|
Server : Apache/2.4.62 System : FreeBSD fbsdweb2.web.rcn.net 14.1-RELEASE FreeBSD 14.1-RELEASE releng/14.1-n267679-10e31f0946d8 GENERIC amd64 User : www ( 80) PHP Version : 8.3.8 Disable Function : NONE Directory : /domains/fatshado/ |
Upload File : |
<html>
<head>
<META NAME='Keywords' CONTENT='blogchalk, English, United States, San Francisco, North Beach, Tish, Female, 46-50'>
<title>Fatshadow</title>
<!-- Begin YACCS Code (part 1) -->
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://rateyourmusic.com/bclw?b=90000008560"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
function yaccs_c(){document.write(ycso[0]);}
function ycs(e){for(i=0;i<ycso[2];i++){
if(ycsx[i*2]==e){return ycsx[(i*2)+1];}}
if(e<ycso[3])if(ycso[2]>=ycso[1])
{return -1}else{return 0}else return 0}
quot="'";quotcq="','"
function get_comment_link(e){
cc=ycs(e);if(cc==0){yfs=ycso[9]}
if(cc==1){yfs=ycso[10]}if(cc>1){yfs=ycso[11];
if(ycso[13]){yfs+=cc}yfs+=ycso[12]}if(cc==-1){yfs=ycso[14]}
if(ycso[5]){document.write('<a target="'+ycso[4]+
'" class="yaccslink" href="javascript:void(0)"'+
' onclick="window.open('+quot+'http://'+ycso[8]+
'commentsn/blog_id='+ycso[15]+'_and_blog_entry_id='+e+quotcq+
'yaccs'+quotcq+'scrollbars=yes,resizable=yes,height='+
ycso[6]+',width='+ycso[7]+',left=80,top=80'+quot+');">'+
yfs+'<\/a>')}else{
document.write('<a class="yaccslink" href="http://'+ycso[8]+
'commentsn?blog_id='+ycso[15]+ ycso[16] +
'blog_entry_id='+e+ ycso[16] +'returnurl='+document.URL+'">'+yfs+'<\/a>')}}
function get_custom_comment_link(e,f,g,h,m,n,o,p,q,r){get_comment_link(e)}
function yaccs(e,f,g,h,m,n,o,p,q,r,ar){get_comment_link(e)}
</script>
<!-- End YACCS Code (part 1) -->
<script language="JavaScript">
<!--
// thanks to randomwalks.com for this code
function targetLinks(boNew)
{
if (boNew)
{
where = "_blank"
}
else
{
where = "_self"
}
for (var i = 0; i <= (document.links.length-1); i++ )
{
strURL = document.links[i].href
voidURL = "javascript:void(0)"
if ( strURL != voidURL )
{
document.links[i].target = where
}
}
}
//-->
</script>
<STYLE TYPE="text/css">
BODY
{
scrollbar-base-color:#E1E1BE;
scrollbar-arrow-color:#E1E1BE;
scrollbar-DarkShadow-Color:#E1E1BE;
}
</STYLE>
<style>
div.blogrollmain{
width: 170;
background:#E1E1BE;
FONT-FAMILY: Verdana, Tahoma, Arial,Lucida Sans;
FONT-SIZE: 10px;
}
.blogrollmain a {
color: #006600;
FONT-WEIGHT: normal;
text-decoration: none;
}
.blogrollmain a:hover {
color: #006600;
FONT-WEIGHT: bold;
text-decoration: underline;
}
</style>
</head>
<body background="img_57.gif">
<p> </p>
<table align="center" border="0">
<tr>
<td width="743">
<table align="center" border="0">
<tr>
<td width="733" bgcolor="#E1E1BE">
<p><font face="Arial" color="#0D660D"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><b>August 2003</b></span></font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="692">
<tr>
<td width="686">
<p><a id="e326" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e326"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e323"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">2</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Through
an act of will and with
the help of a </font><a href="http://www.absinthe.com/html/menu.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">nice
meal</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
of oysters and olives and
gin and melon and prosciutto
and ricotta dumplings and
a fig tart ... I pulled
myself back into the land
of the willing to articulate.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
had this healing meal with Cheryl,
who has done me the favor
of line editing my mess
of a manuscript. She is
the best line editor ever. How is it possible that
I could type the word unwavering
when I meant unwaveringly
and miss that fact in so
many rereads? If you read
me you probably notice that
my spelling and punctuation
leave a lot to be desired.
Sometimes it's coz I don't
know and sometimes it's
coz I'm just a space and
sometimes it's coz I'm fooling
around.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
today I will go through
it all and put the commas
where they belong and not
where I have them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">While
I was out I bought myself
</font><a href="http://www.roseandradish.com/store.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">a
yellow lily and a purple
lily</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I am looking at them now
and willing myself to remember
that life is full of beauty
and friends and lovely meals
and commas to fix and reasons
to take the next breath.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(627)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_627"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e327" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e327"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e327"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">3</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Sometimes
shit just takes too long.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Ya
know?</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(628)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_628"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e328" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e328"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e328"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">4</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/bios/Rocco_DiSpirito.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Rocco</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Oh my gawd. I love him.
I hate him. I swear. He's
in the front of the house,
sticking his tongue in the
ear of a female customer
and his staff is freaking
out because there are so
many problems. I keep wondering
if he's going to have a
holy moment soon. And it's
kinda cool that's he's willing
to be seen at his worst.
Or. Maybe he doesn't feel
like he's at his worst.
I just wanna see more of
the kitchen on </font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this
show</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
That's where the drama is.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Renee
and I went to </font><a href="http://www.metroactive.com/papers/sfmetro/08.02.99/dining-9929.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Cafe
Jacqueline</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
for her birthday dinner.
I was there for the first
breath she ever took. And
now I can have a conversation
with her about poetry and
friendship and art. It's
just the most amazing thing.
Souffles are fun. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
since I'd been swimming
in the morning I was hungry.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
that was my day. Written
backwards. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(629)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_629"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e328" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e328"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e328"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">4</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/bios/Rocco_DiSpirito.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Rocco</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Oh my gawd. I love him.
I hate him. I swear. He's
in the front of the house,
sticking his tongue in the
ear of a female customer
and his staff is freaking
out because there are so
many problems. I keep wondering
if he's going to have a
holy moment soon. And it's
kinda cool that's he's willing
to be seen at his worst.
Or. Maybe he doesn't feel
like he's at his worst.
I just wanna see more of
the kitchen on </font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this
show</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
That's where the drama is.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Renee
and I went to </font><a href="http://www.metroactive.com/papers/sfmetro/08.02.99/dining-9929.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Cafe
Jacqueline</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
for her birthday dinner.
I was there for the first
breath she ever took. And
now I can have a conversation
with her about poetry and
friendship and art. It's
just the most amazing thing.
