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<td width="718"> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><b><span style="font-size:12pt;">August
2002</span></b></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
1 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9 :42
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
<a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/photo?photo_id=104116">K2</a>
kindly took me on a field trip to The mighty
mighty <a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/">Berkeley
Bowl</a>. If America is about abundance,
the Bowl is church. At least when comes
to <a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/produce.html">fruits
and veggies</a>. I ran from one display
of peaches to the next. There must have
been eight (or twenty) varieties. I got
purple asparagus and yellow beans, little
fingerling potatoes and golden raspberries,
two kinds of avocado, plums, peaches, zebra
tomatoes, mango, cherries, shitakes, watercress.
It was so much fun. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sometimes,
in my web wandering, I find folks who are
on a diet and daily write down what they
eat on line as part of a diet chronicle.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Let
me say this first. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIET.
I do not disapprove. It's your body. It's
your life. It's your web page. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
As I was saying. I see these lists of what
people are eating and I always think that
what dieting does is make you think about
your food. And in some ways that's
a good thing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
have my own judgements about good and bad
when it comes to food. Standing at the door
of the Bowl, looking at row after row of
beautiful produce, I thought, food is good.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
didn't say much about <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/fatsuit020725.html">this
guy and his law suit.</a> I think when it
was being talked about I was in my checked
out place. I have no love of fast food.
NONE. If every fast food joint in the world closed
... I probably wouldn't notice. But I
don't think this guy is fat because he eats
fast food. MANY people eat fast food and
do not get fat. Only people with a genetic
predisposition toward fatness will get fat.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
do think the fast food industry contributes
to the decline in people's health and well
being. There are plenty of reasons to sue
the fast food industry. But ya know ...
if you're poor and you work two jobs trying
to keep your family fed and you never have
any time ... you may eat fast food. Even
if you're not poor you may just be too busy
to think about your food. Or you may not
have the interest. Makes sense to me. In
a sad sorta way. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
loved it when <a href="http://sg.news.yahoo.com/020617/1/2zmc1.html">Jose
Bove drove his tractor into the McDonalds</a>.
He was<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/europe/08/01/france.bove/index.html">
just released from prison</a> Bove <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4202555,00.html">wrote
this great piece in the Guardian</a> In
which he coins the term malbouffe. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Malbouffe implies eating any old thing, prepared any old way. The word has
become universally accepted to express a confused unease, a mixture of guilt and
accusation.
</span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Malbouffe is completely uniform; it's food from nowhere, not even a
degeneration of American culture. Everywhere the same labels, the same way of
running the "restaurants". </span></font></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
difference with the diet mentality is that
it's punitive. It holds the idea that if
you ate a cookie instead of asparagus you
were/are very bad. A nutritionist, Karin
Katrina, that I read on the <a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/showmethedata/">Show
me the data</a> list talked about broccoli
and pizza. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=310431320-20072002 style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial">I ask my
audiences to name a healthy food, and an unhealthy food..... it is amazing the
consistency with which I hear "broccoli" and "pizza". </FONT></SPAN><SPAN
class=310431320-20072002 style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial">I ask, if a
person has not had enuf protein on a given day, but plenty of fruits and
vegetables, would broccoli be a good choice for dinner. NO, broccoli would
serve to detract from health because the body needs protein, not more fiber or
antioxidents. Would broccoli or pizza be more health enhancing that day?????
Pizza would be the "healthy food" that day. </FONT></SPAN>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=310431320-20072002 style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial">I then ask,
if you were to be put in prison for 6 months and had as your only 2 choices of
food for that time period the "healthy" broccoli or the "unhealthy" pizza, which
would promote the most health during that time....the answer is the unhealthy
pizza, in fact, the healthy broccoli might promote your death.</FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=310431320-20072002 style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial">I'm
lucky. I have choice. I might start writing
about what I eat every day. This morning
I had scrambled eggs with New Zealand sharp
cheddar and zebra tomatoes on whole wheat
tortillas. And cantaloupe. And <a href="http://www.sfnorthbeach.com/graffeo.html">Graffeo</a>.
It's early. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><SPAN class=310431320-20072002 style="font-size:10pt;"><FONT face="Arial"><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Thirteen.htm">Pattie
and Carl show today.</a> They're going to
talk about books like <a href="http://www.mcspotlight.org/media/books/ritzer.html">this
one</a>. </FONT></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(247)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_247"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I want to be an honest man and a good writer, as James Baldwin was. I greatly
admired him. He once told a story that I used in the third volume of </span></font><I><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Memory
of Fire</span></font></I><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. He was very young, and he was walking down the street with a
friend, a painter. They stop at a red light. "Look," says the friend. Baldwin
sees nothing, except a dirty pool of water. The friend insisted: "Look at it,
really." So Baldwin takes a good look and sees a spot of oil spreading in the
puddle. In the spot of oil, he sees a rainbow, and the street moving, and people
moving in the street; and he sees madmen and magicians and the whole world
moving. The universe was there in that little pool. On that day, Baldwin said,
he learned to see. For me, that's an important lesson. I am always trying to
look at the universe through the little puddles in the streets. -
Eduardo Galeano </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
2 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:42
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
...and then I had a cherry scone, a handful
of walnuts, a handful of <a href="http://www.villageorganics.com/vegbootwholf.html">veggie
booty</a>, couple of fork fulls of tuna
salad, a carrot, and dinner with Renee at
<a href="http://www.bayinsider.com/auto_docs/dining/31768.html">Da
Flora</a>. Featuring, the gnocchi, (of course),
<a href="http://www.milioni.com/salumi/inglese/dati/25.htm">speck,</a>
olives, arugala and figs, roasted pork with
barley and fennel, pappardelle with oyster
mushrooms and warm chocolate cake. We
shared all that. I drank wine.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
food chronicling won't last long. It's entertaining
for a while but I can't spend that much
time thinking about it. I mostly eat in
hand fulls though out the day. Or standing
in front of the refrigerator with a fork
or a spoon. I push myself to fix dinner
... on a plate ... as much as I can.
I always eat breakfast. Right now I'm eating
Multi Grain Cheerios with <a href="http://www.strausmilk.com/">milk</a>
and cantaloupe. And <a href="http://www.sfnorthbeach.com/graffeo.html">Graffeo</a>.
I do think it's good to be mindful about
food. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Pattie
left a comment yesterday that I don't want
any one to miss.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> </i></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>I personally have a love/hate relationship with so-called "fast foods." I hate
cooking. When I eat at home, I eat raw foods and cheeses and yogurt. I could
probably survive on nuts and berries and not skip a beat. But I also eat at
those "aweful places" two or three meals a week, usually on an extremely busy
day when I have no time or money and I need some quick protein. But I note that
usually I don't feel good afterward, I usually pay a price for the indulgence.
However, sometimes, I feel okay, happy to have the salt and nutrients (yes,
hamburgers have nutrients.) <BR><BR>I have what turns out to be, I guess, a
radical theory that different people at different times need different kinds of
food and that no one food is good for everyone or bad for everyone and that what
is good or bad changes with circumstance. <BR><BR>I also think it is important
to listen to how one's body feels before and after a meal. But this mindfulness
is difficult to do, so I remain gentle with myself. After all, food obeys the
spiritual principal that most things in life do, "this too shall pass." :)</i></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Heh.</span></font> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
field trip to <a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/">The
Bowl</a> has me thinking like a cook again.
And I am a food snob. When I eat a hamburger
and french fries I (generally) eat them
at <a href="http://www.sfnorthbeach.com/mos.html">Mo's</a>,
where they grind the meat fresh daily and
use real fresh cut potatoes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
dinner with Renee was about her birthday
and the fact that she's leaving for college.
In Ohio. <a href="http://www.oberlin.edu/">Oberlin</a>.
Gasp. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
apartment building is usually pretty quiet.
But last night, at one o'clock in the morning,
someone was sitting in the parking lot listening
to Marvin Gaye, REALLY LOUD. I love Marvin
Gaye. But...there was no way to sleep, so
I read. I'm sleep deprived and woozy. I
was just thinking that I might have to go
back to bed. Then I realized that I made
some coffee but I never drank it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/">Paul</a>
blogs that <a href="http://adbusters.org/home/">Adbusters
is asking for feedback from fat culture</a>.
I'm writing my ... feedback ... now. Beginning
with reminding them that fat and obese are
different words, with different implications.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(248)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_248"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
3 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8 :28
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Abeer sent me a <a href="http://www.drishtipat.orghttp://www.drishtipat.org/appeal/JournalistRights.html">link
to this</a> letter to the Prime Minister
of Bangladesh urging her to do something
about the way journalists are treated there.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
heard the same show on which I'd listened
to Helen Caldicott interview Julia Butterfly
Hill last week. Caldicott did a series of
interviews and you can hear a <a href="http://www.pacificaradioarchives.org/main_about4.html">bit
of them on Pacifica stations</a>. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Julia
was deported from Ecuador a few weeks ago.
<a href="http://www.amazonwatch.org/">She
was there protesting the OCP pipeline.</a>
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
been hearing about <a href="http://www.bioneers.org/features/heros.html#diane">Diane
Wilson</a> a lot lately. She's on <a href="http://www.bhopal.net/">a
hunger strike</a> outside the Dow Chemical
plant in Texas. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
are brave people doing brave things in the
world. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
tried to work on the BSWP. It was a struggle.
