip, so I was there at a celebration
of for the trip. And he was getting a bunch of money
in an envelope. Then a woman left a message for
him with me, which I told him, and then I walked
away. I was jealous and upset. I went to sit
outside and I was on this cliff with a panoramic
view. He came to find me and sat down very
close to me. I was trying to make a joke so he wouldn't
see how upset I was and he was smiling. Then he
just kissed me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Recently
I heard he is dating and I decided that I should
just not think of him ... you know... that way...
any more. So, I woke up from the dream and felt
a combination of guilt and sweet pleasure.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
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<p><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#14" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 28
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:05
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Went
to the NAAFA brunch. <a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/interviews/bliss.php">Diane
Bliss</a> spoke. Very cool woman. I think she's
doing some really important work. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
often leave fat community events in a state
of frustration. Most of us haven't fully grasped
the notion that we've internalized a faulty notion.
We still believe that we are to blame for our fat bodies.
We ignore our basic genetic structure, forget the
damage of our diet history, and do relentless documentation
of how much we eat or how often we exercise.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
there is a peculiar divide between the plus size
women and the super size women. I'm not clear on
where that line is drawn, but there's a scarcity thing
that occurs. For example, maybe there won't be enough
men who want fat women, or maybe a corporation may
allow one fat person but they aren't going to hire
and promote more than one. So, there's an attitude.
I'm willing to love my 250 pound body...but I would
never <i>allow </i>myself to be 500 pounds. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Each
one of us has an individual story. I would like
to understand why someone gets to be 500 pounds.
And I just don't believe that anyone gets there because
they eat donuts and watch sitcoms. I mean that may
be part of the story, but it isn't the whole picture.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">For
the 500 pound folks the loss of mobility is a worry.
I
worry about loss of mobility. But people lose mobility
for a variety of reasons. And I feel that we need
to parse these things. As long as we hate fatness
and blame it first, we'll never have any clarity.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Marilyn says this best. <a href="http://www.fatso.com/man1.html">Fat!
SO?</a></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Are
you worried about my health? Let's talk about my
health. And if the first thing you say is that I
need to diet, you haven't educated yourself. You
don't know how often diets fail. Should I eat more
green leafy vegetables? Probably. But the best thing
you can do for my health is to not add to my stress
level with your disapproval. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">We
need to raise the level of the discourse. Because
even if I do eat donuts and watch sitcoms, I still
ought to be employable, lovable and I ought to be
able to get unbiased medical care. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Love
your body. Eat your veggies. Take a walk. And insist
on being treated with dignity.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
in the <a href="http://www.mirrorproject.com/mirror/?id=6795">Mirror
Project</a>!!! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
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<p><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#15" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 29
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:00
AM</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">SHIT!
I woke up at 3:40 AM having a panic attack about
money. It's so irritating. There's nothing you can
do at 3:40 AM except fret. I thought about turning
on the computer, but I just kept hoping I'd get
back to sleep. I did. And I had crazy stressed out
dreams. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
is so frustrating.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
spent the day running errands. There were so many
people out. Lines everywhere. But, I wasn't too
bugged. I feel like I'm sleep walking during the
day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK...so
the resumes I've sent out have landed with a thud.
Must try again. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.randomwalks.com/">Random
Walks</a> has some great links about I<a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/south_asia/newsid_353000/353352.stm">ndia
and Pakistan</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.kpfa.org">KPFA</a>
is talking to the <a href="http://www.stirfryseminars.com/">folks</a>
that make the film <a href="http://www.stirfryseminars.com/pages/wo_men.htm">Last
Chance to Freedom</a>. Sounds like a good movie
to see. Anyone want to go?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
still tired. Working is never as exhausting as trying
to find work. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
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<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#16" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 30
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 10:15
AM</span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Most evenings a
sea breeze starts to cool
things off about 6:00 and I go around closing windows.
Not yesterday. San
Francisco was hot. My windows were still open at
8:00 PM. I love it when this happens. I listen to
my neighbors talk while they make dinner. Their
kitchen window is right beside my living room window.
