|
Server : Apache/2.4.62 System : FreeBSD fbsdweb2.web.rcn.net 14.1-RELEASE FreeBSD 14.1-RELEASE releng/14.1-n267679-10e31f0946d8 GENERIC amd64 User : www ( 80) PHP Version : 8.3.8 Disable Function : NONE Directory : /domains/fatshado/ |
Upload File : |
<html>
<head>
<META NAME='Keywords' CONTENT='blogchalk, English, United States, San Francisco, North Beach, Tish, Female, 46-50'>
<title>Fatshadow</title>
<!-- Begin YACCS Code (part 1) -->
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://rateyourmusic.com/bclw?b=90000008560"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
function yaccs_c(){document.write(ycso[0]);}
function ycs(e){for(i=0;i<ycso[2];i++){
if(ycsx[i*2]==e){return ycsx[(i*2)+1];}}
if(e<ycso[3])if(ycso[2]>=ycso[1])
{return -1}else{return 0}else return 0}
quot="'";quotcq="','"
function get_comment_link(e){
cc=ycs(e);if(cc==0){yfs=ycso[9]}
if(cc==1){yfs=ycso[10]}if(cc>1){yfs=ycso[11];
if(ycso[13]){yfs+=cc}yfs+=ycso[12]}if(cc==-1){yfs=ycso[14]}
if(ycso[5]){document.write('<a target="'+ycso[4]+
'" class="yaccslink" href="javascript:void(0)"'+
' onclick="window.open('+quot+'http://'+ycso[8]+
'commentsn/blog_id='+ycso[15]+'_and_blog_entry_id='+e+quotcq+
'yaccs'+quotcq+'scrollbars=yes,resizable=yes,height='+
ycso[6]+',width='+ycso[7]+',left=80,top=80'+quot+');">'+
yfs+'<\/a>')}else{
document.write('<a class="yaccslink" href="http://'+ycso[8]+
'commentsn?blog_id='+ycso[15]+ ycso[16] +
'blog_entry_id='+e+ ycso[16] +'returnurl='+document.URL+'">'+yfs+'<\/a>')}}
function get_custom_comment_link(e,f,g,h,m,n,o,p,q,r){get_comment_link(e)}
function yaccs(e,f,g,h,m,n,o,p,q,r,ar){get_comment_link(e)}
</script>
<!-- End YACCS Code (part 1) -->
<script language="JavaScript">
<!--
// thanks to randomwalks.com for this code
function targetLinks(boNew)
{
if (boNew)
{
where = "_blank"
}
else
{
where = "_self"
}
for (var i = 0; i <= (document.links.length-1); i++ )
{
strURL = document.links[i].href
voidURL = "javascript:void(0)"
if ( strURL != voidURL )
{
document.links[i].target = where
}
}
}
//-->
</script>
<STYLE TYPE="text/css">
BODY
{
scrollbar-base-color:#A888A8;
scrollbar-arrow-color: #336699;
scrollbar-DarkShadow-Color:#9966FF;
}
</STYLE>
<style>
</html>
</style>
<body bgcolor="gray">
<p> </p>
<table align="center" border="0">
<tr>
<td width="743" bgcolor="white">
<p> <font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><b>January
2003</b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Great
art is clear thinking about mixed feelings, said Auden.
(from a slection of </span></font><a href="http://www.bookpage.com/0102bp/edward_hoagland.html"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Edward
Hoagland</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">'s
diaries.)</span></font></p>
<p><a id="e79" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e79"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e78"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">7</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:34
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
am home. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love my home.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love my desktop.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love my web page.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love my bed. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">We
arrived early and I succumbed to the sin of taking a
taxi. Shuttles are so much cheaper but I just wanted
to be HOME! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I am. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was (am) a little bit zonked from the day of air travel.
I will write a full rant about this soon. And there
was the time change. I lost three hours. But I was wired
and tired. I ordered a </span></font><a href="http://www.northbeachpizza.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">pizza.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Put on my </span></font><a href="http://www.ci.sf.ca.us/bdsupvrs/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">beloved Board
of Supervisors</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. Powered up my PC. Ahhhhhhh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
home.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
called Mom. When we arrived at the airport a fellow
pulled up beside us and told her she should check one
of her tires. This started a bit of a row. Ken kept saying that
if the tire blew out the car could roll. Mom didn't want to stop
in a gas station and put in air because she'd never done it before.
As I said goodbye I had visions of them with a flat tire in the
middle of no where. I mean, it's crazy, because they have an emergency
cell phone and some kind of AAA thing. So they would have been OK.
But, shit. They drove back to Brevard and she took the car
to some tire place and they found a roofing tack. All is well.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">At
the airport my Mom stood at the glass security wall and watched
while they waved the metal detector over me and looked at my laptop
case. I kept waving to her. My throat tight with tears. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
thing is Mom is in pretty good shape. Relatively speaking. She could
be around for years. Ken is better. But, at 79, I think he's only
ever going to get so much better. And I feel the need to be closer.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
I talked to </span></font><a href="http://www.steveconn.com"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Steve</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
he sang the praises of </span></font><a href="http://www.asheville.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Asheville</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
He thought it was a great place to live. (It is isn't it </span></font><a href="http://divamaggie.com/easybakecoven/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Susan</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">?)
It's close to M & K. I'm going to graduate in six months. And
then I'm going to need a job. And I am thinking about where I want
to position myself for that future. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">For
today.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
am home. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.kpfa.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">KPFA</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is on the radio. I'm writing on my site. I'm drinking tea and eating
toast in front of my computer. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
home. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
so happy to be here.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(378)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_378"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e80" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e80"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e80"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">8</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:38
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There
was a point yesterday when I just wanted
to order in expensive delivery food and
play with my SIMS. I just wanted to zone.
But I needed to go and get my mail. I swear
I told them to deliver it today but yesterday
they
left a note saying come and get it. I needed
to get the bills and write checks. My swollen
credit cards need constant attention. I'm already
getting THOSE phone calls. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And it was a
beautiful sunny SF day. I've decided to
pull away from the screen more and go ... out. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So,
anticipating a months worth of catalogs and junk mail and bills,
(oh my) I got my little grocery cart and walked
up the hill to the PO office. Smiling at
the hills. Got propositioned by a homeless guy. Ahhh. Life is good.
I'm back in the city. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">They had the
pkg of books that Mom & I had mailed
but not the mail. Or so they said. They
gave me a phone # to call. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Here's
the deal. One block from my apartment is
the place where they sort the mail. One
flat block. Up the hill, five blocks away
from my house, is the PO office. So. I figured
that the mail was at the sorting center.
It had been there one other time. I walked
back down the hill, knocked
on the door and a guy comes and tells me
that the mail is at the office. I hike back
UP THE HILL and wait in line for ten minutes
and ... oh...yes...they do have it. See,
if I was my Mother I would have told the
guy to call when I was there the first time.
He woulda called and they would have told
him to look a little harder and I wouldn't
have made a second trip. Sweating. In the
beautiful sun. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
got the bills. Wrote the checks. Groan.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
did play with my SIMS for a bit. I made
a John Keats and an Emily Dickinson. They
live in separate houses and they each have
cat. I was going to try and hook them up.
So far they haven't discovered each other.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Then
I went to the store and got some tuna and
apples and those already peeled carrots
that that don't really taste very good.
I mean really. If you can't peel your own
carrots...what is that about? But I was
really tired. I think the day of travel caught up with me.
I was so thirsty the day I got to NC and I had the same experience
yesterday. I could not drink enough water. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
spent a lovely long time reading blogs this morning. I couldn't
sleep. Maybe I'm still feeling NC time. With my limited web time
in NC I really noticed who I read and why. I like different blogs
for different reasons. More about that later. Yesterday I read </span></font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2003_01_05.html#e001200"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dorothea</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">,
someone who I've been reading for a while, and </span></font><a href="http://www.sweetnsour.org/traces/archives/000112.php"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Monica</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">,
a new friend, who were both pointing to a post by </span></font><a href="http://weblog.burningbird.net/fires/000801.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Shelly
talking about comments.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
love comments. I check my own comment section manically and I love
reading the comments on other people's sites. I love the way conversations
happen in comment sections. And I've only had a few icky comments.
Nothing too bad. But I've seen some really slings and arrows in
comment sections. And the situation that Shelly was writing about
(</span></font><a href="http://www.wkenshow.com/archives/000732.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">nasty
comment bombers crashing a site</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">)
is an example of how loopy it can get. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
ohhhhhhh........I love comments. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">It's
funny. I get web shy. I don't always feel comfortable commenting.
Or sending e-mail. But when I wsa in NC comments and e-mails kept
me from crashing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">This
public writing of personal riffing is interesting space. We become
involved with one another in intimate ways and yet...there is distance.
If I am listening to a friend say something I don't like they may
be able to tell by looking at my face. Actually, my face is an easy
read. But if I read a blogger friend saying something I find offensive,
or dumb, they may never know. I can just click away. Or I can go
back to my own blog and GO OFF. Which is usually how I handle it.
If I really react to something I read on line, in a negative way,
I usually use my own space to speak out. With a link. That way the
blogger may see me in their referrers and check me out. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
ya know...I don't go looking for many fights. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">If
one comes along I will square off. Not for the fun of the fight.
I don't find fighting fun. But for the hope of evolution, education,
growth...sumthin.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
I love my comments. Right now </span></font><a href="http://www.cobaltika-studio.com/reconstructed-mind/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Bobbi
has borked her MT </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">and
her comments are only there in her archives. I really want to be
able to tell her how </span></font><a href="http://www.cobaltika-studio.com/reconstructed-mind/archives/000164.html#000164"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">beautiful
her stuff </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">is
and how much it helps me to go to her site and see beauty. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">In
case anyone is wondering...I never did buy any smokes. I thought
about it yesterday but I was in too good a mood. A bit postal. But
soooo happy to be home. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(379)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_379"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e81" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e81"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e80"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">9</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:38
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Yikes!
I added to the bork on </span></font><a href="http://www.cobaltika-studio.com/reconstructed-mind/index.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Bobbi's
MT</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
Sheesh! She says I'm forgiven. Phew. But
fa cryin out loud! All I did was leave a
comment in one of her archived pages. Puts
a whole new spin on the problem with comments.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">MT
gives me the heebie jeebies. There's no
way I could do it alone. It just seems too
hard unless you are a full tilt design head.
The thing is I think I might like to be
a design head. When I have time and brain
cell function I actually read about design
stuff. But...when I try to do something
new with my page I sweat my limitations.