I eeked out three pages. I'm going to work
on it aaaall day today. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Coz
... you know ... the summer ... is almost
...over. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(249)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_249"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
4 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8 :05
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I'm having trouble sleeping. Then I do this
funny thing. In the morning I gather up
my breakfast stuff and go to the computer
and read blogs while I eat. At a certain
point I get my coffee. For the last few
days I've been so spacey and not awake that
I forget to go get the coffee. It just makes
me laugh. But. Maybe it's only funny because
I'm so tired. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did get some writing done yesterday. But
it is a struggle. The writing feels
uneven and rushed. Ironic, since it seems
to take an hour to write a sentence. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
was an interesting <a href="http://www.thislife.org/">This
American Life</a> yesterday. They talked
to some Israeli and Palestinian people about
life in the war zone and the collapse of
the peace process. They did a lot of talking
about <a href="http://www.nybooks.com/articles/14380">Camp
David.</a> It's always good to pick a moment
in time as an anchor when trying to understand
this conflict but it seems to me that every
moment you pick has a counter moment. In
other words, the conflict has two distinct
perspectives (at least) and when you pick
an event to discuss there is often a moment
before then that can be seen as the event
that was the cause. And that moment can
be traced back. It is interesting to listen
to people who live there. From both sides.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
I wrote and listened to the radio and talked
on the phone and ate purple asparagus, yellow
beet and watercress salad, slept badly and
now...I'm gonna do it all some more. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(250)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_250"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
5 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 7 :50
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I got some writing done in the morning before
swimming. Good thing I did because I couldn't
focus in the afternoon. I made some comic
attempts. Powered up Word. Stared at the
screen. Played <a href="http://1-2-3-free-spider-solitaire.com/">Spider
Solitaire</a>. Checked e-mail. Stared at
the screen. started a cleaning project.
Stared at the screen. Wrote a sentence.
Played more solitaire. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
never really got much better. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I did get the little bit done in the morning.
Swimming was good. Lunch was good. took
a nap. And then failed to do much else.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
all probably makes for pretty boring reading.
I promise I'll get worked up over something.
Soon.</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(251)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_251"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
6 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 7 :50
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
took a class with <a href="http://www.fatshadow/David.html">David</a>
called revolting Romantics in which he would
give us two words (seemingly picked at random)
and tell us to write about them. We
usually read these little bits out loud
in class.
Once he gave us the words madness and genius.
I wrote this.</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="1" width="595" bordercolor="#A0CCA0" bordercolordark="#A0CCA0" bordercolorlight="#A0CCA0">
<tr>
<td width="585">
<table align="center" border="0" width="563">
<tr>
<td width="557">
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-style:normal; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho";"><font face="Arial">I am sitting on The Ship of Fools also known as the #14 Mission. I am
trying to read Foucault.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-style:normal; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho";"><font face="Arial"><o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-style:normal; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho";"><font face="Arial">Is this madness?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-style:normal; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho";"><font face="Arial"><o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyTextIndent align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial">I am distracted by
the sounds coming from a young man sitting across the aisle. I noticed him at
the bus stop. He was walking as if his legs were permanently bowed and his
knees no longer bent. It wasn�t so much walking, as it was a kind of cowboy
shuffle. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyTextIndent2 align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Now he is making the noises often heard from people
who have been deaf from birth, no consonant or sibilance. Later, with great
force and agility, he will push his way through the crowd saying, �This is my
stop, I have to get off.� Leaving me to wonder if it has all been some kind of
performance piece. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyTextIndent2" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyTextIndent2 align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is this genius?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyTextIndent2" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial">
</font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">More
distraction comes from the woman sitting next to me. She is wearing a white
mask over her mouth, dark glasses, a winter coat and she has a cane which never
hits the ground but rather swings errantly from her wrist bashing a knee or
elbow of each person she passes. From the minute she boarded she began
shouting</font><span
style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial"> </font><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">�Somebody please to give me a
seat I can�t � somebody � a seat.�</span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial"> <o:p></o:p> </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">The man who
had been sitting beside me jumped up to let her sit down and now they are
arguing because she thinks he's pushin up on her and she keeps saying, � Be
polite.� He responds by telling her to close her mouth because her breath
stinks. Interesting that he has such olfactory acuity since the smell of gin
permeates the air within a foot of him. He says, �I gave you a seat. Be cool.�
She says, �Be cool.�<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">The driver is
skipping stops because the bus is already quite full. Each time he passes a
group of frantic people, cursing and flailing, and shouts come from the back of
the bus, back door, back door. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial"><o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">Is this
madness? <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">Foucault
writes, �Navigation to the uncertainty of fate; on water, each of us in the
hands of his own destiny; every embarkation is, potentially, the last. It is
for the other world that the madman sets sail in his fools boat; it is from the
other world that he comes when he disembarks. The madman�s voyage is at once a
rigorous division and an absolute Passage.�<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">Is this
genius?<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">It is time
for me to disembark. I am on my way to class. In four weeks I will graduate. I
am deeper in debt that I ever been. I am less employable than I have ever been.
I spent an amount of money that I refuse to be totally conscious of so that I
could read Foucault on a bus. I read Camus on the subway in New York and it
only cost me a buck. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:.5in;" align="justify"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial">Moreover my
current assignment entreats me to write about madness and genius and, clearly,
I am having trouble discerning which is which.<o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span
style="font-family:'MS Mincho'; font-size:10pt; mso-hansi-font-family:" MS Mincho""><font face="Arial"></o:p></font></span><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Why
am I shareing this with you now? Because
last night I was on the #14 Mission again.
The faces had changed, but the questions
remain the same.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(252)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_252"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
7 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8 :07
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Cheryl
very kindly sent me a copy of
<a href="http://www.margaretcho.net/">Margaret Cho's</a> book</span></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>
<a href="http://www.margaretcho.net/shop/shop.htm">I'm the One That I Want.</a> </i>I read it on
the bus. Much better than Foucault. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">At
first I wasn't sure about her. I can usually
tell if someone is fat positive, fat negative,
or size neutral. She seemed to be a bit
fat negative. Just a bit. And then I got
to the chapter where the people who are
helping her to do her TV show have put her
on a crash diet because she's too fat. They
almost kill her. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
remember her show. I have never seen a photo
of her where she looks fat. Not even a little
fat. But, I know my perspective is skewed.
Or... is it the perspective of the culture
that is skewed? Hmmmm. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Anyway.
When people like her talk about being fat
I just want to say ... Oh. No. You are not
fat. This is what fat looks like. But I
know that she was told she was fat and she
felt fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
she was not white. So, her body was just
so wrong!!! She writes brilliantly about
this. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">She did a lot of drugs
and body abuse. As I was reading I thought
about all the years when I was less fat.
Years when I was just a really big girl.
And I lived with this belief that I was
so fat and wrong and ugly. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
wasn't. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But,
when you are told that your body is wrong
and you never see anyone who looks like
you in the media, you just stop caring about
your body. You blame your body for all the
things that are wrong in your life. No sex
life, no job, it's all about the fat. And
if you get a cold, or sprain a muscle, or
have kidney failure, you just have this
... now what? ... feeling. The problem body
is being a problem again. Can't it just
leave me alone?! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Ah.
Hmmm. No. I guess not. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">One
day I looked around and realized that thin women
weren't always happy in love, or work, or life.
They weren't always healthy
and I thought hmmm...maybe it's not about
being fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
are two things that are true. Thin and average
sized people don't deal with the discrimination
that fat people deal with. If you're fat
and you go to a doctor about a sore
throat you get diet pamphlets. If you look
for a job you may be told you don't represent
the company image. And sex... well...that's
a whole conversation. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But happiness
is another deal. Happiness is just odd. And
not about fat/thin. For me things fall along a different
line. Not happy/sad. But rather life/death. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><i><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></i></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
mean I have to learn to care about my body,
my life, every day. I think a lot of folks have this
problem. But I think my way of thinking
about life is shadowed by years of being
told that my body was wrong. Not valued.
How am I suppose to value a body that I
am told is not valuable...unless it's thin?
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">That's
the daily process.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Ironically,
I heard Cho on <a href="http://kpfa.org">KPFA</a> yesterday. Suddenly
she's everywhere. And when she talks about
diversity she includes size in the discussion.
It seems like she may have some fat consciousness.
Her book ends with her own experience of
weight being very much in the <i><a href="http://www.news24.com/News24/Health/Health_News/0,1113,2-14-660_1134454,00.html">Fat
is a Feminist Issue</a></i> mode. She got
clear about loving herself and her weight
leveled out. But...like I said...she's not
fat. I have some resentment about the Orbach
book. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Some
of are fat. We do not have eating disorders.
We're just fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was good to read the Cho book. (Thank you
Cheryl!) For many reasons. It made me laugh.
It made me cry. It gave me some things to
think about in terms of the BSWP. Which
I worked on yesterday.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think I'll have this tattooed on the back
of my neck. </span></font></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="206">
<tr>
<td width="200">
<p><a href="http://www.barcodesinc.com/generator/index.php"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><img src="barcode.jpg" width="200" height="50" border="0"></span></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Thanks
to <a href="http://www.willa.com/moodswings/index.shtml">Willa
</a>for the link. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2002/08/139546_comment.php">Cheney
is in town.</a> Think he'll want to buy
me lunch? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(253)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_253"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
8 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:52
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2002/08/139909.php">I
love San Francisco.</a> He never did call
to see if I wanted to have lunch. What's
that about?</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://zeebah.blogspot.com/">Liz
</a>left a comment yesterday that fit nicely
into some thinking I've been doing lately
about the funny line drawn in terms of who
is fat and who is not. </span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">In
the fat community there are many people
who are not what I call fat. But in mainstream culture
they are called fat. They suffer all the
slings and arrows of fat as an expletive.
So, when Margaret Cho says she's fat I understand
what she means. She lived on diet pills
and laxatives and cigarettes, trying to
not be fat. She's paid her dues, as it were.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
culture sets the dial on what is fat at
a ridiculously low place. And YES the people
who live at the low end of the spectrum get
what I mean about fat issues and fat consciousness.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
are the younger, smaller, members of the
community, who are very physically active
and eat good healthy food and are fat (by
that kooky standard) and they're pissed.
And they should be. </span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
if this revolution is only fought
in gym classes and vegetarian restaurants
then it will be an incomplete revolution.
