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Phone - 781-455-7518<br>
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<p align="center"><b><font face="Verdana" size="5" color="#0000FF">Ask The
Youth Commission - Loss</font></b></p>
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<p align="center"><a href="YouthCommissionAskTheYouthCommission.htm">Ask
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<font face="Verdana"><b>Dear Ask the Youth Commission</b>:</font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">It seems like the past year has been a
continuous time of loss for me. First it was 9/11 and since then I have
lost my father as well as a close friend. I have been amazed at myself�.it
took me weeks after these losses until I could cry, and I am still dealing
with these losses in one way or another. Do others feel as impacted after a
loss as I have, and when is it reasonable that I may feel better?</font></p>
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<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">Sick of Loss</font></p>
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<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
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<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
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<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
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<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
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<font face="Verdana"><b>Dear Sick of Loss:</b></font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"><b> </b></font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">We are sorry to learn that you have
experienced so many losses in such a brief period of time. Loss and grieving
is a highly personal experience --- no two people think, react, or respond
in exactly the same fashion. The fact that you were not able to cry for a
few weeks is not a commentary on how you felt about the loss. How people
cope with loss depends on a variety of factors such as:</font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
</p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -27.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">► <b>YYour relationship with the person</b>
� How close you were and how you depend upon the person.</font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -1.0in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -27.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">► <b>TThe impact of the loss on your life</b>
� What will change.</font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -1.0in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -27.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">► <b>YYour personal coping style or
strategies</b> � How you�ve handled distress in the past.</font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -1.0in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -27.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">► <b>YYour
supports</b> � Whether you have
people around you who can support you and your feelings � who won�t just trtake away your feelings and tell you everything�s going to be all right.</font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -27.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -27.0pt; margin-left: -9.0pt; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"> </font></p>
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 200%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">While each person is different with regard to
loss, most people go through a similar grieving process. The following
stages refer specifically to reactions to a death, but they can be applied
to any significant loss:</font></p>
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<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; margin-left: 0in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"><b>Denial</b> </font>
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<font face="Verdana" size="2">Even though intellectually you know the person
has died, the death doesn�t seem real to you. You are not aware of feeling
much of anything. Denial protects us from being overwhelmed by emotions.
Denial acts as a shock absorber that helps us assimilate the difficult
truth. When the numbness begins to wear off, the feelings find their way
in. </font></p>
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<!--msthemelist--><tr><td valign="baseline" width="42"><img src="../_themes/copy-of-blends/blebul1a.gif" width="15" height="15" hspace="13" alt="bullet"></td><td valign="top" width="100%"><!--mstheme--><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica">
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<font face="Verdana" size="2"><b>Anger</b> </font></p>
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<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">When we have been abandoned by the death of a
significant person, feelings of anger can be very powerful. Sometimes in
cases of loss through death, the anger can be directed at the deceased for
dying/leaving, at yourself, at a doctor/hospital, or even at God/religion.
A certain amount of anger is a healthy indication that you are beginning to
accept the facts. </font></p>
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<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-family: Verdana"><font size="2"> </font></span><font face="Verdana" size="2"><b>Depression</b> </font>
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<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">As you begin to acknowledge the loss and the
reality sets in, you can begin to feel depressed. Depression has been
described as anger turned inward. You can feel sad, hopeless, unprotected.
Withdrawal from friends is a common response. You can feel isolated.
Depression is part of saying good-bye to someone you cared about. </font></p>
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<!--msthemelist--><tr><td valign="baseline" width="42"><img src="../_themes/copy-of-blends/blebul1a.gif" width="15" height="15" hspace="13" alt="bullet"></td><td valign="top" width="100%"><!--mstheme--><font face="Trebuchet MS, Arial, Helvetica">
<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-indent: -.25in; line-height: 150%; margin-left: 0in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2"><b>Acceptance </b> </font></p>
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<p class="MsoBlockText" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<font face="Verdana" size="2">Acceptance doesn�t mean you have to like what
has happened. It means that you know life has changed and that you need to
find new ways of responding to that.</font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2"> </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2">There is no exact
timetable for coping with a loss, and it is common to recycle through
any/all of the above stages. As you have had many losses in a
brief period of time, we are not surprised that you still feel the weight of
these events. A few questions you might want
to ask yourself are �As a whole, are you feeling better and better as time
goes on?� �Is the depth of your despair keeping you from feeling
enjoyment in other phases of your life?� �Do you have sufficient supports in
place and/or might you benefit
from talking to a professional?� and �Is there something you might do to
assist yourself in gaining closure on your actively grieving feelings?� </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2"> </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2">If you feel that you are
regressing in terms of gaining a better perspective regarding your losses,
that you cannot derive </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2">enjoyment from other areas
of your life, that you feel that your family and friends network is not
supportive enough, or that you cannot identify what would
help you feel better, it may be time to contact your HMO for a referral to a
mental health professional or contact
the Youth Commission. You might be surprised to learn that with
short-term assistance, a professional can make a significant
impact and support you in feeling better.</font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2"> </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2"> </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2">In addition, you might
find it helpful to read more about the issue of loss. We suggest the below
websites: </font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2">
<a href="http://www.aarp.org/griefandloss/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline; text-underline: single">
http://www.aarp.org/griefandloss/</a>,
<a href="http://www.centerforloss.com/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline; text-underline: single">
http://www.centerforloss.com/</a>, and</font></span></p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="text-align: justify; margin-right: -.5in; margin-top: 1; margin-bottom: 1">
<span style="font-family: Verdana">
<a href="http://www.grieflossrecovery.com/index.html" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline; text-underline: single">
<font size="2">http://www.grieflossrecovery.com/index.html</font></a><font size="2">.
Best of luck.</font></span></p>
<p style="text-indent: 0; margin: 1 5"> </p>
<o:p>
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<o:p>
<span style="font-family: Verdana"><font size="2">The Needham Youth
Commission offers a variety of services to Needham residents including
counseling for children, adolescents, and families; Substance Abuse
Awareness Program; Employment Program; Volunteer Program; Peer Tutor
Program; Project VAN; Ray of Hope; and Students Against Destructive
Decisions. For further information regarding any of the abovementioned
services or to submit a question to �Ask the Youth Commission� at please
contact the Needham Youth Commission by phone at 781-455-7518, by fax at
781-449-4569, by mail at Needham Town Hall 1471 Highland Avenue Needham,
MA 02492, by e-mail at </font><span style="color:black"><font size="2">
<a style="text-decoration: underline; text-underline: single" href="mailto:[email protected]">
<font color="#0000FF">[email protected]</font></a>,
or visit our website at <a href="http://www.town.needham.ma.us/xYouth">http://www.town.needham.ma.us/Youth</a>.</font></span></span></p>
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