And my limitations are many. Don't look
under the hood. It's messy. And now I'm
sweating someone else's design issues. Oh
shit! (See Bobbi, swearing is OK here.)
I'm so sorry!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
</span></font><a href="http://www.wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/entries/000752.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">We
Have Brains Topic</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
is about football and feminism. I can't
believe I have something to say about this.
But M & K watch a lot of football. I
would sit with them and read. I got pretty
good at tuning out the roar and babble of
the game. But Mom would yell and bang on
her chair. "Go go go!" I dropped
my book a few times. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
only time I was interested in football was
when I had a crush on Gary Demblowski in
seventh grade. He was on the team. I was
in the bleachers. Swooning and yelling.
"Go go go!" </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
last Sunday I was in NC I walked into the
living room when there was a game on between
New York and Pittsburgh. I grew up in Pittsburgh.
I was in seventh grade in Pittsburgh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There
was a turn around in the middle of the game
and the end was really close and really
dramatic. And then there was another game
between SF and ...oh shit I forget...but,
again, there was a mid game turn around
and the end was really close and dramatic.
I actually got caught up in the whole thing.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
in one of the games the players were fighting.
You could feel the tension. And that is
not about winning a game. It's about money.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
WHB questions are: </span></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i>Does your view of feminism skew your view of football, sports in general? Are
you a fan, but a skeptical fan? Or do you just sit back & try to enjoy the
game for the game's sake?</i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
not sure my view of feminism skews my view.
I think my Marxist tendencies may either
skew or clear my view. Depending on how
ya wanna look at it. I'm not really interested
in football but I think it's good for people
to have things like football. I think it's
good to be excited and involved and passionate.
I mean life is fucking hard and the news
is not good and the war looms and if people can forget about it
all watch some guys run a ball back and
forth ...hey...it's all good. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
there is SO MUCH MONEY involved in these
games. And the spending begins in Jr high
with special equipment and young boys are
told not to worry if they can't read as
long as they can get that ball down the
field. And music and art programs fall apart
for lack of funding. And money is spent
on stadiums and superstar players and things
I probably don't even want to know about.
And the passion in those players is goaded
with cash. And sportsmanship. Well.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">One
of the things I kept thinking when I was
watching those HUGE men knock each other
down and bang into each other with helmets
and cleats was how people talk about fat
people and our terrible health. (cough)
Why isn't anybody worried about these guys
and their health? It can not be good for
your body to play that game. I knew a guy
who had blown his knees playing football.
We used to share knee pain stories. But
I'm bad because my knees are fucked up because
I'm fat (not) and he's cool because he fucked
his up playing football. What is that about?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
have a VERY feminist friend. Who shall remain nameless. (But you
know who you are.) When the big baseball game was being played here
she was completely obsessed. COMPLETELY.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
saw the </font><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/sections/GMA/GoodMorningAmerica/GMA021228Female_football_kicker.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">woman
who kicked the football</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I don't know if women should be in the game.
I really can't muster up an opinion about
it. Sure. Why not? What ever. I know there
are women who are interested in the game.
My 76 year old mother banging on the arms
of her chair. "Go go go!" Me at
thirteen swooning and yelling. "Go
go go!" I remember the guys saying girls
weren't interested in the game. It just
made me want to know ALL about it. Early
rebel nature. Feminist? I think so. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
if we hadn't moved away from Gary Demblowski
I might have married him and had lots of
kids and watched the game on Sundays. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Hmmm.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Uh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i> </i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">All's
well that ends.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(380)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_380"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">I guess I'm taking my chances
</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Giving up the ring throwing in my gloves
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">I guess I'm taking my chances
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Trading in my things
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">For a couple wings a little white dove
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">And one big love, </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">one big love </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">one big love </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">one big love</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"> -</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">-
</span></font><a href="http://www.geocities.com/islandlyrics/emmylouharris/emmy221.txt"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Emmylou
Harris</font></span></a></p>
<p><a id="e82" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">10</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:30
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
think the whole travel thing hit me yesterday.
I woke from seven straight hours of sleep,
which is a lot for me, and then went back
to sleep. Mom called and woke me up. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">See.
Ya can run but you can not hide. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">She
wanted to know how I did the roasted potatoes.
Uh huh. Good gawd. I love her so much.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So
I got out of bed and did the cereal, scone,
tea, blog thing. Later I did a sushi, tangerine,
blog thing. It was 2:00 before I took
a shower. A really long shower. And, again,
that's unusual for me unless I'm washing
my hair or playing with my shower head.
(Did I say that out loud?) </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
just needed to be slow and spaced out and
unresponsive. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">My
suitcase is on the floor in my bedroom.
Mostly unpacked. I unpacked it in fifteen
minutes at Mom's house. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
has </span></font><a href="http://www.hipmama.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">an
article</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
in </span></font><a href="http://www.hipmama.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Hip
Mama</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
Isn't that the coolest? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
think </span></font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e80"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
said something</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
about wanting to write more about the things
I noticed about my blog roll while I was
away and I had such a limited time to be
on line. There are people on my blog roll
who I feel really strongly about. Somehow
a connection has been made that moves past
the limitations of text. And there are people
I read for information or inspiration. Like
I love </span></font><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Harrumph</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
I love every thing</span></font><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/about.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Heather Champ </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">does.
But I don't feel .... uh ...connected. I'm
not sure what all that's about. It isn't
about whether or not a person writes about
their life on line, or just links to cool
stuff. I basically depend on </span></font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
to find the stuff I oughta
read. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There
are people who I read every day and people
who I read once a week and people who I
forget to read and am happy when I remember
and people who don't write every day. I
have </span></font><a href="http://www.biggerhand.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Bigger
Hand</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">on
my blog role and he hasn't really posted
for months. But I check every once in a
while. Coz I miss </span></font><a href="http://www.henrysdiary.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Henry.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Shit.
I shouldn't have started this. Now I feel
like I need to do the whole list. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Any
way the whole muse came back to me when
I was reading </span></font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000741.php#000741"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru
talk about how long her blog role is</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
I thought I had something really deep and
insightful to say about it. But ... maybe not.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.otisfodder.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">This
guy</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
is putting up </span></font><a href="http://www.otisfodder.com/365days.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
song a day</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
for the whole year, </span></font><a href="http://www.otisfodder.com/about.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">just
coz.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
So far my favorite is </span></font><a href="http://www.otisfodder.com/365days/archive/006.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><i><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Understanding
Marx</font></i><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
think my syntax was a bit off yesterday in my football rant. I was
saying that my knees don't necessarily hurt because I'm fat. One
of my knees was injured when a large restaurant mixing bowl
was knocked off a shelf and hit me in the back of said knee. The
cartilage was cracked. Being fat certainly puts more pressure
on my knees and I am older. But I have thin friends with knee problems.
Shit happens. And I don't know about the fatness of football players
being a health issue. I mean </span></font><a href="http://teacher.scholastic.com/upfront/issue/articles/1teenpower.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fat
people can be athletic</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
But having five very large men piled on top of you might not be
healthy. One or two might be OK. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Heh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Oh.
I am tired. I'm rambling. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
since I am rambling. How am I gonna move
to NC when I can't vote Green there and
</span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2003/01/09/state1755EST0130.DTL"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
new president of the SF Board of Supervisors
is Matt Gonzalez</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
? </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(381)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_381"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e83" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e83"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">11</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:45
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
had the best best best day. I had invited
Kristina and Joe for dinner. Kristina came early and (because she
so sweet and generous) brought me </span></font><a href="http://store.yahoo.com/mcsweeneysbooks/newnovbydave.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
book.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
(autographed no less) We went to </span></font><a href="http://www.citylights.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">City
Lights</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0151006989&music=&buyable=0&assoc_id="><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">and</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0156013258&music=&buyable=0&assoc_id="><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0231122845&music=&buyable=0&assoc_id="><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">bought</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=1930464061&music=&buyable=0&assoc_id="><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0375415033&music=&buyable=0&assoc_id="><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">few</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0679444637&music=&buyable=0&assoc_id="><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">more</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
books. (truly fiscally irresponsible but now they are in such a
lovely pile) </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Then
we had a coffee and then we shopped for a few more things I needed
for dinner and </span></font><a href="http://shop.napanet.net/mall/grgich/merchant.ihtml?pid=496&lastcatid=18&step=4"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">some</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font><a href="http://www.stagsleapwinery.com/wines/99petite_syrah.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">wine.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
And we went back to the apartment and I cooked and we drank wine
and ate cheese. When Joe came he made martinis for he and I. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
made </span></font><a href="http://www.spelt.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">spelt</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">crust
pizzas. One with leeks smoked trout and creme fraiche and one with
olives, balsamic red onions roasted red bells and mozzarella. And
I made a raddichio, apple and fennel salad. I thought I might be
sick of the apple fennel thing but the raddichio put a new spin
on it and it was a nice crisp counter to all that creamy other stuff.
And we had </span></font><a href="http://www.ciaobellagelato.com/sfflavors.html#sorbet"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">mango
sorbet and coconut sorbetto</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and little lemon cookies.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
we talked and talked and talked. It was so much fun!</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Then,
just as the evening was winding down, Renee called and I talked
to her for a lovely long time. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Best
best best day. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(382)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_382"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e84" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e84"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">12</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:56
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
think the wounds from my airline experience
have healed enough for me to write about
it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">M
& K had a bunch of frequent flyer miles
that were about to expire. So they used
them all to get me first class tickets.
Mom was really hoping that the wider
seats would be better for me. And so was
I.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Not.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
seats are wider. But there is an arm rest
in the middle that takes up room and so
they aren't that much wider. And the arms
are metal. I wasn't terribly uncomfortable
at first but a four hour flight is a long
time to have your ass squeezed. It was kinda
painful. On the way out I was on a redeye
so everyone slept and I tried to squirm
from side to side, giving each side a break
from the pain. When I got on the flight
to Asheville the plane was pretty empty
and the arm rests lifted and it was a short
flight so I thought my trial was over. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://fatshadow.blogspot.com/2002_12_01_fatshadow_archive.html#85576646"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
we know what happened then</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
plane I got on the next day was very small.
No movable arm rest and I was practically
sitting in some guys lap. When I realized
that I was going to be sitting next to someone
I panicked. I was trying to get off the plane,
which was crazy. Finally I sat down, sort
of sideways. I was uncomfortable. He seemed
OK and he was very nice. He tried to make
some small talk. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">On
the flight back the seats were made from a
hard plastic, which kind of gave a little.
Still painful but not as much. There was
a white guy in the seat next to me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">OK.