Souffles are fun. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
since I'd been swimming
in the morning I was hungry.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
that was my day. Written
backwards. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(629)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_629"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e329" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e329"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e328"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">4</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
... uh... hmmmm. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I was reading </font><a href="http://www.yarinareth.net/caveatlector/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dorothea</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And I keep thinking about the locutionary
force of a link. And I had to write about
it. Probably just because I wanted to use
the word locutionary in a sentence. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">At
issue is a delinking. It's interesting because
I've done a lot of thinking and feeling
about the whole blog roll thing. There are
people on my blog roll who I haven't taken
off because I was afraid of something like
this. There are people who I felt hurt by
for one reason or another. And I stopped
reading them because I didn't like myself
when I was reading them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
mean it's really odd. If I have a problem
with a friend I can call them and we can
talk and work it out. Maybe. Sometimes things
never get worked out. Sometimes they do.
But text based relationships are difficult
sometimes. Or at least they are for me.
I've been really hurt by on line stuff.
And often my solution is to back away from
the screen. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
was delinked once. I found out I was being
linked because I did a vanity search on
Google. It was kind of exciting to find
someone who was reading me. It wasn't someone
who was an avid blogger and I didn't link
them but I went back from time to time and
one day I wasn't in the list. And, despite
the fact that I had no relationship with
this person, I felt hurt. And I felt weird
about feeling hurt. I really wanted to know
why. Soon after, I noticed that the person
was dieting and I figured that maybe they
didn't like my fat revolution stuff. But
I'll never really know. And, clearly, I
still wonder about it.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
have taken people off my own blog roll for
a variety of reasons. Once I read something
so politically offensive on a blog that
I didn't even read that often that I delinked
them. But there are people on my blog roll
who write stuff that I find offensive and
I still read them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Relationships
are so complex. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Lately
I've taken the whole thing less seriously.
I keep adding links to new people. I know
I can't get through the whole thing in one
sitting. There are people I read every day.
I dunno. It's just a kind of book marking.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Except...</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><strike>You
know ... I'm not linked on </strike></font><a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><strike>Wood_s
Lot</strike></font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
(Not true anymore. Thank you Mark.) And I check. I really do. I adore Mark and
I set time aside every week to hang out
with his blogging and I always look.
And I'm never linked. And I always feel
sad. And I always think that it's coz I'm
not cool enough. And I always tell myself
that those feelings are an atavism to my
schoolyard days. And I try to snap out of
it. And every time I go back ... I check
again. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
there is locutionary force. Or perhaps perlocutoinary
force. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
writing this because I just really like
Dorothea. And I think I understand why she
did what she did. But I'm afraid I may be
adding my own feelings to the mix. So I've
decided that I don't need to understand.
I just need to say that relationships are
complex. And I just need to say that I really
like Dorothea. Out loud. Because she has
such a heart, and sense of ethics, and need
for dignity, and she does not suffer foolishness,
and she feels things. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">As
do we all. And the </font><a href="http://www.csun.edu/~vcoao0el/de361/de361s62_folder/tsld014.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">whole
thing is a trinity</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
of possibility with a force that I have
yet to completely define for myself. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(630)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_630"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 2:21
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e330" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e330"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e330"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">5</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.keeptheriver.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">This</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is such a good movie. You
have to go watch it and
you have to tell me what
you thought. It was </font><a href="http://www.yaddo.org/Yaddo/TobiasSchneebaum.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">so
good</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(631)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_631"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:25
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e331" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e331"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e330"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">5</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
am cleaning my kitchen. I mean really, really
cleaning. Taking things off of shelves and
moving tables. Really.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
I'm listening to </font><a href="http://www.jonimitchell.com/Ladies70LyricsHome.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">JM</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
which is still on the disc player from when
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/July03.htm#e316"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Renee
was here</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
There are lots of lyrics about -- who you
are. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><i>Racing
cars, whiskey bars. No one knows who you
are.</i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><i>You
stayed up all the night and watched me,
to see, who in the world I might be.</i></font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Remember?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
so I'm thinking about how that was the question
when I was young. Who am I? Oh baby was
that the question. And I'm not sure I've
ever stopped asking. And I'm not sure I
should. But the feeling of the question
is different. Less frenetic. Less important.
Perhaps. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">In
the movie yesterday </font><a href="http://www.bombsite.com/schneebaum/schneebaum.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tobias</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
talks about being a cannibal. He was this
young painter guy in NYC and he went to
Peru just because he was drawn to go there.
And he walked through the jungle just because
he felt drawn to do it. And he found a tribe
of people and lived with them for a while.
One night they went on a raid of another
village and killed all the men and ate them.
He hadn't realized that they were cannibals.
They gave him some to eat and he did. And
he was haunted by the act. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
he didn't have criticism for them. He saw
the raid and the cannibalism as part of
their life. And he did not judge it by western
standards. And yet, he was troubled by having
been there. And in the movie he is seventy
and he has returned to Peru and he is looking
for the tribe. They wear clothes now
and no longer attack or eat other tribes.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">In
a final scene he is thinking about whether
he is a cannibal. He ate the flesh of another
human. So for that one minute he was. And
he says the sentence, "I am a cannibal."</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
isn't an expression of guilt. It's an acknowledgement
of where life took him and what he did in
response. It's a digesting of experience,
as it were.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
the answers to the question now are full
of all the things I've ever said and done
and thought and felt. And. It's none of
those. But the answer is somewhere in a
dance of what is inside and what has happened.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">That's
what I'm thinking about while I scrub the
grease off of the stove top. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">You
know. The grease from when I cooked the
chicken.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(632)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_632"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 1:59
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e332" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e332"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e332"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">6</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
kitchen clean-a-thon is
only half way done. Mostly
coz I stopped to watch </font><a href="http://lot47.com/thefastrunner/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
Fast Runner</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Another beautiful movie.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
</font><a href="http://r5.us.rmi.yahoo.com/rmi/http://www.netflix.com/Default/rmivars%3ftarget=_top?lnkctr=TopNavLogo"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Netflicks</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
thing is cool but I end
up with inadvertent theme
weeks. I tried to arrange
my queue a little bit but
things just get funny. This
week, apparently, is tribal life.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Years
ago, when I had a job in which I was making
some cash, I made an effort to get dental
care. I didn't have benefits or insurance
so it was expensive. And I got a couple
of gold crowns. While the guy was putting
them on he decided I needed a third partial
crown. And that was going to cost MORE money.
he told me this while I was in the chair
all rigged up for the work and not in the
mood to imagine doing it all again. So I
agreed to the MORE money. And on the way
home I went to Macy's and spent MORE money
on some sheets. That's the goofy way I react
to things. Once the money starts to go I
just figure ... what the fuck? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
sheets were way too expensive. They were
white with roses drawn in grey. They were
so beautiful and soft. Yesterday morning
I woke up and realized that the bottom sheet
was ripped from all my tossing and turning.
So I remade the bed with the much less expensive
sheets I got from CostCo. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Today
is laundry and finishing the kitchen and
ohmygawd do I need a job. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hiroshima
was fifty eight years ago. You can listen
to the </font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/06/1422230"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Democracy
Now commemoration</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
on line. I spent some time trying to find
some of Jon Hersey's book on line but all
I came up with was a page about the </font><a href="http://www.palmerrothman.com/hh/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">publication
in The New Yorke</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">r.
