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<title>March 2002</title>
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<b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11pt;">March 2002</span></font></b><table align="center" border="0" width="748">
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<td width="743"> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"If
we refuse to do the work of creating this personal version
of the past, someone else will do it for us." -
Patricia Hampl</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
1 2002 8:58
AM</span></font></p>
<p><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><img src="rabbit.gif" width="88" height="31" border="0"></span></font></a></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Well...I
didn't remember to say Rabbit Rabbit first
thing...(despite the fact that I had taken a reminder
note to bed with me )...but when I got to the computer
my purple gorilla reminded me and I said it right
away. Here's the problem. I haven't done the dishes
for a few days, first because of school and then
yesterday I was just lazy. It isn't a big deal
because I haven't been cooking so it's really just
some cereal bowls and coffee glasses. But when I
walked into the kitchen I was pissed at myself for
not doing them and I thought ...jeez, Tish, this
is ridiculous. The problem is I think I might have
said it out loud. </span></font></p>
<p><a href="http://www.smattering.org/archives/00000380.php"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></span></font></a></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">1. <b>What's your favorite vacation spot</b>? I
don't really take vacations...I just have extended
times of unemployment.
( grimace)<BR>2<b>. Where do you consider to be the
biggest hell-hole on earth</b>? Suburbs,
in general. It's hard for me to be west of Divisidero.<BR>3.<b> What would be your dream vacation</b>? Hmmmm,
well, I guess it's fun to go to beautiful places
like Maui and if there were massages and great dinners and someone with whom to have a great conversation...well
that would be cool.<BR>4. <b>If you could go on a road-trip
with anyone, who would it be and why</b>? Right
now I would choose Mary Patrick, so that we
could finish a conversation. We'd probably have
to drive to Maine.<BR>5. <b>What are your plans for this weekend</b>? See...I
just never have an answer for this one..but
I might have dinner with Rick and Renee
tonight.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Barbara
did ultra sound on my arm yesterday and it does
feel better. I knew I needed to have an adjustment
but I was just trying not to think about it. My
back and neck were so tight from the days of not
being able to move. I'm better. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
finished the <a href="http://www.twbookmark.com/books/24/0316158720/index.html">Archivist</a>
last night because I was completely obsessed. The
book says lots of great things about privacy and
trust but I was completely caught up in the characters
and their psychological process. Not to mention
the notions of spirituality and family and romance
and reading. It is such a great book! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 3 2
2002
10:00
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
used to rearrange my furniture when I felt powerless.
Now ...I redesign my web site. The thing is ...I really
liked the way <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rdoor.htm">Refrigerator
Door</a> looked after I fussed with it. So I copied
it. And I am feeling powerless. No specific reason.
Just a general reaction to lack of income, inspiration,
intention. ( Is that alliteration?) I know I don't have
to worry about anything. After all, we have a <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A20584-2002Feb28.html">shadow
government</a>, ready to handle all the problems. It
gives me chills. Pay
no attention to the man behind the curtain. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Jennifer
got some positive <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/03/01/ED5798.DTL">press</a>
yesterday. And, if you didn't blink, and you knew what
my little blue hat looks like, you could have seen
me on KPIX last night. They did a piece on fat and fit
in which they replayed some of the Jennifer tape, did
a brief interview with Francis, showed the fat yoga
group and the swim. They had a doctor who said yes...you
can be fat and fit. It was token but I do think that
Jennifer's case is stirring up the kind of dialogue
that needs to happen. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did go out for dinner with Rick and Renee. We had burgers
at Mo's. It's great to go there. Especially if you read
<a href="http://www.harpercollins.com/catalog/book_xml.asp?isbn=0060938455">Fast
Food Nation</a> and worry that you'll never again be
able to eat a burger and fries. At Mo's they grind the
beef daily, cut the fries from whole potatoes, use a
whole leaf of romaine, tomato and red onion. They make
a sauce, a blend of mayo and mustard. It's all
so good and filling and real. And Renee and I have been
going there for quite a while.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love <a href="http://www.mirrorproject.com/">The
Mirror Project</a>. They have folks picking ten with
a common theme. Right now <a href="http://www.jessamyn.com/indexindex.html">Jessamyn
West</a> has chosen <a href="http://www.mirrorproject.com/galleries/">ten</a>
where books are featured. picture me grinning. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
are all these tests you can take on the Internet to
find out what color you are, what cheese, what Tolkien
character. Actually I haven't seen that one yet but
some one must be working on it. <a href="http://www.dork.com/risa/days.htm">This</a>
one caught me. I'm always whining about being one day
too early for grace.</span></font></p>
<p><a href="http://www.dork.com/risa/sat.htm"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><img src="SC.jpg" width="300" height="200" border="0"></span></font></a></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3 3
2002
8:25
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
am trying to be in a better mood. Really I am. I was
happier after some conversation with Suzanne, Barbara,
and Kristina last week. I felt happy after I saw Rick
and Renee on Friday. But, yesterday was <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/asiapcf/south/03/02/india.violence/index.html">so</a>
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/europe/03/02/nireland.explosion/index.html">full</a>
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/03/02/mideast.scene.reut/index.html">of</a>
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/asiapcf/central/03/02/gen.war.on.terror/index.html">bad</a>
news. And I read a heart rending entry from <a href="http://justlikethat.blogspot.com/">Anita</a>,
blogging in Bombay. There is just so much going
on in the world and I'm here in Babylon by the bay.
There's the layer of worry about the world. And then
there's my own dissatisfaction with what's going on
in my life and worries about money. And the worries about friends and family.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
arm is better. And I've been doing a good job of drinking
more water. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">A
while back, right after I'd graduated and before I began
the MFA program, I had a talk with Kara. I was kind
of trying to work out what I wanted to do, so I described
the way I might like it to feel. I said I wanted to
spend the morning quietly, writing, doing e-mail, drinking
coffee. And that's pretty much what I do. I mark time
by <a href="http://www.democracynow.org">Democracy Now.</a> When it's over I need to do stop spacing
out and do something. These days that means write or
read for school. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Saturday
only differs in that I listen to <a href="http://www.npr.org">NPR</a>. ( National Purchased
Radio) When car talk comes on it's time to move. Yesterday
I pecked at some writing until my elbows began to burn.
Then I tried to read the HD. I love HD but my concentration
was nil. The only thing I could read was blogs. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
been reading new blogs lately and on <a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/?/2002_02_24_allied_archive.html#10308852">Jeneane
Sessum's</a> blog she gives some the best advice on
writing I've ever read.</span></font></p>
<P align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"Write like no one�s there. Write like everyone�s there. Write as if you have
no audience, because you don�t. You are part of a conversation. You are
completely and perfectly free to explore, to not care, to lose yourself in
conjecture. You are free to destroy notions you�ve always had. You are welcome
to challenge me and everything I thought was true. You are advised to listen, to
reflect, to engage. <BR>
</span></font><P><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And then, when you are done with all of that, do it again tomorrow."</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> So...that's
what I'm doing. </span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"We want facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don't it is easier to ignore
the facts than to change the preconceptions." -<a href="http://www.jessamyn.com/jessamyn/jess.html">Jessamyn
West</a></span></font> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3 4
2002 8:17
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
<a href="http://www.ibaradio.org/sadak/rag1.htm">This</a> was
on NPR yesterday morning. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Karen
noticed a shift in my page and articulated quite well.
It has to do with my new blog infatuation. I barely
noticed but it's true. Lately I do make an effort to
find interesting things for people to look at or read.
The people that read me are mostly friends with no time
to trail around the Internet looking for <a href="http://www.man.aaronclinger.com/">silliness</a>.
But Karen pointed out that it's like I'm in a conversation
with all these people. It's true. And it's cool. Because
there is all this art and expression going on. I don't
really know these people and it's more like I'm talking
to them when they're not around. In other words they
may not read me. And I'm not necessarily looking
for friends. I just admire the drive to communicate
and share info and make pretty stuff and write. And
I like the variety of voices on blogs.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
not sure what differentiates a journal from a blog. <a href="http://www.willa.com">
Willa</a> has both. Bloggers cross referance each other.
