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<td width="696"> <p><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><b>April
2003</b></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Arial" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:9pt;">Despite the pall of gloom that hangs over us today, I'd like to file a cautious
plea for hope: in times of war, one wants one's weakest enemy at the helm of his
forces. And President George W Bush is certainly that. Any other even averagely
intelligent US president would have probably done the very same things, but
would have managed to smoke-up the glass and confuse the opposition. Perhaps
even carry the UN with him. Bush's tactless imprudence and his brazen belief
that he can run the world with his riot squad, has done the opposite. He has
achieved what writers, activists and scholars have striven to achieve for
decades. He has exposed the ducts. He has placed on full public view the working
parts, the nuts and bolts of the apocalyptic apparatus of the American empire. --</span></font><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/Iraq/Story/0,2763,927849,00.html"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Arial" color="#006600">
Arundhati Roy</font></span></a> <p><a id="e176" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e176"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e176"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">1</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 8:29
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Therapy
was kind of heart breaking. All of the people in my
group are dealing with relationship breakups. Except
me. Everyone in group is at a different place on the
spectrum of partnered. But we are dealing with not really
having a partner. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't really talk about not having a partner. And, in
truth, that's because part of me believes I never will.
So far the only thing I can do to deal with that belief
is to try and ignore it and keep my heart open. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
last night when everyone was talking, and crying, I
felt it all in a different way. I guess I want to hope
that there is kindness in the world. And passion. And
I know that relationships are work. But right now it
feels like fear dominates. And love. Well. I just don't
know. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
have a lot of love in my life. And there isn't a day
when I'm not thankful for that love. And ... there is
this other kind of love. And I just don't understand
why it has to be so hard. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">On
Thursday I meet with the advisor I'll be working with
on THE BOOK. Yesterday I took it out and picked at it
a little bit. It is kind of done. It needs work. But
I'm at a point when I can't see it clearly. So it'll
be good to work with </font><a href="http://www.distortionthebook.com/beachy.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Stephen</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And then I have to decide if I'm going to </font><a href="http://www1.xlibris.com/index.asp"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">self
publish</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I wake up in the difficult world. And begin again. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><FONT face=Helvetica><BR></FONT><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(476)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_476"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e177" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e177"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e176"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">2</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:56
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Craig
and Adrienne were </font><a href="http://www.owwmyeye.com/ped/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">having</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://owwmyeye.com/llama/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">fun</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
yesterday. I came home from school in
a foul mood and they helped me to turn
it around. I wasn't feeling the whole
April fools thing but it did feel good
to laugh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There's
been a discussion on another blog about
the efficacy of protesting. It got carried
to other blogs. There was something
about the tone of the conversation that
put me in a spin. I'm not going to link
it up because I just...am not feeling
all the arguing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Or
maybe I am. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">One
of the things I felt right after 9/11
was an awareness of how aggressive I
am. this morning I woke up thinking
about some things I heard yesterday
and thinking about how mean people are
and thinking I'm just not that mean.
Within five minutes I was having some
really mean thoughts about someone.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
usually suspicious of people who are
too nice. I don't trust people who control
their anger or avoid their sadness.
I guess I try to hold my anger, sadness
and my joy. Although I'm not sure what
I mean by that. But I try to be reflective
when I'm feeling things. And I can't
always be. And I don't worry about that.
It's all a process.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
these days I feel the ways in which
we aggress one another in a heightened
manner. I know people are talking about
the ways in which they lash out at their
friends and family these days. And later
they realize that it was out of proportion.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
was, and maybe am, feeling like taking
a lot of links off my blog roll. I'm
not sure it will matter that much. the
people I'm reacting to don't really
read me. I doubt they'd notice. And
I doubt their stats will fall off as
a result. I'm not doing it because it
feels like reaction. It feels like a
mean thing to do. Even if no one notices.
I just don't like where it's coming
from. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">My
life is on the page these days. I write
here. I write in THE BOOK. I write for
school. I read and read and read. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Via
</font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Ampersand</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font><a href="http://www.democracynow.org/scemama.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">US
military beats independent journalist.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://www.commondreams.org/headlines03/0331-02.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hospital
bombed in Iraq</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
been wanting to smoke again. Yesterday
I bummed a smoke and went out to the
patio at school and smoked. I was staring
at this grey tree. Three thin trunks
winding toward and away from each other.
The tree was in front of a grey cement
wall. And there were tiny little green
leaves beginning to pop. There were
so many shades of grey. And these little
specks of green. It was all so beautiful.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><FONT face=Helvetica><BR></FONT><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(477)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_477"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> <a id="e178" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e178"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e178"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">3</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:06
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="671">
<tr>
<td width="173">
<p><a href="http://www.jonimitchell.com/WTCPaintingsLATimes.html"><img src="WTCYard.jpg" width="173" height="550" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
<td width="488"> <p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
owe </font><a href="http://slumberland.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Laurie</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
big for hipping me to the </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/wnet/americanmasters/database/mitchell_j.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Joni
Mitchell show</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I raced home from school, just in time
to see it. I love </font><a href="http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1035778493755&call_pageid=968867495754&col=969483191630"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Joni
Mitchell.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
So much. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Watching
her life. Listening to those tunes. I remembered
my own. I remembered how I grabbed the meaning
from whatever she intended and made it about
me. And she said it so well. How did she
know me so well?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We had a reading from </font><a href="http://epc.buffalo.edu/authors/kyger/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Joanne
Kyger</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
at school. I was so filled up by these
two women. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Today
I have to print out THE BOOK to take it
to Stephen. I love printing it. I love the
feel of it when it's in a stack of pages.
Scrolling on the screen it seems to be so
... fleeting. But when it's in my hands
it feels real. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
went to school early yesterday. It just
seems like an easier commute when I leave
early. And I like to sit in the library
and read. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
arrived at school during a rainstorm. I
walked up the steps of Lone Mountain being
pelted. I arrived wet and dripping and feeling
beleaguered. I listened to </font><a href="http://www.jacket.zip.com.au/jacket11/kyger-whalen's-hat.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">some
poetry</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I left feeling calm.</font></span></p>
</td>
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<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(478)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_478"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> <a id="e179" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e179"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e179"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">4</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 8:30
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Back
in the day we all said peace. All us hippies. We said
peace instead of goodbye. What did we all mean when
we said peace? I doubt we meant the same thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Some
of us were trying to affirm that we were not part of
the war machine. We were not with those others who were
sending our friends and our brothers and our fathers
off to a war that we knew had nothing to do with dominos.
I remember so many conversations about how to stop the
war. And the revolution. And there were people who wanted
to tear down the system and there were people who wanted
just wanted to get high and get laid. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
wanted to change the world. I wanted to end the war.
I wanted us all to love each other and live in peace.
I wanted to make love not war.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
then some of us became yuppies and some of us did cocaine
and some of had break downs and some of took too much
of one thing or another and died and some of us got
married in the park and had babies and moved into the
suburbs and some of were elected and some of us were
selected and some of us went to India to find </font><a href="http://www.babaji.net/healing2.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
the war did stop. And some of us think we had something
to do with that. And maybe we were just high. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
said peace and we didn't know what we meant. But it
was what you said if you wanted to be in the revolution.
The revolution that was going to change the world. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Yesterday
I printed out the pile of pages that is my testimony.
I took it to my advisor and we talked about how we were
going to do the work. I love holding the pile of pages.
I love feeling like I've written A Thing. A whole
Thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
talked about how I am trying to avoid the arc. The story
line that has a come to Jesus moment and then a way
to be that made it all OK. But there is no arc in my
life. I have lived through a million come to Jesus moments
and woken up the next day and felt like I was in the
happy ever after time and a week and a month and a year
later I was looking for a new Jesus. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
always thought I was getting it wrong. That there was
a way to think or feel or be that would feel like I
was sitting under a tree, in a full lotus, eyes half
closed, half smile, calm. Peace. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
it's Friday morning. My country, the country I live
in, the country I can not deny, is engaged in </font><a href="http://electroniciraq.net/news/537.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">act
of violence.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I feel powerless and angry. I have to write something
to hand in on Tuesday. I have to read stuff for Wednesday.
My hip seems to be out of place or something and walking
is painful. I have no health insurance. I need to do
laundry and clean the apartment. The big project of
my life is a pile of papers which is now in someone
else's hands. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't think I'm getting it wrong.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
saying peace again. I'm locating myself in that assertion.
Sometimes I sit and half close my eyes and take a few
deep breaths and try to find some silent inner calm.
And then I do the dishes and the laundry and put some
herbs on my aching joints and cry about the boy who
is not going to call and read someone else's story and
write another paper and read another book and write
</font><a href="http://www.moveon.org/declaration/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">another
letter</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I am restless and agitated and I want to change the
world.</font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(479)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_479"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e180" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e180"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e180"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">5</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:15
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't have health insurance but I do have lovely friends.
Suzanne took me to Barbara who adjusted my hip and made
it all better. I got some writing done on the piece
for Tuesday. I still need to do laundry but I may wait
till Monday. I'm not sure about pushing the hip thing
by going up and down the stairs. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
not sure how Bill Moyers gets away with all he does
on his show. Last night he devoted the show to </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/now/transcript/transcript_mitchell.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">media
issues</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
like war coverage and media consolidation. And he talked
with </font><a href="http://www.pbs.org/now/arts/sontag.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Susan
Sontag</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
It's such a relief to see something on television that
has so much substance. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Reading
</font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Ampersand</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is a relief. Barry does some of the best feminist thinking
I've ever read. I am mindful that a man writing something
with </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030330.html#BlogID409"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this
level of insight</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
strikes me as so remarkable. Women write these things
every day. But it is true that I feel relief when I
find a man who gets it. </font><a href="http://www.amptoons.com/blog/arc20030330.html#BlogID402"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Wednesday
is cartoon day</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Barry
points to a post on </font><a href="http://silverrights.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Silverrights</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Talking about </font><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A14879-2003Apr2?language=printe"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Pfc.