How I wish I thought we would never do anything
like that again. And how I know that the
</font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=03/08/05/1455235"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">likely
hood is too great</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(633)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_633"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:14
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e333" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e333"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e332"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">6</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Picture
me with my head in my hands.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/08/07/RECALL.TMP"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">OHMYGAWD.</font></a></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(634)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_634"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 7:01
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e334" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e334"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e334"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">7</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">My
friend Steve Conn has released
his new disc.</font></span></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="253">
<tr>
<td width="247">
<p><a href="http://www.steveconn.com/music/index.html"><img src="SteveConn.jpg" width="250" height="250" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
can't recommend it highly
enough. Steve is the coolest.
If you live near Nashville
you can go </font><a href="http://www.steveconn.com/tour.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">hear
him.</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
really do gotta get a job.
All this movie watching
and cleaning is about avoidance.
It's not that I'm avoiding
looking for a job. I look.
And then I have to lay down.
It's not that I don't want
to work. I do. I want to
write. And I did actually work on some writing
yesterday. But. Ya know. Money. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Sigh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Plus.
Reality shows are invading
my life. I still don't like
the marry somebody ones,
or the live through this
shows. But last night I
watched </font><a href="http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/realroseanne/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Roseanne</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Did I mention that I was
in a play with Roseanne?
Yep. Back in the day. She
was being a comedienne in
Denver and I was trying
to be a rock-n-roll star
in Boulder. Some woman had
written a (terrible) one
act play in which we played
two fat sisters. It was
SO dumb. But we had fun.
I really loved her. And
I think we might have been
friends if she hadn't gotten
famous. But. Maybe I'm wrong.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
was fun to watch her. I'm
not sure how, uh, real it
all is. But it was fun.
I know she had weight loss
surgery. And that makes
me sad. And mad. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
dunno. Maybe we wouldn't
be friends. I'm not sure
I would dig the whole Hollywood
thing. Well. Wait. I am
sure. I wouldn't dig the
Hollywood thing. But ya
know she shoulda hired me
to do the cooking show!
I mean come on. That woulda
rocked! </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Nah.
We probably wouldn't get along. But I really
did have fun with her, so long ago, and
I watched the show with that feeling.And
now she has all this money and a studio
and she and her crew are sitting around
trying to think of something to do. All
I could think about was all the people I
know with great ideas and no money. She
had to hire a producer and all I could think
was HIRE ADRIENNE!! Maybe she should do
a cooking show with </font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/bios/Rocco_DiSpirito.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Rocco</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
can't believe I'm watching reality TV. I
really need a job.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hey.
The </font><a href="http://www.balloonhat.com/photoweek/week_66.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">balloon
hat of the week</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is good. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(635)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_635"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e335" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e335"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e335"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">8</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Does anyone have a dream
book? Look up spilt water and
broken glass. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> </font></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I love </font><a href="http://www.distortionthebook.com/beachy.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Stephen</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And it's good that I do.
Coz he pushes me. And I
don't really like being
pushed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
had our last meeting about
THE BOOK. He said lots of
nice things. And. He has
things for me to work on.
Nothing big. And lots of
things that I already kinda
knew. Like there are a few
too many pairs of sparkling
eyes. Groan. So it's one last push.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">(Is
anyone keeping track of
how many times I say one
last push?) </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
feel all these emotions.
Working with Stephen was
really one of the best experiences.
It's pretty rare to find
someone who gets what you're
up to with writing. I just
don't trust that many people.
I trust him. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
ya know. It's not like he
wouldn't talk to me about
the writing if I asked.
Or talk to me about anything
just for fun. But. It felt like breaking
up. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
like Stephen held a
space in which I could ...
I dunno. Respond. I guess.
And now I'm on my own again. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
really. I'm just being a drama queen. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I have to work now.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(636)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_636"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:39
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e336" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e336"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e335"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">8</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
OK. So. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">For a couple of
reasons that seem good and
not at all because I'm avoiding
digging in and doing the
work (cough) I've
made </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">a page for the first
chapter of THE BOOK</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">. And
I'm going to stop calling
it THE BOOK. I'm going to
call it by its title: </font><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Avoirdupois"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Avoirdupois</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Gulp.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(637)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_637"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 2:12
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e337" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e337"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e336"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">9</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Politics. I can't stand
it. I really can't. </font><a href="http://www.mattgonzalez.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Matt</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
announced that </font><a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2003/08/08/matt08.DTL"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">he's
going to run for mayor</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I knew he was going to do
that. I could feel it. NOW
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING
TO DO????</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
can't stand feeling hostage
to the fear of the </font><a href="http://www.gavinnewsom.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">terrible
candidate</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">. I'd like to
vote for the person who
most represents my views.
And that would be Matt.
</font><a href="http://www.ammianoformayor.com/en/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
love Tom.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
And before Matt and </font><a href="http://www.chrisdaly.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Chris</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
were around he seemed pretty
radical. And now
...</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Right
now the whole thing is giving
me a headache. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
couldn't have been more
internally petulant while
I worked through Stephen's
notes. And it wasn't because
they were bad. I rewrote three paragraphs
down to one. I know it's better. I haven't
even gotten to the section that he really
wanted me to work on. I was just too much
of crank. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I finally quit and
watched </font><a href="http://rushmore.shootangle.com/academy/films/rushmore/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Rushmore</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Which was sweet.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
comments on </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
chapter</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> are
giving me much needed energy. I've been
comparing this to cooking a big meal. Sometimes
after I've cooked a big meal, like Thanksgiving,
I just don't feel like I can eat the food.
And this is the longest piece of writing
I've ever done. I'm so sick of it. And I
just have to dig back in. So THANK YOU!!!</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(639)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_639"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 7:20
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e338" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">10</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I worked on more Stephen
notes. And it's not so bad. Things are ...
better. I hope. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Kristina and Joe showed
up with a pile of oysters
and two bottles of wine.
Really. ANYBODY can show
up with oysters and wine
and I'm lettin them in.
But I'd let these guys in
empty handed and hungry.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
we drank a bottle and ate
the oysters and some olives
and some almonds.
And then we walked up to
</font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object.cgi?object=/chronicle/pictures/2003/03/05/fd_daflora.jpg&paper=chronicle&file=4159814664.DTL&directory=/chronicle/reviews/restaurants&type=food"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Da
Flora</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and had THE BEST dinner
and lots of good chat. Mary
Beth bought me a lottery ticket and then
put </font><a href="http://www.about-essential-oils.com/bergamot.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Bergamot</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
on my palms. For the luck, doncha know.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Let's
see ... </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2003/08/09/state2235EDT0186.DTL"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">who
should I pick</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.arghnold.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">This</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is good. (via </font><a href="http://www.nothingistrue.net/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">nothing
is true</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">)</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(640)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_640"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:02
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e339" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e339"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">11</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Typical Sunday. </font><a href="http://www.enterit.com/ALBANY6640/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Swimming</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font><a href="http://www.citron-acote.com/html/acote.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Eating</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font><a href="http://www.rainbowgrocery.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Shopping</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Deb
and I were in a </font><a href="http://diesel.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">book
store</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and noticed a beautiful
smiling familiar face on
one of those </font><a href="http://www.babwnews.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">free
papers</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I can't link up the article
because they're not exactly
up to date. But the picture
is </font><a href="http://www.catalystwomen.org/about_catalyst/staff.htm#theresa"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">here</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">A
while ago </font><a href="http://www.redpolka.org/blog/archives/000975.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">April
wrote</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
about getting a Rosie the
Riveter Action figure. I
wanted one pretty bad. And
yesterday I got one. She
is sitting beside my monitor.