It frustrates me when I hear too much talk
about how people eat and how much they exercise.
And I should be quick to say that I
do a lot of that talking myself.</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
like a new form of Puritanism in which healthy
choices draw the line between who is acceptable
and who is not. </span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">If
Margaret Cho says, "Hey, look. This
fat oppression thing is not OK." She's
going to get on TV and very nice talk show
hosts are going to nod in agreement. If
I go on the same show people are going to
push the health question. But what about
your health?</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">If
I don't always eat in a healthy manner or
get the exercise I need ... so fucking what?
You don't give a shit about my health. You
just want to make sure I'm still enrolled
in the same obedience school that you're
in, even if I do fail all the classes.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
a complex topic and it's early in the morning.
But I am thinking a lot about this. I want
the people in the fat community, and the
people who identify as fat, or understand
and support the revolution, but who aren't
really fat to understand their privilege.
But I don't want to push them away. I don't
want to deny their pain or their process.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Five.htm">Pattie
and Carl show </a>is a rerun of their fat
show. If you <a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/">tune
in</a> you can hear the lovely <a href="http://www.feelinggoodfitness.com/">Jennifer
Portnick</a> be interviewed by the lovely
Pattie. And you can hear me <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rage.html">rage</a>.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(254)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_254"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font><P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
9 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 7:48
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">BSWP
need to be done now. I had my last meeting
with my advisor. She was so great to work
with! I have
her notes and I'm working though them. Hopefully
I can click on print sometime this weekend.
I'm feeling pretty good about it but I also
feel like it's never been more clear to
me that it needs work. Fortunately it's
also cleared what kind of work it needs.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
my advisor said (and I think she's right)
that I need to let it go for a while. School
starts...soon. Gulp. I need to think about
what I'm going to write about his year.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Worries
me a little. Especially since the minute
I typed that, I stopped, stared at the screen,
and suddenly had nothing to say. </span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oh
dear.</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Bobbie
has<a href="http://www.cobaltika.com/">
a new splash page</a> that's very beautiful.
</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(255)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_255"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
10 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:28
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Caitlin
and Aaron are in town for a visit. They
took me out to dinner at <a href="http://www.millenniumrestaurant.com/">Millennium</a>.
Very good! (Thank you!) We were at my apartment
after dinner, talking. When we first got
here we all smelled fried chicken. As time
went by we all commented that something
smelled like it was burning. It got worse
and worse though and we all ran around looking
out windows for flames. We saw none. A few
minutes later I looked out the back and
saw three fire trucks. Jeez! I still don't
know what was burning where. But I could
feel smoke in my nose and my eyes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
reminded me of a time when I was living
in New York. I had a very small room on
the sixth floor of a residential hotel.
I worked, for a while, with the people who
were opening a big restaurant. We'd been
working twelve, thirteen hours a day. The
people in charge were mean and unorganized.
I came home every day, drained and miserable.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">One
evening I woke up to a lot of noise and
the smell of smoke. My window opened onto
an area between four buildings. I'd be generous
to call it a court yard. It was just
... an area. In the top corner room, across
the yard from me, there was a terrible fire.
Flames. Big ones. And the dark silhouettes
of firefighters on the roof, shining flashlights
into the yard. It was beautiful and dramatic
and close. But I was too tired to be scared.
I just went to sleep, despite the smoke
and the pounding and the shouting. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
went to sleep last night too. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(256)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_256"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
11 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:52
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
in an editing stupor. I've been scrolling
and staring for too many hours. I think
I said that BSWP needed to be done, right?
So why can't I stop picking at it? I'm driving
my self crazy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
having a weird morning. I followed a link
from a page that I trust in terms of fat
stuff and found a slew of people-on-diets
sites. What makes me sad is the self recrimination.
I am never sad when people eat heathy good
food. I am never sad when people exercise.
I am sad when people feel like they need
to do both to be considered valuable. I
am sad when I read a young woman chastise
her self for eating an ice cream cone. I
am sad when people say they just can not
breach the chasm of perception required
to love their bodies at any size. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
not sharing any of the links because I think
people have a right to put what they want
to put on line with out fear of criticism.
I mean, it is a public forum, so criticism
may come with publishing. But I'm not going
to jump into someone's diet chat with my
thinking. I'm not sure why the original
link that I followed was where it was. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't know. The whole thing put me in a
mood and now I have to go back to work on
my book about a fat life. A life in which
I realized that the way people think about
my body is much worse for my health than
any amount of poundage. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And,
sadly, I don't have a ride to swim today.
I won't be moving though that silky, gravity
free space, feeling my body. I won't be
looking around at all the fat butts and
bellies rising above the water level. Fat
women moving with grace and ease and pleasure.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
am always encouraged when people tell me
that reading things I write makes them think differently,
or think at all, about the way the view
fat. But I'm never sure it's going to make
much of a difference when I see the truly
massive amount of limited thinking that's
out there. It makes me tired. It makes me
sad. It pisses me off. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(257)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_257"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></P>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Her
teeth were crowded to the front of her mouth
as if they were ready for an argument. -
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2001/11/24/books/chapters/25-1st-munro.html">Alice
Munro</a></span></font></p>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>August
12 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:23
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
going to start referring to the BSWP as
THE BOOK. I mean summer's over, the letters
were confusing to some people and it wants
to grow up (someday) to be a book. I worked
on THE BOOK all day yesterday. With the
exception of a few hours of <a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/SIMS.htm">SIMS</a>
in the evening. I didn't read around the
blog much. When I woke up this morning I
thought ...shit... what am I gonna write
about? Fortunately I got comments yesterday.
Heh heh heh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">OK.
So. While I agree that we are "so much
more than our fat" I also want us to
remember that our thoughts about ourselves
do not occur in a vacuum. I often have the
TV or the radio on while I'm writing. I
like the noise. If I put on music I start
listening to the music. Anyway, there's
a commercial that frequently plays in the
afternoon in which the voice over says,"There
are many things you want to be, but not
one of them is overweight." </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Uh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Standing
in line at a grocery store, looking at magazine
covers, you get the image of what beauty
is suppose to look like. Oddly enough, that
image doesn't look like me. There are
young women starving TO DEATH because they
are so afraid to be fat. Not healthy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
then there is the slew of bad doctor stories
you can hear from fat folks. I know fat
people who don't go to doctors when they
have health issues because they don't want
to be shamed about their weight. There was
a story in an issue of <a href="http://www.fatso.com">Fat!So?</a>
in which a woman with a tumor in her throat
was spoken to about her weight in such a
derisive manner that she stopped going to
her doctor. At the point she wrote she wasn't
sure if the tumor was completely gone. She
just didn't want to deal with the diet pamphlets
that were thrust into her face every time
she went to the doctor. Not healthy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
I walk down the street people say mean things
to me. About ... MY WEIGHT. Their thoughts
about my weight and their idea that they
have
every right to say shit to me on the street
create a hostile environment, for me. Not
healthy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
work on my own attitude about my body and
I'm doing OK. But, it's a battle in
a world that wants my compliance to
standard of beauty upheld by the diet industry.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
in my writing, I am trying to have some
impact on the way people think about my
body. I am asking people to take a minute
and think a little differently about fat.
Maybe I can't change the way other people
think and maybe I shouldn't try. People
do have a right to the way they want to
think. AND when people think things
about people because of attributes of physicality,
skin color, eye shape, height, weight, gender,
I'm going to challenge those thoughts. To
the best of my ability. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Thanks
to <a href="http://astridiana.blogspot.com/">Kerry</a>
for pointing out the <a href="http://wickedpersephone.org/wehavebrains/">We
Have Brains</a> topic. I've been too busy
working on THE BOOK to look around the blog
much. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is
size a choice feminism needs to support?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Heh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Well
this question is asked with an eating disorder
frame. I'm torn about what to respond to
first. I don't usually say much about anorexia
and bulimia. My heart breaks when I hear
about women who starve them selves, or eat
in binges and throw up. It's hard for me
to support that as a choice. It seems like
an illness. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
know there are women who eat to comfort
them selves. I've done that. I've eaten
in a stupor mouth full after mouth full
until I was so miserable. It's been years,
but I remember. I've also lived on Diet
Coke and cigarettes. It's been years, but
I remember. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But,
over eating is a problematic concept. When
I go out to a great restaurant, or a friend
cooks me lovely food I eat a lot. Is that
over eating? I guess so. And I will be doing
more of that. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
last night I had some London Broil with
yellow beans and shitakes. I didn't feel
like cooking a starch. I wasn't that
hungry. I had melon for dessert. I had a
glass of wine. I don't always over eat,
I don't even often over eat, I rarely eat
junk and I'm FAT. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was always fat. I've been more fat and less
fat. But. I'm fat. Could I be less fat now?
Maybe. But for someone with a body like
mine that would mean making a choice to
do A LOT of exercise and never, or very
rarely eat for pleasure. I do exercise,
I have worked out regularly, and I wasn't
thin then. Now, I swim and walk and ...
OH FUCK WHY AM I TALKING ABUT THIS AGAIN!!!</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">SHITSHITSHIT
I get so pissed off when fat acceptance
is talked about in terms of healthy
eating and exercise. There are fat people
who eat healthy food and exercise. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Deal
with this. There is more than one fat body.
The people who study why people are fat
are, more often than not, funded by the
diet industry. FUNDED by the diet industry.
The people who do research about health
at any size struggle for funding.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did not choose to be fat. Unless you think
I decided which genetic code to be born
with. By the way, if you do think that I
won't argue with you. It's a mystery. Would
I choose it again? Hell yes! </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Would
I choose to be fat? Yes. I have learned
so much from having this body. I'm proud
of my beautiful fat grandmother, and my
beautiful fat mother and my beautiful fat
ass. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Do
I choose to eat healthy, beautiful food?
As often as possible. Do I eat until my
stomach aches because it's too full? Not
often. But sometimes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is
size a choice feminism needs to support?