Jessica Lynch.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Yesterday I heard a discussion on MSNBC (I think) about
women in the war. Do we really want to see women coming
back from the war bloodied or dead? No. We don't. And
we don't want to see our men coming back bloodied or
dead. It was a through the looking glass moment for
me because I found myself wanting to defend the rights
of women to go to war. And I do. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Sigh.
It is all so fraught. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
when I die. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">and
when I'm dead</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://sweetnsour.org/traces/archives/000281.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">dead
and gone</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There'll
be </font><a href="http://snakehairedgirl.blogspot.com/2003_04_01_snakehairedgirl_archive.html#200101280"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">one
child born</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">and
a world to carry on</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> -Laura
Nyro</font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(480)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_480"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e181" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e181"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e181"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">6</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 8:59
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Some days I wake up blank. I read through
the blogs hoping to be sparked into thought. It just
ain't happenin today. Which isn't to say that there
isn't some wonderful stuff on the blogs. But I'm in
a drifty dreamy wordless place. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't really know what happened with my hip. I was in
an accident when I was nineteen. My right foot was pulled
under the wheel of a truck. I have a huge scar but no
pain. Still, I know I lean on my left hip in deference
to the right foot. And now the left hip is cranky. Maybe
it's bursitis. Or Arthritis. But it felt like it wasn't
where it was supposed to be. And now it's better. Except
for a twinge or two. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(481)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_481"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e182" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e182"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e182"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">7</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:31
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I should not EVER watch main stream
TV. It is true that I too often have TV on for background
noise. Usually </font><a href="http://sfgov.org/site/sfgtv_index.asp?id=7314"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">26</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
or </font><a href="http://www.c-span.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">CSPAN</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
or one of the (cough) </font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">news</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/default_asp.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">channels</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
But the other night I was going from channel to channel
looking for something to watch. I knew there was nothing.
But I kept looking. I came up on a show called Am I
Hot? Or something like that. I'm not searching for a
link because I don't want to look at it again. I'd seen
it once before. After two minutes of watching I clicked
away in horror. But when I saw it again I paused for
a few minutes. They were telling a young woman that
she had a body that was built for sex. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">What
the fuck?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
been thinking about this ever since. So, generally speaking,
all of us have the physical organs needed to have sex.
Most of us have desire and longing for sex. At least
sometimes. And of course some people have sex so that
there will be more of us around. But only that woman
has a body that was BUILT for sex. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Picture
me shaking my head. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Then
Last night I got sucked into a show about the </font><a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/895495.asp"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">central
park jogger</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I watched the WHOLE show waiting to see how they would
talk about the </font><a href="http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=14958"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">young
men who went to prison for a crime they did not commit</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
She was prompted by Katie Couric to say this was not
about race it was about the attack of a woman. If they
were falsely accused it was just part of the tragedy
of the evening. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Huh?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Why
does she get to own the tragedy? I think what happened
to her was horrible. I think her recovery is wonderful.
I think her story is beautiful. But this is about race.
The way the stories of the young men of color was dismissed
in this show was appalling. It was implied that we just
don't know for sure that they weren't part of her attack.
Again. They were impugned. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
have the same feelings about how much I am hearing about
</font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/South/04/03/sprj.irq.rescue/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">pfc
Jessica Lynch</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and how much I'm not hearing about</font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/04/05/sprj.irq.mias.reax.ap/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
pfc Lori Ann Piestewa.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Maybe I'm not watching enough TV but I really am not
hearing about pfc Piestewa as much. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
is a way in which the stories of the triumph of young,
thin white women are dominating. And I don't want to
take away from their triumph. I'm glad that they came
through the horror that they found themselves in. But
let's not spend a minute imagining that this isn't about
race. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
just should not watch it at all. I always end up feeling
like we are too far gone. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
then there was the </font><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/04/06/60minutes/clintondole/main548016.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Clinton/Dole
(cough) debate on 60 Minutes.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
In which they both, each in their own way, talked about
how we should all support the president in this time
of war. Debate? Two party system? Not. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">These
are </font><a href="http://www.pressherald.com/insight/stories/030406empire.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">dark
days</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font><a href="http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/%201049413227648_10/?%20hub=SpecialEvent3"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
Red Cross is horrified</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
by the number of Iraqi casualties. The Red Cross. Is
horrified. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Today
is a day of </font><a href="http://www.actagainstwar.org/article.php?list=type&type=31"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">direct
action in the Bay Area</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Despite the criticism that the peace movement is getting
I take some heart in these actions. I understand that
we need to have a plan for what we do now. I understand
that we are at war. The peace movement did not stop
anything. But I take heart in the people who are continuing
to agitate and say no.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Politically
I am hoping the Democratic party gets some courage and
gives me </font><a href="http://www.thespiritoffreedom.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">someone
that I can vote for.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
In the meantime if I have to chose between toxic TV
culture or the culture of dissent I'm going for the
latter. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(482)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_482"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e183" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e183"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e183"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">7</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 8:54
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
When I was swimming on Sunday I did
hip rotations and stretches and felt
pretty good during and after. Later
in the evening my hip started to ache
again. So I'm feeling some
pain. I pulled out an ice pack and some
</font><a href="http://www.spineinmotion.com/products.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Wobenzyme</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and some </font><a href="http://www.grabthisoffer.com/superbluestuff/superbluestuff.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Super
Blue Stuff</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and I'm trying to make it better. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
thing about pain is that it makes me
cranky. I loose patience faster. I am
less tolerant. It takes more effort
for me to give a shit about where another
person is coming from. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/March03.htm#e172"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">keep</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e179"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">talking</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
about my use of the word peace. And
it probably doesn't hurt to keep talking
about it. I try not to use words
without thought. In fact these days
I spend a lot of time trying to find
the best words to say what I feel. And
peace is a problematic word. It is a
word that is oppositional. Ironically
oppositional. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
the idea of a peace movement is probably
simplistic. There is not one unified
movement. In fact a criticism of the
protest movement is that every gathering
becomes diffuse with agendas. I'm not
too worried about that. I don't feel
the need for a uniform flank of people
saying one thing. For me every protest
event demonstrates diversity. There
is not one kind of peace person. Or
peace blog. Or a peace movement. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">For
me saying peace is a way of holding
on. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Is
there ever a good war? Maybe. </font><a href="http://www.bhagavad-gita.org/Gita/chapter-01.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Read
the Gita</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
But this
particular war
is the one I'm concerned with. Because
this particular war has no moral ground.
And it is the beginning of a </font><a href="http://www.thenation.com/thebeat/index.mhtml?bid=1&pid=541"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">dark</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=15&ItemID=3369"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">likely</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.observer.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,930794,00.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">hood</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
of </font><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A32297-2003Apr4.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">profit</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and empire. Wonder why we aren't concerned
about the </font><a href="http://www.zmag.org/content/ForeignPolicy/aram0122.cfm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Kurds</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
in Turkey.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
do support the troops. I am sorry that
their commander in chief put them in
harms way. I want them home with their
families. And I want </font><a href="http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/article.asp?id=615"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">them
to have the support of the administration</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
that sent them into battle. It does
not seem to me that the way to support them
is to remain silent. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
the folks who did the direct action
today. Was their experience peaceful?
</font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2003/04/07/BAprotest.DTL"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Not
exactly</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
know a lot of people who never want
to feel upset. They suppress their anger.
They avoid their sadness. They do not
want to feel upset. And I don't blame
them. Everyone needs to know how much
they can handle. No one needs to be
shamed into dealing with things in ways
that they aren't up to. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
is true that I push myself. I feel a
need to witness and understand. I feel
the need to hold the awareness of complexity and avoid
bifurcation. I try to hold some sense of balance. And
it is also true that I go too far and I wear out. And
then I need to have a moment of simplicity. I need to
say peace. I need to feel into what that might mean.
It's an intention.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Perhaps
I should use the word change. Perhaps it is more apt.
Perhaps it describes what is needed with more precision.
But I guess I know that change will happen. Change is
inevitable. It is the quality of change that concerns
me. We do need to think in terms of </font><a href="http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=20030421&s=cortright"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">what
to do next</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
And it will not be simple. And we do need to think in
terms of the qualities that we want to see in our culture,
our economic systems, our relationships, both personal
and global. The enormity of it is overwhelming. So I
just try to focus on the next moment. The next thought.
</font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(483)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_483"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e184" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e184"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e184"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">9</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:04
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Of all the ways that people describe
my body over weight is the one that
bugs me the most. It's such an assumption.
It assumes a right weight. Am I fat?
Yes. I am. It's OK. We can say it out loud. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
received an e-mail with the new improved language for
the resolution to form the </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/March03.htm#e170"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">previously</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/March03.htm#e171"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">mentioned</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> task
force on childhood nutrition and physical activity.