SO cute. She has her own
lunch box. The
company also makes a </font><a href="http://www.accoutrements.com/new.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">barista
action figure</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Ohhhhhhhh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">My
</font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/bios/Rocco_DiSpirito.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">new
boyfrien</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">d
had his come to Jesus moment.
Literally. He had a priest
bless the joint. It was
kinda cute. And he actually
cooked. I kept thinking
he needed to stay in the kitchen for a week
or so. Really connect with the staff. But
he thinks he needs to be upstairs meeting
and greeting. He sat down with
a table full of plus size models.
I
HATED the way their entry
into the restaurant was
shot. It was like the entire
restaurant was making jokes about them.
And then the waiter tells them the size
of his jeans, which is like size 2. But,
in fairness, they were telling him he had
a nice ass. And
later that waiter, who actually
was
kind of cute and fun and hard
working, quit. And Rocco
let him go. But the bartender,
who also quit, got a promotion
and a Vespa. Rocco. Rocco
Rocco. What are you thinking?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Rocco
has what looks like </font><a href="http://www.openrocco.cwusa.tv/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">a
faux blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I tried to leave a comment. You have to
fill something out that tells them whether
or not you're a small business owner and
whether or not you have an American Express.
I tried to leave a comment. It isn't showing
up. I wonder...could it be because I neither
own a small business nor have an American
Express card? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(641)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_641"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:00
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e340" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e340"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">12</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The big project for the
day was to print
three copies of </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Avoirdupois.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Two for school and one to
send to like ... an agent.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Ohmygawd
I can't believe I said that
out loud. It's so scary.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Deep
breath.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I was on page 210 of the
first print out and the
printer pitched a fit. It
decided it had a paper jam.
Which it did not. So I spent
THREE hours trying to get
some help from HP. When
I finally did it took three
MINUTES to fix things. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
by then I was hella cranky.
Every time I print I go through mood swings.
I could work on this book for ever. And
I would never think it was good enough.
Sooner or later you hafta click on print.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'd
been watching </font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=167822498"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
debate</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
while I was babysitting the printer.
</font><a href="http://mousemusings.com/weblogs/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Cyndy</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
has been faithful from the
beginning. I've been waiting
and watching. But why? I
know who I'm going to vote
for.</font></span></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="77">
<tr>
<td width="71">
<p><img src="kucinich.gif" width="80" height="15" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Now
if I can just decide about
</font><a href="http://www.mattgonzalez.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Matt</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Also
watched a pretty </font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=167822760"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">great
forum</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
with </font><a href="http://www.boondocks.net/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Aaron
McRuder</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and </font><a href="http://www.cornelwest.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Cornell
West.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I'd vote for them. Cornell
said this great thing about if you haven't
felt despair, you haven't lived. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
I watched </font><a href="http://www.paramountclassics.com/count/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">a
movie</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
that I wasn't sure if I
liked. I kept thinking I
was bored and then it would
surprise me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
</font><a href="http://cocokat.com./"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Laurie'</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">s
one year blogoversery. And
</font><a href="http://sweetnsour.org/traces/archives/000631.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Monica</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
made her a sweet surprise.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">OK.
I'll be printing again. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(642)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_642"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 7:48
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e341" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e341"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">13</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Karen and Sonya are here!
They drove in from Colorado.
We walked down to </font><a href="http://www.pier39.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
Pier</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and had </font><a href="http://www.piermarket.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">some
dinner</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
managed to get the big print done just before
they arrived. I had to fight the printer
the whole day. But. It's done. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">My
apartment is small and So is still asleep
on the floor behind me. Kar is in the shower.
I'm trying not to make too much noise but
the desk kinda rattles when I hit the keys.
I better be quiet now. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(643)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_643"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 7:50
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e342" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e342"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">14</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Big day. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Sonya and Karen
</font><a href="http://www.macys.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">shopped</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and I sat in the cafe and read. (Too much
retail and I get very cranky.) They did
get some cool clothes for So. Then we went
to Green's, for lunch and to meet Deb and
see where Dean had worked. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dean
is Karen's son who visited me to do an internship
with Deb who is the pastry chef at Green's.
He was here on September 11th. It was the
first time Karen's kids had both been away
from home. Sonya was at camp and Dean was
here. I didn't have perma links then but
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/September.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
was writing</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Then
we went to </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/traveler/guide/sf/neighborhoods/haight.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
Haight</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
for more shopping and </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/traveler/guide/sf/neighborhoods/haight.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Timo's</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
for dinner. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
sorta thought </font><a href="http://www.jazzarts.org/diamond.cfm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mark</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
might be reading for news of our day but
it turns out he's in Aspen for a gig. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(644)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_644"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e343" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e343"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">15</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The vacation continues.
I do realize Karen and Sonya are the ones
on vacation but I decided that means
I am too. Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">First
we went to </font><a href="http://www.cliffhouse.com/history/history.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
Cliff House</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
for breakfast with an ocean view. Ari met
us there, which made it all the more fun.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">AND
THEN ... we went to </font><a href="http://www.bodym.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Body
Manipulations</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
because Sonya had a couple of piercings
she wanted to get. And WHILE WE WERE THERE
.... I GOT MY NOSE PIERCED!! I've
been wanting to do this since I was in India,
which was twenty five years ago. And I also
wanted to do something when I turned fifty
(</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/June03.htm#e280"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">remember?</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">)
but I never had a good idea. Then Renee
got her nose pierced on her birthday and
I started to think about it. And yesterday,
standing in the shop, I just decided to
go for it. I
wish I had a digital camera. But let me
just say that I am CUTE !!! Shannon (</font><a href="http://www.bodym.com/staff.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">scroll
down</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">)
was our piercer and she was very sweet.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Then
we went back to the Haight so that they
could shop more and I waited for them in
a cafe. Well. I did join them for the trip
to </font><a href="http://www.amoebamusic.com/Home1.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Amoeba</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
finally, we had dinner at </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object.cgi?object=/chronicle/pictures/2003/03/05/fd_daflora.jpg&paper=chronicle&file=4159814664.DTL&directory=/chronicle/reviews/restaurants&type=food"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Da
Flora</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Sigh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Some
of you will notice my new tag line: This blog
makes my ass look fair and balanced. I'm
following </font><a href="http://easybakecoven.net/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Susan's
lead</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
(I couldn't make the perma link work on
that post) I have always adored Susan's
tag line: Does this blog make my ass look
big? She changed her's to Does this
blog make my ass look fair and balanced?
She was following </font><a href="http://www.ruminatethis.com/archives/001548.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Lisa's
lead</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Lisa's blog now has the words fair and balanced
in the title. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
saw the </font><a href="http://inside.c-spanarchives.org:8080/cspan/cspan.csp?command=dprogram&record=165284880"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">panel
discussion</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
in which Bill O' Reilly saw </font><a href="http://www.ohthethingsiknow.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
Al Franken book </font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">and
proceeded to act like a child. And I saw
Molly and Al being interviewed afterward,
but Bill wouldn't be interviewed with them.