Size is not the choice. The choice to love
your body, no matter what the size is a
choice. Oh yes my sisters. But a multi
million dollar diet industry is hoping you'll
say no. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(258)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_258"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
13 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:55
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
registered with <a href="http://www.blogtree.com/index.php">Blogtree</a> last night. I'm
a sucker for these things. I don't think
I did it right. I tried to say that <a href="http://www.willa.com/">Willa</a>
And <a href="http://www.links.net/">Justin
Hall</a> were my blog parents but they don't
seem to be there. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
true. A friend told me about Willa and I
read her. And I saw Justin on MSNBC and
read him. Willa has been very supportive,
answered my design questions, dropped by
on my birthday. Justin never responded to
my e-mail I still read him. This is not
unlike my relationship with my parents.
My Mom and I speak regularly and my Dad
left when I was three months old. I still
call him on birthday, father's day, Christmas,
and he never remembers my birthday, which,
ironically, often falls on Father's Day.
Sheesh. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
actually got to read through most of my
blog roll this morning. It's been a while.
Working on THE BOOK, formally know as BSWP,
sucked the brain cell function right outta
me. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
known writers who sit down and start typing
like crazy. That's only true for me if I'm
responding to some thing, or if I've been
thinking about some thing for a while. But
the kind of writing I'm doing for THE BOOK
is like wringing my hands, gnashing my teeth,
kind of writing. I get so tense the blood
flow stops and I sit staring at the screen
thinking about what a fucked up person I
am, and how much the writing sucks and ...Oh.
It gets ugly. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
have some snap out of it techniques. Reading
gets me writing. One of the reason I read
blogs is because of the variety of voices.
It shakes up my "good writing"
crap and the blood starts to flow again.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
pressure is off. I know what I'm going to
write about when school starts. I worked
on a piece of writing yesterday that was
just for fun. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Pattie
<a href="http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/2002_08_04_fattypatties_archive.html#80036677">did
some great writing on Fatty Patties</a>
a few days ago. It reminded me of a story
a friend told me once. When she was a child
she had a fat aunt. She loved sitting
on the fat aunt's lap. She preferred it to
the more bony lap of her mother and one
day she decided to say so. Her aunt got
teary, her mother shushed her and later
explained that we just don't talk about
people's fat. She learned. She had a preference
for a fat lap and she learned that
there was something very weird about that.
She has suffered with eating disorders.
Suffered. Almost died. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Is
preference innate or learned? I don't really
think this is an either/or question, I think
there's a little of both in the mix. It's
an interesting thing to contemplate. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(259)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_259"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
14 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 10:05
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Had to deal with bills yesterday. Which
put me in a yucky mood. And there was a
guy painting my bathroom. Finally. The ceiling
crash was like a year ago. So, I was huffing
paint fumes all day. The bathroom is now
the same color as my web page. I didn't
pick the color. It just worked out that
way. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/onlocation_front.asp">Ashley
Banfield is doing a tour of America.</a>
Getting a "feel" for the way Americans
are thinking. Uh. Not. She was in SF last
night. One of the most progressive cities
in the country and she managed to show nothing
of that "feeling." Instead she
talked about the Golden Gate bridge as an
icon of freedom. Is it an icon of freedom?
It's <a href="http://www.sfmuseum.org/hist10/ggbridging.html">a triumph
of engineering, a monument to labour ...
is that about freedom?</a> Or is everything
about freedom now? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Just
yesterday a<a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2002/08/14/roundup.DTL">
worker fell from the bridge</a> to his death.
It's a monument to the <a href="http://www.sfmuseum.org/hist10/strauss2.html">guy
who designed</a> it, and the people who
worked to build it, and the workers who
maintain it. It's a very nice bridge. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
get the Statue of Liberty as an icon of
freedom. That's about it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
everything is about freedom now. BECAUSE.
<a href="http://www.commondreams.org/views02/0812-04.htm">We're
building support for the war</a>. The Washington
Post did two polls yesterday about
support for the war. These polls are laughable.
In one poll 57% of Americans support going
to war with Iraq. But when asked if it involved
significant casualties support dropped to
40%. What does this suggest? Are the people
who respond to polls so stupid that they
don't understand that there will be <a href="http://www.zmag.org/ZNET.htm">(have
been) (are)</a> significant casualties if
we go to war with Iraq? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
don't think the people are stupid. I think
the polls are stupid. The framing of the
questions is stupid. And <a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/794006.asp">a
show that makes SF </a>look like a city
focused on protecting a bridge from terrorism
and ready to go to war with out even a wink
and a nod to the "feelings" of
the opposition is just an attempt to <a href="http://www.markfiore.com/animation/corrections.html">manufacture
consent</a>. (Thanks to <a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/">Mike</a>
for pointing the <a href="http://www.markfiore.com/index.html">Fiore</a>.)</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(260)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_260"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
15 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:10
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I woke up in the middle of the night having
a dream I thought I would write about here,
but then I went back to sleep and now...
I forget.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was hoping writing that would jog my memory.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Nope.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
apartment, which has been looking pretty
nice lately, now looks like some thing went
terribly wrong. In fact something went wrong
but it isn't that terrible. My fancy new
<a href="http://www.microsoft.com/hardware/mouse/to_info.asp">track
ball mouse</a> stopped working. I read the
help section which wasn't very helpful.
I cleaned it. It got worse. So, I had to
take all the books off the desk and move
it out and put my old mouse back in.
Then I spent some time looking for the documentation.
I have documentation for everything but.
So, I'm not sure what to do. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I had to take everything out of the bathroom
for the painter. I still haven't put it
all back. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Chaos
happens.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
I'm sitting in a little table in the middle
of my living room and the desk is akimbo.
It's disorienting. Kinda. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm"> </a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.members.shaw.ca/cshock/firstpersonplural.htm">Pattie
and Carl show</a> today, at noon (my time).
They're gonna talk about poetry. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(261)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_261"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>August
16 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:44
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
So I called Microsoft about my <a href="http://www.microsoft.com/hardware/mouse/to_info.asp">track
ball mouse</a>
breakdown. I was braced for battle. Ready
to write a scathing piece on how much they
suck. But it wasn't that bad. I talked to
people. I told them what happened. They're
sending me a new track ball.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">What
is that about?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
asked the very nice woman if I had done
something. She said no. They just stop working
sometimes. OK, so they have a product that
just stops working and then they replace
them. I mean, I'm glad I'm getting a new
one but it was just too easy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">There
is this thing you hear now when you call
service people - "this call may be monitored
for quality." Hmmm. I mean, it seems like
surveillance. What am I saying. It is surveillance.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
went to the airport last night to see Jeanne,
Kezia and Tony. They had an hour lay over
in SF and it's been too long since I've
seen them. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
bus guy was kinda curt when I asked if his
was the airport bus so when the bus stopped
at the airport I thought to myself, I wonder
if this is the only stop, but I didn't want
to ask him. As a result I was in terminal
1 and they were in Terminal 3. There
is a second stop at Terminal 3. Arg. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Terminal
2 isn't really done yet. It's close. There
are rows of places where some airline could
set up shop and places for folks to sit
and phone booths and bathrooms. But it's
like a ghost airport. I had to walk through
it. I was the only one in it. I could hear
all the security alert announcements in
the big echoing, empty, wanna be airport.
It felt like being in a post apocalypse movie. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Surveillance.
Fear. Land of the free. Home of the brave.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I got to hug an old friend. And see a young
woman who I'd know as a baby. That was good.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
bathroom is back together (mostly) and looks
very nice. But the desk is still in the
middle of the room. I love my desk but it's
huge and difficult to move back and forth.
I can't get to the place where I plug in
the mouse unless it's out. My new track
ball mouse will be here in three to ten
business days. Should I live with chaos
for that long? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(262)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_262"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
17 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:35
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I had a conversation the other day about
the desire for a public voice. I've always
had one and I've always been suspicious
that it's a sign of a funky psychological
structure that I want one. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Fame.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
ascribe all manner of lofty intentions to
this longing. I want to talk about fat in
a way that changes the way people think
about it. I want to be able to articulate
my feelings about the world in a way that
makes less war and more peace. I want to
make people laugh, or at least smile. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
a worry. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I've
had a small taste of fame. I had a rock-n-roll
band in small town. I don't think I handled
it very well. I went a little <a href="http://www.foxhome.com/valley/index_frames.html">Valley
of the Dolls</a> on my friends. Fame and
public voice may have small differences.
I'm not wanting to be a pop icon. But I
have this competitive streak. I wanna be
in the game. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
I made a little web page. Heh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.spiritualintrigue.com/">Caroline
Casey</a> did her radio show from Seadrift
Texas the other day. She was there with
<a href="http://www.bhopal.net/worldwide-action/diane.html">Diane
Wilson</a>. <a href="http://www.bhopal.net/campaigningresources/pictures/dianepics/dianetexas355.jpg">Diane</a>
is fasting in <a href="http://www.corpwatch.org/action/PAA.jsp?articleid=3130">solidarity
</a>with the <a href="http://www.bhopal.net/worldwide-action/bhopalhungerstrikers.html">people
of Bhopal</a>. It was an amazing show. But
no mainstream coverage of this action. Not
that I've seen. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Today,
in Washington D.C. there is <a href="http://">a
rally for reparations.</a> Some of which
will be shown on <a href="http://www.c-span.org/">CSPAN</a>.