The language is better. Two notable sections:</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-line-height-rule:exactly" align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">WHEREAS, It is important that a health-centered
solution is implemented that does not lead to the stigmatization or harassment
of young people; and,</span></font></p>
<p class=MsoBodyText style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-line-height-rule:exactly" align="justify"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">WHEREAS, A health-centered approach that focuses
on the whole child � physically, mentally, and socially - can shift the
emphasis to living actively, eating healthily, and respecting all children and
their health and well-being at whatever size they may be; </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Arial" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Both
section go farther than just removing the words over
weight. They affirm the idea of health at "what
ever size they may be." </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
am still worried because the list of people who will
be seated on the task force is full of medical professionals.
And it just worries me. There is one spot being held
open for a person from the health at every size community.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
just ... </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
not ...</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
don't know. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Dealing
with my hip has reminded me how I avoid the medical
community. I'm lucky to know Barbara. I have sought
out health care providers with a size neutral perspective.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
even without the size related issues there is the money.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Part
of the mission of this task force could be to build
a new model for how we talk about bodies to kids.
And adults. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
we could talk about the love of how beautiful food occurs.
We could talk about bio diversity. We could talk about
</span></font><a href="http://www.slowfood.com/eng/sf_cose/sf_cose.lasso"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">slow
food</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">
and </font><a href="http://www.slowfood.com/eng/sf_educazione/sf_educazione.lasso"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">taste
education.</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">And
we could get kids dancing and walking and swimming.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:0in;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">We'll
see. I'm not sure what's next. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(484)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_484"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e185" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e185"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e185"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">9</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 3:02
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I was reading Big Fat Blog and Paul
</font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000430.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">posted</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
a link to </font><a href="http://www.salon.com/mwt/wire/2003/04/08/fat_kids/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">a
story </font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">about
fat kids and quality of life. And then there are comments
to the post. Some of which are concerned with what we
do for fat kids who are suffering and some of which
talk about the idea that we can't change society, or
even if we can it will take a long time. So what do
we do? And, of course, in the mood I'm in those
comments hit me in the heart. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
are no easy answers. It is harder to be a fat kid. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
there are some things you can NOT do. You can NOT imagine
that making them afraid of their bodies and their appetite
is a good thing. You can NOT buy the pharmaceutical
company poison. You can NOT be passive about
the wrong ideas that they are being tortured with. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">What
if you told fat kids how great they look? Spontaneously.
Every day. What if, when you heard a fat joke, you said
something, like, "I really don't find that kind
of humor funny." What if you engage all kids in
conversations about how different people have different
bodies? What if you held the school accountable for
making sure that fat kids are not teased? And when they
say hapless things like kids will be kids what if you
challenged that idea? What if you said kids are in school
to learn. Let's teach them about diversity. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Am
I saying give them ice cream all day and let them play
commuter games and never move? No. I am not. Talk to
them about food. Make sure they have a variety of things
to choose. And go for a walk WITH them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
are parents who are working two jobs and they are exhausted
and it takes all the running they can do to keep up.
And if a kid is pushing them to have candy instead of
fruit... and they're too tired to argue ...so what?
I think we need to hold the space for a variety of issues.
Everything isn't going to go well all of the time. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
there are the kids who are just going to want to read.
Let them. Don't imagine that their worth is bound up
in some hopped up version of athletic achievement. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Thanks
</font><a href="http://www.sweetnsour.org/traces/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Monica</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and </font><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/bigfatmama/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Angela</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I may be on the task force. But I'd rather see someone
with more experience with kids representing heath at
any size. I am staying aware of the whole project. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't know. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
feeling a little tense.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Or
something. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(485)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_485"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e186" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">10</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:39
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Cowboy Kayhill had a nice idea</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
He wants to have a day of silence on the blogs to demonstrate
respect for the people who are in pain. I thought about
it. I thought about it because, frankly, it's been hard
to post lately. My emotions are all over the place.
It feels like I'm spending too much time explaining
myself. It is hard to say something that isn't simplistic
and rhetorical. But the idea of holding silence wasn't
supposed to be for me. It was supposed to be for them.
And I'm not sure how to hold silence on a blog. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
obvious thing is to post an image. Or leave the space
blank. We'll see. Some people are doing it today and
some on Friday. Cowboy Kayhill says he'll do it when
there is a cease fire. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">People
tell me to stop watching CNN and MSNBC. No one had to
tell me yesterday. It took about two minutes of the
victory dancing in the streets images and I turned off
the television. The pulling down of the statue was dubious.
I don't give a shit about the statue but the first thing
that the marines who helped to pull it down was to </font><a href="http://english.aljazeera.net/topics/article.asp?cu_no=1&item_no=2256&version=1&template_id=277&parent_id=258"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">put
a US flag on it.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
can't imagine that anyone is sad that Saddam is gone.
If he is. But the way this was done makes me sad and
angry and fills me with shame. And those Kurds that
we were so concerned with a few days ago in my comments.
Let's hope that now that they've helped us we make sure
they </font><a href="http://english.aljazeera.net/topics/article.asp?cu_no=1&item_no=2305&version=1&template_id=263&parent_id=258"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">aren't
hurt by Turkey.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Since
I've been thinking about kids lately I remembered a
time, years ago, when I had taken a friends kid to a
toy store and given him some money to buy <i>anything
he wanted</i>. He picked a bad of toy soldiers and I
didn't really want to buy him a war toy. we had a long
debate about the fact that I'd said <i>anything he wanted</i>.
So there I was. Stuck between two ethics. Did I hold
to my no war toys conviction or the fact that I'd said
<i>anything he wanted</i>. It was clear to me that he
cared less about the toys and more about holding me
to my word. He got the soldiers. After a long talk about
war that made no sense to him. He was more interested
in getting the thing that held me to my word. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
remembered it this morning while thinking about kids
and food. You know if candy is always a bad thing then
... hey ... I want the candy. If candy is just another
choice. Well. Maybe it's still desirable but it doesn't
have the extra charge of the forbidden. But. Ya
know. Kids are in a culture. The culture is pitching
to them all the time. It's tough for parents. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
somehow all that musing about kids and desire brought
up this memory of a five dollar bag of little plastic
green soldiers. And the glorification of war. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
always loved kids. I wanted to have kids. And I do have
a goddaughter who is the most beautiful, intelligent,
compassionate, creative, best, best, best, being in
the universe. But I don't think that women are the ones
who love the kids. In fact I resent the idea. I want
the relationship between men and their children to be
acknowledged and valued. And there will be some men
and women who don't want anything to do with kids. And
I'd hate to think that a woman and a man who really
didn't want a kid would have one because that what they're
"supposed" to do. I think that's probably
something that happens a lot. And no one is served by
it, least of all the kids.</font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(486)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_486"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e187" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e187"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">11</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:18
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
love </font><a href="http://artsci.usfca.edu/servlet/ShowEmployee?empID=273&deptID=37"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Aaron
Shurin</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
We had a reading from the teachers in
</font><a href="http://artsci.usfca.edu/servlet/DeptWelcome?deptID=37"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">our
program</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font><a href="http://artsci.usfca.edu/servlet/ShowEmployee?empID=306"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Lowell</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
my workshop teacher, read a masterful
and fun bit from a novel he's writing.
There were teachers I didn't know. It
was pretty great. But I just love Aaron.
He takes great delight in the natural
world and he articulates his delight
in a way that feels spiritual, political
and so, so, beautiful. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
was the last reading that I will go
to as a student. I'm almost done with
school. Unless I decide to do a PHD.
In what? I dunno. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
must have hit me because I had a crazy
dream about not being sure what to do
and I was staying with my mom, or my
aunt, or some folks who I rented a room
with (it kept changing) and I had a
small job and they had found me a room
to rent but it was somewhere in the
east coast and I didn't want to be there.
It was one of those dreams that was
layered with images and mixed metaphors.
But it felt like I had no where to go.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Which
I guess I feel. In some ways. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tomorrow
there will be demos in </font><a href="http://www.internationalanswer.org/campaigns/a12/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">SF
and in DC.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
The idea that the war is over amazes
me. Occupation is not liberation. </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/morford/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
it isn't over</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.</font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(487)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_487"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e188" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e188"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">12</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:39
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Well.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">This
isn't going to be a peaceful post. As I start to write
it I keep thinking about the folks who are putting on
their raincoats (it's raining here in SF) to </font><a href="http://www.internationalanswer.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">rally
and speak out against the war</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
It seems like I should be posting something more ...
uh ... profound. Er sumthin. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
I just read a </font><a href="http://www.willa.com/moodswings/archives/2003_04_06_archive.htm#200135186"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">little
post on Mood swings</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and I'm pissed off.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
</font><a href="http://www.lesliekatz.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Leslie
Katz</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
has a web site if you scroll down to March 27th you
read that she asked Chris Pirillo to link to her since
she links to him and he said he would when she had a
REAL blog. A real blog is powered by some kind of "blogging
software" and had a talk back feature (comments).
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Uh
huh. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Leslie Katz took it very well. She seems to have a positive
relationship with Chris. When I first read the post
at Mood Swings I thought it was about Willa. Which may
have explained my immediate flush of irritation.
Willa, who is always polite, simply says "Hm."
I probably don't need to get too crazy behind this but
it pisses me off. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">When
did we decide on what makes a REAL blog? One of the
things I love about blogging is the chaos of it. It
is SELF publishing And SELF is a many splendored thing.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Willa
has always had a </font><a href="http://www.willa.com/journal/apr03/apr10.shtml"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">journal</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and a </font><a href="http://www.willa.com/moodswings/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
More than </font><a href="http://rarepeace.org/zen/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">one</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://rarepeace.org/fallenangel/weblog/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">blog
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">actually.