Let me be the first to say that I have attitude
about white men. It is true that many of
my favorite men are white. It is also true
that many of the men of been in love with
were white. I am the first to admit that
I make gross overarching generalizations
about white men. So I may offend some of
you. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Sorry.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">He
was on the thin side of average. When I
tried to open the overhead to put my computer
case in it he said, "That one is already
full." I turned to the one behind me
and that one was more than half full as
well. So I went one back. During the flight
he was able to use his little table and
his fold up TV screen and his earphones.
Not me. The table wouldn't come up high
enough to get over my belly. The earphones plugged in to the arm
rest that my hip was squeezed against and so the screen
was irrelevant. So he had a steak dinner and watched
a movie and worked on his lap top. It was
all good for him. I sat paralyzed in my narrow little
band of area and read my book. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">See
the world is designed for him. All the people
around us looked like him. If fat women
of color were the CEO's of the world there
would be couches on planes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">OK.
I know. I'm being a little bit crazy. And
I know the airlines companies are all going
out of business. And I know they can't
redesign the whole plane. But all it would
take is an arm rest on the aisle that dropped.
That's it. Is that so much? And if they wanted to be nice
the tray table could be more adjustable.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Buying
two seats isn't going to guarantee my comfort.
If the arm rest doesn't move I'll be the
proud owner of an empty seat and I'll still
be squeezed. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
don't know. I just want to redesign the
world. Can't we all be comfortable? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">At
the end of the flight the guy took his huge
suitcase out of the overhead bin above us
a smaller bag out of the bin across from
us. He had been taking up three times as
much luggage space as he was allotted. But
he just put it all in a pile and waltzes
off to his very important business. He can
take up all the space he wants to. It's
his world. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(383)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_383"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e85" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e85"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">12</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:59
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Usually
I publish once a day. In the morning. And once in a while I get
riled up by something I read and I post a second time. But I have
a lot on my mind this morning. And, in truth, I wanted the fat girl
flying story to stand alone. There is more than one reason for that.
Some are dumb. Some are not. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
listened to the </span></font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/01/11/illinois.death.row/index.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">wonderful
Governor Ryan speech</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
yesterday. I never thought I'd wish I lived in Illinois instead
of California. The governor in my state knows that the death penalty
is a </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/01/12/MN152308.DTL"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">"threshold
issue.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">"
What ever that means.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
there were two interesting blogs this morning. Kind of interesting
counter points. Mike wrote about </span></font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/2003_01_01_pagecount_archive.html#90171782"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">his
use of pharmaceuticals</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
and Chris wrote about realizing that so many folks he knew were
</span></font><a href="http://www.emptybottle.org/glass/003099.php#003099"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">on
anti depressants</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
somewhere in the middle of the debate. I hate doctors. And I hate
the idea that we need to medicate our pain. But I know that my own
depression can wipe me out. I mean really. If money were no object
I would never leave my house. I started taking </span></font><a href="http://www.hypericum.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">herbs</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
for </span></font><a href="http://www.salisbury.edu/Schools/Henson/NursingDept/Herbalremedies/Black%20Cohash.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">depression</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
last year and some of the shrill misery seemed to abate. I just
added a </span></font><a href="http://www.mdsg.org/same.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">new
one</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I'm determined to pull myself up enough to try and get some stuff
done. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Maybe
I can finish my book. Maybe I can work for </font><a href="http://www.ammianoformayor.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Tom's
campaign.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> Maybe I
can get out the fucking door. It's not even about being happy. It's
about being ... able. Er, sumthin. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Since
I've been back I've been in a great mood. And it's made me wonder
if I can sustain it. As the worries about money and the stress of
what I'm not getting done begins to filter in and since I am not
caught in the minute to minute need to respond to someone else's
need and as the blood begins to flow back into my brain and I begin
to think about IT ALL again, my mood begins to slip about.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
it's a thing to think about. And feel about. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(384)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_384"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e86" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e86"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">13</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'M
SO GLAD I'M HOME. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Marilyn
& I went </span></font><a href="http://www.enterit.com/ALBANY6640/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">swimming</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
and then to the</span></font><a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
Palace of Fine Food</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
Now I have a refrigerator full of beautiful
veggies and a bowl full of apples and tangerines.
And olives and bagels and tortillas and
cheese and so much good stuff.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
did a pretty good job of cleaning out my refrigerator before I left
but, for some inexplicable reason, I left a container full of red
bell pepper pasta. I took the lid off yesterday and ... OH LORD.
Not a good thing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So
I'm tucked in. Which I need to be because I need to do some writing
before school starts. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(385)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_385"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e87" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e87"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">13</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 2:22
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I think I said something about
needing to work on some writing. And I did. I�m working on a grant proposal for
the org that my therapist works with. I think I might suck at grant writing.
But � I�m doin what I can. The writing I want to be working on is THE BOOK. But
after a few hours of doing the grant stuff I can�t switch into the MY WRITING
mode. I have no idea what I mean by that and I suspect that it�s just me being
afraid to look at THE BOOK because it�s been too long. And I need to do more
work on the grant stuff. But I need a break.</span></font><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So.</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I�m gonna do the </span></font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">WHB</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> topic. Does
that make sense?</span></font><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I didn�t think so. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText2 align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/entries/000766.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i>But you tell me - how do you feel about porn? About sex
work? Do you consume pornography in any form? Are sex workers victims of
exploitation?</i></font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Heh. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I have written about this before. Because I think it's an issue for the
fat revolution. When fat girls do porn it seems like using the tools of the
master's house. And there�s a part of me that grimaces. And there�s a part of me
that smiles. I am really divided about it. And my mood determines my response. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There are times when I am as randy and objectifying as I wanna be. I
usually keep this stuff to myself. Because really � who needs to know? And
the part of me that wants to see all people in their totality and not as
isolated images for my turn on is (hopefully) going to override all that
anyway. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I did consume porn when I was younger. But even then I was divided. I�ve
never been able to isolate my own sexual response. I always have some awareness
of the human in the body. So all the poses and body parts add up for me and I
wonder about the heart and the story. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And there is often something so tired and clich� about porn. The people
always look the same. Which is why the fat porn can be seen as subversive. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Exploitation? Yes. And no. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-bidi-font-size:
9.5pt"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">As long as there is no substantive economic parity for
women, as long as there are limits to access, as long as they are expected to
be the ones who do ALL the child care while men prioritize careers, and as long
as they can be abandoned to raise children with no financial support form the
father, or the state, and then choose sex work because there is more buck for a
bang than flipping hamburgers � yes, it is exploitation. If they are forced by
the conditions of the culture to make the value of their beauty more important
than the value of their brains and hearts and fundamental humanity and they use
their beauty to make bank, yes, that�s about exploitation.</span></font><span
style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And I think there are women working in the sex industry
because they like it. And why shouldn�t they? Sex is a good thing.</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I always want to hope for wholeness. But I have my moments
when my brain needs more attention. So I wanna talk, or read. And I have
moments where my heart needs the most. And I don�t want to have to talk. I need
to feel. And I have times when my body needs the most attention. And it isn�t
about who I am or who another person is. It�s about needing body parts and
friction. And other times it�s about a complex limbic dance. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I think this stuff gets confusing when people are talking
about feminism. It does seem to be an all or nothing thing. There are people who are deeply hurt by pornographic images. I have
been hurt by Victoria�s Secret commercials. I have looked at those images of
beauty and desire and felt like there is just too many of them. The image of desirability
is toxic and limited. Women put themselves through too much to live in that
notion of beauty. And when I see and hear and read men who want there to be �nothing
wrong� with feeling aroused by beauty and the image of beauty is the same large
breast and not much else of a body image I feel tired and hurt. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Yesterday I read someone refer to a catalogue of rose
bushes as �pure porn.� And I get that. I�m with looking at images and feeling
desire and longing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">To an extent. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But lets not forget. For every woman who chooses the sex
industry because they just love sex in some central to their life way there
are many more women who are sold into the industry. They are not happy to be
there. And we all, men and women, pay a price. </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So maybe if we play safe and keep asking questions and
try to allow for more than one possibility we can sort out what is hurtful and
be left with an ever shifting and expanding sense of beauty and longing and
desire.</font><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'><span style="mso-spacerun:
yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:
yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:
yes"> </span></span></span></span><p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(386)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_386"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e88" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e88"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">14</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:36
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So
I'm sitting in therapy last night and I'm just so happy.
And I start to worry. What if I'm just happy
now? What will I do? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'> </span></span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There's
very little chance of that. What with the
war and all. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'> </span></span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
I am happy right now. I saw Barbara and
that made me happy. I talked to Kara and
that made me happy. I'm just lovin my life.
And I'm gonna stay with it for as long as I can.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'> </span></span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
was talking to Marilyn on Sunday. I was
telling her that I didn't really talk much
in NC. I mean really talk. She just stared
at me in disbelief. Generally speaking I'm
a talker. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'> </span></span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So
just being able to feel words in my mouth
and under my fingers at the keyboard makes
me happy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.sweetnsour.org/traces/ah.php"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Monica
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">is
linking to </span></font><a href="http://www.tampatantrum.com/leftovers/002765.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Robyn</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
who has proposed the idea of a Blogger love fest. It's a nice idea.
But being all happy n shit, like I am right now, I'm feeling the
love for everyone. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
I need to be working on my other writing. Right? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Heh.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(387)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_387"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">I'm
mad about being old and I'm mad about being
American. Apart from that, OK. --</span></font><a href="http://www.nuvo.net/news/archive/001504.html#001504"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> Kurt
Vonnegut</font></span></a> <p><a id="e89" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e89"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">15</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:12
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Sometimes
you just forget about a vegetable. Like
leeks. I just forgot about them. Now I'm
on a leek kick. I made soup with leeks and
potatoes and mushrooms and sausage. It was
pretty. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I might have
a little flu.
In the late afternoon I felt kind of unwell.