And now there is the </font><a href="http://www.drudgereport.com/bof.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">ridiculous
law suit.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Sheesh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
haven't had much time for blogging. I was
able to skim </font><a href="http://www.misslolabelle.com/pages/1/index.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Lola's
blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Amazing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
haven't had much news time. People are always
telling me to take a break from the news.
Now I do and the lights go out all over
the east coast. Jeez. Can't everyone keep
it together till I'm done with my vacation?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(645)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_645"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:17
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e344" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e344"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">16</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
My fun week has kept me
from doing the blog roll stroll. I feel
so out of touch. But I was happy to learn
(From Dru) that I inadvertantly particpated
in </font><a href="http://www.nealpollack.com/cgi-bin/blog/do.cgi/200308122150/permalink"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Fair
and Balanced Friday</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Yesterday
we hooked up with Renee and had </font><a href="http://tonkiang.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dim
Sum</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and then up to Twin Peaks </font><a href="http://www.inetours.com/Pages/SFLndmrkVws/TwnPks.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">for
the view</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and the Haight ... AGAIN. We're such hippies!
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Last
night we were all kinda crashed and woozy.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Karen
does have a digital camera but I don't have
the thing to get a picture into my computer.
So we'll have to wait for her to send
it to me for a picture of my nose. But I'm
just sayin...it's HELLA cute. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(646)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_646"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:58
AM</font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e345" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e345"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">17</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Karen and Sonya just drove
off. I'm a little bit teary.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
it's very quiet.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(647)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_647"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:43
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e346" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e346"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">18</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
This is a weird Monday.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">For the last six years I've
been going to college. Last
week I turned in </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Avoirdupois</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
with my petition to graduate
for my </font><a href="http://artsci.usfca.edu/servlet/DeptWelcome?deptID=37"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">MFA</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">. I should know
If I graduate in a few months.
I'm not worried. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
now what?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hanging
out with Karen and Sonya
was rejuvenating. It's great
to see SF through the eyes
of people who don't live
here. It was great to be
able to spend time with
Karen and meet Sonya. The
last time I saw Sonya she
was eight years old. She's
a whole different person.
Some things are the same.
She's always been beautiful,
smart, funny and sweet.
She still is. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
feel good. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
now what?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Maybe
I should call my </font><a href="http://www.nbc.com/The_Restaurant/bios/Rocco_DiSpirito.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">new
boyfriend</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and ask for a job. I was
happy that they finally filmed in the kitchen.
The battering that kid in the kitchen got
was SO typical. All that shit and he can't
even pay his rent. My affection for Rocco
comes and goes. But I don't think any one
looks too good in this show except for Mama.
And that's why these "reality"
shows are loopy. The cameras and the editors
shape the way we see the people. But the
part of me that will always be a restaurant
worker just wants to jump in and fix everything.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Someone
remind me that the reason I went to school
was to get out of the kitchen. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So,
again. Now what?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
the first day of the week. And it feels
like the first day of everything. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(648)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_648"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:21
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e347" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e347"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">18</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The blog world is full of
wisdom. </font><a href="http://sweetnsour.org/traces/archives/000641.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Monica</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and </font><a href="http://randomwalks.com/drublood/archives/014565.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dru</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
linked up </font><a href="http://www.brindy.org.uk/runecaster/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Runes</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">. </font></span></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="487">
<tr>
<td width="481">
<div align="left">
<table border="0" width="479">
<tr>
<td width="473">
<p><b>Past</b></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"><img src="ansuz.gif" width="40" height="46" border="0"></font><B><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Ansuz</font></B><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"> - Communications, wisdom and clarity, to attract others to your
cause, increase magickal energy.</font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="481" height="24">
<table align="center" border="0" width="473">
<tr>
<td width="467">
<p><b><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Present</font></b></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"><img src="daeg.gif" width="40" height="46" border="0"></font><B><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Daeg</font></B><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"> - Increase and expansion, prosperity, growth, major turning points
in life, turning in new directions. </font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="481">
<div align="right">
<table border="0" width="509">
<tr>
<td width="503">
<p><b><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Future</font></b></p>
<p><b><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"><img src="othel.gif" width="40" height="46" border="0"></font></b><B><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Othel</font></B><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"> - Material possessions and protection of those possessions,
inheritance (can be genetic traits inherited from elders). </font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><a href="http://easybakecoven.net/"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Susan</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">
linked the </font><a href="http://www.wilsonsalmanac.com/ching.html"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">IChing</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">.
</font></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="83">
<tr>
<td width="77">
<p align="center"><a href="http://www.cfcl.com/cfcl/ching/P/52.11.shtml"><img src="11.gif" width="72" height="72" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(649)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_649"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:20
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e348" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e348"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e338"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">19</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I was worried that yesterday
might turn out the way it
did. It started off OK,
but then I lost focus. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
took the laundry down the
stairs and someone was using
the machines. So I came
back up and never went back.
I read a lot and watched
</font><a href="http://aimovie.warnerbros.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">A.I</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.,
which I found somewhat disturbing.
The images of women were
just so typical. Longed for
mother who doesn't really
love you, blue fairy who
can make you what you need
to be to get your mother's
love, sex starved and murdered,
"real" little
girl. One icon after the
other. Maybe if the "real"
little girl had saved him,
or something. I dunno.
And then there was the Black
man who is telling jokes while they put
him in a canon and shoot him through a ring
of fire and his happy smiling face hits
the bars of the cage. Disturbing.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I didn't
eat well and I woke up in the middle of
the night and was, let's just say, unwell.
I still feel kinda bad.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
so ... pulling it back together
now. Trying not to panic.
Need to focus. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">On
the other hand, considering how I feel,
I may go back to bed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(650)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_650"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:12
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e349" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">20</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
It's always so interesting
when you have one idea about what's going
to happen with your day and your body has
another. I don't know what was wrong with
me yesterday but it wiped me out. I think
I'm better today but I'm trying to wait
and see if I can digest. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(651)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_651"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:55
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e350" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e350"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">20</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The nose.</font></span></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="356">
<tr>
<td width="350">
<p> <img src="nose.jpg" width="356" height="322" border="0"></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(652)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_652"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 3:09
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e351" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e351"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">21</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I seem to have figured out
how to digest food again.
But I gotta say, when they
start using a jack hammer
on concrete outside your
bedroom window and you just
roll over and go back to
sleep, you know you're sick.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
really irritated by the
way politics becomes so
cheesy. Instead of talking
about issues we talk about
</font><a href="http://www.sfweekly.com/issues/2003-08-20/smith.html/1/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Matt's
sex appeal</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
the </font><a href="http://www.sanfranciscosentinel.com/id274.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">sound
of Tom's voice</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
somewhere I read someone
say that Kucinich wouldn't
get elected because of his
hair. I hate this kind of shit.
And now. Having said that.