They really do have a conversation. I'm not in that
loop. I don't want to spend any more time on line than
I already do so I don't sign up for a <a href="http://www.blogger.com">blogger</a>
account or anything. But my journal almost seems boring
with out the links. There isn't that much going on in my life. I read. I
write. I worry. That's about it.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did swim. Always fun. Arms moving through blue water,
weightless, dreamy. I can do things in the water that
I can't do with gravity pulling at me. I can do jumping
jacks and run in place and it all feels so good.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://phonezilla.net/phlog/2002/03/02/6">Chicago.</a>
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">t's
Monday. A new week. Must do things. Now.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
5
2002 8:37
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Yesterday was full of distraction. Good distractions,
like long conversations on the phone, but distractions
none the less. So I just didn't get much done and I've
got stuff to do for school. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I wanted to go to a lunch time conversation with <a href="http://adot.com/green/wib.html">Rela Mazali</a>,
an Israeli writer and feminist peace activist who wrote
a book <a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp?GXHC_GX_jst=90c77146662d6160&GXHC_gx_session_id_store=7da1d04ba9f2dfc7&s=showproduct&isbn=0804732922">Maps
of Women's Goings and Stayings</a>. As a result, I'm
feeling slightly harried. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Meanwhile,
this paragraph from <a href="http://kalilily.blogspot.com/?/2002_03_03_kalilily_archive.html">Kalilily</a>
demonstrates my blog addiction. But don't even start
clicking if you have no time. I'm still wanting an uninterrupted
hour to work through it all.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"Sometimes it�s like meditating on a string of beads � from </span></font><A
href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Golby</span></font></A><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> to </span></font><A
href="http://www.onepotmeal.com"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Himmer </span></font></A><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">to </span></font><A
href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2002_03_03_pagecount_archive.html#10339792"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AKMA</span></font></A><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
to </span></font><A href="http://www.keeptrying.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sanders</span></font></A><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">� At other times my
blogrolling seems like saying </span></font><A
href="http://www.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/stations.html"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">the Stations
of the Cross </span></font></A><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">� dramatic, moving, disturbing, yet somehow distant, and only
of peripheral interest to me. Until I move away from the computer to do the
dishes that are stacked up in the sink and start thinking..."</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today
is election day. Doesn't that seem weird? Just another
thing I have to do. But I want to cast my vote for <a href="http://www.jeffadachi.com/">Jeff.</a>
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK,
gotta go.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
6
2002 9:27
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
It's raining. I'm sitting here with my coffee and my
toast and I'm feeling pretty lucky that I don't have
to run out the door. The rain bugs my knees but right
now I'm enjoying the sound of it against the window.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp?GXHC_GX_jst=90c77146662d6160&GXHC_gx_session_id_store=7da1d04ba9f2dfc7&s=showproduct&isbn=0804732922">Rela
Mazali</a> was fantastic. She's going to be at <a href="http://www.mtbs.com/">Modern
Times</a> on Thursday. I'm thinking about going. Kristina
was there. We found a little Japanese restaurant, the
name of which I do not remember, and ate California
rolls, Gyoza, Tempura, more stuff. Then we went to <a href="http://www.coastnews.com/sf/green_apple.htm">Green
Apple</a> and Kristina disappeared into the poetry section.
I barely got her out in time for class. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.chrisdaly.org/">Supervisor
Chris Daly</a> is doing his Homeless Summit tomorrow.
I'm hoping they'll have it on Channel 26. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Cynthia
noticed that my homepage was in default grey. DOH! Since
I now know where to look for the HTML I looked and there
was no code for the color, despite the fact that it
was set in the preferences. Can you say tweaky software?
I am going to have make the time to learn some HTML.
It's just too frustrating when I can't get what I want
to show up. thanks to Cynthia's HTML skills and
advice I think it's white now. Am I right?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Must
read more HD for tonights class now. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
7
2002
9:47
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
The <a href="http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2002/03/117763.php">schedule</a>
for the Homeless Summit. It does not seem to be on 26.
Unless they start the broadcast late. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.umiacs.umd.edu/users/sawweb/sawnet/arundhati.html">Arundhati
Roy</a> did <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/south_asia/newsid_1857000/1857285.stm">jail
time</a>. The court kept in mind "that she is a
woman." Uhhuh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
is raining again. Today it just seems to add to my bad
mood. I got a reality check about my financial situation
and now I'm feeling tense and miserable. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 12:04
PM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
when I published this morning, at 9:47, I had actually
just broken through my misery as a result of <a href="http://www.henrysdiary.com/2002/henry030102.shtml">this</a>,
but I felt like I needed to get on with the day. I took
a shower, got dressed, made the bed, gathered up the
laundry, all the while I was smiling, thinking about
Henry and his Dad and the gum. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
had myself buried under needing to find a job, learn
HTML and CSS so that I'm not at the mercy of my web
editor, write the paper for Ethical Issues, work on
the writing for workshop despite the fact that I hate
it, find a job, pay bills, do the laundry, shop, clean
the apartment, stop the war, feed the homeless...all
today. Yeah, right.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
I was telling Marilyn about a childhood (that I did
not have) in which you know that there are bad things
going on, like war and money problems, but the adults
are taking care of all that and your job as a child
is to learn how to do long division (not that I ever
did) and play with your toys. I want to think about
god that way. Like there are all these bad things going
on, but we are contained in something larger, god, spirit,
the universe, the dharma, whatever. And we have to focus
on our individual part of all that and do it really
well. Which isn't to say that I should ignore all that
bad stuff, but rather I need to focus on my task list
for the day and work through it and have some faith
in life. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
something about this <a href="http://www.biggerhand.com/">guy</a>
and how much he loves his son and the art full way that
he <a href="http://www.henrysdiary.com/">documents</a>
his sons life and Henry and the gum...it just made me
feel ...better. Henry works better than the <a href="http://www.stopabductions.com/">thought
screen helmet!</a></span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
8
2002
8:43
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
It's <a href="http://www.democracynow.org">
International Woman's day</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">After my dramatic mood shift yesterday (thanks again
<a href="http://www.biggerhand.com/">Mike</a>
and <a href="http://www.henrysdiary.com/">Henry</a>) I
did the dishes (including the <a href="http://www.Fatshadow.com/January.htm">aforementioned</a>
silverware drawer - all coffee grounds are gone - that
only took two months), unearthed the job application
from the pile of crap on my table, filled it out, cleaned
up the pile of crap on the table, figured out how to
use my fancy new computer checks (almost, I didn't see
where to enter the memo line until I'd printed all of
them), hauled the laundry down the three flights of
steps, went to Walgreens to pick up my film, discovered
that I'd used <a href="http://www.photoworks.com/">Seattle
Filmworks</a> film (sigh, now I have to figure out if
I want to deal with mailing it or throw it away), mailed
the bills, made <a href="http://www.worldlinkcentral.com/westbrae/">Westbrae</a>
seaweed ramen with some asparagus, read a pile of old
The <a href="http://www.thenation.com/">Nation</a>,
<a href="http://www.thesunmagazine.org">Sun</a>
and <a href="http://www.harpers.org/">Harpers</a>,
voted for <a href="http://gcv.mms.com/us/index.jsp">purple</a>
and ate an apple. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is
that the longest run on sentence ever or what?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Life
is such an up and down thing for me. I was feeling
so nutrionaly superior because of the ramen. I mean
it had seaweed in it, and miso, and whole wheat noodles
and I was going to put tofu and asparagus in it. But
the tofu I had was sour. I realized it was like two
weeks (maybe more) old. Then I felt bad because I had
wasted the tofu. </span></font></p>
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</div>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">1.<b> What makes you homesick?</b> I
don't get homesick.<BR>2. <b>Where is "home" for you? Is it where you are
living now, or somewhere else (ie: Mom & Dad's house, particular
state/city)?</b> This might be the reason I don't get homesick...I don't have
a place I call home. Maybe Boulder, since I lived there
during my twenties and still have such great friends
there. But, I wouldn't want to live there again. <BR>3.<b>What makes it home for you? People?
Things?</b> People and things. My books and music and salt and pepper shaker
collection. I mean my stuff gives me that home feeling.