April does the same thing, </font><a href="http://redpolka.org/kerykes/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">journal
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">and
</font><a href="http://redpolka.org/blog/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
A lot of people do I guess. It has always seemed tidier
somehow. More precise. I admire it but I've never been
that neat. I write this mess of stuff all lumped together.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
remember when I figured out how to add comments and
thanks to </font><a href="http://redpolka.org/blog/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dorothea
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
have perma links. So did I get more and more real? Will
the final moment of my ascension into the ranks of real
be the day I get </font><a href="http://www.movabletype.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">MT</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">?
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Fuck
that. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
might agree that Blogger blogs and MT blogs and
Greymatter blog have a look and a feel and an interactivity
that is part of what gives blog a certain feel. And
the journal sites have a slightly different feel. Maybe.
But all of those lines have been blurred. And that's
what's so thrilling. Blogging is about everybody getting
into the mix. By any means necessary.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
really do have enormous resect for the designers. I
am hanging on by a thread with the design aspects of
having a page. And I have preferences, in terms of how
things look and read and feel. But when did we decide
that there was a REAL blog? Is there a check list? Do
folk with no comments get points taken off? Why does
it always feel as if, as more and more people begin
to do a thing, more and more people begin to own
the thing and create hierarchy? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't know Chris. I've jumped to his page a few times
from other people. He's no doubt a very nice man who
really knows what he's doing. But I don't vote for his
idea about what makes a blog real. I'm going to hope
that blogs remain chaotic and SELF defined. I'm
going to hope that more and more people who don't know
what they're doing hit the web with personal writing
about their lives and their passions and their politics
and their art and their cats. And Leslie Katz is now
on my blog roll. For what that's worth. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace
(or something like it )</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(488)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_488"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e189" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e189"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">13</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:01
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
they were painted and carrying umbrellas.
They
were moms and dads with kids. They were
every age, race, ethnicity and sexual
persuasion. But </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2003/04/12/rally.DTL"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">they
were out there</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Don't let anyone tell you that they
weren't.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="205">
<tr>
<td width="199">
<p><a href="http://www.actionsf.org/"><img src="protest.jpg" width="200" height="229" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
love them. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(489)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_489"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e190" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e190"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">14</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:15
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Yesterday,
after the swim, Marilyn and I went to
hear a friend of hers read a poem. Her
friend is nineteen and won a contest
put on by </font><a href="http://www.riverofwords.org"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">River
of Words</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
It was amazing. We listened to poems
by children and viewed slides of the
</font><a href="http://www.riverofwords.org/2000_rees.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">most</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.riverofwords.org/2001_young.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">amazing</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.riverofwords.org/1999_skophammer.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">art.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
Including art from children in Afghanistan.
It was so overwhelmingly beautiful. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
There
were two kids with disabilities, one
in a wheel chair and both used a computer,
like the one Steven Hawkins has, to
read their poems. I swear. The whole
thing was such a surprise. I just thought I was going
to the </font><a href="http://sfpl.lib.ca.us/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">library</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
to hear a teenager read a poem. And that was what I
was doing. But it was surprising. And powerful. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
added </font><a href="http://allconsuming.net/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">All
Consuming</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
script to my page. I'd seen at </font><a href="http://www.surreally.net/fullbleed/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dru's</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and this morning noticed it at </font><a href="http://slumberland.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Laurie's</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
The script ads a picture of the book to my page. All
though that's not what my copy of the book looks like.
I usually link to the book I'm reading at a </font><a href="http://staceys.booksense.com/NASApp/store/IndexJsp;jsessionid=58B26B86EDDBCFB3BEF41DC38941CEA7.t3"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">local</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.bookstore.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">store</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
All consuming links to Amazon. Which is OK. I guess.
I like the picture. I don't know how to get it to show
up in the font I want. No doubt a CSS thing. So, I'm
still looking at it and wondering if I like it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">This
is the first week I haven't had pain in my hip after
the swim. So I guess I'm on the mend. I'm still getting
some twinges and a little bit of ache but nothing really
bad. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(490)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_490"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p> <a id="e191" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e191"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">15</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:39
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Tomorrow
is my Mother's birthday. I sent her a thing I'd written
much of which is taken from THE BOOK. Mostly the parts
that are about her. I'm freaked out about her reading
this stuff. I did my best to write about the ways in
which my Mother has influenced my life both good and
bad. Ours is a complex story. But Mom isn't big on complexity.
And I worry that she will take offence. And if she does
she's gonna really hate the THE BOOK.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I'm worried. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://www.allconsuming.net/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">All
consuming</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is pretty fun. In a totally dangerous way. I jumped
to a bunch of cool blogs by reading other folks who
are reading what I'm reading. I do not need to spend
any more time reading blogs. Also, they do link to </font><a href="http://www.booksense.com/index.jsp;jsessionid=0C6830D573E98E290B62AA28FCD7CDDD"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Booksense</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
as well as Amazon and all my favorite local places are
on Booksense. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
</font><a href="http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0413-06.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">destruction
of culture in Iraq</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
is among the many things to mourn in this horror of
all horrors. Of course that list is long and, for me, begins
with </font><a href="http://www.thememoryhole.org/war/gulfwar2/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
children.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
(link via </font><a href="http://bittershack.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Bittershack
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">and
be forewarned -- it is graphic and difficult)</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
had a weepy night in therapy. Re-feeling old stuff.
Talking about the ways in which I feel paralyzed. This
morning I have a kind of crying hang over. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(491)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_491"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e192" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e192"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">16</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:39
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
other day I was doin errands and I left
my wallet on the counter in the photo
place. I realized it before I was too
far away and went back. They had it.
It was an all's-well-that-ends-well
thing. But it made me think. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
know there's something cooking in me.
I can feel it. I'm distracted. I don't
have an appetite for anything but ice
cream. There's a list of things it could
be. Full moon, the need to bleed, menopause,
Mom's birthday, things that have happened
lately that I don't have the patience
to write out, the war, school, school
coming to end, worrying about money,
my hip, my knees, my ass. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">No.
Not my ass. My ass is fine.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
think it's about ...</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Fuck.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
just don't know. I have theories. And
I keep talking around it. In therapy.
With everyone. It's all of the above.
It's none of the above. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Last
night was the last time I will have a
piece of writing workshopped. The workshop
was fine. In some ways. Painful only
in that ... there is a way in which
I was trying to tell my class mates
that there's a way that I want to write.
And I've touched on it. But I
haven't, really, gotten it. And in two
years of my MFA program there was only
one workshop in which I felt the kind
of support I needed to go for it. And
that it has everything to do with a style,
or manner of writing. A less narrative,
organized, detail laden kind of writing.
But my classmates write in a strong
narrative fashion. And they do it very
well. And I don't suck at it. I
just want to do something a little bit
different. And I may never be able to
pull it off. And sometimes I hate my
writing because it's so ...</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">See.
I can't even articulate it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So,
in a way, I was saying you aren't giving
me what I need. But since I can't even
fucking articulate what I'm trying to
do it should not be surprising that
I can't articulate what I need. It all
just felt sad. To me. I don't know how
it felt to them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
</font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/What_Color_Is_The_Dress.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">here </font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">is the last piece of writing I
will ever have workshopped. I fixed
a spelling error and some funky syntax
but other wise it's the same piece that
my class read.
It's not the best thing I've ever written.
It's not the worst. Now I'm giving it to the workhop in
the sky. If you have a minute. Give
it a read. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Would
be nice.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(492)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_492"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e193" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e193"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">17</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:11
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
I can't sleep. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I did have so much fun yesterday hanging
out with Gabe. He brought over his Play
Station so that we could play the
SIMS but I don't really know how to
work the controls. I'm not Play Station
literate. So we gave up and went down
to the wharf...</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">...but
wait. Let me let </font><a href="http://sugarday.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Gabe
tell you all about it.</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Heh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
made him a blog! Doncha love it? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
were at the arcade and he was feeding the tickets
he had won into a machine that added them up so he could
see what prize he could get. He had a ton of tickets.
He noticed that there was a kid behind him who wanted
to access the machine and he took a break so the other
kid could cash in his tickets. Gabe is so aware and
generous. It blows my mind. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(493)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_493"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e194" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e194"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">18</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 11:01
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mom
said she liked the writing. But I could
feel that it was hard for her. She likes
to think in absolutes. She likes Hallmarks
stories and happy ever after. I like
holding contradictions and allowing
for possibility. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">In
the piece of writing I describe the
day I left home and she talked about
how she teared up when she read that.
Mom always says she isn't someone who
cries but she cried that day. I cried
too. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
Mom doesn't get the fat revolution.
THE BOOK is just gonna be hard for her.
I'm just going to have to deal with
it later. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
need to do spring cleaning. There is
dust everywhere. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
was a hearing at </font><a href="http://www.ci.sf.ca.us/site/bdsupvrs_page.asp?id=13956"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
Land Use committee</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
this week in which </font><a href="http://www.mattgonzalez.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Matt
Gonzalez</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
presented </font><a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/04/15/BA206053.DTL"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">some
legislation he's writing</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
to make rent control broader. There
was two hours of public testimony, mostly
from people who own small buildings
about how terrible the rent control
policies are and how much worse they
will be. I'd seen part of it on Monday
when it happened but I caught more of
it last night on </font><a href="http://sfgov.org/site/sfgtv_index.asp?id=7340#Channel26"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">26</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
feel for the small building owners many
of whom are retirees who thought renting
an apartment would be a way to pad their
limited income. Most of them aren't
really trying to gouge anyone. But if
you're gonna own property and provide
the place where someone is going to
make their home you are going to take
on a responsibility. And many of them
were just so mean in their testimony.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
hard. Many of them worked really hard,
scratched together enough money to get
a duplex. They rent out one apartment
and live in the other. It was the only
way that they could own their home.