I hear the clang of the trolly car, three blocks
away. Traffic noise and the bark of the seals at
the wharf, it's a cacophony, a sound painting of
this city.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
wasn't anything on television. I mean, there rarely
is...but I do like to watch West Wing. Now, it's
on at 10. The same time as <a href="http://www.pbs.org/americanfamily/">American
Family</a>. There's only five shows I ever want
to watch and two of them are on at the same time.
Sigh. Not a huge problem. I was reading and listening
to the airborne sound track wafting through
my window. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Suzanne,
her musician friends and I practiced our song for
<a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/suzanne.htm">Sunday</a>. It
was so much fun! I forgot how much I love hanging
out and working on music. I was so lucky when I
was doing it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
<a href="http://www.jazzarts.org/diamond.htm">knew</a>
<a href="http://www.steveconn.com/">so</a> <a href="http://home.earthlink.net/~wasinger/moremuse.html">many</a>
<a href="http://www.sayersongs.com/">wonderful</a>
<a href="http://www.pickpocketensemble.com/">musicians</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
I didn't spend any time looking for a job and I
spent a lot of time worrying about money. But there
was this oasis in the middle of it all. Just being
in a little room, the walls covered with pictures of <a href="http://www.coldbacon.com/music/fess.html">Professor
Longhair</a> and <a href="http://musicfinder.yahoo.com/shop?d=hc&cf=10&id=1800120877">Dr.
John</a>, Mardi Gras beads and masks, all of us
with gray streaks in our hair and lines in our skin,
felt great. Better, I suppose, to focus on that
feeling and ignore the panic about cash. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
I have a little mystery. Someone snail-mailed me
some cash. I thought it was Rick because he and
I had just spoken about my money trauma. He says
it wasn't him. Then I thought it was Cheryl. There's
a story about some stamps...but it's not that interesting.
But, she says nope. Now, I have a new suspicion.
But, let me just say this...if it was YOU...THANK
YOU!!!!!!!!!!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Pattie
& Carl are on <a href="http://www.culturalconstructioncompany.com">today</a>
at noon. (If you live in the west. If you live in
another time zone I'm leaving it up to you to do
the math.) </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
have the biggest pile of laundry ever to do. Oh,
and I need to find a job.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=186">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/May02.htm#17" title="permalink"><span style="font-size:10pt;">May 31
2002</span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:19
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">At
8:00 PM, the biggest pile of laundry ever was piled
on my bed waiting to be folded. One last load was
still in the drier. I thought about leaving it until
tomorrow, but I rallied and made one last trip down
the three flights of stairs. I was still folding
at 9:30, but I got it done. The
clothes were clean. The sheets were clean. The dishes
were clean. I took a shower and went to bed with
a book. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
So, it's come to this. Some folks blog about world
affairs, some post their beautiful art. Some blog
post modern :: poetic :: eclectic :: considerations
of culture. I'm blogging about doing the laundry.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oh,
some people answer questions posed by other bloggers.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="79">
<tr>
<td width="73">
<p><a href="http://fridayfive.org/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></span></font></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
for some reason
... I can't get to the five. Check back later.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What
can I say about <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/kashmir/Story/0,2763,725632,00.html">world</a>
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/israel/Story/0,2763,725275,00.html">events</a>.
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4424928,00.html">Civil</a>
liberties? It's all such a worry. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
guess I could jump in on some blog conversations
... but I don't have strong feelings about blogs
as <a href="http://weblog.burningbird.net/archives/000236.php#000236">journalism.</a>
And as for <a href="http://www.seabury.edu/faculty/akma/2002_05_26_blogarch.html#77139903">forgiveness</a>
...yeah...it's good. I mostly feel off the loop
in this blog circle anyway.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So...my
laundry is done. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Kristina
did an <a href="http://www.deardiary.net./cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=26140&entry=1022544000">entry</a>
when I wasn't looking.</span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table border="0" width="206">
<tr>
<td width="200">
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Don't
forget </span></font><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><img src="rabbit.gif" width="88" height="31" border="0"></span></font></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
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</div>
</div>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
</body>
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