After I'd put everything in the pot I took
a shower and put on my pajamas. The soup
was smelling like healing. I ate some. I read for a
while and watched the end of </span></font><a href="http://www.filmeducation.org/secondary/s_archive/documentary/wwwKings/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When We Were
Kings</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> on </span></font><a href="http://www.sundancechannel.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sundance</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. Today
I still feel a little bit ... out of sorts. It's not that bad. It's
the mildly annoying flu.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
woke up having a dream that the last guy I was in love with (for
three unrequited years thank you very much) was asking me why he
couldn't be in love with me. He was saying he thought it would have
been good if he had been. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">What
would Freud say?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="122">
<tr>
<td width="116">
<p><a href="http://bodyandsoul.blogspot.com/2003_01_01_bodyandsoul_archive.html#87475370"><img src="MLK.jpg" width="126" height="173" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Happy
Birthday Martin. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'> </span></span></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(388)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_388"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e90" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e90"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">15</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 3:23
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><a href="http://www.steveconn.com"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Steve</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
just sent me W 's phone number. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11pt;">202-456-1111</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Heh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">He
is requesting feedback on whether or not
you support the war on Iraq. Let's all let
him know how we feel. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
fuming over </span></font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2003/ALLPOLITICS/01/15/bush.affirmativeaction/index.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial">his
opposition to the University of Michigan's
affirmative action program.</font></span></a><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
On Martin Luther King's birthday, to add
insult to injury.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman'; font-size:11pt; mso-fareast-font-family:
" Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"><span style="font-size:11pt; mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Of
course I wish colleges would refuse
to admit the privileged sons of public figures
who can't articulate full sentences. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(389)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_389"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e91" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e91"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">15</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:17
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
may seem crazy that I watch Oprah. It seems crazy to me. I
don't sit and watch her. I'm usually doing something on the computer
and she's over to my left on the other screen. And I don't always
have her on. But </font><a href="http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200301/tows_past_20030115.jhtml"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">today</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> I
was so glad I do watch her. And I stopped and turned to the TV and
watched her. I cried through most of the show. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">She
had Governor George Ryan and three of the men who have just left
death row on. She went onto what was death row and interviewed people.
It was an amazing thing to watch. </font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/team.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Amy
Goodman</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> might have
done a different show but I don't think so. It was informative and
humane and very important.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
watched it right after listening to Bush take the shot at affirmative
action. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
just pisses me off. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000798.php#000798"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
was pointing to </font><a href="http://www.brillomag.net/No3/erasism.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
article</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. I'd seen
it earlier in the day but I can't remember who linked to it. When
I hear people trying to jump to the place where all isms don't matter
my jaw tightens. I'd love it if the isms didn't matter. But let's
get real. Things may be better but better is just not even close
to good enough. There's no way to level the playing field. The playing
field lives in our hearts. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Slavery
wasn't that long ago. </font><a href="http://www.ghg.net/hollaway/civil/civil44.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Selma</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
wasn't that long ago. Racism in this country turns the internal
playing field into a maze. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
read this today.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="668">
<tr>
<td width="662">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.negroplease.com/archives/000241.html#000241"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">My family roots end, or I guess, begin in Arkansas and Tennessee. My grandfather
knows very little about his own grandfather or his "people" as folks often say.
"Where your people from?" they might ask. "Round Tennessee but mostly Arkansas
and Illinois" is what I would be inclined to say. I might also be compelled to
add in all of the information I do know. "Lotta my folks still live up in
Detroit and down in Omaha. We're the crazed fools that up and moved to
California." Be nice to be able to simply say, "Originally, my folks immigrated
to what's now Georgia sometime in the early 19th century." Can't though. My
people could have been here as long as 450 years. We could have been brought
here as little as 160 years ago. The Saunders and Reddix Clans may have existed
before Reconstruction but damn if anybody knows anything about them.</font></span></a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">People
of color won't level the playing field. They'll change the shape
of it all together. It needs to change. The game that gets played
needs to change. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then there's women. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
class.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">You
know ...fuck the playing filed. Fuck the stupid game. Let's get
into some truth and reconciliation. Let's keep having the difficult
conversations. Let's empty the prisons and open our hearts.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(390)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_390"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e92" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e92"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">16</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:16
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
haven't left my happy place. I'm just very
pissed off. But I still feel this internal
center of peace. I've worked to get that
going in so many ways. Who knew it would
take a trip to M & K's to jog it into
place. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
there are things that keep pissing me off.
I'm on a list to get e-mail from Paul of
</font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I got one yesterday in which he asks for
feedback about how to handle the comments
of the uninformed and mean spirited. He
refers to a person who comments </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000376.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">in
this post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i>"Three
hundred pounds don't just happen to a person."</i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><i>W</i>ell
that's true. It don't. I mean it doesn't.
It only ...uh...happens when you begin with
a certain genetic predisposition, factor
in some diet history, or an </font><a href="http://www.wnbc.com/health/1842190/detail.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">illness</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
or </font><a href="http://victoria682.tripod.com/thelargestofall/id2.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
system break down</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
or any number of things that can happen
to cause weight gain. Not all bodies are
the same and not all fat bodies are the
same. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Paul
get major props for the way he moderates
BFB. He has </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/faq/guidelines.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">clearly
written guide lines</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and says that he will delete fat hating
comments. But he is getting more and more
and he's wondering what to do. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't know what to tell him. I don't really
believe in safe space. And I think we (fat
people) are going to have to educate ourselves
so that we can counter the commenters who
don't get it. Paul does a good job of that
and there are other people who do, but then
the comment sections begins to look like
a war zone. A while back I began to comment
on the Southwest stuff on Paul's </font><a href="http://phonezilla.net/3stations/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">other
blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and there was a guy who wasn't with what
I was saying and I felt the need to back
away from the computer. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't know how to allow for free speech
and draw boundaries. It's a delicate thing.
And Paul has to read it all. I have no idea
how much shit he weeds through. I trust
him to use the delete option with discretion.
But it still means he has to police the
thing.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">When
I was in NC I could feel the core of my
self acceptance beginning to erode And the
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e84"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">airplane
stuff</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
didn't help. I'm lucky to have so much fat
community here in SF but I still depend
on things like BFB for sanity. It's such
an important resource. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Next
week is </font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/hww.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Healthy
Weight Week</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and I'm going to post stuff all week about
fat politics and health at any size. Pattie
& Carl will be talking to </font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/media.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Frances</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
on </font><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
show</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
today. There are a lot of good people doing
good work. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i> </i></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I still don't know what to say to Paul.
I feel strongly that people have a right
to speak out about what they don't like.
And I feel like when they do it's an opportunity
to educate. But it does suck to have to
educate people and it is harder when the
education is a response to an attack. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
guess this goes back to the problem with
comments debate and the notion of what we
do in this public space. I think there is
a sad inevitability to the slings and arrows.
But sometimes there is brilliance and verve
and sometimes ... there is love. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(391)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_391"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e93" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e93"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">17</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:10
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://sfgate.com/columnists/fiore/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
love this guy.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
was a hearing at the planning commission
yesterday to decide if the </font><a href="http://www.sfdaylabor.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">SF
Day Labor</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> program
could have a building for the workers. One with bathrooms.
As it is workers stand on Cesar Chaves Blvd and wait for someone
to come by and hire them. The people who live there have issues.
There is one story of an older woman who was knocked down by men
running toward a truck to get a job. Efforts to obtain permission
for a real building for the workers have been contentious and
the meetings are long. They were still at it at 10:00 last night
but I can find nothing in the news. I listened to much of it on
</font><a href="http://www.sfgov.org/site/sfgtv_index.asp?id=5993"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">channel
26</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. Public testimony
is always moving. Listening to the commissioners is always annoying.
As far as I know they still haven't approved the site. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
must admit I got a little tucked in yesterday. Stopped wanting to
answer the phone. The work on the grant writing is weird for me.
I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing.
And I want to try and work on The Book before school starts.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
I did neither yesterday. I just folded in on myself. Every once
in a while I need to stop responding and just ... mood out. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
a little spacey today but I have some stuff to do so I should snap
out of it soon. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I just want to say ... </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030112.html#BlogID155"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">thanks
for noticing</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(392)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_392"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font> <a id="e94" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e94"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">17</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:24
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
I have a farmer </font><a href="http://thesims.ea.com/us/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">SIMS</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
He and his son moved in a while ago. One of the women from the Hawaii
clan (did I mention I have a Hawaii clan?) they fell in love and
got married. She left her wife. (Same sex marriage is legal in Hawaii
ya know.) </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="199">
<tr>
<td width="193">
<p><img src="farmers.gif" width="207" height="156" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">They
are a black family. And they adopted a kid. Who turns out to be
white. I didn't have anything to do with that. I don't know how
the SIMS is programmed to pick DNA when two SIMS have a baby. Usually
the kid has the same skin tone. This kid came from one of those
would you like to adopt a kid calls. It reminds me of that </font><a href="http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/M_Justice/jerkpage.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Steve
Martin movie.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">OK.
And they have lots of pets. You know. Farm pets. </font></span></p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="208">
<tr>
<td width="202">
<p><img src="farmer2.gif" width="207" height="156" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
the kitties were having lots of babies which they sold for cash.
But right around the time they adopted the boy the kitties had a
kitten and I decided to keep this one. When I got to pick the name
for the kitty I picked Sweetie. And now ... and I don't know why
... the kid's name is Sweetie too. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">What
ever.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
then, the puppy was in a terrible mood. And nothing was making him
feel better. He stopped eating. And then ... Death came. It turns
out that if you beg Death you can play rock paper scissors and the
sick ... uh ... SIMS won't die. It's so cute. I shoulda taken a
picture but I was too busy laughing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Oh
yeah. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(393)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_393"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e95" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e95"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">18</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:08
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/about/blog.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">April</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
left a
comment that
fit right in with something I've been thinking
about lately. It has to do with the way
people in fat community often talk about
people who diet.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">At
some point, after being on a few hundred
diets, you figure out that they don't work.
First you think it's your fault. That two
inch square of chocolate you ate ruined
everything. It's so exhausting thinking
about food all day. Measuring, calculating,
resisting. And every time you stop obsessing
and just begin to eat what you want you
gain the weight back and, </font><a href="http://www.naafa.org/documents/policies/dieting.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">very
often, more</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And it gets harder to lose. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
now we know that </font><a href="http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/press/2002/December/021225.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
body stores in a response to a fear of famine</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And it's better to form a </font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/handouts.htm#Top%2010%20Reasons%20Not%20to%20Diet"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">positive
relationship with eating</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Everyday
I make three efforts regarding food. I want
to eat more fruits and veggies and I want
to eat more protein and I want to make as
much of an effort to make my own food as
I do if someone is coming over for dinner.
I want it to be beautiful and I want
it to taste good. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are days when everything I eat comes out
of a bag, or a plastic container. There
are days when I order pizza. I've been better
lately. And when I say better I don't mean
I eat less. I mean I take more care
with the food. Yesterday I ate scrambled
eggs with cream cheese and salsa and a bagel and
cranberry juice
for breakfast. In the middle of the day
I had a latte and a chocolate chip cookie.
For dinner I had mixed greens with roasted
beets and spelt pita with tofu and a tangerine
and another cookie. It was a good
food day. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
the notion of a good food day is an atavism to my diet days. Sometimes
a pizza is the right thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
truth is I don't always eat when I'm hungry.