<BR>4.<b>Where is the furthest you've been from home, </b></span></font><A
href="http://www.indo.com/distance/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>miles-wise</b></span></font></A><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><b>?</b> Well,
since I haven't identified home...this is hard....but
I guess...India is the farthest I've been away from
this country and I lived in Boulder at the time so,
7686 miles. <BR>5.<b>What
are your plans for this weekend?</b> I'm going to see <a href="http://www.laurieanderson.com/">Laurie
Anderson</a> tonight. Swim on Sunday. Hopefully get
LOTS of writing done in between. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Pattie
is going to be on <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/">CFUV</a>
at 4:00 PST. Talking about love! </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
9
2002
10:13
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Laundry. Recycling. Cooking. Eating. Cleaning up. It
just sucks up the day.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
didn't have much to say about <a href="http://www.nursehealer.com/Women.htm">International
Women's</a> day yesterday. It was fun to listen to <a href="http://www.democracynow.org">Amy
Goodman</a> interview <a href="http://www.vaginamonologues.com/">Eve Ensler</a> who was on top of a
mountain in Kabul. There was <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/asiapcf/central/03/08/womens.day/index.html">celebration</a>
in Kabul and protests in <a href="http://asia.reuters.com/news_article.jhtml;jsessionid=ATVG5V4YTO10SCRBAEKSFEYKEEARMIWD?type=topnews&StoryID=677897">Singapore</a>,
both of which I learned about from <a href="http://www.harrumph.com/020308.shtml">Heather</a>
this morning. I can't explain why I didn't write more
yesterday. I felt detached from the whole idea. And
then I read these articles. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was being detached and abstract about it all...like...everyday
should be women's day...blahblahblah. It's hard to maintain
that kind of detachment when you read about women who've
had acid thrown in their face. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.laurieanderson.com/">Laurie
Anderson</a> didn't say anything about IWD but she was
pretty great. This morning I'm sleepy and spacy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Perhaps
more coffee...</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Cynthia...did
I fix it yet?</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
10
2002
9:02
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I was so tired yesterday. And I knew I needed to write.
I was determined to not leave my computer until I had
something written, which I knew meant pizza driven nutrition.
I just didn't want to take the time to walk to Safeway,
prepare food and clean up. I should have <a href="http://www.northbeachpizza.com/">North Beach
Pizza</a> on speed dial. I got about two pages down and
I succumbed. I took a nap. I often have weird dreams
when I take a nap. And pizza gives me weird dreams.
The combo was extra weird. I woke up dazed and confused.
Ate an orange and an apple hoping that they would usher in
some sanity and went back to the writing.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Caitlin
called. That was fun. And then Renee called and came
over to do school stuff. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
not the only one struggling with my <a href="http://npr.org/programs/atc/features/2002/mar/universe/">background
color</a>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
on <a href="http://www.thislife.org/">This
American Life</a> they did stories about people with
mental disability. People from this <a href="http://www.howsyournews.com/">film</a>
were on. It was quite lovely. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Here's
a <a href="http://www.petitiononline.com/musee/petition.html">petition</a>
to sign to save the <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/03/05/MN108118.DTL">Musee Mecanique</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
woke up and made waffles. mmmmm</span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"My activist life probably began in sixth grade, when I was thrown out of my
Roman Catholic school classroom because I refused to accept Sister Marie's
criticism of Elvis." - <a href="http://www.womensenews.com/article.cfm/dyn/aid/837/context/archive">Carol
Tracy</a></span></font> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
11
2002
9:48
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Laurie Anderson said she's been looking for ways to
escape her own perception by putting herself in weird
situations. One of those situations was to get a job
at McDonalds. Yesterday I found a link to <a href="http://conceptlab.com/simulator/">this</a>
on <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/">blog
sisters</a>. EEK.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
was mellow. Renee did physics homework while I worked
on writing. It was great to have her here. Then we went
and got the stuff we need to make mac and cheese. Well,
we used shells and four kinds of cheese so it was not
exactly mac and cheese. We had salad and chicken, artichoke
sausage. She went off to other adventures and I crashed.
I watched TV and did some Internet stuff. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
hard to belive that it's been six months since 9/11.
It seems both years ago and like yesterday. Sometimes
I feel like our desire to get back to normal is so strong
that we ignore the fact that there is a war going on.
I feel helpless. Ineffective. Sometimes I am tight with
misery. Every Saturday morning brings news of more violence
in the Middle East.</span></font></p>
<P align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">"Some people practice throughout their entire lives just by paying attention
to breathing. Everything that is true about anything is true about breath: it's
impermanent; it arises and it passes away. Yet if you didn't breathe, you would
become uncomfortable; so then you would take in a big inhalation and feel
comfortable again. But if you hold onto the breath, it's no longer comfortable,
so you have to breathe out again. All the time shifting, shifting.
Uncomfortableness is continually arising. We see that everything keeps
changing." -Sylvia Boorstein on the <a href="http://www.tricycle.com/dailydharma/dailydharma.shtml">Daily
Dharma</a></span></font></P>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
try to find perspective but I am also mindful that <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-030902bombs.story">this</a>
is going on. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Peace.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
12
2002
9:31
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Other than banging on the computer keys all day, I
didn't do much. I did get some writing done. My arms
were sore when I was done. Oh well.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
been musing on my spirituality lately. It's so ill defined
and it shape shifts to my mood. If I'm feeling needy
and inept I reach out to the father god that I never
really had. Pretty foolish. It's like driving into the
same brick wall over and over. I like mother gods, but
I never really know how to interact with them. I end
up with this loose idea of energy, noticing the connective
tissue in which we all live. And I get fired up
by the political god, the fight for social justice.
All this thinking is probably up right now because I'm
writing about India. It was so much easier to be in
the swoon of guru love. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think it's just about wanting to acknowledge that there
is something larger and maybe even unifying. Unifying
worries me because, too often, it's seems to squelch
diversity. So, I keep coming back to silence. I just
don't know what I mean by spirituality. I only know
I feel it when I am quiet and attentive. I know it anchors
me. And I'd like to be able to talk about it more. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
just as I type this, <a href="http://www.steveconn.com">Steve</a>
sends me a link to an <a href="http://www.thetowntalk.com/html/0669346B-4A11-499B-93A3-E7906B3BCD95.shtml">article
</a>about his brother in law. This is courage. Wake
up every day and don't give up. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
13
2002 10:41
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Oh no! It's Wednesday the 13th!! Oh...wait..it's Friday
the 13th that we worry about...false alarm. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
is why I love blogs and on line journals. I woke up
this morning in my usual morning after workshop funk.
I wasn't going to do an entry because my workshop really
gives me a deep feeling of ...what's the use? But I
do my morning web wandering and I get to <a href="http://www.jessamyn.com/journal/">Jessamyn</a>'s
journal. And she blogs <a href="http://www.sunsetscavenger.com/artist_in_residence.htm">this</a>.
I didn't even know that <a href="http://www.sunsetscavenger.com/air_ruff_photos.htm">this</a>
was going on. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
Jessamyn was hanging out with <a href="http://www.calamondin.com/">Judith</a>,
who blogged a whole bunch of things about <a href="http://www.seruv.org.il/defaulteng.asp">Israeli
soldiers</a> who refuse to serve, and <a href="http://www.nimn.org/">The
Not in My Name</a> site and more links to people who
don't support the invasion and occupation of Palestinian
land. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://phonezilla.net/3stations/">Paul</a>
blogged the <a href="http://fuckcorporategroceries.net/about.html">fuckcorporatefood</a>
blog, which just made me happy!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is a laugh out loud story on <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/">Blogsisters</a>
about a woman's trip to the gyno. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.kalilily.blogspot.com/">Kalilily</a>
worries that blogging is too much <a href="http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exhibitions/Mind/Descartes.html">life-of-the-mind</a>.