I have to say. I hate the
way Arnold says the word
California. I'm not really
worried that he'll win but
I just hate listening to
him. It seems like a bad
Saturday night parody of
a political campaign.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
deleting about </font><a href="http://money.cnn.com/2003/08/21/technology/worm_spam.reut/index.htm?cnn=yes"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">forty
e-mails a day</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
How annoying. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
noticed that my blog takes a long time to
load some days. I've been thinking it's
the number of remotes I have on the page.
And YACCS seems to pop on and off. But I
have the experience with other pages. Some
days I can't get them. Some days they're
slow. Some days I have to reload a few times
to get them. The Internet seems a bit buggy
these days. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">You
never know how often you touch your nose
until you put a piece of jewelry in it.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(653)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_653"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:45
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e352" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e352"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">21</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Hmmmm.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
been thinking about a post at </font><a href="http://randomwalks.com/drublood/archives/014611.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dru's</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
linking </font><a href="http://www.blogcensus.net/weblog/archive/8.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this
census</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
which breaks bloggers into political and
personal. And all that took me back to when
</font><a href="http://pagecount.burningbird.net/pagecount/2003_06_01_pagecount_archive.html#105631145725803243"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Golby
said I was the "antithesis of the American
Intellectual Leftist."</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
And went on to say I was a personal blogger.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hmmmm.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There's
something about all this that bugs me. It's
not as simple as "</font><a href="http://zena.secureforum.com/Znet/ZMag/articles/julyeditorial97.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
Personal is Political</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">."
Although, </font><a href="http://www.sfbg.com/nader/156.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
personal is political.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
It's this way in which thinking and feeling
are described as different, in terms of
merit, and then gendered. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
are, obviously, many women writing out there
who never mention what they have for dinner,
or what they do to their noses. Women who
write about what's goin on, with seriousness
and verve and deep wisdom. And I read them.
I don't have a preference for a type of
blogger. I like it all. Pretty much. And
it is true that I don't write like that.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
dunno. I guess sometimes I do. I can get
up a good rant now and again. I've been
thinking about why I don't write more rants.
If you hung out with me (as Karen and Sonya
can attest to) I often rant about things
political. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hmmmm.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Is
it political to get your nose pierced at
50? Maybe. I know that when I look
in the mirror these days I feel happy. The
first time I wanted to pierce my nose was
when I saw </font><a href="http://www.melbamoore.com/melba_moore_about.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Melba
Moore</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
with a diamond in her nose on some talk
show thirty years ago. The second time I
was in India and I told a women in
</font><a href="http://babajispeaks.com/travel/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
ashram</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
that I wanted to have my nose pierced. She
pulled the jewel out of her own nose and
walked toward me. Considering what kind
of hippie I was, it's surprising that I
didn't go for it then.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Doing
it now is definitely about wanting to push
against the notion of who I'm allowed to
be in the world. According to my aunt, women
over forty shouldn't have long hair. I'm
pretty sure that means a pierced nose is
REALLY wrong. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
not in the mood to settle down. I'm not
in the mood to succumb. I'm not in the mood
to fold myself into the box of knowing what
isn't ... proper. I don't know what having
a pierced nose means. I know it makes me
happy to look at my face right now. It makes
me smile and remember that I'm not even
trying to be ... proper. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Is
this a political rant?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Avoirdupois</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is a very personal book. But I hope it's
political. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">OK.
Let's just </font><a href="http://socserv2.socsci.mcmaster.ca/~econ/ugcm/3ll3/hobbes/elelaw"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">look
it up</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Nah. That's too much. </font><a href="http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=61275&dict=CALD"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Here</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
one I like is:</font></span><SPAN class=cald-definition style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">the relationships within a group or organization
which allow particular people to have power over others. Because, really, that
is what it's all about. </font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify"><SPAN class=cald-definition style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Hmmm.
</font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify"><SPAN class=cald-definition style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">I
wanna be an American Intellectual Leftist.
Sometimes.</font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify"><SPAN class=cald-definition style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">Well.
I don't really like the word American.
Because, ya know, that nationalism thing
always bugs me. And. Well. I might not be
smart enough to be called an intellectual.
And. Oh. Well. Left of left. I wanna be
left of left. </font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify"><SPAN class=cald-definition style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D">OK.
Never mind. </font></SPAN></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(654)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_654"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:58
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e353" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e353"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">22</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Yippie! The new </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is up! It's so beautiful. I think Paul might
have to call it Big Fat Beautiful Blog.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
have a </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/columnists/archives/000528.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">column</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I love having a column. </font><a href="http://www.feelinggoodfitness.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Jennifer</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
has a </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/columnists/archives/001002.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">column</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
in which she tells her story. Great read!
</font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/columnists/archives/000500.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Paul</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
has a column. There's a </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/discussions/archives/000501.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">discussion</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I just love it!</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Kristina
and I had a plan to go to </font><a href="http://tonkiang.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dim
Sum</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
after she handed in her stuff at school.
I was feeling better, and I wanted to see
her, so I went and tried not to eat too
much. It wasn't that hard because I'm still
feeling punky. And then we went to </font><a href="http://www.greenapplebooks.com/cgi-bin/mergatroid"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Green
Apple</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Kristina has been lavishing me with books,
for which I am beyond grateful. When I came
home I was shifting things around to find
space for them. I kept thinking it was a
great problem to have. And I had to go through
the magazines that have been piling up.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There's
nothing quite like an hour of reading </font><a href="http://www.motherjones.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mother
Jones</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
to get a person worked up. </font><a href="http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2003/02/ma_210_01.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">This
article</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
on the women of Rwanda is horrifying and
inspiring in equal measure. Now I'm working
on the </font><a href="http://www.harpers.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Harper's</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I do let these things pile up. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(655)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_655"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:09
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e354" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e354"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">23</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Did you know that in 1815
a volcano in Indonesian
volcano, </font><a href="http://volcano.und.nodak.edu/vwdocs/volc_images/southeast_asia/indonesia/tambora.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tambora</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
went off and the atmosphere
was so filled with ash and
sulfur that 1816 became
known as the year with out
summer? The heaths in England
were frosted through July.
And it was in that cold,
dark world that </font><a href="http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/mshelley.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mary
Shelly</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
wrote Frankenstein. I learned
all this reading an article
by </font><a href="http://www.randomhouse.com/pantheon/catalog/results2.pperl?authorid=2405"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tom
Bissel</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
in the February issue of
Harper's. I wish it was
on line. The article is
titled: <i>A Comet's Tale
</i>and is actually more
about comets than volcanos.
Comets that might crash
into earth. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
wonder if Mary Shelly knew
about the volcano? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
read a post somewhere in
which the blogger was having
knee problems and her massage
person told her it was a
fear of going forward. I
have knee problems and a
fear of going forward. And
years of standing on my
feet slinging chow in restaurants.
And there was the big mixing
bowl that hit me in the
back of the knee when I
was twenty-one. But, ya
know, I do have a fear of
going forward. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
now I have some thing going
on between my toes. A rash
that may be a bit infected.
I'm soaking it in salt water,
which seems to make it happy.