I ignore hunger until I get too hungry and then
I eat carbs and fat. I ignore it because
I don't want to stop what ever I'm doing
to eat. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.fatso.com/man9.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
I never diet</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There's
a person on line who gets linked to a lot.
Every now and again I look at her blog.
She's been dieting and documenting her ...
uh ... progress. She's not doing anything
extreme. She eats a low (really low) calorie
count and she does exercise. She has
a day when she indulges. She's losing at
a moderate pace. I
don't want to judge her. She's doing
a thing. She has a project. It's all good.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Now
I know that there are folks in the fat community
that will want to make comments about how
fast she'll gain it back. I've heard them.
But I just don't want to go there. She has
a right to do what she will with her body.
And I wish her well. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
where does the desire to take shots at her
come from? I think it comes from having people who
don't know anything about you decide that
they have a right to tell you what
to do with your body. A woman at the fat
swim last week told me that a "friend"
recently gave her a video about stomach
surgery. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">If
you aren't fat...try to imagine someone
coming up and assuming that you might want
to change something about your body. And
they feel free to say stuff to you whether
you know them or not. And lots of it is
mean. Eventually it wears
on ya. And the dieters, they are getting
so much praise. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
you get tired. And you get mean. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
times when it bugs me are when I'm with people and
they're going on and on about how much they
lost, or want to lose, or whatever. Because
there is an kind of assault to having to
hear all that. And, </font><a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/2002_12_29_fattypatties_archive.html#86834516"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">as
Pattie so eloquently wrote</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
this time of year is the worst. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Look.
Fat people get to have a bad day. Lash out.
Not be nice. But I don't like people telling
me what to do with my body. And I won't
tell anyone what they can and can't do with
theirs.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
went back to the </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030112.html#BlogID155"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Alas
post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> that I mentioned
yesterday and the comment section was interesting. It was a pretty
civil discussion about fatness. There were some nice ideas about
the constructed notion of beauty. But I was struck by how
centered it was on the idea of how much, or what, we (fat people)
eat. I spend a lot of time with fat people and some eat lots. But
many don't. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
realize that exercise is part of the equation but I'll deal with
that in another post. Maybe. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
the Alas comments there was one sentence that made me so sad. "The
fat revolution is pretty far outside the mainstream..." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well.
OK. Here I am. Out on the periphery of the school yard again. The
only people who really want to spend the time to learn about me
and really understand my concerns (and by this I mean my fat political
concerns) are the other fat kids. A few thin and average size kids
stop by because they're nice. They listen to me for a while but
in the back of their minds they're thinking I should just run around
the block. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
do have some thin and average sized allies. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
started to add a comment, but the thread was pretty far down the
page and I felt like people had moved on to more compelling political
topics.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Phil
Donahue the other day called out one of the people on the show to
congratulate him on his weight loss and ask what diet he did. The
show had nothing to do with weight. But, again, the dieters get
hyper praise. And I ... a fat woman watching the show ... am supposed
to not take it personally. It's not about me. It's about them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
it is about me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't have criticism for people who diet. But I do have criticism
for how valorized they are. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(394)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_394"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e96" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">18</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:26
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<table align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0">
<tr>
<td width="303">
<p><a href="http://www.internationalanswer.org/"><img src="j18banner.jpg" width="311" height="97" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(395)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_395"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e95" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e95"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e82"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">19</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:08
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF">I</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
knew my knees wouldn't make it to go to
the demo. I listened to Washington on </span></font><a href="http://www.c-span.org/#"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">CSPAN</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
and </span></font><a href="http://www.kpfa.org/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">KPFA</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
for SF. Kristina and Joe went and then came
to may apartment and we went </span></font><a href="http://www.caferoma.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">for
coffee</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
and then they took me out </span></font><a href="http://bayarea.citysearch.com/profile/917515/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">for
dinner.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
MB and Flora had been at the demo as well
and the good vibes were flowing. The food
was great. As always. And when we walked
outside there was a </span></font><a href="http://www.earthcalendar.net/_php/lunarphases.php"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">full
moon</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
Just the perfect symbol of wholness. I could
feel </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2003/01/18/rally.DTL"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
peace</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Tens
of thousands </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">said
no.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(396)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_396"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">when i look in the mirror and the only one there is me
every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
and i know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
my feet my thighs my lips my eyes i'm loving what i see
--</span></font><a href="http://artlung.com/smorgasborg/VideoIndiaIrie.shtml"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
India Irie</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;"> </span></font> <p><a id="e96" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">20</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:09
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Some
people get tense in traffic. I get tense
in grocery stores. As much as I love the
</span></font><a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Palace
of Fine Food</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
it was so fucked up in there yesterday. I'd
be at the end of an aisle and I'd be trying
to get out but I'd be checking to see if
there was anyone else there. Seven, eight
people would go by with no acknowledgement
of my existence. People pushing in front
of me when I'm trying to look at things.
Grrrrr. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
I have three kinds of apples in a bowl right
now. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Cheryl
came over for dinner. Raddichio, Chinese apple/pear
and candied walnut salad. Red bell pepper
pasta, </span></font><a href="http://www.aidells.com/sausages/descriptions/details.cfm?prodID=1"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">sausage</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">,
chicken, shitakes and Chinese eggplant.
Almond cake and Blackberry & ginger sorbet.
And wine. And good conversation. So good.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Yesterday
was the first day of </span></font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/hww.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Healthy
Weight Week</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
I was at the swim. Me and a bunch of other
fat women. Loving moving our bodies through
the water. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
other day </span></font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e95"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">when I was going on and on</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> about
diets I kept thinking about the whole eat
less move more axiom. In SF there are so
many places where fat folks can move their bodies. The lovely </span></font><a href="http://www.feelinggoodfitness.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Jennifer</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
teaches </span></font><a href="http://www.calsnet.net/fgfitness"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">her
classes</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
There are hip hop classes, yoga classes and the swim. Many of the
fat people I know do one or more of those activities. The idea that
fat people don't move is just wrong. There is a </span></font><a href="http://www.radiancemagazine.com/winter_01/big_dance.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fat
dance troupe</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">,
</span></font><a href="http://www.radiancemagazine.com/spring_00/spring00_weight_lifting.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
fat Olympian</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
there fat people who sit on their ass. So?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
just as unhealthy for a thin or average sized person to sit on their
ass. But they aren't going to have people say things said to them
on the street about how much they exercise. It doesn't show on their
bodies. And this is the thing. When you see fat people you cannot
assume that they do not exercise. Just as when you see thin people
you cannot assume that they do. And why would you want to? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
still pondering the comments in the </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030112.html#BlogID155"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Alas
post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. There was one
that said, " I didn't know there was a fat revolution."
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.fatso.com/man1.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
is.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
read Alas because of the political perspective and the intelligence.
Oh yeah and the cartoons. And I originally called out the post
because I was grateful for the acknowledgement of fat hatred. But
now I have this feeling. It's the feeling I always get when I try
to talk fat politics with thin and average size people. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
takes time to understand the experience of other people. It takes
a willingness to not rely on the media for your information. So
I am always asking people to question their assumptions about fat
people and read things that aren't funded by the diet industry.
And I don't see the thread being picked up in the blog world except
by other fat people. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
if you're thinking -- hey Tish, I love you just the way you are
-- that's very nice. But would you say -- well Tish is smart and
funny and kind, she's fat but, she's smart and funny and kind. Oh
and she has a pretty face? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
going to try and write about fat stuff all week. Pattie's interview
with Frances can be heard </font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%2031.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
mindful that this is the day when we celebrate MLK's birthday.
And many people are linking to his </font><a href="http://www.blackcommentator.com/25/25_king.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">A
Time To Break the Silence</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
speech. Which is great. It's a time to raise every voice against
the war. And I wish I believed that some small part of the community
of people who think deeply and challenge their assumptions and believe
in diversity will also join me in my revolution. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(397)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_397"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e97" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e97"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">21</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:29
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">If
you Google </span></font><a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=healthy+weight+week&btnG=Google+Search"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Healthy Weight Week</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
you get Francie Berg's </font><a href="http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">wonderful
site</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
but you also get links to sites that want
to use the week to promote weight loss.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
what is healthy weight? Is a number on a
scale or a clothing size? Or is it a feel?
People often say to me, "I just know
I feel better when I'm thinner." Which
I have to say always sound to me like, "It's
OK for you to be fat Tish but I don't want
to be." You can't really argue with
what someone says they feel. It's a conversation
stopper. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
I can argue with the idea of what makes
a weight feel good or bad. I know too many
fat people who jump around and dance and
play and feel good in their bodies. And
I know thin people who don't seem to feel
good in their bodies. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Let's
say you have a number that is the right
weight and you are over that. And you are
worried about it, stressed, afraid to go
out and have people see you at that weight.
All that worry can not be healthy. And whether
it's ten pounds or 100 pounds you can't
lose it all today. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
my thought is that what ever weight you
are this minute, it might be better to decide
that it's a healthy weight. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Now
I did not say that you should eat Oreos
and Big Macs until you can't move. If that's what you want to ... go for it.
But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm
just saying to commit to accepting your
body at the weight it is in any given moment.
If you want to work on the way you eat or
how much you move that's a great idea. But
take the numbers out of the mix. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">How
much of what you feel about your body is an old response to ideas
of beauty and health? When is the last time you relaxed into your
body, really looked at in the mirror, stopped all the knee jerk
judgements and tried to be open to a new sense of your own beauty?
</font><a href="http://www.honoringyourbelly.com/prayer.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Love
your belly</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. Love your
thighs. Love all the lumps and lines. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
has to be healthier. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And,
it has nothing to do with Healthy Weight Week, but you gotta see
what </font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/retro/2003_01.html#000382"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George
is up to today</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(398)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_398"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e98" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e98"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">21</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 7:01
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
was gonna get some writing done today but
I had to keep up </span></font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/retro/2003_01.html#000383"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">with George</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. And he has
time for a movie. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(399)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_399"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p> <a id="e99" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e99"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">22</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 8:58
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
put up a request on </span></font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/?/2003_01_01_blogsisters_archive.html#90214967"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Blogsisters </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">for body
positive posts in support of </span></font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/hww.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Healthy
Weight Week</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. </span></font><a href="http://www.sweetnsour.org/traces/ah.php"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Monica</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> responded with her
usual sweetness. </span></font><a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> stopped by to remind
us that you can listen to </span></font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%2031.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the show</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">with
</span></font><a href="http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/author.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Francie.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
Otherwise the dearth of response is kicking
up a paranoia of mine. The one where people don't want to deal
with the </span></font><a href="http://www.fatso.com/man1.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fat
revolution</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
or the </span></font><a href="http://www.muhealth.org/~studenthealth/hp_eatingdiso8.shtml"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">health
at any size</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
concept. It could just be that people haven't stopped by the site.