She quotes <a href="http://www.hyperorg.com/blogger/archive/2002_03_01_archive.html#75003527">Dave
Weinberger</a>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> "<i>We humans are at our best when we are involved with others. We are at our
best when we are social and connected. The Web is a world that is profoundly
social. Its geography itself is social, a map of connections and passions. It is
thus a world that we've made for ourselves that is a reflection of our best
nature and a place where can imperfectly perfect our imperfect natures</i>."</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
she uses ball room dancing to keep it actual as well
as virtual.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
know that I'm lucky to have the time to do all this
reading and thinking and life-of-the-mind stuff. I know
most people don't have the time to click through blog
after blog. But, for me, today, blogging makes me feel
better. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
14
2002 9:36
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
OK. I read this story on <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/">Blog
Sisters</a> in which a woman has an appointment with the gynecologist. She
gets
a call from the doctor's office to tell her that she is
rescheduled for early that morning. She comments that
she likes to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits,
but this time she wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. She uses a
wash cloth that
is
sitting next to the sink to give herself a quick wash. She
says she was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra
effort this morning, haven't we?" After
school, while her six-year-old daughter is playing, she calls out from the
bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?" She tells her to get another one from the cupboard. "No!", she replies "I need
the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it." I
laughed out loud and tried to blog to it but I
haven't figured out how to link to the exact spot in
a blog where something is, so my link just goes
to Blog sisters. Later, I start to tell Marilyn
and before I get a sentence out she's finishing it.
She's heard the story. Later still, I tell the story
in class and several people have heard it as well. I
am so shocked! Is it a joke? Is it an Urban Myth? Wha
happened?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was talking about my blog/journal addiction last night
and someone asked me how much time I spend reading them.
So, this morning I timed myself. Close to an hour. But,
I think that was because there was this great god conversation
going on between <a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/">Jeneane</a>
and <a href="http://insiteview.blogspot.com/?/2002_03_01_insiteview_archive.html">Tom</a>
in which Tom says, "God is not just -- he is attentive."
And then there was an <a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/719691.asp?cp1=1#BODY">article</a>
about blogging. And <a href="http://www.biggerhand.com">Mike</a>
linked to <a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/719691.asp?cp1=1#BODY">Harper's
Weekly</a> because it talks about Bush trying to get Stevie Wonder's attention by smiling and waving at
him. So, it all just took a long time. (She says, desperately trying to rationalize.)
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
do have lots to do today. I have a paper due next week
and, although it's more than half done, I might delete
huge parts of it and take it in another direction. Why?
Because I'm nuts. I need to clean my apartment....in
a big way...like move the butcher block in the kitchen
and mop under it. I need to do some laundry. And I think
the last time I was working on this paper and doing
laundry I ended up not being able to move my arm for
three days. sigh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">On
Tuesday, when Marilyn was driving me to school, I saw
a Girl Scout selling <a href="http://www.girlscouts.org/about/cookie.html">COOKIES</a>!!!
She deftly pulled the car to the curb and I flew out
of it, running toward the unsuspectiong girl. Marilyn
thought it was odd since I'm such a food snob but
come on...</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="146">
<tr>
<td width="140">
<p><img src="Thin Mints.gif" width="140" height="89" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">...Thin
Mints. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
15
2002
9:23
AM</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="137">
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<td width="131">
<p><a href="http://www.jezebel.com/stuff/postcard/index.html"><img src="Ides.gif" width="133" height="49" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
It probably doesn't matter, but the reason I think of
my site as a journal and not a blog is that I write
in the morning, publish, and that's that. Bloggers go
back and add stuff during the day. It's a small distinction.
Sometimes I write and use no links. <a href="http://www.willa.com">Willa</a>
has <a href="http://www.willa.com/moodswings/index.shtml">Moodswings</a>, her blog, separate from her <a href="http://www.willa.com/journal/index.htm">journal</a>
and it seems tidier. Or something. I keep the <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rdoor.htm">refrigerator
door</a> filled with links but it isn't really a blog. And
sometimes I have nothing to say, so blogging gives me
something to put on my page. I'm probably the only one
obsessing about it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
yesterday, after I had already spent an hour blog crawling,
I went to <a href="http://wannawrite.editthispage.com/">Wanna
Write</a>. There was a link to this article about <a href="http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,6109,663470,00.html">Arundahati
Roy</a>. And then I checked a few more journals. Sheesh.
I spend a lot of time doing this. It's different every
day, sometimes there's not much going on out there and
some days I'm not in the mood. But if you add it to the
time I spend in the <a href="http://www.fatso.com/gabcafe/tmp.html">Gab
Cafe</a> the time I spend writing this stuff and e-mail...well...it
adds up. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.snopes.com/spoons/legends/glitter.htm%20">Uh
oh</a>.
Cynthia sent me a link and I learned the truth. They
also say the George waving at Stevie thing was false
...but I think that's just Washington spin. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Since I had worried myself about my web time I spent
the day cleaning, doing laundry, even made myself
a real dinner. Snapper, salad and the rest of the mac-n-cheese.
I drank a glass of wine and talked to Mary on the phone.
It's so good to have things all clean and cozy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
watched as much as I could handle of the Rosie helps
the children show. AKA Rosie comes out. I'm glad she
came out and I think the <a href="http://www.lethimstay.com/">reasons she came out</a> are a
good ones. But, it pisses me off that she's had a relationship
that she has denied. It was very hard
to listen to the anti gay rhetoric. And Rosie reaffirms
this loopy idea of normal. Straight. Thin. She idealizes
these things. She gives a mixed message. She hopes her
kids are straight, because it's easier. I guess I just
don't understand easy. What is easy? But it is just
bitchy of me to criticize her. </span></font></p>
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<table border="0" width="74">
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<td width="68">
<p><a href="http://smattering.org/archives/00000411.php"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></a></p>
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</div>
<p align="justify"> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">1. <b>What's your favorite animal?</b> uh.....<BR> 2.
<b>What pets have you had in your lifetime?</b> A yellow
parakeet with red eyes, named Jerry, when I was
a kid. Cats,(maybe eight) and a dog named Tennessee.
All came to untimely ends. Don't take me there. Fish.
Nothing now. <BR> 3. <b>
Is there any specific pet that you've wanted but never had? Why?</b> I've wanted
an Old English Sheepdog. I love the big fluffiness of
them. But, I think I like the idea of having animals
more than I do actually having animals. <BR> 4. <b>Are you allergic to any animals?</b> Somewhat.
Cats. </span></font><BR> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5. <b>Do you have any 'pet' pet peeves (your pets or
others')?</b> I wish people with dogs wouldn't act like you shouldn't be afraid
of their dog when the dog is running toward you. I've
always been a little afraid of dogs.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">(Phew!
I'm glad there was no -what are you doing this weekend
-question. I always feel like such a dweeb when I have
nothing to answer.)</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
16
2002 9:49
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Spent most of yesterday working on my paper about <i><a href="http://164.106.73.26/adams/hjtable.htm">Incidents</a>.
</i>When my hands started to feel like ice-cycles I
knew it was time to stop. That's usually the first sign
of problems. The blood just can't push through the swollen
tissue, I guess. The paper is almost done. I was
having trouble finishing it and then last night, in
bed, I came up with an idea. Hope I can remember it.
It drives me crazy. I can't think of a thing to write
until I shut down the computer and get in bed. Then
I am flooded with ideas. Ideas that won't let me sleep.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I had to get away from the computer. I read for a while
and watched <a href="http://www.darkangeltheseries.com/">DarkAngel</a>,
wondering all the while why I like these chicks-who-kick-ass
shows. It seems so antithetical to my main...theme...project...or
something. But, in fact, I love them. Watched the
<a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/723068.asp">Afghan
girl</a>. There was something troubling about it to
me. I was intrigued but there was something about how
much money was being spent to determine if she was "the
girl" and how poor she is and how America makes
everyone into a star. I mean, imagine the Afghan girl
on Letterman and Oprah. I'm not trying to be funny.
There was something gnawing at me while I watched. I
think the photographer guy is very sweet. But still...there's
an exploitation going on. But she is compelling. I wanted
to know what happened with her. And I want to know if
she got any money for being the icon that she has been
made into. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
saw this yesterday on <a href="http://www.biggerhand.com/">Mike's</a>
site.</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="296">
<tr>
<td width="290">
<p><a href="http://www.poemtag.com/"><img src="poemtag.gif" width="300" height="225" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
morning they're <a href="http://www.lifeuncommon.org/">all</a>
<a href="http://www.willa.com/moodswings/index.shtml">over</a>
the <a href="http://www.prionix.com/">place</a>.