And I guess owning a home is a big deal.
I mean you feel that sense of ... uh
...ownership.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Well
it sucks to be a landlord and It sucks
to be a renter. And public policy makers
need to know how to create legislation
that serves everyone. I'm just glad
we have progressive thinking people
making public policy in SF. Because,
being a renter, I'm hoping that I have
someone looking out for me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I've
always been lucky with landlords. I've
almost always had a friendship with
my landlords. But things get funky.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't know why I'm going on and on about
this. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(494)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_494"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e195" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e186"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">19</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:46
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Does
anyone think that I think that my genes make me fat?
Let me clear that up for you. I do not. What I think
is that my </font><a href="http://65.161.124.110/diseaseArticle/diseaseArticle.jsp?site=dna&link=Obesity.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">genes</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
give my body a proclivity toward being fat. I'm also
tall and I have brown eyes. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And.
There is not one fat gene that makes one fat body. There
are a bunch of gene combinations that make a variety
of fat bodies. So how I am begins with my genes and
then there is my diet history and my current diet. Can
I be thin? It has not been my experience that I can
be thin. The thinnest I have ever been was still fat
by cultural standards. Should I do anything I can to
be as thin as I can be? Why? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Last
night on </font><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/sections/2020/Living/2020_fattwins030418.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">20/20</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
John Stossel offered up a segment that demonstrated how
to prove your point by only asking people questions
if you know they agree with you. He did show footage
of a </font><a href="http://www.naafa.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">NAAFA</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
convention and talked briefly to a few of the folks
who were there. The footage showed the fat people
dancing and smiling. It was great to see </font><a href="http://www.fatso.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Marilyn
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">with
pink hair shouting, " Welcome to the </font><a href="http://www.fatso.com/man1.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">fat
revolution</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">!"
But the show was a tired old fat people need to eat
less and exercise more drone. Even Barbara Walters questioned
the positioning of the segment in the little chat between
segments. Go Barbara. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
didn't even piss me off. It was just too stupid. I've
heard fat revolutionaries misquoted too many times lately.
Do I think there are no negative impacts from being
fat? No. I recently read an article that said tall men
have more joint problems. Bodies have issues. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Would
I be healthier if I lost weight? Well. You can't ask
that question with out talking about how I would go
about losing weight. If I took speed and lived on hard
boiled eggs and OJ would I be healthier? I don't think
so. If I worked out two hours a day and lived on 1000
calories would I be healthier? Maybe. But I'd be in
really bad mood. And I'm going to think that my health
might be negatively impacted by that mood.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">My
personal experience is that when I did work out an hour
a day five days a week I got thinner but I did not get
thin. I liked doing the work out. I like swimming. But
I'm not going to be up for two hours a day. And I'm
not going to be obsessive about calories.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Do
I over eat? Sometimes. I went to a Dim Sum place that
I love recently. I hadn't been there in a while. It's
out in the avenues and I don't get out there often.
I ate so much I could hardly breathe. It was fun. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
get so sick of the way fat people are talked about.
I am not a food addict. But there are people who compulsively
eat. And I'd like them to be able to talk about their
issues with out the idea that they need to control their
addiction so that they can be thin. I'd like them to
be able to enjoy food.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
haven't been eating that well lately. I've been in this
mood. I can't seem to care about things. So one night
I had fish cakes and popcorn for dinner. Odd. I'm determined
to feed myself better. Last night I have buckwheat pasta
with chicken, butternut squash, shitakes and spring
onion. It was so good. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
all those dancing, smiling fat people make me happy.
John Stossel makes my head hurt. </font></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(495)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_495"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e196" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e196"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">20</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:00
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><a href="http://sugarday.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Gabe
has been writing</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I wasn't sure that he would get into it. Maybe when
spring break is over he'll stop but I love that he's
doin it now. And he' keeping track of his </font><a href="http://www.imood.com/[email protected]"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">i-mood</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
He linked to a </font><a href="http://www.miniclip.com/Homepage.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">game
sit</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">e
where I found a version of </font><a href="http://www.miniclip.com/mahjongg.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mahjongg</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Not good. I played a lot of Mahjongg yesterday. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
had big plans for spring cleaning. I'd dusted and vacuumed
the bed room and cleaned the bathroom on Friday. Yesterday's
plans ... well. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://easybakecoven.net/sj/#92932317"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Susan
remembers patent leather shoes and blue chickens. </font></a></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Peace.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(496)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_496"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e197" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e197"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">21</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:51
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">After
swimming and lunch Deb And I went to
see </font><a href="http://www.wmm.com/Catalog/pages/c604.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
Day I Will Never Forget.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
It was a difficult movie. But ultimately positive. There
are many young women and men working to end </font><a href="http://www.amnesty.org/ailib/intcam/femgen/fgm1.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">FGM</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
just made me think about how easily we decide that a
thing is ...just the way it is. My Aunt used to begin
sentences with they words, "They say..." And
I never knew who they were. In the movie there was a
lot of defence of culture and they way it's always been
and this is the way we do things. It's the kind of thinking
that stops the blood flow to the brain. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
also an odd way to spend the day. Swimming was so peaceful
and restorative. Lunch was great. And then. The suffering
of others. I became quite melancholy. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There's
a hope that I have for THE BOOK. I want people who read
it to have a different thought about what being fat
feels like. For the all the problems fat people deal
with there is a way in which being in a fat body becomes
a path for deep self understanding. And that's a good
thing. It seems like I've been working on it all for
a long time and it never seems good enough. I haven't
even looked at the writing since I gave it to Stephen.
The summer will be here soon enough. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
getting people to have a different view of a thing is
... </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">If
someone is hitting another person you can, maybe, get
them to stop the action. But getting them to really
think about why they are doing the hitting is big. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
always try to hold the idea that I'm not trying to change
anyones mind about a thing but rather give them a different
view. And if their thinking changes then that's all
to the good. But if it doesn't ...oh well. It's not
an easy idea to hold when something means so much to
you. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(497)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_497"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e198" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e198"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">22</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 7:37
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
hafta run out the door and get over to school to tape
a student/teacher conference. I woke up really early
so I could read some blogs and eat eggs.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
Earthday. Take a </font><a href="http://www.balloonhat.com/atlas.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">lovely
tour</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(498)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_498"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e199" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e199"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">23</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:41
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Twice
in recent history I've had conversations with friends
about how they wouldn't refer to me as that fat woman.
For them it was about not wanting to focus on my physicality.
But, ya know, if someone has a physical attribute that
is distinguishable I think it's OK to use it as a descriptor.
I don't think it would worry them to say I was really
tall. I love it when thin and average sized people use
the word fat as a simple descriptor. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
talked to my aunt on Sunday. We were very close and
for a variety of reasons we are not any more. Toward
the end of the call she asked if I was still (pause)
big. I said yes I'm still fat. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
understand the reasons why it's difficult to use the
word. it still holds so much hatred and contempt. I
hear it every day being used in a way that means wrong.
No one wants to be fat, right? Last night I saw a commercial
for dog food that keeps your dog from getting fat.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Well.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
spent the day hanging around the campus yesterday. After
I recorded the student/teacher conference I had lunch
with Cheryl and played with the computer in her office.
I like the feeling of campus life. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
is this weird anti-intellectualism that always
irritates me. I understand the way that people who spend
their time thinking and reading and writing seem disembodied.
And I understand the class separations in the academy.
But some of that is breaking down. And. Shit. It's about
learning ain't it? Learning is good, right?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Ah
well.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(499)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_499"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e200" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e200"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">24</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:25
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
think my post yesterday was a bit too quip. Ironically.
I'm the one talking about the importance of using language
well and then I don't use very well myself. I had a
lot on my mind about school and I just wrote the post
with out going into the issue deeply.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
thing about the F word. It is very true that the word
fat still holds so much negativity and, for many people,
it is still hurtful to hear it said about themselves.
I've made an effort to </font><a href="http://www.fatso.com/man6.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">reclaim
the word</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
The key word in that sentence is effort. It is not true
that I have no problem hearing it. It is an effort to
feel the word differently. Fat is a descriptive
term. It aptly describes the body that I have.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">At
some point being fat became an owned part of my identity.
After years of trying to make it go away, or ignore
it, I decided to own it. And then began the effort.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Fairly
early in my life I noticed that when really little kids
told me I was fat they weren't saying it with judgement.
They were just using a word. In fact the delighted in
the word. And then the adult in their life would swoop
in and say something about it not being nice to call
someone fat. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">When
someone shouts it at me from a car, or says it about
someone else, or something else in a negative manner
I respond with anger, sadness, hurt, some combination
of all of those feelings. Because it's very clear that
those people are not SIMPLY describing my body.