I don't always get over to visit the sisters. So I'm going to continue
my week of posting about this stuff. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
did my first diet when I was twelve. I got
a meal plan from Teen magazine, hung it
on the refrigerator door. I lost weight.
The minute that I stopped following that
diet I began to gain. It was the beginning
of the </span></font><a href="http://www.low-carb.com/article-02.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">feast
and famine yo-yo</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
clearly remember sitting in a basement game
room
with a bunch of girl friends. One of them
brought out a bag of cheese puffs. I'm telling
ya...no drug would have felt anymore illicit.
My friends could eat cheese puffs and not
gain weight. I couldn't. But I wanted to
fit in. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
Fit in. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.thehomelessguy.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Kevin's</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
comment made me think about a conversation
that Suzanne and I always have about fast
food and class. When I was in NC we kept
driving past an Arby's that had a five sandwiches
for a dollar sign in front. You better believe
that if you have little income you're gonna
go for the most amount of food for the price.
The left likes to </span></font><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/unbound/interviews/ba2000-12-14.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">critique this as a problem
with America</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. And I think that's true. But
I also think there's a blame the victim
thing in that mix. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">(and
Kevin, if you stop by again, my picture
is at the bottom of the page and I think
your blog is fantastic! But I didn't see
an e-mail link. )</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
often talk about how I don't like fast food
and if all the fast food joints closed down
it would make no difference in my life.
But it would make a difference in the lives
of many people who work two jobs and rely
on fast food to keep their bellies full.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
not arguing for fast food. But I'm saying
we need to think about this stuff. Yes.
Americans are fatter. Our diets are grease
and carb saturated. I'd like to see all
that turn around. But let's not hate fat
people. Let's hate </span></font><a href="http://www.friendsofanimals.org/action/summer2002/summer2002fastfood.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fast
food corporations</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So
I wish that everyone had an alive, engaged, fulfilling </font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/handouts.htm#Normal%20Eating"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">relationship
with food</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. But I think
there's more than one way that might look and feel. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
the end I just wish the noise of moralism would quiet down. Maybe
then we could start to listen to our bodies. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And,
having nothing to do with fat stuff, I live in a city that does
not support </font><a href="http://sfgate.com/news/baycitynews/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
Patriot Act.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> I love
this place.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(400)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_400"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a></p>
<p><a id="e100" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e100"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">22</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 6:21
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Well.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
feeling a little bit down. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
keep coming back to the site. Hoping for ... well... I don't know
what I'm hoping for. Conversation. Debate. Support. Questions.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Many
thanks to Dru for </span></font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000827.php#000827"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">her
post</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
trying to find a way to talk about how this make me feel that doesn't
sound petulant and fussy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
mentioned that the lack of response on Blogsisters brought up a
paranoia that I have about no one caring about the fat stuff. I
guess just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean I'm not right. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Well.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
know that's not really true. I'm just talking about how it feels.
</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(401)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_401"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e101" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e101"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">23</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:42
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Thank
you Sarah, Suzanne, Mike, Angela. Really, really, really. Thanks.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">When
I woke up this morning I was thinking about a time when I was going
to visit a friend and her roommate had a guest. The guest seemed
kinda nervous. We made some conversation and then my friend and
I left for what ever it was we were doing, movie or something. The
next day my friend told me about a conversation they'd all had about
me. It seems that the guest had never talked to a fat person before.
She just couldn't imagine that she'd have anything in common with
a fat person. She said I seemed nice but she just didn't want to
associate with fat people. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Uh
huh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Once
the owner of a restaurant where I worked confessed to me that he
was angry when his kitchen manager had hired me. He just didn't
think fat people would work very hard. He'd been pleasantly
surprised when I turned out to be such a hard worker. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Sometimes
I feel desperate to get people to understand. For many thin and
average sized people there are those moments, maybe post holiday,
when they've put on some weight and they start to worry. For many
of them they skip desert for a while and the weight comes off. For
some of them it takes a bit more work. For fat people it takes extreme
effort. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
am NOT saying that everyone should be fat. Everyone can NOT be fat.
And if you wanna skip desert, start walking a mile every morning,
become an aerobics teacher and live on carrots, it's all OK with
me. But when you say things like, "I really need to watch the
deserts." Or. "I better get to the gym." There's
a meaning virus that spreads. It has to do with fear of the body.
Fear of what can and can not be controlled. Fear that you may end
up like me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Most
people are not going to get as fat as I am. Even if they lay on
the couch and eat cake. Only people with a similar genetic predisposition
and diet history might. And some of them won't. Bodies are diverse.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mike</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
gives</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font><a href="http://www.quicken.com/investments/news_center/story/?story=NewsStory/dowJones/20030122/ON200301221142000772.var&column=P0DEC"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
link.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
The president select wants to prevent the preventable disease
that is my body. Oh yeah and diabetes and asthma. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Now
it's interesting when you consider that asthma rates are often high
in communities of color. In SF the Bayview Hunter's Point community
is angry because the air quality is rarely tested and they are located
</span></font><a href="http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2001/01/1293.php"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">near
a Naval ship yard and two freeways</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
And there higher rates of asthma. And, as I was talking about the
other day, poorer people may eat more fast food since they can get
more bulk for their money. And diabetes may occur when people live
on starchy foods. (This of course depends on how their bodies deal
with sugar.) So I wonder if he is going to fund studies that improve
air quality, shut down fast food companies and make fresh healthy
food available to all. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Hmmm.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Or
is he going to fund the </span></font><a href="http://www.naafa.org/documents/policies/dieting.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">diet
industry</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">?
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
suit against </span></font><a href="http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2003/01/22/Consumers/McDonalds_030122"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mc
Donald's was tossed out.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
(link via </span></font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000381.php#comments"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">BFB</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">)
And didn't we know that it would be? As much as I don't like fast
food I wasn't in support of this suit. Because it's true. People
do know that that fast food is bad for you. But maybe they could
be sued for putting the pressure on </span></font><a href="http://www.ronald.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">children
to want Happy Meals.</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
is about Capitalism. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
there's a lot to parse here.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I've
been thinner, but I've always been fat. When I lived in New York
and I walked all over the city and I worked out in a gym five days
a week I was still fat. I don't eat fast food and I'm still fat.
there are some bodies that are just fat. It's part of a natural
expression of genetic diversity and not a sign of bad health. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There's
a great article in the Atlantic Monthly </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000369.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">linked
to by Paul</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. (He has
a password and sign in name that you can use on BFB) It was written
by </font><a href="http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/news_columnists/article/0,1299,DRMN_86_1672152,00.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Paul
Campos. </font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>To be sure, even if the BMI categories can be spectacularly wrong in cases such
as those involving professional athletes, they're often a pretty good indicator
of how "fat" most people are in everyday life. The real question is whether
being fat--as determined by the BMI or by any other measure--is actually a
health risk.</i></span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There
are so many ways to have this conversation.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/hww.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Francie
has designated</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> today
as woman's healthy weight day. Should I go back over to </font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Blogsisters</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and try again? Nah. I'm always learning that it's OK to hope for
support from on line community but it's probably not good to count
on it. Which isn't to say that I haven't had support on line. But
I really want to ask ... do you distance yourself from the fat conversation
because it just doesn't seem like a serious issue? Or you don't
want to be thought of as someone who thinks it's OK to be fat? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
really was down last night. I watched </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2002/twotownsofjasper/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
Two Towns of Jasper</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
And I cried. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Hate
is learned and silence keeps it alive. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(402)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_402"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e102" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e102"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">24</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 10:11
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">OK.
I'm breathing a little easier. I really
appreciate the people who stopped by and left
comments. In all the time I've done this
on line writing I've rarely felt so desperate.
I started off the week feeling like I'd
just link to some body positive stuff every
day. But somehow it wasn't enough. And I
started to wonder about the context of </span></font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/hww.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Healthy
Weight Week.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I've
had all the lines said to me about my weight that friends and family
say. "But you have such a pretty face." "You have
such a good personality if only you would lose the weight."
The only one that gets me is -- "I love you just the way you
are but I worry about your health." One of my favorite memories
comes from the debauchery days of my youth. A friend of mine and
I were doing cocaine, drinking and smoking cigs. We had been for
most of the day. We hadn't eaten. She looked at me through watery
eyes and with an obviously tensed and grinding jaw and said, "I
love you just the way you are but ..." Was she worried about
her health? We were filling our bodies with toxins. If she was worried
about my health she could have said lets stop this party life. At
that time in my life I frequently went without food in favor of
a line, a smoke and a scotch. And I was fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
heard the mighty </span></font><a href="http://curry.edschool.virginia.edu/kinesiology/exphys/gaesser.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Glen
Gaesser</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">speak
last year. </span></font><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0449909417/qid%3D933297184/sr%3D1-3/103-5754961-3864666"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">His
book </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">is
a corner stone of understanding in the </span></font><a href="http://www.gov.mb.ca/agriculture/homeec/connections/cfc07s09.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">health
at any size</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and </font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9702/17/big.fat.lies/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fat
and fit</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> paradigms.
He also seems like a genuinely nice guy. He was giving a lecture
to nutritionists at Berkeley. At one point he said, "I'm not
saying it's OK to be fat." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">OK.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
can't speak for him but what I think he was saying is that it would
be better if everyone was thin and I think he was saying that because
he was in a room full of up and coming health professionals and
doctors. What does it do to his credibility to be known as the guy
who says it's OK to be fat? What he does say is that it's possible
to be healthy and be fat. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
see I need it to be OK. I spent too much of my life thinking that
my life would be better if only...and I am not willing to spend
one more minute thinking that way. There is no value in not
loving my body this minute. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sometimes
I think that when people read about fat positive thinking they immediately
jump to the idea that I'm saying eat junk and lay on you ass. I
am SO not saying that. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Thinking
about some of the comments I got yesterday brings tears to my eyes.
</font><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/exliontamer/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">R@d@r</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
writes about being pushed by a gym teacher to the point of injury.