I love that!</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://phonezilla.net/bigfatblog/">Paul</a>
blogged<a href="http://www.reuters.co.uk/news_article.jhtml;jsessionid=P2EH2TACTWH4YCRBAEZSFEYKEEATIIWD?type=topnews&StoryID=706250">
two</a> <a href="http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_545826.html?menu=news.latestheadlines">articles</a>
about folks who have died from diet drugs. Yesterday
Kaye told me a story about a woman who had he stomach
stapled and vomited for two years as a result. She now
has esophageal cancer. Anything but fat.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
17
2002 9:58
AM</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0">
<tr>
<td width="406">
<p><a href="http://www.jezebel.com/stuff/postcard/index.html"><img src="Irish.gif" align="middle" width="133" height="46" border="0"></a>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12pt;">Happy
St. Patrick's Day</span></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
My name is Patricia, as a kid, I thought it was my
day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I'm not Irish and I'm not Catholic. I'm Welsh and English
and Methodist/Buddhist/Hindu/Sufi/etc. I knew nothing
of <a href="http://www.infoplease.com/spot/northireland1.html">Irish
history</a>. I don't love the drink a ton of green beer
thing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When I saw the Girl Scout <a href="http://www.girlscouts.org/about/cookie.html">cookies</a>,
I went crazy. I bought four boxes. I've eaten a box
and I'm already sick of them. This is the problem with
sentimental food. When I was a kid in Pittsburgh, PA,
we went to a place called <a href="http://www.isalys.com/">Isalys</a> after church for <a href="http://www.isalys.com/html/deli.html">chipped
ham</a>. It was ham that was sliced paper thin, almost shredded.
We made chipped ham sandwiches on soft hamburger buns
and ate them with <a href="http://www.wisesnacks.com/">Wise</a> potato chips. The last time I
went to Pittsburgh, I made a big deal about having that
meal. It just wasn't great. Some things are better left
to memory. The Girl Scouts are <a href="http://www.nationalreview.com/23oct00/lopez102300.shtml">cool</a>.
But, does any one want some cookies?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
been teased about my is it a blog?/is it a journal?
debate. And it's true. Who really cares? But, then yesterday
I started to register with this new blog portal and
I read ...this is only for blogs.sigh. Am I a blog?
The portal is cool. </span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="94">
<tr>
<td width="88">
<p align="justify"><a href="http://www.globeofblogs.com/"><img src="gob.gif" width="88" height="30" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Brought
to you by the <a href="http://smattering.org/archives/00000411.php">Friday-five </a>folks.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">You
hear writers say, "Writers have to write."
You hear writers say,"I'd rather do anything but
write." I fall all along that spectrum. Some days
it's like pulling teeth. Some days it flows. The paper
is pretty much done. But I know I'll keep picking at
it until Wednesday. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is
it just me or are commercials louder the later it gets?
I swear. I know they put the sound up on commercials
in general but it seems like as the night goes on they
play more commercials with rock and roll and drums and
screaming. It drives me crazy. I mute them if I'm only
watching TV. But, if I'm doing something on the computer
I just ignore them, which is really hard when it's like
disco time for capitalism. I think they know people
get sleepy so they play drums. Uh huh. How's that for
a conspiracy theory?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
haven't done anything for Women's month. I didn't do
anything for Black history month. I keep thinking it
might be a good idea but...I just don't do it. However,
Pattie sent a link to <a href="http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/844">this
article</a> about <a href="http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/">Our
Bodies Our Selves</a>. Some memories are worth revisiting.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
Sunday. I'm goin swimmin.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
18
2002
9:27
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I'm all wound up. Today, the mighty, mighty <a href="http://www.zmag.org/chomsky/index.cfm">Noam
Chomsky</a> is speaking at my school at 1:00. I love
this guy! I'm going early, so that I can get a good
seat. Then tonight some of <a href="http://www.usfca.edu/acadserv/catalog/mfa.html">our</a>
lovely teachers are reading, including <a href="http://www.durationpress.com/authors/shurin/home.html">the</a>
<a href="http://www.sptraffic.org/html/authors/shurin.html">much</a>
<a href="http://www.poetrysociety.org/shurin.html">beloved</a>
<a href="http://www.speakeasy.org/subtext/poetry/shurin/poem1.htm">Aaron</a> <a href="http://www.talismanpublishers.com/catalog/shurin_door.htm">Shurin</a>.
How's that for sucking up?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Swimming
was perfect. We did jumping jacks in the pool. Then
found pretty good Chinese food. Spicy eggplant and green
beans in garlic sauce. We found a <a href="http://www.livingnaturally.com/retailer/store_templates/shell_id_1.asp?storeID=HEU5FKAQ17S92ND700AKHLBD34WUD8VB">store</a>
that didn't make me want to run out of it screaming.
Marilyn wanted to go to <a href="http://www.downhomemusic.com/">Down
Home Music</a>. And ....I'd like to blame her .... for
the money I spent. I mean, book store, music store...it's
like too hard for me to resist. I didn't buy all 100
things I wanted. But I did get <i>Shumba, </i><a href="http://africanmusic.org/artists/mapfumo.html">Thomas
Mapfumo</a>. And I flirted with one of the guys in the
store. Deep sigh. Definite Eros buzz. Did an Internet
chat with Pattie for a truly ridiculous amount of time.
But I was having so much fun! It was late when I snapped
out of it and realized I was hungry. Ate turkey and
an apple and <a href="http://www.terrachips.com/products/stxo.html">Terra
Stix</a> for dinner. Those stix are spiky! I bout cut
my lip open on one of em! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Chomsky.
Gotta go. </span></font></p>
<FONT face="Arial,Helvetica"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And I have neither a coherent
story to tell nor can I cop a coherent attitude to give my voice a
characteristic singularity. - <a href="http://www.sfsu.edu/~newlit/narrativity/issue_two/shurin.html">Aaron
Shurin</a></span></FONT> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
19
2002 8:51
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I </span></font>a<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">m
a happy <a href="http://www.judywatt.com/pages/view238.htm">dahlia</a>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Trying
to paraphrase <a href="http://www.zmag.org/chomnote.htm">Chomsky</a>
seems...unwise. And there were 500 take home messages.
But the one I liked the best ...don't talk truth to
power...talk truth to each other. I do like to
think of my self as a storm the <a href="http://homepage.powerup.com.au/~rdale/bastille.htm">Bastille</a>
kind of a girl. But it can be said that the most
radical things occur in relationships. And if we work
together to educate ourselves and each other...power
will hold no sway. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Since
I have never actually matured emotionally (not past
12 or 13) the truly high point for me was when Kristina
and I were walking into the parking lot and we saw Noam
driving out. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
said, "Thank you."</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">He
leaned his head out of the car window and said, "You're
welcome."</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
Heart swollen. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
faculty reading was good. <a href="http://www.sfsu.edu/~newlit/narrativity/issue_two/shurin.html">Aaron</a>
was .... well ...perfect. Aaron uses language like a
painter, a cook, a musician. I love it when someone
uses a word,or words, in a way that I walk around thinking
about those words for the next few days. How did the
person use them? How has everyone ever used them? How
might I use them? And the individual words now have
a new resonance. Echo and Amplitude. I have to look
them up, even if I know their meaning, because suddenly
they have been used in a way that makes me wonder about
their possibilities. That's what Aaron does. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Heart
swollen more.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yeah,
it was a good day. It takes a lot to fill up my double
Gemini, Libra moon air head. And I was full. And then...so
was my heart.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
poem tag project has its own <a href="http://www.poemtag.com/">page</a>.
And I'm linked on it. Woo Hoo. </span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="299">
<tr>
<td width="293">
<p><img src="poemtag2.gif" width="300" height="225" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
20
2002 11:25
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
It's been one year. One year ago put up my first on
line journal entry.</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="1" width="330" bordercolordark="teal" bordercolorlight="#A0CCA0">
<tr>
<td width="324"><p align="justify"><font color="black" face="Arial,Courier"><span style="font-size:10pt;">March 20, 2001<br>
Five hours of designing a web page yesterday. Five more trying
to get it launched. No luck. If I was smart I'd spend some time reading.