However, despite the improbability of this, I'd rather
have them change the way they feel about the word than
stop using it. They don't have to love fatness. But
maybe they could not hate it quite so vocally. Or at
least hate in somewhere far away from me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Of
course the idea that fat is the worst of all evils is
going to be hard to shift. </font><a href="http://elayneriggs.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Elayne</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
pointed me to </font><a href="http://www.msnbc.com/news/904282.asp?0dm=V17OH"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this
(cough) news</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I read a doctor who works with the Health At Every Size
community break down the flaws in the study. He was
reading from the New England Journal of Medicine. I'm
just going to react to the MSNBC article. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">In
the article they talk about fat people not fitting into
CAT scanners and radiation machines but they don't seem
to decide that the medical <strike>community</strike>
industry might want to do a better job of taking care
of people of that size. I can tell you from my own experience
and conversations with other fat folks that we don't
always go to doctors when we should. Many of us can't
get heath insurance and most of us are sick of being
told that our only health problem is that we are fat.
Perhaps that fear of doctors means that we don't get
preventative care. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't really buy the link between Cancer and fat. It
just seems illogical to me. I wish I could quote the
doctor's break down but I'd need his permission and
it's mostly numbers. I might write to him and ask his
permission. He did talk about how the data was adjusted
for </font></span><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;">age,
race and smoking, physical activity, education, alcohol
intake, marital status, aspirin use, fat intake and vegetable
consumption</span></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">.<BR>
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">VEGETABLE
CONSUMPTION. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Honestly.
I don't have the patience to read the study right now
and I don't fully grasp the notion of data adjustment
but I can tell you that it seems like if you adjust
the data enough you can get the answer you want. And
I want to know who funded the study. Why isn't that
part of the (cough) news?</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">When
I meet a fat person for the first time I am careful
about introducing the word. I know how shocking it is
to hear it said out loud. I use when I talk about myself.
I talk about why I don't use the </span></font><a href="http://www.fatso.com/man7.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">other
descriptive term</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">s.
I know that right now the word still has the power to
hurt. I just don't know how to shift that without using
the word. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Last
night in class a woman was describing a former student
and she said something about her being a little tiny
waif of a girl. No one seemed to worry that describing
a person as little and tiny and waifish might be insulting.
But if my friends did say Tish is fat they would be
thought of as rude. I do understand why they don't want
to say the word fat. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
my fantasy is that they will use it. And they will use
every opportunity to talk about how I have changed the
way they think about fat bodies. Of course, this assumes
that I have. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(500)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_500"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e201" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e201"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">24</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 4:01
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Second
post of the day. Doesn't happen very often. But. Gosh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
got an email from J.G.at </font><a href="http://silverrights.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Silver
Rights</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
alerting me to </font><a href="http://silverrights.blogspot.com/#93193974"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">her
post</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
about my F word postings. I've only recently begun to
read her blog. Actually I think she's only recently
begun to blog. I added her to my blog roll pretty quickly
once I read her. Ya know. Some times you just feel the
connect. In truth I haven't read her in the last few
days because school suddenly seems to be eating my brain
and I can't find time to read around. I'm behind with
most of my blog roll. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Sigh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I was glad to get the e-mail alert and jumped right
over to see what she had written. And now I'm feeling
... a lot of things.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It
is true. I am over the medically recommended weight.
Of course it's been years since I gave a shit about
anything the medical <strike>community</strike> (darn
I keep making that mistake) industry said about my body.
It's not entirely true. I do know some wonderful doctors.
I usually look to alternative medicine. I LOVE
my chiropractor and I LOVE my acupuncturist. And I love
my herbs.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">J.G.
mentions a concern about my reclamation of the
word fat. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="464">
<tr>
<td width="458">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>My concern is that describing someone as fat, Chicana or the one in glasses
seems to suggest that is the most important aspect of the person, at least
briefly. Shadow may be fat, Sandra Cisneros may be a Chicana and I may wear
glasses, but there is a lot more to each of us. Additionally, each of those
descriptions focuses on something society considers not to be the ideal. I am
wary of doing anything to encourage that kind of stereotyping. In my experience,
men </i></span></font><U><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i>do</i></span></font></U><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><i> make passes at girls who wear glasses. I suspect much of what
people think about what it means to be fat or Chicana is equally false.</i></span></font></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
are times when I think it's important to call out aspects
of a persons physicality. Often times it's when there
is a political aspect to the conversation. And my choice
to use the word fat is political. Because fat people
do not get adequate medical care, are denied jobs and housing,
have their children taken away from them and are denied
when they want to adopt children. we live in a climate
of fat hatred. Some folks are direct and hateful. Others
don't want to make a big deal about it but they think
I should lose weight. There are issues. For me. And
people who look like me. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">J.G.
uses the words that I hate so much -- over weight. They
are the two words that actually piss me off the most.
I resent the idea that there is a right weight
and that I am over that. In 49 years of life I have
been a variety of weights all of which were over weight,
if I were to accept the definition of the medical industry.
I do not. My body weight now is the weight my body is
relative to a variety of things beginning with genetics.
There is nothing over about the weight I am. I'm fat.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">She
wonders when Camryn Manhiem will conform. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Conform.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Well.
I can't speak for Camryn. She looks great to me. I can
only speak for myself. I will not be conforming anytime
soon.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
please. Please don't make me talk about what and how
much I eat or how much I exercise. It's such a tired
conversation. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">J.G.
seems to think I rethought something about use of the
word fat between my first and second posts. I must not
be writing well. I wrote the post I wrote today because
of the comments I got on the first post. I wanted to
be a bit more clear. It is not that I changed my thinking
about the use of the word but I did want to be clear
to say that I know that many, maybe most, fat folk might
be hurt by the use of the word. I'm not interested in
pushing anyone to keep up with my notion of fat
acceptance. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
not sure how to articulate the things I'm feeling right
now. It's that rush of misery, that kick in the stomach
feeling that you get when someone does not seem to understand
you in a pretty essential way. I still think J.G. is
an interesting thinker and blogger. But she doesn't
get the fat revolution. And I suppose she doesn't have
a reason to.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
do. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(501)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_501"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:9pt;">I cannot think of another case where hatred and
contempt for democracy have so openly been proclaimed, not just by the
government, but also by liberal commentators and others. There is now a whole
literature trying to explain why France, Germany, the so-called "old Europe",
and Turkey and others are trying to undermine the United States. It is
inconceivable to the pundits that they are doing so because they take democracy
seriously and they think that when the overwhelming majority of a population has
an opinion, a government ought to follow it. -- </span></font><a href="http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=15&ItemID=3369"><span style="font-size:9pt;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600">Noam
Chomsky</font></span></a><p><a id="e202" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e202"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">25</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 10:14
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Margaret
sent me a link to </font><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2003/04/20/magazine/20GIDEON.html?pagewanted=1&ei=1&en=6d18a5b4a6d51277&ex=1051890487"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this
article</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Reading it stirred up a bunch of thinking
about ... it all.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">If
the people who understand how web design is really done
saw all the steps I dance through every day to post
they'd be rolling their eyes. I'm sure there's an easier
way. I mention it because a few days ago I inadvertently
stopped putting peace at the end of my post. I didn't
even notice right away. It happened because of the crazy
cut and paste way I do things. It should not signal
that I think the war is over.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
marvel at the back-to-normal stupor that seems to be
hanging over the USA.. Of course stupors-r-us. We're
pretty good at them. The other day I heard a newscaster
say that everyone in the world knows about </font><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/04/25/peterson.case/index.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Scott
Peterson.</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Uh.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
had visions of people in Iraq stopping all the clean
up and religious pilgrimages and questioning of
continued US military presence to run and watch
CNN coverage of the trial. I have no interest in the
case. I'm sure if I were a friend or family member of
Lacy's I might have more interest. But these days we
see Pentagon briefings being interrupted because there
is news about </font><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2003/04/24/MN286243.DTL"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">whether
or not Scott Peterson will get the death penalty.</font></a></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
don't support the death penalty. Ever. I find it particularly
irritating to hear the debate over this specific death
penalty after reading about Clarence Earl Gideon. There
is little doubt that Mr. Peterson will have a good lawyer.
And there is less doubt that while he has the media
hanging on his every cough and flinch there will be
"enemy combatants" and men of color denied
due process. Now. In the land of the free. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">When
the bombs were dropping I felt the need to say the word
peace and keep a candle lit and read and write daily
about the war. And now I find myself drifting. I do
not believe that the war is over. I think things are
much worse than they were. And I am as dumb founded
as ever in terms of what to do to get this gang of thugs
out of power. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
I have stuff to do for school and stuff to do in my
apartment and the busy ness builds up and my focus shifts
and </font><a href="http://www.bristolfoe.org.uk/wildfire/iraq/jo.iraq.2003.04.14.htm"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the
misery</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
falls to the back of my mind. And that's inevitable
and human. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Reading
about Gideon sent a chill through my bones. I fight
my own wars about language and representation and the
fear that it never adds up and that change does not
happen. And I draw deep breaths of relief when I
stop to notice how lucky I am. I have friends and the
time to write and the time to do all the stuff.
I have the energy to process information. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">We
do not have peace. It might not even be the goal. We
do have a power elite that has high jacked our world.
</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(502)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_502"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a id="e203" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e203"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">25</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 3:23
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">OK.
So I guess if I can have a two post
day because I was feelin bad I can have
a two post day to share the luv. </font><a href="http://www.redpolka.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">April</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
turned me on to this very cool meme.