Or you can listen to <a href="http://www.wbai.org/">WBAI</a>.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'll
be listening while I make dino kale and
red bean soup. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(263)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_263"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
18 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 8:40
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
<a href="http://kbrigan.blogspot.com/">Kell</a> posts about a fat
community dialogue between she and Budge. I am so
grateful to Budge for telling <a href="http://victoria682.tripod.com/thelargestofall/id2.html">her story</a>. And
I'm grateful to Kell for pointing it out.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I want to talk about the places where
I see things a little differently. But first I want to say that Budge and I agree in
some very specific ways. Not all fat people are happy healthy dancing beings and
the size acceptance community tends to valorize the members of the community
who are physically active and ignore the members of the community who are
suffering. I don�t want to call this <b>THE</b> failure of size acceptance but,
to the extent that it continues, it is
certainly <b>A</b> failure of size acceptance. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Having said that, I want to also say
that there are many fat people who are happy healthy dancing beings. <b>There is
more than one kind of fat body.</b> There is more than one reason for a body to get fat and
the things we all, fat and thin, deserve are dignity and self-acceptance. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">The problem of </font><a href="http://www.naafa.org/"><font face="Arial">NAAFA�</font></a><font face="Arial">s connection
to pornography is a mighty one. I joined NAAFA once, years ago. I got an
envelope full of handbooks and pamphlets and that was about it. I joined again
two years ago when I attended my first NAAFA event, the Memorial Day Weekend. I
was there for the better part of one Saturday, including the dinner dance.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">
Notable, for me, was a discussion on </font><a href="http://www.obesity-online.com/frobipouc.htm"><font face="Arial">the surgery</font></a><font face="Arial">. It was disturbing to me
because I felt some preference was given to the folks who were promoting the
surgery. One of the issues facing the community is the split between folks who
have had the surgery and folks who see the surgery as mutilation.</font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">While I strongly oppose the surgery my
opposition is not directed toward the people who have had it. My opposition is
directed at a medical community that ignores the promise to first do no harm
when they promote this surgery and things like Meridia. </font><a href="http://www.citizen.org/pressroom/release.cfm?ID=1059"><font face="Arial">BAN MERIDIA NOW</font></a><font face="Arial">.
However, if someone has the surgery they need to understand what that choice
communicates to me. I have written about this before and I�m sure I will again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">The dinner dance was small.
I wasn't flooded with FA's. I watched one
man push up on a woman at my table. It took
him a little too long to take no for an
answer. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">I�ve
always been worried about the idea of a person preferring me because I�m
fat.</font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">It doesn�t seem any better than
some one rejecting me for the same reason. I have no experience of feeders. It
is horrifying. It�s another topic all together and it�s one that I must admit I
tend to ignore. I do think that NAAFA�s demise may be a result of its
relationship to fat porn. I know members of NAAFA who work hard and believe
that they are working toward the full inclusion and civil liberties of all fat
people. But, if they want to be taken seriously, NAAFA needs to come out and say they regret their association with
pornography and feederism. I'm not an anti porn feminist. I understand that,
for people who have been neutered by the
popular culture, the fat porn thing feels
like inclusion. Inclusion in what? I'm not
sure. It's a dubious incusion, but I understand
it as a step in the process. I don�t need a dinner dance. I need good health
care, chairs with no arms in public forums, and education about the complexity
of life in a fat body.</span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Having said that, at a NAAFA
convention, people who talk about being fat as a problem should expect some
confrontation. When people talk about their reasons for the surgery they talk
often about fat as a problem. There are mobility
issues. There are health problems associated
with fat. But there are mobile fat bodies
with few health problems. It's important
to talk about the issue of mobility and
the variety of health problems fat people
deal with, but when someone at a NAAFA convention
leans in and whispers to me,"Don't
you think we'd be healthier if we were thin?"
I go crazy. Do you know any thin people?
Are they all healthy? <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">So, how do we talk about the
health problems associated with fatness? <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">With an awareness of complexity.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"> <o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><b><font face="Arial">There is more than one kind of fat
body.</font></b></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><b><font face="Arial"> <o:p></o:p></font></b></span><b><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></b></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">I heard </font><a href="http://curry.edschool.virginia.edu/curry/dept/edhs/hlthpe/exphys/gaesser.htm"><font face="Arial">Glenn Gaesser</font></a><font face="Arial"> speak a while
ago. He�s a great man. Read </font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0936077425&music=&buyable=0"><font face="Arial">his book</font></a><font face="Arial">. He was speaking to a group of people
who are studying nutrition. At one point he said, �I�m not saying it�s OK to be
fat.�</font><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><font face="Arial"> </font><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Well, brother Gaesser, it is OK to
be fat. It must be. Because I am fat today. I�m going to be fat, tomorrow. My
body has, does and will go through size changes but I am fat today and I must be OK.
In fact I must be better than OK. He is one of the leaders of the health at any
size community and he has all my respect and gratitude. But being fat is OK.
I'm taking his comment out of context. But
it struck me because he was talking about
the <a href="http://www.nandotimes.com/opinions/story/393972p-3136660c.html">junk science</a> used to promote the "obesity
epidemic" and affirming the paradigm
of fit and fat but he had to make that qualification,
almost reflexively.</span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"> </font></span></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Kell makes a great point about
health. �Everyone reading (and writing) this is going to die, sooner or later,
and unless we're hit by the proverbial truck, that means, at some point, we --
all of us -- are going to be guilty of the sin of being seriously ill. Insert
cartoon: two people, looking with disapproval at a fresh grave. "Gee, it's
such a shame how she's let herself go." <o:p></o:p>(<a href="http://www.geocities.com/kbrigan/reply.htm">more</a>)</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">We need to talk about health
within a health at any size frame. We need to use health at any size language.
Health in a fat body is not a one size fits
all kinda thing. Unfortunately, most obesity research is funded by the
diet/pharmaceutical industry. <o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">I�m one of those big boned gals. I
was always taller and fatter. But people were always saying things to me like,
�You don�t move like a fat person.�</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"> <o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Uh.<o:p></o:p></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Well, I guess since I am fat, and
I am moving this way, this is how fat people move.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"> <o:p></o:p></font></span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p class=MsoNormal style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" align="justify"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">A few years ago I went from a very
physically demanding lifestyle (restaurant work) to a more sedentary life style
(being in grad school). My eating habits didn�t change much, but I gained some
weight. I�m also older. Now I have some mobility issues. My knees hurt. I have
to work for the mobility I have. I�m also dealing with menopause. There are a number of
reasons why my body is the way it is. <b>There is more than one kind of fat body. </b>I'm
not doing a lot of dancing but I'm not in
a wheel chair. I've noticed that at fat
events I hear more abut diet and exercise
that I do anywhere else. Ultimately, I'm
only interested in talking about my health
with people I trust. Everyone else can step
off. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">I heard a doctor
say that not all people who smoke will get
cancer, but the odds are good that most
will. My grandmother, who never smoked a
day in her life, had emphysema. Bodies are
complex. </span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><span style="font-size:10pt; mso-spacerun: yes"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">I think of fat
as an attribute, like thin, tall, short
but I understand that weight gain sometimes
signals malady. Until we take the hate of
fatness out of the conversation we won't
be able to parse the variety of cause and
effects in fat bodies. </span></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"><b> </b></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">NAAFA may be
dead. Fat community may have no center.
But we do need to keep talking about it
all. <a href="http://www.feelinggoodfitness.com/">Jennifer,</a>
<a href="http://fatso.com">Marilyn,</a>
<a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/">Paul,</a>
<a href="http://www.beyondbias.org/">Sonda,</a>
are all doing great revolutionary work.
<a href="http://www.paddedlilies.com/">The
Lillies</a> and <a href="http://www.bigmoves.org/">Big
Moves </a>are great. <b>And there is
more than one kind of fat body. There is
more than one kind of fat experience.</b>
I don't think their experience negates the
experience of others. And I do think we
need to talk about the problems of being
fat with more open minds and hearts.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial"><b> </b></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify; line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Community is
not a one size fits all thing. We don't
all agree on every thing. </font><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'><font face="Arial">Budge details <a href="http://victoria682.tripod.com/thelargestofall/id1.html">some causes of
fatness</a> that are important to understand. She says she is no longer part of the
community. That�s a loss. She has a lot of important things to say. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(264)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_264"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>August
19 2002</span><font face="Arial"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> 9:03
</span><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">AM</span></font></font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml">
60 minutes</a> did an OK piece
on the fast food industry, featuring <a href="http://www.thenation.com/special/schlosser.mhtml">Eric
Schlosser</a>. I was caught between my contempt
for the industry and my contempt for the
way shows like this use fat kids to make
their point. They showed kids
being weighed and talked about kids having
heart attacks. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
have no doubt that the way kids/people eat
in this country is horrible. But I was a
fat kid before we had a McDonalds in the
neighborhood. I remember when the first
one came to town. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I hate the jumbo soda thing. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But...shit.
Can't we talk about the problems of the
companies and how they market their crap
to kids with out adding the fear of being
fat to the pitch? There were thin kids eating
the crap. Why is it that they never notice
that there are thin kids eating the crap?
Why do we see the fat kid standing on the
scale with no shirt on? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
dunno. I'm babbling a bit, but I was watching
this show in conflict. I see the expressions
on the faces of the fat kids getting weighed
and I remember that pain. I know there's
a popular notion that it's OK to shame fat
people because maybe that will motivate
them to lose weight. Why else would fat
be the one attribute of physicality that
anyone can make a joke about with out fear
of being thought crude? Meanwhile, the media
would have us believe that there are more
fat people than ever, so I guess the whole
shame thing ain't workin. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
talk to fat people all the time. For every
one person who thinks that they eat too
much and don't exercise enough I meet three
or four who are mystified by their bodies.
For years people who would spend a few days
with me would say things like, "I don't
understand why your fat. You don't eat more
than I do." Or my mother, who often
marvels at the distances I walk and the
steps I climb to my apartment and the size
of my ass. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
I'm not mystified by my body. I'm just fat.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
you're a kid the mystification is overwhelming.
What you eat as a kid is largely dictated
by the adults. In the 60 minutes thing there
were lots of scenes of very young children
eating fast food. Since I've mostly hung
out with hippie types, or foodies, most
of the kids I know where rarely, if ever,
fed fast food. Tofu, soy milk and whole
wheat were the fare of the day. Kezia was
raised in her mother's cafe and has
quite the gourmet palette. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">When
I was a kid I remember having people squeeze
my arm and talk about my weight. "She's
big. But she's solid." It felt so invasive.