But I'm charging ahead. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial,Courier" color="black"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> We need to be right because we're writing
our narrative and we think someone in the narrative has to be
right. I'd like to shake that western-civ training. I'd like to try
to notice the meaning in my interactions and I'd like to be secure
enough in myself to not fight for position when I'm in relationship.
And in other power related issues, right now, I'd like to throw my laptop
out the window. But, I'm eating Pad Thai and trying again.</span></font><font face="Arial" color="black"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><br></span></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
I was in high school I kept notebooks. I wrote daily,
almost hourly. I filled them with drawings and poems
and quotes and blather. With each passing year of working-adult
life my journals got smaller. Even now my efforts at
keeping an offline journal aren't going that well. But
I do come to the screen and the keyboard every day and
put something together for the site. When I do miss
a day...people send me e-mails. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">People
wonder why I do this. I wonder why I do this. At first
I thought I had to write meaning full essays every day.
I worried about content. Now there are days when I just
blog. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is a certain kind of depression that I get into. I am
silenced by it. And I isolate when I feel that way.
Doing the page blasts through that reflex, sometimes.
I do my morning blog crawl and my mood is shifted. Sometimes
it gets worse. But sometimes it gets better. And the
people I read are not pundits. They are real and struggling
and every day (or most days) they come to a screen and
a keyboard and tap out a message, put it in a HTML bottle
and hurl it into the Internet ocean. It's an act of
hope. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
I first got my computer and went on line, it felt like
standing in the middle of Manhattan. I knew there was
a lot of cool stuff going on ... but where? Micki told
Jeane to tell me about <a href="http://www.willa.com">Willa</a>
and she became my portal. I followed her links to the
cool stuff. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
still fuss with the design of the page. I still don't
know HTML. I worry about the coolness of my site.
I still get thrilled if I see my name on someone else's
site. It's a funny mix of public and private writing.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
still read <a href="http://www.willa.com">Willa</a>.
And now I read <a href="http://www.cobaltika.com/">bobbi</a>
and <a href="http://kalilily.blogspot.com/">Elaine</a>.
I go to <a href="http://www.jezebel.com/">Jezebel</a>.
I saw <a href="http://www.links.net/">Justin</a>
on MSNBC, way back when he had long dreds. I still read
him. I watch the development of <a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/">Blogsisters</a>
and read <a href="http://allied.blogspot.com/">Jeneane</a>.
I am comforted by the shared ire of <a href="http://phonezilla.net/bigfatblog/">Paul</a>.
I spend the morning looking at <a href="http://www.jessamyn.com/journal/">Jessamyn</a>'s
vacation <a href="http://jessamyn.info/sfo/index.php?x=14">photos</a>.
I check in on <a href="http://www.henrysdiary.com/">Henry</a>.
I look forward to <a href="http://smattering.org/archives/00000411.php">Friday</a>.
Most of these people don't know me or read me. I am
still shy about connecting. But I am anxiously waiting
for the new <a href="http://www.movabletype.org/">MT</a>
and I'm gonna try to put it in my page. I go to <a href="http://internetbrothers.com/aortal/">aortal</a>
and <a href="http://jenett.org/ageless/">ageless</a>
and look for more. I am blown away by the <a href="http://www.1000journals.com/home.html">artistry</a>.
I click on connect. I click on publish. I eat more Pad Thai and try
again. </span></font> </p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
21
2002 9:03
AM
</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="204">
<tr>
<td width="198" height="54">
<p><a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/folder?folder_id=192671"><img src="Kfire.jpg" width="200" height="91" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/user?user_id=185677">Kobi</a>
took some amazing photos of the <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/03/19/BU229497.DTL">Cannery
fire</a>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So...I
was in class...and my teacher is pregnant. She's been
showing a little more every week. This week she defiantly
has a little more baby belly. I heard someone making
the joke to her that they'd noticed she'd been showing
but that if they had mentioned it earlier she might
have been mad because it might have implied that she
was getting fat. It as one of those casual, no big deal
jokes in which the implication is so obvious that sentences
are barely completed. Another classmate had given me
something to read in which she mentions that a photo
makes her look fat. It occurs to no one that I do not
just look fat. I am fat. I am not pregnant I am fat.
And that the embedded notion in their inference that
fat has meaning and that meaning is not good is spoken
in a room where I am sitting. It occurs to no one that
it is incredibly rude. Because ...after all fat is ugly,
right? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
...say it to my face. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Let
me clear. I'm sure if any of these folks read this,
they'll be abashed. They're nice people. They wouldn't
want to hurt me. And ...after all...we all agree don't
we...fat is ugly and no one would want to be fat. Well...we
don't all agree. And I am fat. And I didn't wake up
one day and think...gee..I'm going to lay around and
eat and not move until I get really fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
stuff just gets me so mad and so sad. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
<a href="http://www.publiccitizen.org/hot_issues/issue.cfm?ID=248">Nader</a>
is in the <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/03/20/MN216579.DTL">fight</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
tired.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
22
2002 8:28
AM
</span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table border="0" width="73">
<tr>
<td width="67">
<p><a href="http://smattering.org/archives/00000411.php"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">1. <b>What is your favorite time of year? </b>Fall<BR>2. <b>What is it about your favorite season
that, well, makes it your favorite season? </b>I like colder, better than hotter.
Fall has a smell that I like. It feels like change to
me.<BR>3. <b>What is your
least favorite time of year? </b>Summer. <BR>4. <b>Do you do anything to celebrate or recognize the changing
of seasons?</b> No. But, really, I live in SF. Every day is the same season.<BR>5. <b>What's your favorite thing to do
outside? </b>I don't actually like to go outside.</span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So...yesterday...I
was a slug. I did...not much. I was just weepy an beleaguered.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Late
in the day, I decide to work on a <a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/">blogger project</a> that
Pattie Thomas and I had discussed. We both were tagged
with the Fatty Pattie thing as kids. So, we have been
saying we should start a think tank, or a journal, or
...sumin. So ...I started a blog. It was pretty fun.
She was in Canada and I was in SF. We were in a Yahoo
chat, picking templates for the blog, it was so cyber-wild.
And fun. In the process I <a href="http://uigui.net/comments/">found</a> a way to put comments
on my page. If you click on amplify you should be able
to leave me a note. But...we'll see... if it works.
It works on the blogger page. But I'm not sure about
how it will work with my page.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't think we know what we're going to do over there
at <a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/">fattypatties</a>. Lot's of pomo riffin. We know we share
some fierce political analysis of fatness and culture.
Pattie wrote the brilliant side bar explanation of who
we are.</span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="1" width="271" bordercolordark="teal" bordercolorlight="#9898FF">
<tr>
<td width="265"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">As we have grown up, we have discovered that the radical appreciation of the
beauty of fat women is an appreciation that doesn't compare their beauty with
other women or with men. Rather it is the appreciation of women who struggle to
love themselves, who will not be conformed to an expectation. It is an
appreciation of the bravery of being fat in the face of oppression. It is an
appreciation of the spaces that fat women fill.</span></font></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
somehow...doing it ...made me feel better. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"> </p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=108">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p> </p>
<FONT face="Arial,Helvetica"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> " We believed
all this rubbish." -- <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2002/03/18/books/18LESS.html">Doris
Lessing</a></span></FONT><p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
23
2002 9:47
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
comments work! Now you can make wise cracks, give sage
advise or just share the love. I love this stuff! I
was glued to the computer trying to work through it
all. If it works the way I think it does ...I'll be
working on all my pages. Maybe I can get the <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/USFMFA.htm">MFA</a> page
going. Suzanne put in the first comment. This morning
I have to see if it travels with the post when I move
it to <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/thestory.html">the
story</a>. Gulp. </span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
new epigraph is from Doris Lessing and she's talking
about when she was a Communist. The link goes to an
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2002/03/18/books/18LESS.html">article</a>
in the New York Times, which I think you might not be
able to get to unless you're a member. But membership
is free. In the article, she also makes a comment about
feminists not working toward participation. I'm not
sure what she means by feminists. Every once in a while
I hear a conversation about feminism that confuses me.