</font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/CCorr.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
fat kids</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/KYeo.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">of
the world</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/SGrah.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">pay
the price</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> for our
unwillingness to excise fat hatred. </font><a href="http://slumberland.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Laurie</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
added a comment to my </font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/?/2003_01_01_blogsisters_archive.html#90214967"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Blogsisters
post</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> talking about
having a body that doesn't fit into the notion of acceptability
in the two cultures of her family. And </font><a href="http://jellybeans.blogspot.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">glovefox</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
even with a body size hard won through diet and exercise, is still
working on acceptance. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Our
culture makes it harder and harder to accept your body with out
criticism. And there are </font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/CMill.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">people</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/ZMay.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">who</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/PMull.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">pay</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/CSue.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
price</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> for that. Are
we really worried about health? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Dru,
because she is the sweetest, </font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000839.php#000839"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">posed
the question</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> about
why more people don't read my blog. Well I can't think about it
too much because my competitive nature will take over. I'm constantly
trying to remember that I do this on line writing for myself. But,
of course, I do care if people read me. And this week more than
ever. I have had the thought that people might not link to
me because I talk about fat stuff. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
are people who link to me. And I have had great experiences of on
line support. But his week I found myself getting more and more
angry about how little support the fat revolution gets. And this
goes back to when I read </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030112.html#BlogID155"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">the
post at Alas</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. And
the comment about the fat revolution being "pretty far outside
the mainstream of both political camps." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
is part of me that wants to get back to writing about other things.
Last night I watched </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2002/twotownsofjasper/about_townhall.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Ted
Koppel talking to the folks in Jasper.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
And I kept thinking I'd rather get up and write about the
problems of race in America. Because that would put me back in the
mainstream of the political camp I choose. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But.
I'm a fat kid. And I need to try and write about the ideas of fatness.
I need to try and communicate to people that eat less/exercise more
is not a simple thing and does not mean that everyone can be thin.
And healthy weight is not a one size fits all thing. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(403)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_403"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">I think terrible events, like war leave a kind of bruise on the national psyche.
You know, you can't have a war as terrible as World War II and say, "Right,
we're now finished." That's-"Now we're all going to be sweet and kind now." It
isn't like that. You have people who have been formed by war, and are frightened
and are damaged. And it takes some time for that to work out. </span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;"> --
</span></font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/now/transcript/transcript_lessing.html"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Doris
Lessing</font></span></a></p>
<p><a id="e103" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e103"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">25</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:50
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So
this is the last day of </span></font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/hww.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Healthy
Weight Week</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
I have that kind of exhaustion you feel
after you've tried to work through an issue
with a friend. I feel good about the comments
I received and the support. I feel drained
by the experience of writing with such a
feeling of urgency. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
not sure that the belief about fatness as
a pathology will ever go away. I'd just
like people to think about the way they
view fat bodies. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
have a friend whose father almost didn't
hire a man because he was fat. He did. They
have been business partners for years
now. It has been a very positive relationship.
But there are people who don't hire the
fat guy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">It's
called job discrimination. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.fatso.com/bigtruth.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Betty
Rose Dudley had a cough</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
When she went to see a doctor the doctor
recommeded a diet. For a cough. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">It's
called no access to adequate heath care.
In fact so called health care professionals
are </span></font><a href="http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/012/metro/Thousands_seek_obesity_surgery+.shtml"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">making
money hand over fist</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
because people do not want to look like me.
And
people are worried about my health. I do
a little bit of exercise every day. I eat
my fruits and veggies. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">April
put up </span></font><a href="http://www.wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/entries/000882.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
post</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
about HWW on </span></font><a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">WHB</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">. Jeez
I'm starting to abbreviate everything. I'm tired. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
there have been good things this week. I appreciate the comment
from Ampersand. (I've been calling the blog Alas. I changed it on
my blogroll.) I know how hard it is to look in the mirror and not
see the image that the culture says is the way you're supposed to
look. I've done a lot of work on this and there are days when I
can't look in the mirror at all. And there are days when I catch
a glimpse of myself and ... I am so cute. I don't seem to have a
lot of control over these responses ... but I'm working on it. And
the larger political ramifications make the personal work more ardent.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I've
been feeling wild, petulant, angry, sad, so on the outside. And
everyone who reached in calmed me. I know I'm not alone in this
stuff. I'm not going to stop writing about it because it is my life.
But I still feel like people want to distance themselves from the
topic. Because it's painful. Imagine if all the fat people started
to give voice to their pain and said we aren't going to take any
more of this hatred. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Two
things are true. There have been some great things that happened
on my blog this week. And it was a really hard week. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
so -- on to other things. I was reading </span></font><a href="http://www.veracity-or-mendacity.com/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Melanie</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
yesterday and she blogged </span></font><a href="http://blog.paraknowya.info/wp/wp.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
project</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.
Pretty fun. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Last
night </span></font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/now/transcript/transcript_lessing.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Doris
Lessing</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
was on Now. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Today
... I need to clean my apartment. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(404)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_404"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e104" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e104"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF">26</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9933FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><font size="1"> 9:48
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9933FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There
are times when vacuuming is a comfort. And
I got the cantaloupe cut up. Bout time.
I bought it last Sunday. I was listening
to CPSAN while I worked. There was a seminar about </span></font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=161080255"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Independent
Presidential campaigns.</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font><a href="http://www.cuip.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">They</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
were asking the question: Is there room
for radicalism? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Isn't
Unified Independent oxymoronic? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Actually
these people </font><a href="http://www.cuip.org/about.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">seem
pretty cool</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I watched </font><a href="http://www.uni-television.com/mistersterling/html/abouttheshow.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mr.
Sterling </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> on
Friday. I'd seen the trailers and I liked
the idea that the lead character is registered
Independent. I think it would have been
cooler if they had him registered Green.
But ... OK. Independent. The show is really
... boring. I didn't see the pilot but in
the second show he is confronted by the
press because in law school he wrote a paper
on the decriminalization of pot. He is quick
to say it was not the legalization but the decriminalization. But then he worked
as a lawyer and saw the damage that drugs
do to people's lives and ... he changed
his mind. Whatever radical position could
have been talked about was squelched in
obsequious pedantry. I mean at least on
the </font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_West_Wing/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">West
Wing</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
they talk about some stuff. The show does
explore some of the problems of
an Independent candidate. ( Read money.)</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
back to CSPAN. Apparently 35% of the American
people are registered Independent. I was
for a while. When I was younger. And the
conversation on the panel was interesting.
</font><a href="http://www.cynthia2002.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Cynthia
McKinney</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> was on the
panel. Some of the people talked about the NEED
for radicalism. Others talked about the
need for the
Independent party to stay more central and
maintain credibility. And they talked about how so much of what
is now considered mainstream was once radical. There are, after
all, women and people of color serving in political office. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
Independent parties are sometimes kooky. I remember that the year the Green Party
nominated Ralph. </font><a href="http://www.ipass.net/~jthrush/biafra.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Jello</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
was also in the running. And who is going
to run in 04? Who is going to have the credibility
of Ralph? Maybe </font><a href="http://www.mattgonzalez.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Matt</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
should run. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
was such a </font><a href="http://www.votenader.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">thrilling
campaign</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
It really seemed like Democracy might have
a chance. Like we could build a grass roots
party. I still want to believe in all that.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">But
listening to these people talk about radicalism
I realized that the battle line is drawn
on the idea of who can be credible
in the race. And that may be OK. But it
also means we end up with Mr. Sterling. Someone
who backs away from truly radical ideas.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
is true that I sometimes pretend that Martin
Sheen is the real president. But I do know
that Mr. Sterling is not really a Senator.
I'm just sayin.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
not sure what the third/forth/fifth/etc parties are going to in
04 but watching the Democrats try to come up with a candidate who
</font><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A40510-2003Jan24?language=printer"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">can
be taken seriously</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is ... uh ... obnoxious. I got that link from </font><a href="http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">George</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Who also blogged </font><a href="http://www.prospect.org/print-friendly/webfeatures/2003/01/jones-m-01-21.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
especially for me. And did I giggle? Well yeah. A spastic frenzied
giggle. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't know. This next election is going to be interesting and horrifying.
</font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/01/26/sprj.irq.us.timetable/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">If
we're still here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
now. I must go and swim with some other very lovely fat women. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(405)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_405"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e105" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e105"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF">26</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><font size="1"> 9:53
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9898FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">It
started when Marilyn and I were
crossing the bridge on the way
home from swimming and the city
was so many shades of grey.
And then I got home and I needed
to do some writing for school
but I just wasn't in the mood.
And then ... one thing led to
another. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9898FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
picture is one that most brings
back the feel of my childhood.
It was taken in the alley that
ran behind our house. I played
in that alley all the time.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9898FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
love doing new designs. </span></font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">Dorothea</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
generously offered to help me
install </span></font><a href="http://www.movabletype.org/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">MT</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
(thank you) but there were
problems with my server. I still
want to do it, despite the fact
that MT scares me. When I get
my student loans I'm going to
try and resolve the server issues
and maybe I can make the jump
to MT. But I was getting antsy
to do somethng new.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9898FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
always feel inadequate doing
new designs. I'm dependent on
my web editor. I want to learn
more but I never make the time.
I worry about accessibility
issues that I don't understand.
But I really like doing it.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9898FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
grabbed the weather thing from
</span></font><a href="http://easybakecoven.net/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">Susan</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">
(thank you) I thought about
a tag board but I never know
what to write on a tag board.
I put the picture </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rdoor.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">here</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">The
grey suits my mood. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(406)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_406"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e106" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e106"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF">27</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#9898FF"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><font size="1"> 9:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#9898FF"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">My
friend </span></font><a href="http://www.jazzarts.org/diamond.htm"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">Mark</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
is going to be playing music
today in a fund pitching day
for a </span></font><a href="http://www.kuvo.org/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">station</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> in Boulder. Or
maybe it's Denver. Noon.
Mountain time. Goodgawd that
means I need to do math. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">What
is </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2003/01/27/national0806EST0512.DTL"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">this</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> about? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">When
I was in NC and M & K were
watching so much football I
remember thinking that It made
sense to me. I mean people live
with so much tension. The economy
is bad, we have an unelected
president who seems hell bent
to start a war despite the lack
of support for the war in the
country and around the world,
civil liberties are threatened
and denied in some cases, affirmative
action is threatened, the right
to choose is threatened, and
even if some of these things
aren't your issue the general
sense of discontent is big.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">So
some guys run back and forth
with a ball and it seems simple.
And you can root for your team
and be happy when they win.
And I think people need that
relief. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
last night as the </span></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">news
guys kept talking about </font><a href="http://www.kron.com/Global/story.asp?S=1099752&nav=5D7iDa7R"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">it
al</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF">l
I thought it works the other
way too. It serves a trigger
for the frustration and the
rage and the feelings of helplessness.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">This
is the big slide. I quit my
high paying restaurant job six
years ago. Floundered for a year.
Decided to try college. Got
my BA. Now I'm six months a
way from my MFA. And then what?