Like my body was just open for everyone's
inspection. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So
all the thin and average sized kids are
chompin down the fries, but the fat kids
are suppose to add to their already established
sense of being different by choosing the
salad bar. Which is worse? No french fries
or no participation with the other kids?
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
love the <a href="http://www.edibleschoolyard.org/">Alice
Water's approach</a>, so much. I really
wish there were more edible school yards.
And if people are going to eat hamburgers
and french fries I wish they'd eat real
potato fries and fresh ground locally raised
beef burgers. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Ironically,
after I watched 60 minutes I read an essay
in <a href="http://www.harpers.org/">Harper's</a>
in which a women's mother worked in a place
where they raised the chickens for Tyson.
I wish I could link to it. The women's mother
only eats chicken that she raises herself.
That's not a practical solution for most
of us but many of us can choose local
and/or free range chicken. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Right
before 60 minutes I'd seen <a href="http://www.kron4.com/Global/category.asp?C=19472&nav=5D814hlN">Bay
Cafe</a> and they were visiting the <a href="http://www.lazysusanranch.com/who.html">Lazy
Susan Ranch</a>. So beautiful. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Look.
I know I'm a food snob. And if someone really
likes fast food I'm not critical of them.
I am very critical of the industry. And,
if you never have, just try the <a href="http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=646107">potato
and sorrel gratin</a>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And,
if you know a fat kid...hug them and tell
them how beautiful they are. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(265)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_265"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August
20 2002 9:07
AM</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I uh....</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Since
I started doing the </span></font><a href="http://www.botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/s/sajohn06.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">St.
John's Wort</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I've been holding a steady
mellow. Until yesterday. I felt the icy
blue cloud move in. I went to group last
night and felt a bit better afterward. But
today it's back.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
will say that I am not quite as filled with
misery as I have experienced in the past.
And it's not my goal to never feel misery.
God knows there are reasons to be
miserable. I think Faulkner said something
like between grief and nothing I'll take
grief. I'm just hoping there are more than
those two choices. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
trying to keep </span></font><a href="http://www.harpold.com/500/paddock/00000196.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">an
appreciation for life alive</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sometimes
blogging helps;sometimes it doesn't. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="2" width="203" bordercolor="#D0CCFF" bordercolordark="#9933FF" bordercolorlight="#9898FF">
<tr>
<td width="191">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
the jealousy, the greed that's
the unraveling, it's the unraveling,
and it undoes all the joy that
could be. - </span></font><a href="http://www.jonimitchell.com/Blue71LyricsHome.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Joni
Mitchell</font></span></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
a new day. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Right?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(266)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_266"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
21 2002 9:07
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Whadda
think? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
think I long for change. And change happens. But I just
felt like making something in my life new. It may not
have been the best use of my time. My limited design
skills make me cranky. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Here
are the site changes. I'm going to post two or three
days (depending on how long I babble) in a row on this
page, most current first. Just like the other bloggers. Heh. A
while ago
I
added a page where I posted a few days at a time, and
then every month I do a month page. So, I'm just eliminating
a page. It may not make sense and probably doesn't matter.
I have reasons. Kooky Tish type reasons. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
put links to all the other months on the page formally
known as </span></font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rdoor.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
Refrigerator Door</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
You can always get to it by clicking on the </span></font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/rdoor.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Here</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
below. And the month will always link to the current
month page. Does that make sense? There is a photo of my actual refrigerator door
on the refer door page, taken by Cynthia Cowdrey. And the photo of me
on the porch is there in its xtra cranky form, icy blue
cloud rolling in. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I'm
in a mood. I am, after all, a </span></font><a href="http://baltimorechronicle.com/ol_aug02.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">fat
assed American</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
It's strange to agree with so much of what someone says
and still want to tell them to go fuck themselves. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(267)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_267"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
22 2002 9:02
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Hanging
out with a ten year old boy changes your view of life.
Especially if he's a very cool </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">ten</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> year old like
</span></font><a href="http://www.windchimewalker.com/mitchells5.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Gabe</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. (He's
the one in the middle.)</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">We went to the wharf and played in the arcade
and ate a pile o shrimp for lunch. Gabe won so many
tickets at the arcade he's now in the running for a stereo
system. He played a game where he had to get a coin
into a little truck, and the truck dumped all its coins,
plus he got a bonus. The thing just kept spitting out
tickets. I swear we just stood there for twenty minutes
watching the tickets pour out. At one point he handed
some tickets to a little girl standing beside us watching,
she was too shy to take them so he gave them to her
brother. He shared his jackpot. How's that for generous?
I felt so much better about life after spending time
with him.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Last
night I watched Adam Shapiro & Huwaida Arrafon
on Donahue. </span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I</span></font><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">t
was kinda great because so much of the press has focused
on </span></font><a href="http://www.palsolidarity.org/writings/shapiro_08mar.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Adam</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
Donahue filmed </span></font><a href="http://www.palsolidarity.org/writings/arraf_08mar.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Huwaida</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
in Ramalla and she did much of the talking on the show.
Since she is a woman and a Palestinian I liked that
she was given preference. I like Adam. He has much
to say and says it well. But he's also gotten quite
a bit of press time. The show deteriorated at the end.
Lots of cross talk. At the point where you can't discern
one voice from another it's time to turn it all off.
Still, I was glad to see these two on TV. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
feel the need to say a little more about the </span></font><a href="http://baltimorechronicle.com/ol_aug02.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mc
Dougall letter</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">,
given that I woke up this morning, checked my comments,
and a whole discussion had occurred. I love when that
happens. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It's
the same feeling I had when I was watching the
60 Minutes the other day, or when I read the </font><a href="http://www.kingsolver.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Barbara
Kingsolver</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
essay in which she uses Fat Brother as a metaphor. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
agree with what Mc Dougall is saying. It reminded me
of a time long ago when I was at a </font><a href="http://www.cockburnproject.net/frames.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Bruce
Cockburn </font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">(
another Canadian) and he made a crack about our president,
I think it was Reagan. He said it in such a way that
made it clear that, since we live in a Democracy, if
we don't like the president we have some power to work
for a candidate who we do like and get them elected.
Of, course, none of us listening then would have imagined
the </font><a href="http://www.iknowwhatyoudidlastelection.com/bush-election-2000-lies.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Florida
debacle</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Well.
Maybe some of us would have. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">In
any case, when someone disparages what's going on in
this country I find it difficult to do anything but
agree and sigh. I don't feel the need to remind them
that there is a progressive movement in this country.
One that gets very little media attention. Until Donahue.
And even now. It's like when a person of color says
something about white people, I don't feel the need
to say, "Hey wait, I'm white and I'm not racist."
Being white in America means that I have an amount of
privilege and I need to know that. I benefit from the
system in ways I'm not entirely aware of and I have
my own amount of internalized racism. It requires an
amount of work to look at it all and break it all
down. Concentrically, when I read someone say,
"You Americans..." I don't feel the need to
say, "Hey, I'm not one of the people you're talking
about." </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
know who I am. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
do feel the need to make a comment about the use of
fat ass as a metaphor. I understand the metaphor. I
just think there are better ways to make the point.
I say something when I hear notions of race, or gender
used as bad metaphors. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
not sure fat people are going to get much help with
waking people up to the inherent bad faith of using
fat as a lazy metaphor for consumption and greed. We're
going to need to be like a piece of sand in the oyster,
never letting it be OK until it stops. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
since it's the liberal and progressive voices using
the metaphor the role of piece of sand seems doubly
unfair. You just wanna hope for more. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pattie
and Carl are </font><a href="http://members.shaw.ca/cshock/Episode%20Fifteen.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">constructing
culture</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
at noon (my time). </font><a href="http://cfuv.uvic.ca/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Tune
in.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(268)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_268"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
23 2002 8:36
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Had
some frustration with my new design yesterday. Something
was causing the last post to disappear. I worked on
it for a while in the morning but could not fix it.
I had this problem once before. I think it's something
in the YACCS code. I think I mess it up with the sloppy
cut and paste way I do things. I had to redo the whole
page to get it the way I wanted it. The whole time I'm
beating myself internally with the not good enough stick. I get so frustrated with
my lack of HTML and CSS skills. Every time I do a redesign
I try to learn a little more. The key word in that sentence
is little. It is fixed. But I don't know why. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oh
well. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">While
I redid it all I cleaned, hauled down recycling, and did laundry. School starts
next week and I want to be ready. I'm neither excited
nor dreading school. It's just a thing to do. I may
get more excited once I'm there. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.visionaryactivism.com/rally.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Diane
Wilson ended her fast</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
She was talking to Caroline yesterday on the radio,
talking about being a loner and how different it was
for her to be involved with other people. I understand.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
spend too much time alone. Partly because I'm single
and, with school, I spend much of my time reading and
writing. But I have a shyness that not many people quite
understand. It is true that I will blather, joke and
flirt when I am in public. But I tend to rush to my
apartment and the sanctuary of my solitude. I tell ya
one thing. I'm not going to be alone on September 11.
I'm not going listen to the jingoist media drum thumping. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Fortunately,
it's a school night. But I intend to get out of the
house early, find people </font><a href="http://www.unitedforpeace.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">who
love peace</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">, and resist my tendency to watch CNN. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">On
this day in history,
August 23, 1927, </font><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/unbound/flashbks/oj/porterf.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sacco
& Vansetti</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
were put to death by the state. </font><a href="http://www.amnestyusa.org/abolish/reports/mumia/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
what have we learned</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The
president select </font><a href="http://portland.indymedia.org/front.php3?article_id=17066&group=webcast"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">was
in Portland yesterday</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and he'll be in </font><a href="http://sf.indymedia.org/news/2002/08/141088.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Stockton</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
today. And </font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/ALLPOLITICS/08/23/elec02.bush.protests/index.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">there
was</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">, and
there will be dissent. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(269)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_269"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
24 2002 8:36
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was prisoner of UPS yesterday. Sounds kinda sexy, eh?