Renee brought me flowers
and made me fruit salad
because I've had such a
bad body week. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
must be really scared to
move forward. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Or
else I need a massage.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Or
a health care professional
of my own.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">One
thing I do know. If you
don't move forward, forward
moves toward you. So. Ya
know. Fear forward. The
worst thing may have already happened. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Which
way is forward? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(656)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_656"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:54
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e355" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e355"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">24</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The SF Mayoral race is
gonna hurt. I watched </font><a href="http://www.sfexaminer.com/templates/print.cfm?storyname=082103n_mayor"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
debate.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The difference between </font><a href="http://www.ammianoformayor.com/en/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tom</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and </font><a href="http://www.mattgonzalez.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Matt</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
in terms of issues, is nil. The differences
seem to be about style. And the differences
are also about things that I find troubling.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Matt
is young, better looking than Newsom, straight,
Latino, full of great ideas. Tom is older
and weary. Sometimes I think he might not
care if he lost. He might be content to
retire. Maybe write a book. He's Gay and
full of affect. I've always thought he was
a nice looking man but he's ruddy and ...
older. There is this really troubling way
of seeing Matt as more virile. People use
the word energized when they talk about
this campaign. Energized? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">San
Francisco is not free of homophobia. I've
talked to Gay men who said they wouldn't
vote for Tom because of his voice. Matt
seems to be about youth and beauty and wet
dreams.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
Matt is the real real. He's generous, forthright,
fair, smarter than smart. He says we need
a new kind of politician. We do. And he
is the kind of politician I want. I want
him to be the president. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tom
has been being a new kind of politician
</font><a href="http://www.ammianoformayor.com/en/tglh.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">for
a while now</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And I want him to have his turn. I want
him to be the mayor. And there's the fact
that Tom is the guy who helped </font><a href="http://sfgov.org/site/sfhumanrights_page.asp?id=5911"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">get
weight and height</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
added to the diversity list. Do I owe him
my vote? Would Matt have taken up that cause?
I'm not sure he would have. I think Matt
would distance himself from fat politics.
When I've been in the rules committee talking
about the task force I watch him. He listens.
But he doesn't engage. He asked one person
a question. She was tall and average sized
and had long black hair. Was that unconscious?
I don't know. I do know that I don't feel
like he gets it. And Tom does. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
it would seem like it might be easy for
me to work for Tom and forget about Matt.
But it isn't. I think Matt is the coolest.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
whole thing makes me sad. I can imagine
both Matt and Tom telling me to lighten
up. They seem to be dealing with it all.
I watched the body language. They seem to
be affectionate with one another. But how
must it feel? If I were Tom I would be very
hurt. I would wish that if Matt didn't feel
like my campaign was energized that he might
jump in and help. When I think about not
voting for Tom I feel sad. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
am not energized by Matt's campaign. I feel
deflated by it. I feel paralyzed. I don't
know what I'm going to do right now. I only
know that Newsom must not win. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(657)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_657"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:59
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e356" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e356"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">25</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
AND, when you're washing
the dishes and you jam your
forearm into your nose to
rub it because it itches
and your hands are wet,
BUT now you have a little
metal stud in your nose
... NOT a good thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">When
Karen was here she bought
a fan. She likes the sound
of it when she sleeps. SF
is never that hot, or cold
so I would never think to buy one.
But it has been a little
bit hot lately. Last night
I was sitting here, feeling
sweaty and it occurred to
me that I had the fan. Fans,
as it turns out, are very
cool. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://elayneriggs.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Elayne</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
linked up this guy's </font><a href="http://www.roadtosurfdom.com/surfdomarchives/001410.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">letter
to a new blogger</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I loved it. But I took it
as a bit of a lampoon. Which
it might not be. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.kiplog.com/food/archives/2003_08.html#000206"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Kiplog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
linked up some </font><a href="http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2003/08/06/between_a_rocco_and_a_hard_place.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">cool
stuff on Rocco</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I love the </font><a href="http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2003/07/21/the_restaurant_opening.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">banner</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Does
it strike anyone as odd
that I like a show so riddled
with product placement?
Last night's
show left me with a grimace.
It all seemed so phony.
It's a crazy business. Rocco
is cute. The food looks
like it's good. What ever.
Many of my best friends
are people I worked with
in a bar or restaurant.
But these people were under
a perverse looking glass.
They slapped together a
restaurant in too short a time with cameras
following them around. No one came off looking
too cool, least of all Rocco. The last episode
was like the whole show. Lot's of stuff
crammed together so fast that it loses meaning.
So my foray into reality
TV is over. Rocco isn't
my boy friend any more. I know. I'm a fickle
girl. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Big
Fat Blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
was mentioned in the </font><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/25/technology/25DIET.html?hp=&pagewanted=all&position="><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Times</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And I do mean mentioned. The article is
about diet blogs. And BFB is a one liner
about an alternative view. The actual alternative
view is not expressed. There's just one
line. Saying that BFB is an alternative
view. Huh? It's almost like the writer
didn't know what to do with the information,
couldn't leave it out and couldn't quite
put it in. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">What
is that about? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(658)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_658"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:36
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e357" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e357"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">25</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
When I was eleven, or twelve,
I went to summer camp. And one day I sent
a post card home to Mom. It read: I'm having
a lot of fun. There are lots of cute boys
here. I got a bite on the lip.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Yeah.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
bite on the lip was from a mosquito. When
my mother came to pick me up she asked me
which boy had bitten me on the lip. You
can understand how she got that idea. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Syntax
has never been my best thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
that's not why I'm posting a second post.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
posting a second post because I just can't
help but wonder what would happen if a man
posted about not liking the behavior of
a child at a party. If there was a man who
made it clear that he did not enjoy the
company of children would he be labeled
a child hater? Maybe. And there would be
people who thought he was an ass. But when
a woman posts about not enjoying the company
of kids it's like she's betrayed some code
of humanity.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
love children. Let me say that a different
way. I LOVE children. But there are people
who don't like kids and there is a huge
difference between not liking kids and hating
them. HUGE difference.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Some
of you are wondering what the fuck I'm talking
about. I'm just doing a public eye roll
at some stuff I read. Because I just can't
help but think that there's somethin a little
bit suspect.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(659)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_659"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 5:25
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e358" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e358"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">26</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I am pacing the cage. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
read the want ads. They
may as well be written in
wing dings. I don't know
how to read them anymore.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
did a whole new redesign.
Dumped it. Wrote a post.
Dumped it.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Followed
some leads on publishing for </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Avoirdupois.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Felt like I hit a wall. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Transition
is a pain. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(660)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_660"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:35
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e359" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e359"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">27</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Susan was right. Being
creative makes me feel better.
And Renee gave me a reason.
She came over for dinner.
She's leaving for school
on Sunday and I wanted to
see her before she left.
I made whole wheat pasta
with peanut sauce, red cabbage,
green beans, scallops and
</font><a href="http://www.aidells.com/sausages/descriptions/details.cfm?prodID=11"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">mango
chicken sausage</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And green onion. Very good.
And we had </font><a href="http://www.benjerry.com/our_products/flavor_details.cfm?product_id=46"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">ice
cream</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Then
we went to </font><a href="http://www.rainbowgrocery.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Rainbow</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
because they have </font><a href="http://www.honesttea.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Honest
tea</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
on sale if you bought it
by the case. I wanted to stock up. Renee likes oldies
radio stations. We were
driving through the city,
singing </font><a href="http://www.harbour.sfu.ca/~hayward/van/van.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Van
Morrison</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
at the top of our lungs.