</font></span></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="90">
<tr>
<td width="84">
<p><a href="http://www.snazzykat.com/archives/003601.php"><img src="lovein2.gif" width="88" height="31" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Pretty
cool. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
going to start my tour right now. If
I don't get to you it's not about a
lack of love. I'm defrosting my freezer
and cleaning while I do the tour. And
there's a few other things I ought to be doin. But ...
I like the idea. So I'm going spread as much love
as I can. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Oh
yeah. One thing I'm happy about in my life. I'm happy
about the beets that are cooking. And I will be happier
when I'm eating them later. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Groovy.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(503)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_503"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e204" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e204"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">26</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:05
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
went over to </font><a href="http://elayneriggs.blogspot.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Elayne's
blog</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
on my love tour. She was talking about
the picture of the </font><a href="http://atrios.blogspot.com/2003_04_20_atrios_archive.html#200191130"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dixie
Chicks</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
sans cloths. I had no immediate reaction
to the picture but after reading the
post and the comments I began to think
about it. The naked thing is always
a bewilderment for me. Clearly, women
who look like the Dixie Chicks will
be on the cover of magazines, with or
without cloths, and clearly that's reinforcing
the stereotype of beauty. But I kinda
liked way the photo called out the fact
that they can use their "beauty"
to be marketable and perhaps that will
override their "politics".
I mean it sucks. But it's true. And
none of it has anything to do with their
music. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
then Wendee left me </font><a href="http://www.onephatman.com/images/ew.jpg"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">this</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
Someone had fun with photoshop. (Of
course we all know the picture of the Dixie Chicks had
some photo shopping done to it as well ... If ya know
what I mean.) It
made me laugh. I think </font><a href="http://www.michaelmoore.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Michael</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
might do something like it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Oh
I don't know. I am not generally given
to laughing at this kind of thing. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Elayne
said: </font></span><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><i>As I hinted at in the comments section yesterday, many people actually regard
taking off your clothes for a magazine cover to be liberating and even feminist!
Not, I opine, as long as you have such a blatant disparity between men doing it
and women doing it. And not as long the rules of our current societal game
dictate that, no matter what your intent in displaying tasteful nudity on
mainstream magazine covers, the result is that you're still going to be ogled by
men</i>.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">The
naked thing is always a bewilderment
to me. I always have mixed feelings
about people getting naked in public. I don't have a
feminist position on it. If I got naked would that be
feminist? I see a lot of fat women doing the master's
dance in an attempt to rock the house. They are demanding
to be ogled. And part of me always wants to root for
them. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">But
it does get tired. The whole adoration of flesh. I adore
flesh sometimes and yet ... Elayne is right. There is
a disparity in terms of who gets to be naked on the
cover of a magazine. And the reasons for why that is
are about sexism.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
as I looked closer at the photoshopped
Michael picture I
began to think that the guy who did
it was slamming Michael. But I love
Michael. And I really think he might
do something like pose nude to call
out the disparity of who gets ogled and
who does not. And I think Michael is
a great looking guy.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">As
I imagined, I did not get to everyone on my blog roll
to share the love. But it was kinda fun. Defrosting
the refrigerator took hours. So it helped to play while
I waited for ice to get lose enough to pull off the
wall of the little freezer box. I think my refrigerator
is a gazzillion years old. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><a href="http://www.kuidaosumi.com/Updates/jenjournal.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Jenni</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
is at </span></font><a href="http://www.manzanarcommittee.org/pilgrimages/manz2003/PR-042403.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Manzanar
today</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
. </span></font><a href="http://www.manzanarcommittee.org/poetry/tony1.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">No
more camps.</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(504)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_504"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e205" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e205"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">27</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 8:42
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><a href="http://reachm.blog-city.com/readblog.cfm?BID=52936"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Yesterday
I went to my first Fat think tank meeting.
I've been trying to get involved with
them for a year. It was great to hang
out with a bunch of fat radical thinkers.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">The
community is besieged with the health
issue. I was there with three </font><a href="http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/04.12.01/plusmarketing-0115.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">fat</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
</font><a href="http://www.feelinggoodfitness.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">aerobics</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
teachers, one fat cabaret dancer and
moms. We all know moms be movin. Everyone
looked great. And the others in the
group, </font><a href="http://www.bonniebernell.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">the</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font><a href="http://www.bodypositive.com/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">therapists</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
and </font><a href="http://www.fatso.com"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">activists,</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
looked great too. The conversation was
around the ideas of how we define heath
at every size. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Right
before I went to the meeting I read
</font><a href="http://silverrights.blogspot.com/#93278857"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">J.G.'s
new post</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
in response to </font><a href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e201"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">my
post.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
I feel a little bit funny about the
post to post communication. I had intended
to write an e-mail to her in response
to her e-mail alerting me to her post.
But I couldn't get past my feeling
of dismay. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Text
based communication is problematic and
limited. It is possible that J. G. and
I are zooming past each other. J.G.
seems to think that she communicated
that ideas about fat people are often
erroneous in her </font><a href="http://www.silverrights.blogspot.com/#93193974"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">first
post</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
I didn't get that. At all. I am wary about doing
a point by point break down of what
I got from what she wrote. I think we
both feel like we aren't quite understanding
each other. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">J.G.
has a family with a history of diabetics.
And much has been made of the link between
fatness and diabetes. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Every
Sunday I swim with two fat women who
have diabetes. They talk about the things
they do to control their sugar. They're
pretty proud of the fact that their
sugars are in control and have been
for quite a while. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
we know this. We know that people can
control their sugars with moderate exercise
and some food awareness. In fact we
recently learned it again from our baboon
friends. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="478">
<tr>
<td width="472"><P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans,Arial"><i><span style="font-size:11pt;">Researchers studied the eating and exercise patterns of two groups of wild
baboons in East Africa. One group of baboons had to forage for their food. The
others found a stash of food that humans had discarded that was much closer to
where they lived, which meant they expended much less energy for their daily
food raids. The fat content and number of calories that both groups of baboons
ate was about the same, but the baboons that ate the leftovers didn't have to
work as hard to get their food.
</span></i></font>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans,Arial"><i><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></i></font></p>
<P align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans,Arial"><i><span style="font-size:11pt;">"More than a third of the baboons that didn't have to exercise as much to get
their food had indications of obesity, evidence of early diabetes caused by
insulin resistance and elevated cholesterol levels," says Banks, who also is a
staff physician at Veterans Affairs Medical Center in St. Louis. </span></i></font><a href="http://www.slu.edu/readstory/newsinfo/2408"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans,Arial">More</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans,Arial">
...</font></span></P></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So.
Yeah. </font><a href="http://users.telerama.com/~moose/diab.html"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Diabetes
is a problem.</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
In fact my father and his mother both
had it. Am I worried? Well. No. In the
last few years I've noticed that I don't
process carbs like I used to. I also
have trouble with dairy. I've made adjustments
in how I eat. Why? Because it feels
better. I'm still fat. And sometimes
I eat too much of something and I don't
feel as good. Oh well. Life in body
is a day to day process. What I know
for sure is that I have to keep moving.
So today I will be swimming. And as
I get older it may become more difficult
to maintain my health.
I'll deal with it. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
guess part of what the fat revolution
is about for me is that my health, my
beauty, my worth are not defined by
the size of my ass. I can be fat and
healthy. Whether or not I could be healthier
if I were thinner has to take into consideration
what I would do to lose weight and how
I would feel about those choices. And
whether or not I'm healthy does not define my worth.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
are some troubling ideas about health these days. There
is this idea that everyone who is a good person is doing
EVERY thing they can to be healthy. And what is healthy?
All bodies feel better and worse for a variety of reasons,
all day every day. Somewhere someone is doing something
that isn't particularly healthy right now. And there's
probably more than one reason why. And there are people
ready to stick a scarlet letter on them. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">In
the comment section of a </font><a href="http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/000438.php"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Big
Fat Blog post</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">
about the fat and Cancer scare a fat woman calls out
the hyper-emphasis on the members of the fat community
who exercise and eat "right". They are the
people we can put in the front line when we are besieged
by the health stuff. But there is more than one fat
body with more than one kind of fat experience. And
if someone is eating junk food and watching T.V. are
we in the community going to hope no one finds out about
them? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">And
why is health such a cultural focus?</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">In
the mainstream media you will hear about
how fat is linked to diabetes and cancer
and every kind of malady. You will not
hear about my friends in the pool. The
ordinary lives of fat people who work
to live well in their bodies is not
scary enough. And you better be scared.
If you eat that chip and drink that
soda you may end up looking like me.
In a time when you can't control many
things you can control your urge to
eat that chip and drink that soda. So
stay afraid and resist your urges. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Much
of what I do here, much of what I am
trying to do in THE BOOK, is about
describing a fat life. The comforting
thing about today was that I did not have
to describe my life. Most communities
of oppression will tell you that the
work to educate people to understand
how the when you-said-that-I-felt-this
thing works is exhausting. The task
falls to me to explain how an assumption
about my body might be wrong. And that's
OK. But sometimes it wears me out. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Will
I still read Silver Rights? Of course
I will. I do like the things she talks
about. I do think she's a smart and
articulate writer. All the more reason why I'm hoping
she'll do some work to investigate her ideas about fatness.
As I said earlier, I don't want to do a line by line
analysis of when- she -said-this- I felt-that. But it
is interesting that when she writes about me she calls
me shadow. It circles back to the thing I was talking
about in the post that began our exchange. The name
of the site is FATshadow. There's a very important political
and cultural reason for that. I've been pretty clear
that I chose the word fat because it is a part of my
identity. And when someone backs away from using the
F word, especially when describing me, I gotta ask them
to do some reflection on their feelings about fatness.