I was hoping that my new trackball mouse would show
up. Apparently, when someone says three to ten business
days, what they really mean is ten business days. My
living room is still all </span></font><a href="http://www.dragonflycottage.com/WabiSabi.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">wabi sabi</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. Every time I heard
the rev of an engine or a car door slam I jumped. </span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
then the UPS man came and ... nonono... UPS never showed.
I'll have a wabi sabi weekend and hope for Monday. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
cold here. And I like having the windows open. So it
was cold in my apartment. I made
soup with rainbow kale, mushrooms, and red beans. Warmed
me up and it was pretty, all yellow and red and green.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was reading a </span></font><a href="http://www.scottlondon.com/insight/scripts/iyer.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Pico
Iyer</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
article in an old </font><a href="http://www.harpers.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Harpers</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I wish it was on line. But no. He was writing about
Canadian fiction writers and multiculturalism. He mentioned
</font><a href="http://www.booksite.com/texis/scripts/oop/click_ord/showdetail.html?sid=3471&isbn=0679776591&music=&buyable=0"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Fugitive
Pieces</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
which is one of my favorite books. While I was reading
I thought I should write little blurbs about the books
I read. I've seen </font><a href="http://jessamyn.info/booklist"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">other
</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">people
do this. It might be a nice writing exercise. I have
to stew on it for a while. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Paul
wrote a </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000295.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">great
rant</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"> yesterday
about this bit on </font><a href="http://slate.msn.com/?id=2069978"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Slate</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I'd actually jumped to it yesterday from </font><a href="http://www.reenhead.com/home.php"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Reenhead</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
The idea of the president dyslexicon being associated
with identifying what a verb is made my head spin. I
couldn't even read it. But I read it today and I read
the offending comment Paul riffs on. Paul writes:</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="284">
<tr>
<td width="278">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The intermingling comes when people make gross generalizations such
as "the American way of life has made us all fat" when that can't possibly be
true. We don't know, collectively, why we are fat. For some people, it's related
to a health issue; for others, it's eating; for others, it's unknown.</span></font></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
often say we don't know why people are fat but I like
the use of the word collectively. It's elegant and precise.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
got distracted yesterday after I jumped to </span></font><a href="http://www.brunching.com/roshamborun.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
from Reenhead. I'd seen it on Tech TV but hadn't bothered
to look for it. It was fun for about five minutes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">The
United Farm Worker's </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/08/23/MN237303.DTL%20"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">have
been marching</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">to
Sacramento for the last week to </span></font><a href="http://www.ufw.org/1contarb.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">ask
our governor for his signature</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
on </span></font><a href="http://www.ufw.org/politics.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">SB
1736</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
Adrienne told me about this a while ago.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(270)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_270"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
25 2002 8:25
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Remember
</span></font><a href="http://www.karenblixen.com/babette.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Babette's
Feast</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">?
I was thinking about it yesterday because of news about
the </span></font><a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/798523.asp"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">oldest
person in the US who died</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
and the oldest person in the world, still alive. Couldn't
find a link. She lives in the mountains and eats
mostly vegetables. It's an appealing life but I started
to think about what I'd miss. I'd need 5000 books. And
my laptop. Well, the list gets increasingly goofy and
I'm right back in North Beach. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
in terms of food I started thinking about the last scene
in Babette's feast where these people who have pulled
away from the life of the body, in terms of pleasure,
are set free by this perfect dinner. It's the lushness
of the food but it's also the lushness of the relationships,
once the reserve is dropped. The food is the stimulus.
I like vegetables but would miss lush, over the
top dinners.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Meanwhile,
I
was making walnut pesto which I put on corn meal crust
with chicken and mango sausage and dry ricotta. Pretty
good. And I poached figs in honey and water and lavender. Sexy
food. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
went over to Blogsisters, since it's been a while. The
summer was so full of trying to find a way to manage
my depression while I worked on THE BOOK. THE BOOK stirs
up all this memory and feeling, I sink into misery,
I can not write. Not good. So, it's been an effort to
ride the wheel. And I just haven't had the time or the
concentration for all my blogs.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It
was great to read the stuff over at </span></font><a href="http://www.blogsisters.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Blogsisters.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
I jumped in on a conversation about sexism and word
use. Imagine that. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Someone</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
left me a comment after my comment and I jumped to her
page. Synchronistically enough I'd been there early
in the day when looking at </span></font><a href="http://www.randomwalks.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Random
Walks</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
I love the circles. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So,
more blogs to read. And </span></font><a href="http://surreally.net/fullbleed/archives/000569.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
very cool rant</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
that I recommend. Also, it's going to be interesting
to hear what comes out of the </span></font><a href="http://www.rrcap.unep.org/wssd/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The World Summit on Sustainable Development</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
I like </font><a href="http://www.earthtimes.org/jul/genderequalityisjul22_02.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
idea.</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><a href="http://www.ufw.org/1contarb.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
hoping the governor</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
is cool today. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(271)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_271"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
26 2002 8:20
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> There's
a phrase in astrology - </span></font><a href="http://www.accessnewage.com/zscope/zvoid.htm"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">void
of course</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">T</span></font><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">hat
was me yesterday. Void of course. I'd be more worried
about it except school starts on Tuesday so...I'll have
some course_s. Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
toured around the web, half reading. Thinking. Feeling.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
always wary of bifurcated thinking. I always think there
are more than two choices and that two things are often
true at the same time. In fact, my goddaughter teases
me because I often begin sentences with the phase,"Well,
I think two things about that." I used to think
it was a sign of ambivalence or vacillation, but I don't
think that now. I think I'm just insistent about maintaining
an awareness of complexity. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
sounds like a lot of fanciful thinking. But really,
it was about sex. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
don't know what attraction is all about. I know what
I feel. And I know what I think. I know there's a pheromone
theory of love. I think that the media and popular
culture is a virus and it infects our sensibilities.
I think our family stuff is the mix. Complex.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Recently
I tried to be attracted to </font><a href="http://www.keanu.org/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Keanu</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. Yeah. I did. It happened
on another void of course Sunday. I half watched Speed
and I thought he was cute. So, I tried to imagine meeting
Keanu. Meeting ... in the biblical sense. Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
just couldn't get there. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
dunno. He is nice looking. I guess. But the juice just
did not flow. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
have had plenty of crushes on glossy magazine boys,
so I'm not beyond that kind of thang. But. I just couldn't
get there. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Generally
speaking (please remember the word generally) I think
it's easier for men to ... get there...from <b>almost</b>
any glossy magazine image of a woman. But men are complicated
beings. They are sorting through as many bad messages
about what it is to be a man as we are sorting through
what
it is to be a woman. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">If
I'm in a vulnerable mood, men with their hands in their
pants over some glossy mag babe can put me into a very
dark place. But most of the time I just see us all herded
around in the pens of power. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Some of us are looking
to the stars. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">It
just seems so simple to say one thing. With no awareness
of the whole. And I always feel like it's too simple.
Even with things about which I have strong and definite
opinions, feminism, fat liberation, peace, I try
to remain aware that there is more than one thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And
I am complicit in bifurcation. I get tired and frustrated
and anxious. I want things to be simple and effortless.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">So,
I was wandering. Thinking. Feeling.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">There
certainly are truths. We live in a world where, generally,
men have the power. I always wish they'd think about
that in deep and subtle ways. Even when they don't see
themselves as men with political or financial power
I wish they'd think about how their level of privilege
in the world means so many things. And women have some
of the light for their blind spot, if only they could
hear things with out feeling like they're being called
assholes. I don't know. Maybe some times they are being
called assholes. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Today
is </font><a href="http://creativefolk.com/equalityday.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Women's
Equality Day</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I live a fatherless life,
a loverless life. I'm not the glossy mag girl. I am
one of the
girl who didn't get picked for prom. But I want to have
hope. And perspective. Words aren't sexist. People are.
Sometimes I am. But I'm working on it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">And.
I'm a babe. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(272)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_272"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">A global human society based on poverty for many and prosperity for a few,
characterized by islands of wealth, surrounded by a sea of poverty, is
unsustainable. --
</span></font><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2002/08/26/international/CND-26SUMM.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">President Thabo Mbeki </font></span></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
27 2002 8:42
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
grabbed the new epigraph from </span></font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Mike</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
He's blogging up a storm about the </span></font><a href="http://www.rrcap.unep.org/wssd/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">World
Summit on Sustainable Development</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
And I'm going to leave the above graphic up this week.
It goes to a blog about the summit. It comes as no surprise
that the president select will not attend. I
wonder how estranged from the rest of the world this
country will be before we vote this guy out of office.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Oh
wait, we never voted him into office. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">And
I wonder how decimated the environment will be. Jon
Carrol writes:</span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/08/27/DD81513.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">OUR PRESIDENT HAS pointed out, correctly, that the cause of forest fires is
trees. The fewer the trees, the less the risk of forest fires. So many
presidents have failed to see this simple truth, with disastrous economic
results</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Two
friends sent me a link to </span></font><a href="http://www.moveon.org/nowar/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
petition</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
yesterday so I thought I'd put it here. It was interesting
because I got the e-mails from my friends in alphabetical
order, relative to their last name. And then I got my
own notification from the site. I figure I may get more
mail from friends in the XYZ part of the alphabet today.