I love her so much.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
fog in SF makes it hard to see </font><a href="http://stardate.org/radio/program.php?f=detail&id=2003-08-25"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mars</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
But I woke up in the middle of the night
and almost went up on the roof to try. I
thought I might try to </font><a href="http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/gemini.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">focus
my will.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(661)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_661"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:28
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e360" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e360"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">28</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I had a nice day yesterday.
I hung out with Marilyn, ate lunch, watched
her sew my skirt, talked about the garden.
It was just nice.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
I didn't sleep well. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I'm woozy and lacking inspiration. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(662)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_662"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:09
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e361" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e361"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e349"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">29</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I owe Sarah big. She kinda
gave me the nudge to read
at my graduate class reading
last night. And then Kristina
gave me the final push.
But I already owe Kristina
a house. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">You
know. I'm all cranky and
fussy and yucky and didn't
want to go. But I'm so glad
I did. I got major strokes
about the writing. Which
I am chagrined to say I
REALLY NEED. I was about
to go all Sally Fields on
them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
right before the reading
Deb and I were in <strike>Hell</strike>
Whole Foods and we saw my
neighbor's daughter. She
told me she saw </font><a href="http://www.sfbg.com/37/38/x_oped.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
piece</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
in the Guardian and was
very complimentary. And
before that, someone wrote me e-mail and
asked me if she could quote me in a paper
she is writing. So it
was a writer's ego fest
yesterday and it was a balm to my frantic
soul.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Plus,
it was great to hear my
classmates. So many of my
favorite kids read from
their projects. I got sentimental.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
all read for five minutes. I picked a piece
from the end of </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/Avoirdupois.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Avoirdupois</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I actually had to pick at it a little bit
before I read it. Will the rewrite never
be done? I swear. And after I read I had
to come home and reread it. Because I was
wondering about why they laughed, when they
laughed. So much hand wringing and teeth
gnashing. Right now I want to rewrite the
whole book. And this is after a night when
people were giving me praise.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Maybe
if they hated it I'd have the opposite reaction.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
put up an </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/columnists/archives/001010.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">interview
with Marilyn</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
at Big Fat Blog. Hope you
like it. (She said in a
not at all veiled attempt
for more praise.) Marilyn
talks about the hostility being directed
at fat kids. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">When
I was publishing it I imagined all the people
who want to tell me that size acceptance
is all well and good but the kids needs
to be healthy and they aren't. I think my
personal response is fairly consistent.
I think kids should eat good, healthy, delicious
food and have lots of opportunity to jump
around. But lets please not make them afraid
to be fat. This morning </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Paul
blogged</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
about a </font><a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/112764p-101784c.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">kid
who is dead</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
because of the climate of fat hatred in
which we live. I'm was feeling pretty happy
when I first woke up. In part I want people
to like my book because I have an ego and
I want people to like my book. But my hope
is that people read it and begin to think
differently about life in a fat body and
the ways in which they contribute to fat
hatred. My concerns aren't about wanting
people to have a world where we are all
nice to each other. Although, that might
not be a bad thing. My concerns are more
immediate. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
you can say this is a rare case. And extreme.
But I've heard the story too many times.
I've heard the story about the girl whose
father would lock her in the bathroom for
the weekend if she gained a pound. I've
heard the stories about other kids beaten
because they were fat. I've been the kid
being chased down the hill threatened with
sticks by boys shouting, "Fatty Patti."
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hate
is hate. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(663)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_663"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 10:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e362" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e362"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e362"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">30</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Perhaps it's my fault
that YACCS is down. I was the one who batted
my eyelashes in a bid for more praise yesterday.
The gods may have decided to teach me a
lesson by making it impossible to leave
me a comment. I notice </font><a href="http://easybakecoven.net/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Susan</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
has switched to Enentation. If I decide
to do that I won't do it till the first.
You can't really complain about a free service.
But ... what a drag. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
been surprised by some of the </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/001011.php#comments"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">reaction
to the article </font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">on
the child who was beaten and starved because
she was "chubby" on BFB. I completely
agree that these people seem like an extreme
and might have found another reason to abuse
the child. But this child was beaten and
starved because of fat phobia. Or with fat
hatred as the reason. And BFB is about fat
liberation. There's a way in which it feels
like people don't want to grasp what's possible.
</font><a href="http://www.seafattle.org/APATT/ZMay.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
it has happened before.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Really
nice people will say that they don't hate
fat people. They just don't want to be fat
or be married to a fat person. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Uh
huh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
I don't mean that people should want to
be fat or aren't entitled to preference.
But think about it. I know that my thin
and average sized friends do not get how
much hatred I deal with. When I tell them
stories they are shocked. And they don't
see the connection between their own attitudes
about weight and the hatred. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
dreamed about </font><a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/F_A_Q.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mark
Woods</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I've dreamed about other bloggers but I
have seen pictures of many of them. I haven't
seen a picture of Mark. So in the dream
when I was talking to him he appeared as
a
block of text. And I guess that could be
taken as a bad thing except in the dream
the blocks of text were always contained
and artful and beautiful and it felt good
to talk to them. That must be a blogger
thing. What would Freud say? I think I dreamed
about </font><a href="http://pagecount.burningbird.net/blog.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Golby</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
once. But I think I pictured him as a sun
bleached blond surfer dude. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(664)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_664"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 9:17
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
<p align="justify"><a id="e363" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/August03.htm#e363"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">August</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e362"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">31</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Thirty one years ago I
read a book about pottery:</font><a href="http://www.potterymaking.org/Berensohn.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><i>Finding
One's Way With Clay</i></font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
by </font><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/rn/science/earth/stories/s751921.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Paulus
Berensohn</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
It is as much about philosophy as it Is
about pottery. I always wanted to make pottery.
I tried once and I have two rough thick
bottomed pots show for it. Maybe some day
I'll try again. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Paul
lived on a farm in Pennsylvania with </font><a href="http://www.blackmountaincollege.org/bmcmac/gallery/richards.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">M.C.
Richards</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and other friends. </font></span></p>
<table align="center" border="0" width="449">
<tr>
<td width="443">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#0D660D"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
once had a terrific argument
with M.C. Richards over the
placement of the compost heap
at the farm. She was for placing
it conveniently between the
house and the garden I
was for concealing it unseeable
at some distance, for I wanted
to keep the front yard beautiful.
Well, the argument was important
and we went on with it for some
time. I remember feeling, when
it was over, that we had somehow
come closer together. Sometime
later she wrote me a letter
when I was off teaching somewhere
in which she spoke of her annoyance
with my view of beauty."
You describe something as beautify
only when you find it to be
attractive," she wrote.
"For me beauty is that
which is revealed."</span></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
read this when I was nineteen. It shaped
the way I saw things. It shaped my ideas
about beauty. When I hear people talk about
how there are some people who are just more
beautiful I remember M.C. Richards. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">My
goal in life has been to be revealed. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(665)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_665"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript>
</span><font size="1"> 8:39
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> </p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> </p>
</body>
</html>