No one really needs to do that. None of us need to understand
another persons real experience. It is easier to hold
ideas that most people hold. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:#000099'><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
goin swimming. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(505)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_505"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e206" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e206"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">27</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 7:08
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">Hmmm.
</span></font></p>
<p><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">Well.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">Rumors
suggest that it's possible that </span></font><a href="http://pagecount.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mike
Golby's</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">
birthday was on the 24th and </span></font><a href="http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ek867/wood_s_lot.html"><span style="font-size:12pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mark
Wood</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">s
birthday is today. It seems like something I should
know. But I don't.</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">Just
in case. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:12pt;">Happy
happy happy birthday. </span></font></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(506)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_506"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e207" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e207"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">28</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 8:58
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">There's
a </span></font><a href="http://www.facesforpeace.org/"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">cool
new peace project</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
on line. </span></font><a href="http://www.facesforpeace.org/cgi-bin/seerally2.cgi?id=186"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I'm
in.</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
I saw </span></font><a href="http://www.facesforpeace.org/cgi-bin/seerally2.cgi?id=155"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Mike</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
and </span></font><a href="http://www.facesforpeace.org/cgi-bin/seerally2.cgi?id=181"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Dru</font></span></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">
in there. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
just sitting here drinking </span></font><a href="http://www.tazo.com/tazo.html"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">tea</font></span></a><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
eating a blueberry scone and red grapes, listening to
</font><a href="http://www.kpfa.org/"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">KPFA</font></a><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">,
reading blogs. Avoiding the work I need to do for class.
Avoiding the pile of bills that arrives at this time
every month. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Sigh.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
better snap out of it. </font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(507)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_507"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e208" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e208"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">28</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 3:57
P<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="203">
<tr>
<td width="197">
<p><a href="http://dagnabbit.com/political%20posters.html"><img src="time.jpg" width="202" height="262" border="0"></a></p>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(508)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_508"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e209" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e209"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e195"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">29</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:02
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Margaret
asked me if I thought there was a fundamental
breakdown that occurs at the moment
of communication about fat acceptance</span></font><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">.
</font></span>S<span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">he
had a working theory that it's like
speaking Spanish to a French speaker.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
like the analogy. I used to work with
Spanish speaking folks. We had a very
abusive boss who spoke both Italian
and English. He would come running in
screaming about something and the guys
said they could understand him better
when he screamed in Italian. They still
didn't totally understand him. There
was just enough in the two languages
that was alike but there were differences. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It's
a working theory. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">It did make me think about all the times
I've had a moment of saying something
about being fat and gotten a response
that suggested I had not been understood.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Once,
at the fat swim, I was talking about
a time when I lost 100 pounds. It followed
a time when I'd been doing a lot of
cocaine, drinking, smoking cigs. While
I was doing all that I got really fat.
When I stopped I started drinking lots
of water and I got acupuncture and
massage. One day I grabbed a pair of
pants that hadn't fit for a while and
... they fit. I'd been weighed by a
doctor toward the end of my party days,
when I went in to see if I had really
fucked up my heart, so I knew how much
I'd weighed and how much I'd lost. My
eating habits had changed. I was eating.
During the party years I ate breakfast
but not much else. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I walked in talking about this surprise
weight loss and one of the women, who
had only caught the last part of the
conversation, said that she'd lost 100
pounds once too but then she put them
right back on. And she said with this
kind of doesn't that just suck tone.
She was only half hearing me. She thought
the weight loss was a good thing. I
just thought it was a result of a variety
of changes. Fewer toxic substances.
Needles and strokes. And it was just
a change in my body. I didn't feel like
it was better than having the body I
had before or after.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Margaret asks
an important question. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<table align="center" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;" border="0" width="463">
<tr>
<td width="457">
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><i>Defining the movement with the most controversial of all the words <BR>("Fat")
must be done with the consciousness that words are signifiers. If I tell you
"take a right" and you come from another place where "right" means "left"
then I failed to communicate my meaning to you - it is not the word that is
wrong though, it is the multiple signifiers attached to that word that
creates the confusion. Now, it is possible for me, the speaker, to learn
your language. And, this may be appropriate in some circumstances. But, what
about the word "Fat"? </i></span></font></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Is
it up to me to not use a word that has
so many negative signifiers in an attempt
to get the message of size neutrality
across? Or is it up to the people who
don't get fat as a positive thing to
figure out that there is a slightly
different thing being said. Or something
like that. Working theory. Remember.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Hmmm.
</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Well.
We know we like fat wallets. And fat
bass sections. And some of us like fat
juicy steaks. And fat paychecks. So
fat isn't always bad. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
is this problematic intersection in
my conversations about fat stuff. Many
people assume I would prefer to be thin.
They assume I would be healthier. Since
I have SUCH A PRETTY FACE I would have
so many more men interested in me. I
could sit in chairs with arms.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">One
day, back in the time when I had lost
the 100 pounds, I was walking down the
street. And I was feeling FINE. (pronounced
foin) Some guys drove by in a car and
shouted something at me about how fat
I was. It was one of many experiences
that made me aware that I would always
be fat.I would always
have the memories of how it felt to
hear that word hurled at me like an
epitaph. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So
I could see myself as a thin person
inside a fat body, and assume that all
that extra body would just go away if
I did ... well you know ... plan A,
B, or C. Or I could own the whole of
my experience. I could take that word
and say yes. I am fat. So? </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">So?
What is it that you think fat means?
Because for me it means that I have
an amount of flesh and a certain life experience that has been
part of what has shaped my identity.
It is about having people assume things
about me based on my physicality.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">There
will be people who won't get that story. They'll get
that I lost 100 pounds and think that was the success
in the story. They'll think that the guys yelling at
me made me sad, or mad and I gave up on what I was doing
to lose the weight. They won't read that I wasn't doing
anything specifically to lose weight. I
did not then go eat a bag of doughnuts
because I had given up.
I went on with my life.</font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">I
guess I feel like the burden is on the
person for whom fat is a signifier of
all those bad things. I want them to
do some of the work to educate themselves
about my real experience. I want them
to do some of the work to question the
assumptions about my body and the assumptions
about their own body. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">But
the burden is probably mine. I'm using a word in a way
that many people aren't going to get. There is a fundamental
break down in the moment of communication. And maybe
that's a good thing. Because it creates an opportunity
for dialogue. </font></span></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><span style="font-size:11pt;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans">Or
so we can hope.</font></span></p>
<p><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"><SCRIPT type="text/javascript">get_comment_link(509)</script> <noscript></span></font><a href="http://rateyourmusic.com/yaccs/commentsn/b=90000008560_and_e_is_509"><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;">comment</span></font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><span style="font-size:10pt;"></noscript></span></font></p>
<p><a id="e210" href="http://www.fatshadow.com/April03.htm#e210"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">April</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">
</font><a id="e210"><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600">30</font></a><font face="Lucida Sans" size="1" color="#006600"> 2003</font><font face="Lucida Sans" color="#006600"><font size="1"> 9:08
A<font size="1">M</font></font></font><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"> </font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
in an evil mood. There's more than one reason. There's
been some confusion in the work I do for my therapist
in exchange for therapy. So the work isn't getting done
and it's not all my fault. I have a lot of work to do
for school and I'm not getting it done. Most of that
is my fault although there are reasons why it's harder
than it ought to be. And it's the end of the month which
means I'm staring at a stack of bills wondering how
much longer I can keep up the crazy way I'm living financially.
And ... more. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">And
then there's been this weird thing that's happened twice
in the last few days. Barbara is sweet enough to
give me a ride to therapy. I go to her office and wait
for her to be done with work and then she gives me a
ride. There is a beautiful love seat in her office.
Big and soft and cushy. I swear it's one of my favorite
places to read. It's also one of the chairs I fit into
in her waiting room. There's also a straight back chair
with no arms, which is fine. The other two chairs have
arms. When I went there this week there were people
sitting in the chairs I do fit into. I went outside
and sat on the steps. It wasn't that big of a deal.
I mean I always get a miserable feeling when I
can't find a chair but I don't feel like places need
to change all their chairs. No one can control who sits
in what chair. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">Last
night we had a reading at school. There are three rooms
in which we have readings. Two have chairs with no arms
and the third has nothing but chairs with arms. Guess
which room we were in last night? </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">When
we're in that room I go to the other room and grab myself
a chair. But it pisses me off. Once Aaron saw my face
when I entered the room, figured it out before
I said a word and went to get me a chair. I spoke to
the program assistant about the issue. Last night when
I walked in I didn't see any armless chairs and I got
pissy and Stephanie went with me to get a chair.
We ran into a young man who was moving tables. He was
trying to tell us that there were chairs and I snapped
something at him about the size of my ass. Once I was
in the room I realized that there were four chairs with
no arms and some students were sitting in them. I realized
that the guy was probably trying to tell me that he'd
put some chairs in the room. I felt like such a bitch.
</span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I'm
always saying that there only needs to be a few
chairs with no arms to make a room accessible for me.
But there were chairs with no arms in both these rooms
and it still wasn't enough. </span></font></p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"> </p>
<p align="justify" style="line-height:100%; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0;"><font color="#006600" face="Lucida Sans"><span style="font-size:11pt;">I
just feel defeated by it all. But I'm not sure what
I mean by that. </span></font></p>
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