I mean feminism is about many things because it's about
a formalization of the discussion of women's varied
experience. Certainly it's about equal participation.
And it's about understanding the ways in which our experience
is different than the experience of men. But, the male
experience is not one thing either. Some day we may
be past all these words and conversations, but we have
a long way to go. We're no where near anything that
looks like equality. But Lessing implies that feminists
just shout at men. Uh...<a href="http://www.msmagazine.com/">no</a>.
I used her quote because I just love her. And I
love the fact that she challenges belief. But I do not
get why anyone disparages the idea of feminism.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
got to spend the afternoon with Adrienne yesterday.
We hadn't seen each other since September so we had
lots to talk about. It was a gab fest! So, I had a great
day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Now
I have to publish this page and see if I followed directions
and the comments still work. If they don't I may never
get away from my computer. Actually, if they do it may
be worse, because I'll want to them on every page. </span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=109">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
24
2002
9:06
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
was spooky. Blogger went down and I couldn't access
<a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/">FattyPatties</a>
or any of the other Blogspot hosted blogs that I read.
Then, my cable went out, right in the middle of a replayed
rules committee meeting. I started to wonder how I would
survive, deprived as I was of input. So, I cleaned my
stove. </span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was covered with oil splatters from the other day. I
put a frozen veggie burger into hot oil. KaBoom. Well,
KaBoom isn't the right word. More like CrackleSplatPop.
And
I did other domestic chores, including making soup with
chard, miso and tofu. Such culinary purity and it was
good. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
screen life was back by then and I had comments. Yippie!
I listened to my supervisors, read my blogs, ate my
soup, the scent of Ajax wafting from the kitchen. Life
is good.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Found
this <a href="http://burningbird.net/weblog/2002_03_01_burningbird_archive.php#75021223">rant</a>
about feminism. Followed by <a href="http://burningbird.net/weblog/2002_03_01_burningbird_archive.php#75023031">another</a>.
A lively discussion ensues in her comments, featuring
this quote "<i>I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only
know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that
differentiate me from a doormat</i>." - <a href="http://www.creview.com/artcrit/ac6kin.htm">Rebecca Wes</a>t.
Which I've heard before and smile every time I hear
it again. <BR></span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
decided to read <a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp?GXHC_GX_jst=90c77147662d6164&GXHC_gx_session_id_store=811e9605b9e4ddb4&s=showproduct&isbn=0767903633">Wake
Up I'm Fat</a> last night. Camryn quit smoking and gained
some weight. Her father told her that maybe she
should start smoking again, until she could get
her weight under control. Uhuh. A father who would rather
have a daughter with lung cancer than fat. She didn't
talk to him for a while, returned his letters unopened.
Ultimately she forgives him. I'm still mad at him though.
I'll probably finish the book today.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
can't go swimming because I don't have a ride. I am
a bit bummed. But I have writing I need to do. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"> </p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=110">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p> </p>
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
25
2002 9:56
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
week is not beginning well. </span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
had just finished my page, I was going to add one more
link, and my computer froze. I lost the whole page.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday
was weird. I really was bummed about not going swimming,
I didn't want to work on any writing. Kristina called
and she was going to a poetry reading in which <a href="http://www.kelseyst.com/house.htm">Elizabeth
Robinson</a> was going to read. I thought that might
snap me out of my blues. But it turned out to be
a party for <i><a href="http://www.apogeepress.com/books_bkhrs.html">bk
of (h)rs</a> </i>put on by <a href="http://www.apogeepress.com">Apogee
Press</a>. I hate parties.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was at a cool little <a href="http://www.dolbychadwickgallery.com/">gallery</a>
with nice <a href="http://www.dolbychadwickgallery.com/up_pauker.html">art</a>
and the <a href="http://www.poetryproject.com/mccarthy.html">poetry</a>
was good. But it was a party.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It was fun to see Kristina.
But...I hate parties. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Kobi
sent <a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/folder.tcl?folder_id=194012">pictures</a> of
Jack's mountain bike race.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.henrysdiary.com/">Henry</a>
has been <a href="http://www.harpold.com/500/paddock/00000166.html">Hoopla</a>ed.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think the first time I wrote about all this it had more
poetry. But now I'm tired and cranky and I broke my
bracelet. There's a pile of turquoise moon face beads
sitting on my desk. Sigh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"> </p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=111">comment</a></noscript></p> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
26
2002 9:58
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
was an Internet test that I thought sounded interesting.
</span></font>
<table align="center" border="0" width="155">
<tr>
<td width="149">
<p><a href="http://similarminds.com/"><img src="Type5.gif" width="148" height="200" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And,
in my case, it seems pretty accurate. I don't know how
visionary I am but I am a hide-a-way. The questions
on these things are always hard to answer. I rarely
feel like I can answer them one way and one way only.
The <a href="http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/home.asp">enneagram</a>
is interesting...for a test based personality theory.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Yesterday,
two people sent me a link to <a href="http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2002/03/25/fat_kids/index.html">this</a>
article. It took me a while to read it because I was
so angry, so fast. Interesting, considering my recent
musings on feminism. Ms. Benfer characterizes the
notion that beauty comes in all sizes as a feminist
one. I would have thought that it might be a humanist
one. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">At
the base of this reductive and hostile tripe (she says
resisting the urge to use a string of expletives) is
the idea that kids are only fat if they eat too much
and don't exercise. Fast food is the root of all evil.
Well, guess what? There was no McDonald's when I was
kid. I lived in Pittsburgh PA, a very hilly town and
I walked everywhere. AND I WAS FAT. Even when this woman
writes that "<i>most pediatricians concur that while a child is growing, it is actually
dangerous for that child to lose weight</i>", she concludes that something
(eat less, exercise more -- why didn't I think of that?! )
needs to be done to keep kids from being fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
always feel as if I have to say that I know that weight
can be mediated by eating less and moving more. But
for fat people, that does not mean we can be thin. And
we CAN be fat and healthy. There have been fat kids
long before there was junk food. I hate junk food. I
don't eat junk food. I wouldn't feed kids junk food.
Every Easter I made my Goddaughter baskets full of Godiva
chocolate, so that she would have a developed palate. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
is only one in a <a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/727544.asp#BODY">series</a>
of attacks on fat kids. So...I guess the skinny kids
who eat junk food and play Nintendo, but are not genetically
predisposed to being fat...well...we just won't worry
about their health. </span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=112">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
27
2002 8:58
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.windchimewalker.com/2-27-suzanne&carrie.html">Suzanne</a>
and <a href="http://www.windchimewalker.com/mitchells5.html">Lucia
and Gabe</a> came over and took me to the store. Thank
you! </span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
we had sandwiches at <a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/856528/">Little Lucca's</a>. If I eat one of
those Lucca specials, I'm done with food for the rest
of the day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.rollingthundertour.org/">This</a>
should be fun and it should be blogged. Yee Ha!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
morning I was awakened...from a not particularly good
night of sleep...by the noise of a small child...in
the yard next door...tooting the same two notes...repeatedly.
I'm feeling pretty woozy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
finished <a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp?GXHC_GX_jst=90c77147662d6164&GXHC_gx_session_id_store=811e9605b9e4ddb4&s=showproduct&isbn=0767903633">Camryn's
</a>book but I'm still thinking about it. There's a
point where she has the great <a href="http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/thepractice/bios/camryn_manheim.html">role</a>
on The Practice and she's come to terms with her body.
She meets a guy on an airplane and it seems like
a love connection...but when they meet up with her costar
<a href="http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/thepractice/bios/lara_flynn_boyle.html">Laura
Flynn Boyle</a> he makes it clear that he is interested
in Laura. It reminded me of times when I had the band.
I'd come off the stage and a guy would start talking
to me and I'd be feeling like a rock-n-roll star. Then
he'd ask about one of the back up singers. So...what...I'm
a pimp? The book is interesting. Fat girls need to tell
their stories. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
got some writing done yesterday and that is the goal
for the day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.passover.net/">Shalom.</a></span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=113">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
28
2002
9:33
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Of
course, my new addiction is to check for comments ...
every fifteen minutes. This kind of messes with my stats.