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
keep reminding myself that it
was a big project. I didn't
know if I'd finish when I started
and now I think I might. And
I need to take some pride in
that. And I do. But I have a
lot of fear about it all adding
up to a real change in my life.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Ack.
I need to shake it all off and
try to concentrate. School
starts tomorrow. I better
get some writing done today.
</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(407)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_407"><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9898FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e107" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e107"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">27</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><font size="1"> 9:40
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030126.html#BlogID184"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Ampersand</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(408)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_408"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e108" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e108"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">28</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><font size="1"> 8:13
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
got a little emotional about
the </font></span><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030126.html#BlogID184"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Ampersand</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
post. In a good way. I was practically stuttering
in the comments. I said something
about analytical analysis. Whatever
that means. But it was such
a smart piece of writing. And
I got all wound up in a kind
of, and then, and then, and then,
kind of a way. And the </font><a href="http://www.therecord.com/entertainment/television/tv_malleck_02121892816.html"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">kid</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
on </font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/Ed/episode_guide/53.html"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Ed</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
came to mind. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
just hate the surgery. I really
do. I don't hate the people
who have the surgery. I hate
the doctors who push the surgery.
Doctors who work </font><a href="http://www.healthyweight.net/editor.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">within the
health at any size</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"> paradigm
do call it
surgically enforced bulimia.
I understand that people who
do it are feeling pretty desperate.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">And
why are they feeling desperate? Because their bodies are a </font><a href="http://www.centredaily.com/mld/centredaily/news/5008292.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">national
threat.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"> (link from
</font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000385.php"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">BFB</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">)</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
don't really watch Ed. I've
clicked past it and once or
twice stopped for a minute or
two. I stopped when I saw the
young fat man. I worried about
how his character would be portrayed. But I never really
tuned in. And then the actor was on
Donahue. It was show on the
surgery. I think I linked to
it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">There
was a thing on </font><a href="http://www.fox.com/bostonpublic/homeroom/"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Boston
Public</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
in which a fat girl joins the
</font><a href="http://www.fox.com/bostonpublic/class_schedule/episode_201.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">wrestling
team</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">.
She becomes popular because
she wins all these tournaments.
And then she has a heart attack
and dies. I was so pissed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">The
comments over at the Ampersand
started off pretty great and
then I left mine. And then someone
mentioned the "very real"
health issues of obesity. And
then people started drawing
the line between fat and morbidly
obese. And ... I should probably
not look any more. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
still think it was a great post.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
have to go to school today. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(409)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_409"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e109" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e109"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">29</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><font size="1"> 8:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">OHMYGAWD.
School did not suck. I actually
had fun. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">First
I had fun with Kristina. We
ate </font><a href="http://tonkiang.citysearch.com/4.html"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Dim
Sum</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
and then we </font><a href="www.greenapplebooks.com"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">bought
books.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
I whined about how much I did
not want to go to school. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">This
whole being a writer thing is
.. oh jeez ... I dunno. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">The
thing is (as I feel the need
to say over and over) I didn't
start college until I was in
my mid forties. People always
told me I was good with words.
People always said I should write.
I kept a furtive little journal
and as the pressures of making
a living increased even that
fell off. When I started writing
in college it had been decades
since I'd studied grammar, punctuation
and spelling. I swear I still
misspell the same words over
and over. Without spell check
I'd look like an idiot. And
spell check doesn't always save
me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
remember the first time I asked
Kara to read something I had
written for school. She had
to tell me the tenants of expository
writing. I don't know if I skipped
school that day or if I killed
the brain cells with the information
from that class. She said,"The
problem is you write like you
talk." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">People
who have had conversations with
me will testify to the fact
that I rarely let what I'm trying
to talk about interfere with
what I'm trying to say. I just
run down every tangential road
I come across. Krisitna has
a reel me in gesture she makes
at the point in the conversation
when I've lost all track. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
always hope I make up for the
chaos in content. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I spend
more time rewriting and restructuring
the writing than I do writing.
The first draft is just one
long run on sentence. I actually
love the rewriting. I love the
trimming back and finding different
ways to say something. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Sometimes
I read old posts from days gone
by and I am mortified by the
structure. I give myself a lot
of permission to just go for
it here. For the most part.
I do sometimes fix things in
the middle of the day. Sometimes
a classmate will send e-mail
and tell me that my verb choice
is actually a noun. Er sumthin.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
love writing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
hate writing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
struggle with each fucking page.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">And
then sometimes it just works.
I just do it. And it doesn't
suck. And it's kinda good even.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">But
then there's the part when someone
else reads it. And if they aren't
feelin me. Oh shit. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I've had
some trouble in school. I've
had some trouble with being
able to hear what my classmates
say about my writing. And I
have very sweet classmates.
And no one ever says my writing
sucks. But people do say things
that make me feel like they
don't get me. And then I cop
a real what's the use attitude.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Last
summer, working on the BSWP, and last semester were better for me
and I felt like I was doing some good work. But I went to class
last night feeling like it was going to be something that I needed
to survive. We'd all done book proposals. Everyone read </font><a href="http://itsa.ucsf.edu/~cync/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Cynthia's</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
and then we talked about it. Cynthia is an </font><a href="http://itsa.ucsf.edu/~cync/WTHD.html"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">amazing</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
</font><a href="http://itsa.ucsf.edu/~cync/Dragon.html"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">writer</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">And
then we read mine. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">I
was braced. Not because I thought the writing was bad. Because I
didn't think people would get it. Or care. I thought they'd be uncomfortable
with the topic (being fat) (of course) and I thought they might
try to steer me away from writing about it. But they were great.
They totally got it. It was very exciting. I left the room filled
with thoughts about what to write next. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Big
sigh of relief. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">And,
since I was in class, I didn't need to listen to the state of the
union. I would have needed to be drunk. And there really isn't enough
bourbon in the world to have kept me calm during that
speech. I just let </font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/newarchives/000865.php#000865"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Dru
break it down for me</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(410)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_410"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e110" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e110"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">January</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">
</font><a id="e96"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">29</font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099"> 2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><font size="1"> 10:24
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Democracy
Now</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"> did an analysis
of the State of the Union. It's just painful to listen to this guy.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Much
is being said, and rightly so, about how the Democrats offered little dissent
to the speech. But </font><a href="http://bernie.house.gov/pc/members.asp"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">members</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">
of the </font><a href="http://bernie.house.gov/pc/"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Progressive
Caucus </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099">did speak out.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">And
TruthOut has this:</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.truthout.org/docs_02/013003A.wrp.unsaid.htm"><i><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Bush cannot afford the domestic policies he has proposed, and charts a deadly
path to war abroad. There was so much left unsaid during this speech. Those
empty spaces may prove, in the end, to be his downfall.</font></i></a></span><p><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(411)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_411"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e111" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e111"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">January</font></a><a id="e111"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">
30 </font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><font size="1"> 8:54
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">I'm not
feeling as confident about my Wednesday night class. But...I'm suspending
judgment.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099"> </font></span><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">I
got the new </font></span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><a
href="http://www.allaboutjazz.com/news/pf/20021113/2017/travelogue_joni_mitchell_sings_with_orchestra.html"><span
style='font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">Joni Mitchell.</font></span></a><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099"> I was wondering if I
would like the heavy orchestration. I did like </font></span><span style='font-size:
11.0pt'><a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/reviews/cd/review.asp?aid=11013"><span
style='font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">Both Sides Now </font></span></a><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099"> but I wasn't
sure I wanted more. But it's great. And there are lots of </font></span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'><a
href="http://www.jonimitchell.com/WTCPaintingsLATimes.html"><span
style='font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">her paintings</font></span></a><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099"> in a little
book. The CD has a Quick Time Movie of her art but my version of
Quick Time wasn't dealing with it. And I had some trouble upgrading.
A bit frustrating. </span></span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><span style='font-size:
11.0pt'><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099"> </font></span><font color="#000099"> </span></span></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
color:#000099;mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;mso-bidi-language:
AR-SA'><font color="#000099">It did put me in a mood. Not a good/bad thing. Just a mood. I
sometimes think I should use Joni the way </font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/"><font color="#000099">Mike</font></a><font color="#000099">
uses Dylan. Yesterday the song that go to me was The Sire Of Sorrow.
</font></span>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.jonimitchell.com/Turbulent94LyricsHome.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Let me speak, let me spit out my bitterness--
Born of grief and nights without sleep and festering flesh
Do you have eyes?
Can you see like mankind sees?
Why have you soured and curdled me?
Oh you tireless watcher! What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear come true?</font></span></a>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">Yeah.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#000099">So
I got in a mood and I haven't shaken it. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(412)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_412"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e112" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/January03.htm#e112"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">January</font></a><a id="e111"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">
31 </font></a><font face="Arial" size="1" color="#000099">2003</font><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><font size="1"> 8:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#000099"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">I
saw </font><a href="http://www.frif.com/new2002/pandt.html"><font color="#000099">Power
and Terror.</font></a><font color="#000099">
I wish I could repeat it all
verbatim. I kept thinking about
</font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/archive/week_2003_01_26.html#e001253"><font color="#000099">Dorothea's
joke.</font></a><font color="#000099">
Which made me laugh. Not because
I understood it. I don't really
know why I laughed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">So
if I fly on a commuter airline
in the next thirty days </font><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A52298-2003Jan27.html"><font color="#000099">they
will weigh me</font></a><font color="#000099">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">Uh
huh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">What
I'm wondering is if they will
weigh pregnant women, football
players, extremely tall people.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">Or
just me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">There's
something about this that I
just don't trust. I've heard
that when airplanes don't have
many passengers they sometimes
</font><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/h/000069.shtml"><font color="#000099">ask
passengers to move around to
balance the weight</font></a><font color="#000099">.
It seems like something that
can figure out how to do. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#000099">There's
a </font><a href="http://www.apple.com/hardware/video/powerbookg4bigandsmall.html"><font color="#000099">commercial</font></a><font color="#000099">
for the new Apple power books
in which a really tall man and
a really short man get on a
plane. It's very cute. But when
I see it I always feel a little
sad. The same commercial couldn't
be done with a very thin and a very fat person and have the same
feeling. But why not?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://easybakecoven.net/"><font color="#000099">Susan</font></a><font color="#000099">
found these posters.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="161">
<tr>
<td width="155">
<p><a href="http://whitehouse.org/initiatives/posters/"><img src="tn_ann_coulter_brownshirt.jpg" width="155" height="200" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/"><font color="#000099">Rabbit
Rabbit</font></a><font color="#000099">.
Already. Time is moving too fast. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(414)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_414"><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#000099"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> </p>