I'm not complaining. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
was on the bus last night, coming home from group. I
decided to move to another seat, the bus lurched and
my knee popped. Ouch. I slathered it with magic ointment from
Lynn but it kept me awake most of the night. I took
anti-inflammatory thing at 1:00 and I did get some
very restless sleep. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.feelinggoodfitness.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Jennifer</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
and </span></font><a href="http://www.fatso.com"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Marilyn</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
got </span></font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/08/25/IN161607.DTL"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">some
press</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
the other day that I missed but I have to say that the
article is so badly written I hesitated to link to at
all. It seems like the writer is trying to take too
may positions at once. They note that the size of airline
seat was 19 to 20.5 inches and is now 18.75 inches but
still it's my fat ass that's the problem. There are
plenty of voices from the fat revolution in the article
and still it's titled fat and unhappy. Of course the
attack on junk food is there and, yet again, not
all fat people eat fast food. So... it reads like more
fat hatred.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">School
starts tonight. I'm still not sure how I feel about
it. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
had two friends tell me that they tried to leave a comment
and their computer froze. Both were using MACS.
Does anyone else have this problem? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(273)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_273"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
28 2002 9:15
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
wonder what it means that I am having such a hard time
beginning to write the morning after my first night
of class in my MFA in WRITING program. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
did have great fun having Dim Sum with </span></font><a href="http://www.deardiary.net./cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=26140"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Kristina</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
knee is still hurting but it is better. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sigh.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Really.
I got nuthin. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(274)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_274"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
29 2002 9:15
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> I
began college in my mid forties. I picked a </span></font><a href="http://www.newcollege.edu/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">small, alternative
college with lefty leanings</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. I worked like crazy for
three and a half years, taking five classes every semester
and running a cafe more than full time. I took five classes one summer to
finish early. When it was over I was exhausted in every
sense of the word. Six months later I was in </span></font><a href="http://www.usfca.edu/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">grad
school</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
No rest for the wicked. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
didn't think I'd like college. I loved it. I've always
loved reading. It was great to have reading as the primary
requirement of my time. It was stressful. But it was
great. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
always think about the places where, and the times
when getting an education is/was limited to the rich.
I feel lucky. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Some
combination of the American education system and American
popular culture fucks up the way people think about learning.
Education becomes the thing you have do so that you can participate
in the economic machine. A line is still drawn between
a notion of practical learning and the kind of learning
that only rich people have time for. In other words...if
I can't use it to make money -- why am I spending my
time doing it. People disparage things that are academic
and reading is academic. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">These
are, of course, generalizations. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Why
am I going on about this? I went to grad school because
I thought I'd meet people who loved reading and learning
as much as I do. And I have met a few. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But,
I hear people talk about books that are too hard to
read. I feel like the geek who loved
the reading, wants to do more and loves to talk about
it. It
breaks my heart. Some of the
folks at my school need to work during the day. They
may want to love it but they're tired. I understand that.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">This
is all generalization. I have some great classmates.
I love the poets. But my grad school experience
has been difficult. I try not to write about it here
because some of the folks in my program are kind enough
to read me. I don't want my generalizations to be read
as criticism of any one individual. It's bad faith.
I'm not too worried about it now, since, despite the
fact that I talked about this little writing project
of mine in both of my classes, neither the teachers nor
my fellow students said, "Hey, what's the URL,
I'd love to see what you're doing." I know the
people in my classes who are kind enough to read
me. I'm grateful to them. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">But
it is true that school can bring up one of my biggest
fears about
life. People have to work so hard to get through the
day that they don't have the time and energy to think.
And maybe I rely too much on thinking. Maybe trying to
deeply examine the ways in which we think and talk is
too tiring. Maybe it's easier to get just enough
education to be employable. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">So.
A year from now I'll have some letters after my name.
I will have learned some things. If I haven't I'm an
asshole. I'll be fifty. It seems like it should be a
pinnacle. But it feels like a cliff. I had a longing about school, a desire. I may not have
fully named it for myself. It may be a longing that
was misplaced. I just know how it feels. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I will
take St. John's Wort and go to therapy. Things
are what you make of them. It seems that there is a
nice bunch of reading I'll be doing for my classes and there are some
great writers in my workshop. People who I enjoy reading.
It will be what it will be.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Will
I be a better writer? I hope so. School or no school
I'm working on being a better writer, every day. And
school or no school I'm going to read. Books. Lots of
them. With great appetite, respect and joy. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(275)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_275"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font>
<p><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Humans take 20 years to reproduce. Bacteria do the job in 20 minutes.
-- </span></font><a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/2129583.stm"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sir
Crispan Tickell</font></span></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
30 2002 8:24
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> The
saga of the </span></font><a href="http://www.microsoft.com/hardware/mouse/to_info.asp"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">track ball mouse</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> continues. The new
mouse came on Wednesday morning but is not the kind
I had. </span></font><a href="http://www.microsoft.com/hardware/mouse/io_info.asp"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">The one they sent </font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">isn't that much nicer than
the one that came with my computer. Ironically, it cost
more than the one I had, and it may be better in ways
I do not understand, but it doesn't sit still. The whole
goal of the other mouse was so that I would move my
arm less. I have to call them
today. But, Marilyn helped me move the desk back in
place. I can't really deal with the whole wabi sabi
thing any longer. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
spent the morning putting back all the books and stuff,
vacuuming, dusting. Then </span></font><a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/photo?photo_id=380021"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Kara</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> took me to the </span></font><a href="http://www.berkeleybowl.com/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">palace
of fine food</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">. I love it. I get to be with Kara for a
nice long time and then buy </span></font><a href="http://kyw.com/recipes/StoryFolder/story_186453350_html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Chinese flat
peaches</font></span></a><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.
Only sad part was that </font><a href="http://www.photo.net/photodb/photo?photo_id=380041"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Kobi</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
had to work and couldn't come with us. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Came
home and talked to Renee on the phone Taking to Renee
is one of my favorite
things. Heated up the rainbow kale soup (not quite as
beautiful reheated but still good) made a cucumber and
yellow tomato salad and some teleme toasts. Carried
it all into the computer and worked through the </span></font><a href="http://www.dailysummit.net/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Daily
summit posts</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
If you have any time and are interested it's a good
way to learn about the summit. The news is sad. </span></font><a href="http://www.dailysummit.net/archives/week_2002_08_25.shtml#000334"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Overall NGO stance: this summit has been taken over by trade.</font></span></a></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Boulder
Colorado, the place where I did my party girl daze,
still home to many of the folks I love the most, is
doing a very cool thing. They are s</span></font><a href="http://www.climatelawsuit.org/"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">uing
ExIm and OPIC on behalf of the citizens who suffer the
effects of global warming.</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
Right fucking on. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Somehow
I volunteered to turn in writing next week. I guess
ought to do some. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Heh.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(276)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_276"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font> <p><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August2002.htm"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">August</span></font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
31 2002 9:41
AM</span></font><font color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/08/60minutes/main13502.shtml"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> Here's
a saga. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Last
night there was a tribute for </span></font><a href="http://www.rooknet.com/beatpage/writers/whalen.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Philip
Whalen</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">.
Two of </span></font><a href="http://www.sunmoon.com/lit_lives/shurin.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">my</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font><a href="http://www.ishmaelreedpub.com/Meltzer.html"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">beloved's</font></span></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">
were going to be there. It was to begin at 7:00. I left
the house a little before 5:00. I needed to stop at
the bank and I thought I'd buy a bottle of water. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
got in line to pay for the water. The express lane.
But a women in the line was paying with a check and
her check was not approved. She was not taking the news
well. I was in that line for about ten minutes. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
walked out just in time to see the bus pull away. I
waited fifteen minutes for the next bus. Got off that
one and went to the next bus stop. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">My
knee is better but it's still bad. So I hobble. Slowly.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Waited
for the second bus for twenty minutes. Is anyone doing
the math? A few minutes later the bus stopped. I was
reading so I didn't notice at first. Another bus had
broken down so we were stuck. At seven I was still on
Market street. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
thought about getting off the bus and going home, but
I know poets are always late. And I was determined to
not let my self get into a funk over something I couldn't
control. I got to the theater some time after seven
and the event had not started. When I walked in a very
nice women said, "There are no seats on the bottom
but you can find something in the balcony." </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Well.
My knees, on their best days, don't love steps. And
I had been in this theater before and knew I was going
to need to drag a chair in, since my ass won't fit into
the seats. Well the place was packed. There were folks
crowded around the door. I just didn't think me dragging
a chair in was going to be well received and I couldn't
drag a chair to the balcony. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
always a weird moment. In the city and county of San
Francisco I have a legal right to demand seating. So,
there I am. A problem. I can't get up the stairs.
I have to make a fuss to get what I need to participate. I
can't fit into the chairs. I stood there for a minute
processing it all, turned and walked out.
I get a little bit crazy in these moments. Sometimes
I advocate for myself. Sometimes people advocate for
me. But every minute of my life as a fat person lives
in those moments. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">It's
hard for me to not feel sad. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sometimes
I get mad in these situations. Actually that's usually
how I feel. But last night I just wanted to hang with
the poets. I knew the seating was going to be problematic
so I left my house early. I tried to take care of myself.
It just didn't work out. And as I walked away from the
lovely thinking, feeling poets, I felt like someone
who just does not fit in. Not even with the poets.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF"><span style="font-size:10pt;">I
came home, drank some wine and listened to people talk
about </span></font><a href="http://www.americanwriters.org/writers/baldwin.asp"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">James
Baldwin on CSPAN.</font></span></a></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
got some reading done one the bus and I got some writing
done yesterday. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I
want to thank Paul for linking to me on </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">
and for doing the blog. Yesterday he blogged </font><a href="http://www.news.com.au/common/printpage/0,6093,5000015,00.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">this
article</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">. Do
I live in a world that is hostile to my body? Imagine
what a health at any size doctor might have been able
to conclude with the same funding. There are more and
more blogs by folks who are not apologizing for their
size. It's heartening. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">I'm
sending hope for </font><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldsummit2002/story/0,12264,783902,00.html"><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">a
peaceful day in Johannesburg</font></a><font face="Arial" color="#9933FF">.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(277)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_277"><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript> </span></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></p>
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