Hits on my page have jumped from 11 per day to 20...but
that's just because I'm checking for comments. Yesterday
I checked and the comments weren't there. Naturally,
I figured I'd done something wrong. But...I couldn't
figure out what. Finally I took a tour of people who
also use the fabulous <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/">YACCS</a>
comments system and realized no one had comments. Then...it
occurred to me to go to the <a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/">YACCS</a>
page ... but it wasn't there. I suppressed my panic
and did other things. (You know like work on the piece
of writing that I'm suppose to be working on.) Later,
I went back and there was an acknowledgement that, indeed,
something had gone wrong. It's such a great thing to
be able to have the comments feature. Of course...it would be better...if someone
would leave a comment...hint, hint. </span></font>
<p align="justify"><a href="http://www.aldaily.com/"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
is the Mother load of links. Every magazine ...in the
universe! OK...maybe not every...but a boat load!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did a bit of writing. Well, I fussed over what I had
already done and wrote...like three more sentences.
Big woop. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
addicted to the <a href="http://www2.warnerbros.com/web/westwingtv/index.jsp">West
Wing</a>. I pretend that it's the real White House.The
show got off to a rough start this season but it seems
to be back up to speed, as of <a href="http://www2.warnerbros.com/web/westwingtv/episodes.jsp?episode=91674&season=3" target="_blank">last
night</a>. I was loving it! But at the same time there
was a debate on the <a href="http://www.kron4.com/Global/category.asp?C=20814&nav=5D7l5O2b5OdZ">homeless
plans</a> here in SF on KRON. So, I was clicking back
and forth. I'll be able to watch a replay of the discussion on
Sunday. <a href="http://www.sf-homeless-coalition.org/">The
Coalition</a> has<a href="http://www.sf-homeless-coalition.org/covenant.html">
this</a> on line. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK...I
must be active today. </span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=114">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Respect the page.
-
<a href="http://www.arts.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2002/03/12/bonego.xml&sSheet=/arts/2002/03/12/ixbooks.html">Margret
Atwood</a></span></font><p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
29
2002
8:30
AM</span></font></p>
<div align="left">
<table border="0" width="74">
<tr>
<td width="68">
<p><a href="http://smattering.org/archives/00000437.php"><img src="fridayfive-bluegreen.gif" width="72" height="28" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">1. If you could eat dinner with and "get to know" one famous person (living
or dead), who would you choose?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/team.htm"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Amy
Goodman</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">2. Has the death of a famous
person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">JFK,
Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Malcom X. With each
death I knew that there was something going on, about
which I was not hearing </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you
choose?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Fame...scares
me.<BR></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone
famous? Who?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Mama
Cass. But you know...all fat people look alike. <BR></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">5. Have you ever met anyone famous?</span></font></B><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> <BR>I
was in a play with <a href="http://roseanneworld.com/">Roseanne
Barr</a>, before she was famous. I met Sheena Easton
when she was in Man of La Mancha with Raul Julia. I was
three feet from him ...and he was in a robe. sigh</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I've been thinking about trauma lately. I talked a little
bit about it on <a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/">Fatty
Patties</a>. It began when I watched <a href="http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0203/21/lkl.00.html">Marla
Hanson on Larry King</a>. She was talking about her
experience of post traumatic stress syndrome. I thought
about my own traumas and the ways in which I am, and
am not, over them. I'm always analyzing my depression.
As if understanding it will make it go away. But I also
think that if you aren't a little depressed, <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/03/29/arafat.reaction/index.html">you</a>
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/israel/Story/0,2763,675987,00.html">aren't</a>
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,1280,-1622351,00.html">paying</a>
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,3604,675727,00.html">attention</a>.
</span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
I've been thinking about trauma and yesterday, <a href="http://www.visionaryactivism.com/">Caroline
Casey</a> did a show with <a href="http://www.traumahealing.com/">this
guy</a>. We're all dealing with trauma. Caroline pointed
out that most of the stuff we watch on TV, the stuff
that is suppose to be entertainment, are images
that, if we saw them in life, we'd be traumatized. And
so we become inured to a level of daily trauma.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't even like the word...trauma. I hate the victim
role. I'm caught between these two extremes of my personality.
I have everything figured out(calm/centered)...and ...nothing
means anything(hurt/petulant). Being a <a href="http://www.freewillastrology.com/pages/gemini.shtml">Gemini </a>is so
much fun.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
shameless plea for comments worked pretty well yesterday.
So...</span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=115">comment</a></noscript></p>
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">3
30
2002 9:31
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
<b>LOVE</b> comments!</span></font>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
am so pleased with myself. My kitchen has been bugging
me. It has needed that kind of cleaning that you do
once a year, where you take <b>EVERYTHING</b> off the
butcher block and move it and mop under it. And clean
<b>EVERYTHING </b>before you put it back.<b> </b>Uh
huh. In fact, last week when I was bragging about cleaning
my stove I was glad no one could see...the floor. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
I took <b>EVERYTHING </b>off the butcher block and cleaned
and cleaned and cleaned. It bugs me because I used to
be able to clean my whole apartment in one day. Now
I get tired and have to rest. I am, in fact, older.
But...when I sat down to rest...I did not blog...I worked
on writing. And I got a lot done. It helped that <a href="http://www.blogspot.com/">Blogspot</a>
was down. (I wonder if that happens every weekend?)</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is a moment...when you're doing something like this...and
you look around...and everything is much worse. Because
you've torn everything apart, and you're not getting
it put back together...fast enough. That moment
came at 6:30. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was trying to keep myself away from <a href="http://www.cnn.com">CNN</a>.
Like <a href="http://www.windchimewalker.com/2-27-suzanne&carrie.html">Suzanne</a>
mentioned in comments yesterday, things
in <a href="http://jerusalem.indymedia.org/">Ramallah</a>
have weighed heavily on my heart. If there
isn't anything on <a href="http://www.KPFA.org">KPFA</a>,
I watch <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/03/30/holmes.otsc/index.html">CNN</a>,
but it drives me crazy. I can't count how
many times I've heard the news (and I use
that word with clenched teeth) person, when
questioning a Palestinian "expert",
ask something like..."but Israel has
a right to defend itself, <b>doesn't it</b>?"
Uh...when you're doing news...aren't you
suppose to present both sides in an objective
manner? So..I'm screaming at the television
and being held captive by the film that
they show. And it becomes less about being
informed and more about torturing myself.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
I <a href="http://www.towerrecords.com/product.asp?pfid=2576008">put</a>
<a href="http://www.towerrecords.com/product.asp?pfid=1878358">on</a>
<a href="http://www.towerrecords.com/product.asp?pfid=1903552">some</a>
<a href="http://www.towerrecords.com/product.asp?pfid=1107226">music</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was 9:00 when I did the last sink full of
dishes. Things were almost back to normal.
There's a little more to do today but let
me just say...my kitchen looks gooooood.
It just seems like, since I don't have a
job (she says, teeth clenched again) my
apartment should be clean. Does all this
make me sound as neurotic as I feel like
it does? I need constant reassurance doncha
know. (Another thinly veiled plea for comments)</span></font></p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=116">comment</a></noscript></p>
31
2002 7:44
AM</p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today
I feel the way I felt at Christmas. Spirituality
seems problamatic. My spirtuality has <a href="http://www.religion-cults.com/Eastern/Buddhism/budis11.htm">taken</a>
<a href="http://www.deoxy.org/mckenna.htm">a</a>
<a href="http://www.babajiashram.org/">few</a>
<a href="http://www.glide.org/">different</a>
<a href="http://www.dailyzen.com/">forms</a>.
It's always been important. And now...I
just don't want to give it a <a href="http://www.celestia.com/SRP/MA96/Html/VernalEquinox.html">name</a>. I want
it to be a quiet place inside of me. </span></font>
<div align="right">
<table border="0" width="393">
<tr>
<td width="387">
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
here's a <a href="http://www.esu.lt/andrius/10/go.htm">bunny</a>
to play with and don't forget...
</span></font><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/"><img src="rabbit.gif" align="bottom" width="88" height="31" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
<p align="justify"> </p>
<a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/comments?b=90000008560&e=117">comment</a></noscript></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> </p>
</body>
</html>